The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (16 page)

I
t wasn’t that Lila hated being a princess, but she seriously disliked the kind of princess her parents wanted her to be. King Gareth and Queen Gertrude spent years trying to groom their daughter into a Proper Young Lady, the kind of girl they could one day marry off to an excessively wealthy prince in exchange for fat sacks of gold and gems. (They had a bit of a one-track mind, those two.) But Lila had little to no interest in galas or banquets, brooches or waltzes. Whenever she didn’t show up for a scheduled posture lesson, you could probably find her lying atop the high bookshelves of the royal library, where she’d climb to find a quiet place to read a book on dragon anatomy or a history of famous escape artists. On any given day, you might catch her picking the lock on her classroom window and shimmying down a trellis, in order to avoid a quiz on corsage placement. Lila’s disobedience infuriated her parents, and when they had finally reached the peak of their frustration with her—after the girl skipped a ballroom dance in favor of creek walking (and at the same time, gown ruining)—they officially grounded her until marriage.

Fig. 21 LILA

It was only through the intervention of her brother, Liam, that Lila was let off the hook. Liam spoke to the king and queen on his sister’s behalf, reminding them that Lila was still very young and telling them that they had to give her time to explore her many interests. Lila was different from other princesses; she was a girl who enjoyed reading alchemy textbooks, dissecting grasshoppers, and designing elaborate imp traps. “Wouldn’t it be more interesting to see what kind of person Lila grows up to be,” Liam asked, “than to force her into a mold that obviously doesn’t fit her?”

This was long before the Wedding Cancellation Fiasco, when Liam’s parents still gave a lot of weight to anything he said. They didn’t completely let up on Lila’s lessons, but they called off her punishment, and even let her take up some hobbies of her own choosing, like chemistry, clock making, and tree house construction.

But often, Gareth and Gertrude just forgot about Lila. Once they decided not to be constantly annoyed by her, the princess was easy to overlook. The king and queen, like almost everyone else in Erinthia, spent the majority of their time focused on Liam.

Lila was thinking about her brother—and how much she felt she owed him—as she approached the doors to Briar Rose’s throne room in Avondell. The crowds back home in Erinthia simply weren’t calming down. In fact, as rumors about the vicious manner in which Liam had supposedly broken off the engagement started trickling across the border, the Erinthian people started hating Liam even more. Citizens were burning capes in protest. The only person who could set the record straight, Lila thought, was Briar Rose. So she traveled to Avondell to request her aid.

Lila had ridden alone. She assumed her parents wouldn’t be keen on any plan to help Liam escape his forced wedding, so she told her mother she was going to her room to conduct an experiment that would compare the intestinal linings of several different reptiles (“I’ll have plenty to eat in there, so don’t expect me for dinner! Or breakfast!”). That was sure to make her parents steer clear for a few days at least.

“Would it please the young lady to make her intentions known?” asked one of a pair of stiff-backed guards.

“Yes, sure, I’m here to see Briar Rose,” Lila said as she straightened the collar of her canary-yellow gown and brushed a loose ringlet of hair from in front of her eyes.

“
Princess
Briar Rose?” the guard corrected.

“Oh, yes, sorry. Princess Briar Rose,” Lila said. The guard didn’t move a muscle. Nor did he say anything more. He just looked at her, waiting.

“The most royal and … impressive Princess Briar Rose?” Lila tried. “Her Gracious Majesty Princess Briar Rose? Of the great and powerful kingdom of Avondell. She who is also known as the Sleeping Beauty of legend. And who I hear has really nice hair?” The guard still stared at her expectantly. Lila sighed, beginning to feel like she’d failed before she even got to lay eyes on Briar. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else you’re waiting for me to say.”

The second guard pointed at Lila. She pointed at herself in response and raised her eyebrows questioningly. The guard nodded. Lila shrugged and shook her head; she had no idea what the man was getting at. “Announce
yourself
,” he whispered.

“Oh,” Lila said, standing taller. “I am Lila, princess of Erinthia and current Cross-Duchy Science Fair champ. And sister of Prince Liam of Erinthia.” The first guard scowled at the mention of Liam’s name. “Who I have nothing to do with, really,” she quickly added. “We’re related, but that’s about it. This visit has nothing to do with him. Just, uh, just think of this as one princess consulting with another … about … tiaras. I would like Princess Briar’s opinion on a tiara.”

The second guard chuckled. “I’ll announce you,” he said. He entered the throne room and shut the door behind him. The first guard still looked like he had a mouthful of hot peppers and nowhere to spit them out. Lila tried not to make eye contact with him.

A second later, the friendlier guard reappeared and said, “The princess will see you.” He held the door open for Lila and gestured for her to come inside. As she stepped onto the red carpet of the marble-walled, art-filled throne room, Lila quickly rolled down the sleeves of her gown. She cringed when she saw how wrinkled the sleeves were.
Ugh, pretty messy for a proper princess
, she thought.
I’ve got to do this right. For Liam
.

She contemplated rolling her sleeves back up but decided it was too late: There was Briar Rose, in a boldly glitter-specked violet dress, sitting on a gem-studded, velvet-lined throne at the end of the long crimson carpet. Briar sat quietly, looking serene and contemplative (in a regal sort of way), watching Lila approach.

Well, Liam was right about her hair
, Lila thought.
Very fluffy
.

When Lila was about twenty feet from the throne, the guard whispered from the corner of his mouth, “Stop there.”

