The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (20 page)

“Are you sure you want them to do that?” Liam asked. “I really think they’d be more helpful sticking with us.”

“I don’t like it, either,” Frank said. “I don’t know if I can trust these ‘princes’ to look after you.” He made air quotes around the word “princes.”

“Frank,” Duncan said, putting on his most stern and serious face—which still wasn’t very convincing—“I am the prince of your land. And this is not a request. It is a command. You will go back to Sylvaria and inform Snow White of my whereabouts. And give her this twig I found—it looks like a pony, see?”

“Fine,” Frank grumbled, as he grabbed the stick. “There’s no way I can stay around here, anyway. I can’t bear watching you pretend to have leadership qualities. Come on, boys, we’re outta here.”

“Wait,” said Liam. “If you really must go”—he looked hard at Duncan—“can I ask one more favor first?”

“What is it?” Frank asked impatiently.

“Do you have any weapons in those packs of yours? We can’t fight a witch and a giant barehanded and expect to win.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “You guys are unbelievable. Yeah, you can take our swords. They should do you fine: Dwarves are
expert
weapon makers.”

As Liam thanked them, the dwarfs fished four swords out of their backpacks and handed one to each of the princes.

“They’re eensy-weensy!” Gustav exclaimed. The swords, sized for dwarfs, were each only a foot long.

“Hey, buddy,” Flik snarled. “You got a problem with dwarves?”

Fig. 28 Dwarven SWORD

“I didn’t before today,” Gustav snarled back.

“The swords are great,” Frederic said, slumping against a tree. “Enjoy your trip home. Even though I can’t believe you’re going home.”

“Yes, thanks,” Liam added.

“Don’t get killed too fast,” Frank said. Then he and the other dwarfs vanished into the woods.

“Seriously, how are we supposed to fight with these things?” Gustav griped.

“I have no complaints. This is a much better size for me than the last sword I tried to use,” Duncan said.

“Look, these swords may be on the short side, but they’re sturdy and sharp,” Liam said. “I think we’ll find ourselves very grateful for these weapons. Dwarfs are famous for their skills at the forge.”

“Yeah, apparently dwarfs are famous for everything,” Gustav muttered, shaking his head.

“Well, I guess we should move on,” Liam said, sliding the miniature sword into the much larger sheath that hung from his belt.

“Sorry, I’m still kind of reeling from the fact that we sent the dwarfs away,” Frederic said, somewhat testily. “What were you thinking, Duncan? You don’t quite understand that going up against Zaubera will be incredibly dangerous, do you? You should be terrified. But you’re acting like you’re heading out to buy new tights or something.”

“I know it’s dangerous! That’s why I sent the dwarfs away—to keep them safe,” Duncan lied.

“And what about us?” Frederic said, aghast. “You’re fine if one of us dies?”

“Well, it sounds awful when you put it that way,” Duncan replied.

“And you wonder why you don’t have many friends,” Frederic said sharply.

The remark struck a nerve.

“Well, you were the one who ran away when you thought the dwarfs were going to eat me!” Duncan exclaimed.

“I didn’t think the dwarfs were going to eat you,” Frederic retorted. “I thought the dwarfs were a
monster
that was going to eat
me
!”

“Enough!” Liam shouted. “We’re never going to help Cinderella if we’re fighting among ourselves.”

“Aw, why’d you have to break it up?” Gustav said with a smirk. “I was enjoying that.”

Frederic and Duncan both looked at their feet sheepishly.

“Duncan,” Liam said, “why didn’t you leave with the dwarfs?”

“Well, because you guys came back,” Duncan said. “In my whole life, no one who has run away from me has ever come back.”

Liam turned to Frederic. “Are you still mad at him?”

Frederic shook his head and blubbered a soppy “No.”

“Good,” said Liam. “Now let’s move.”

Frederic raised his hand.

“Frederic, do you, uh, have a question?” Liam asked.

Frederic sniffled and nodded. “I don’t know how to use a sword.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Duncan said. “Neither do I.”

“Go team,” Gustav said in a mock cheer.

“Look, men, we don’t have time for fencing lessons right now,” Liam said. “Just hold your weapon by the handle and swing it at the bad guys. Besides, if everything goes according to my plan, you two will only need to provide a distraction. You should never have to actually fight anyone.”

Frederic raised his hand.

“You don’t need to keep raising your hand, Frederic,” Liam sighed.

“Sorry,” Frederic said, although he kept his hand in the air. “Um, I just wanted to ask: What exactly is your plan?”

“Don’t worry about it now,” Liam said. To be honest, he hadn’t factored the others into his plan much. He was used to working alone. He figured
he
would be the one to sneak past the giant, scale the wall of the prison, free the girl, and duel the witch if necessary. The others only needed to hang out in the shrubs and distract the giant with some birdcalls. But something told Liam that these guys—especially Gustav—wouldn’t be satisfied with such a small role in the mission, so he put off telling them anything. “When we get to Zaubera’s hideout, just do what I tell you to do,” he said.