“Thanks,” Lila whispered back. She glanced over to the guard with a look that silently asked,
Do I start?

The guard nodded. Then he walked back out to his post and shut the door behind him.

Lila looked at Briar, offered a stiff curtsy, brushed back the loose ringlet, and began, “Oh, most noble and esteemed Princess Briar Rose, I come seeking aid that Your Grace alone has the power to provide.”
That sounded pretty good
, she thought happily.

“Dear, sweet child,” Briar began, “my sister princess. Trust that your request will be given all the attention it is due.” Briar Rose suddenly began laughing. It was more of a cackle, really. And quite loud. “Nothing! It is due nothing!” she screeched.

Lila took a small step back.

“You seek my aid? You want my help?” Briar scoffed, standing up and creeping toward Lila. “You? The sister of the man who betrayed and humiliated me? Why in the world do you think I would help you with anything?”

“But you haven’t even heard what I wanted to ask,” Lila tried to interject.

“Are you going to ask me to marry your brother, whom you’ve helpfully brought along with you, wrapped in chains out in the hallway? Because if it’s anything else, the answer is NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The force of that “no” nearly blew Lila over.

“You didn’t bring him here, did you?” Briar asked, just to be sure.

“No,” Lila said, trying to get her bearings. “Is this the way you acted around my brother? Because, if so, I’m kinda seeing why he didn’t want to marry you.”

“Your brother’s a coward,” Briar said, casually flipping her curls. “He’s just not strong enough to handle pure, unadulterated Briar Rose. Which is exactly what I want in a husband, to tell the truth. And Liam
is
still going to be my husband.”

“Well, you know, that’s sorta why I came here,” Lila said. “If you want any chance of still marrying my brother, you need to talk to the people out there and let them know that all those rumors about him aren’t true.”

“Why would I do that?” Briar said, with a laugh. “I started those rumors.”

“You’re awful. He was a hero, and you’ve ruined his reputation,” Lila said angrily.

“He deserved it. And besides, he was coming dangerously close to being more popular than I was. No worries about that now. The man’s a fool, though. Look what he wanted to give up.” Briar gestured toward an elaborate stained-glass window. “Gorgeous, isn’t it? Do you know how hard and long toddlers have to work to create something that beautiful? Oh, and—mmmmmmm, look at this.” She sprinted over and lifted the silver lid from a plate on a small table next to her throne, revealing what appeared to be a miniature egg, sunny-side up. “Endangered Sylvarian hummingbird,” she announced. She popped the yolk with a long, painted fingernail and tasted it. “Ooh, it’s true. That is simply the creamiest egg I’ve ever tasted. A shame there are only about ten left in the world.”

“Coming here was a mistake,” Lila muttered. Briar was obviously not open to negotiations. “I’ll show myself out.” She started toward the exit.

“Oh, no you don’t, you little brat,” Briar said. “You’re not walking out on me the same way your good-for-nothing brother did.” Briar marched toward Lila, but the younger princess had already dashed back out into the hall.

“Thanks, guys,” Lila blurted as she tore past the dumbstruck guards and zipped out of the palace.

“Where is she?” Briar seethed when she reached the doorway and saw no sign of the girl. The two guards both started babbling, not sure of the best way to answer. “Never mind,” Briar said. “I need to start being proactive here, or this wedding’s never going to happen. Get me Ruffian the Blue.”

Ten minutes later, after dodging several armed guards outside the palace, slinking behind a row of animal-shaped shrubbery, and scaling the tall neck of a giraffe-shaped hedge, Lila crouched on the sill of a window outside Briar’s throne room. She inched the stained-glass casement window open and peered inside to see Briar speaking to a sour-faced man in a dark hooded cloak: Ruffian the Blue, noted to be the best bounty hunter in all the land. When it came to tracking people down and capturing them, there really was no one better. Ruffian wasn’t the most sociable person, though. When he got started in the manhunting business, he wanted to call himself Ruffian the Black or Ruffian the Red, either of which had a nice intimidating sound. But Ruffian was kind of a depressing guy. And his reputation for being sad and mopey all the time got people calling him Ruffian the Blue.

“… obviously never going to come back of his own accord,” Briar was saying.

“I’ll bring him to you,” the man said in a flat, gloomy voice.

“Of course you will, genius,” Briar snarked. “That’s why I’m paying you.”

Fig. 22 RUFFIAN the BLUE

“There’s no need to be sarcastic,” Ruffian said.

“Hey, if you don’t want the job, I’m sure there are a hundred other bounty hunters out there who’ll take it.” Briar tossed a cherry into her mouth, chomped it, and spit the pit at the man. It bounced off his chest. He watched it roll across the floor.

“That was unnecessary,” he said with a sniffle. “I said I’d get him.”

“Stop whining and start prince-hunting, all right?”

“I’m going,” the bounty hunter droned. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. With his head down, he shuffled out of the room.

Briar turned to a guard, who stood behind her. “That’s Ruffian the Blue?” she asked. “Are we sure we got the right guy?”

The guard nodded.

“What a moaner,” Briar griped.

Outside, Lila hopped down from the windowsill. She scurried to the front of the castle and watched from behind a lamppost as Ruffian the Blue mounted his dark gray steed and rode off.
There’s only one way for me to warn Liam
, Lila said to herself.
I’ve got to follow the creepy hooded guy
.

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