Duncan raised his hand.

“What, Duncan? What?” Liam huffed.

“Where do I put the sword when I’m not using it?” Duncan asked.

“In your belt,” Liam said.

“But what if I stab myself in the leg?”

This is going to be a disaster
, Liam thought.

He was right.

13

P
RINCE
C
HARMING
I
S
C
OMPLETELY
U
NNECESSARY

L
ila was relieved when Ruffian the Blue stopped for a snack break. She was starving. She’d been following the bounty hunter for days, and the man barely ever rested. Every now and then, Ruffian would stop to investigate some tracks or interrogate a frightened farmer, but never long enough for Lila to scout out some food of her own. She felt grateful that at least he was a sloppy eater; she eagerly snapped up every bread crust or half-eaten apple that Ruffian left behind. But scraps like that were all she’d had since she left Briar Rose’s palace.

Lila hopped down from her horse and watched from several yards away as the bounty hunter started to untie his food pack. She closed her eyes and imagined him pulling out a huge chocolate cake. She pictured him eating one small piece, deciding it was too rich, and leaving the rest on a tree stump. With a fork. Mmm, fudgey.

“Why are you following me?”

Lila’s eyes popped open as soon as she heard the slow, mournful voice of Ruffian the Blue. The bounty hunter was standing right in front of her. How had he managed to get that close without her hearing? Lila let out a short gasp and darted toward her horse.

“Aw, do you have to run?” Ruffian whimpered. He grabbed a small pebble and flung it. Before the girl could reach her horse, the rock stung the animal’s backside and sent it galloping off wildly.

“My horse!” Lila cried with a mixture of fear and anger. She turned to see Ruffian advancing on her. With his hood on, most of the bounty hunter’s face was in shadow. All Lila could see was his frowning mouth and pouty lower lip.

Fig. 29 LILA. IN PURSUIT

“
You’re
annoyed?” Ruffian moaned. “Do you think this is how I wanted to spend my snack break?”

Lila ran. She dashed down the dirt road as fast as she could, grateful that she was not wearing the high-heeled glass slippers her mother had picked out for her. There was no noise behind her, and she thought for one happy moment that she’d managed to lose Ruffian. But then she heard the rapid clopping of hoofbeats. He was chasing her on horseback. There was no way she could outrun him now.

Lila stopped and climbed the nearest tree. Ruffian halted his horse directly underneath her. “Really?” the hooded man sighed. “Do you have to make this difficult?”

He reached up, trying to grab hold of Lila’s leg. She leapt nimbly to the next tree over. Ruffian sighed and drooped in his saddle. “Kids,” he complained. He nudged his horse a few feet down the road until he was under Lila again. She leapt to another tree.

“This isn’t funny,” Ruffian whined. He trotted another three feet and reached up for Lila once more. She jumped to the next tree.

Perching precariously on her narrow pine branch, Lila watched as Ruffian reached into a pouch at his waist. She gulped and almost lost her balance when she saw him pull out a glistening dagger.
Oh no
, she thought. Escaping from grumpy parents and absentminded tutors had not adequately prepared her for evading professional bounty hunters.

She glanced at the next closest tree, but it seemed too far off to reach with one jump. Ruffian took aim and hurled the knife. Frozen with fear, Lila watched the blade arc toward her.
His trajectory is off—it’s going to miss me
, she told herself. She held her breath and prayed she was right.

She was. But the dagger hadn’t actually been aimed at her. Ruffian’s big knife was planted deep into the branch below her, and it was enough to snap that slim tree limb in half.

Lila felt the branch disappear from under her feet, and she tumbled down with it. She landed right in the arms of Ruffian the Blue. “I don’t like children,” the bounty hunter said.

“Not a surprise,” Lila returned. She reached up and yanked the hood down over Ruffian’s eyes. It was a slight distraction, but enough to allow the girl to slip down onto the ground and run off again.

“Aww,” Ruffian moaned. He took off after her at a heavy gallop.

Lila sped, panting, around a curve in the road.
I can’t keep this up
, she thought. Suddenly a pair of hands were upon her, one covering her mouth, preventing her from shrieking. The stranger who’d grabbed Lila hastily pulled her inside the dark, moist recess of a hollow tree. “Shh—I’m a good guy,” a female voice whispered in her ear.

Lila and the stranger both remained absolutely still as they listened to Ruffian pound around the curve and continue speeding down the road. Within seconds the bounty hunter was far past them, most likely wondering how Lila had managed to vanish.

The stranger took Lila by the hand and led her back out into the light. Lila got her first good look at the person who had saved her. The woman was probably around the same age as Liam. Her hair was pinned back, and she was wearing a ragged blue dress. She was grinning with the same kind of wild exuberance Lila had felt when she’d won the Cross-Duchy Science Fair.