The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (2 page)

“Thank you, Ryan. I hope Kristen will be pleased with everything I’ve done.” She looked steadily at me, as if daring me to disagree. I didn’t.

He nodded and retreated, taking his son with him.

What in the world just happened to me?
I sighed loudly, not realizing I’d been holding my breath. Puzzled, I searched for an explanation to my mind-blowing response to Alec.
Why him? Ian never made me feel that way.

“Kristen!” Mom’s raised voice caused me to start, drawing me abruptly from my thoughts. She was looking at me suspiciously.
Am I that obvious?

“Jeez, why are you yelling? I’m standing two feet from you.” I tried to look innocent.

“I called your name twice. What were you thinking about? Some boy?”

“My party,” I answered hastily. Mom was nobody’s fool, and the last thing I needed was her figuring out I had the hots for Ryan’s son.
Dang, I have to get this under control. Fast.
“Where is it going to be? I’m dying to know.”

My mention of the party made her look happy. “It’s a surprise. Stop asking. You’ll survive a couple more days without knowing.”

“You’re just evil.” I teased. “I wish you’d stop being so evasive.” She didn’t realize it, but I would have agreed to have the party at the La Brea Tar Pits, if it would take her mind off of my not so active love life.

“But you like my surprises, so deal with it.” She brushed me off, then returned to her food. As always, Mother ate like a bird. No wonder she still had a model’s figure.

Even though I pretended to be grumpy, I was very excited about the party. “Mom, surprises make me break out in hives. You know that,” I whined a bit, opting to play on her sympathies. “I really need my iPhone back, by the way.”

“Absolutely not!” A pleasant look of triumph came over her countenance. Mother could be stubborn and she enjoyed it. “No cell phone, no laptop and no iPad until after the party. You’re under a strict communications blackout.”

“Good grief! Mom, you’ve got to be kidding.” I pretended to be affronted. In actuality, the whole game over my birthday amused me. Her expression let me know my pleas were falling on deaf ears. I softened my voice, “You know I’m not a child. After all, this is my twenty-first birthday. I’m an adult.”

“Then act like one. Quit worrying about your phone and the party. Keep yourself busy. Work out, swim, relax, read a book.” She suggested, chewing slowly on her food.

“I’m going to do all of those things. But I do miss my friends. You don’t think I’d pump them for information, do you?” I gave her a teasing, smug look.

“No, of course not...” She rolled her eyes and winked at me, not falling into the trap.

“Okay. Fine...” I said with feigned resignation. I crossed my arms and watched her eat in silence.

“You’re so stubborn. Just like your father...” she murmured quietly, with a wistful look on her face. “Um, your dress is ready. I’ll go pick it up later today,” she added quickly when the expression on my face suddenly fell.

“I think about him too, you know? You’ll never know how much I wish he could come to my party...somehow...” Waves of despair robbed me of my appetite. “I’m going to get ready for my workout.”

She released an elongated sigh. “Kris, baby, come back...”

“I’ll talk to you later, Mom. I just need to be alone right now.” When I glanced at her, she looked worried. “I’m okay,” I threw over my shoulder. Now, if I could just make myself believe my own words.

*  *  *

Working out always offered me the chance to clear my mind and detach myself from all my problems. I enjoyed the intimacy of our private gym and most of all the presence of our twenty-eight-year-old personal trainer, Jacob. He had worked for my family so long that I was comfortable with him. Our banter always put a smile on my face. But not today...

“Kris, what’s wrong with you? Are you tired? You’ve barely said a word,” he muttered, running his long fingers through his dark hair. His gray eyes radiated worry.

“Sorry, Jake. I have a million things going through my head right now and I just can’t focus.” I took a few deep breaths, having just finished two miles on the stationary bike.

“You’re nervous about the big party?” He nudged me gently, displaying a wolfish grin. “You haven’t aged at all since last year, don’t worry. You actually look hotter.” He chuckled, tracing the shape of my butt in mid-air with his hands.

“Stop it!” I couldn’t hold back the laugh in my throat. His familiarity didn’t bother me. There were times I wished I had a brother like Jake. I enjoyed his sense of humor. “It’s not that. I guess I always get a little emotional around my birthday for whatever reason.”

“I know you miss him...your father,” he said, turning serious. “Wherever he is, he’s watching over you and I’m sure he’ll be there. Even if you can’t see him...”

“Yeah, I guess,” I grunted. “Um...you’re coming, right?”

“Of course I am. How could I miss it?” He winked.

“Then you know where it is...” I perked up, seeing my chance to coerce the information out of Jake.

“Yes, but I’m not going to spill the beans, so forget it. I don’t want to lose my job, nor my head.” He smiled innocently. “Your mother is scary.”

“You’re being a lousy friend.” I pouted.

“Well, right now you’re being a lousy trainee. Get your ass on that treadmill or you won’t fit into your dress.” He gave me an evil grin and I rewarded him with a punch in his perfectly toned abs. He didn’t seem to feel the blow, but I enjoyed it.

“Are you calling me fat? My ass is perfectly normal,” I retorted, staring at my reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror.

He snickered and his eyes danced with amusement. “You could never be fat, baby. And yes, your butt is sexy as hell. Now could you please resume your workout before I grow a beard?”

“Very funny...” I shook my head at him, but did what he said.

About an hour later, lines of sweat were dripping down my face and body, and I was gasping for air. All I could think of was a nice, relaxing bubble bath to recharge my batteries. “I think...you’re trying...to kill me...”

Jake snorted. “I think you’ll live. You should be proud of what you’ve achieved, Kris. A body like yours is not easy to come by. It requires a lot of hard work and determination. But it all paid off, didn’t it?” He offered me a bottle of water and I drank almost half of it without taking a breath. “Slow down, don’t drink so fast.”

I obeyed. “Please go easier on me tomorrow. I don’t want to collapse at my party.”

“Would I do that?” He chuckled under his breath. “See you tomorrow, Kris.”

“Sadist...” I couldn’t help but smile at my friend.

*  *  *

Mother found me nestled down on my bed when she arrived home later that day. Fred, my two-year-old Westie, was resting peacefully at my side. I cradled him with affection.

“Hey, may I come in?” She stuck her head in the door.

“Yeah...”

She walked in, holding a garment bag.

“Is that what I think it is?” I tried not to appear too anxious, but my curiosity instantly got the best of me. I adored pretty clothes. More than anything, I loved to match colors and textures with style and classical lines. Except my materials of choice were metals and stone, while Mother’s were satin and silk. Deep inside my closet were my supplies and several pieces I had created. One day, I hoped to have the courage to show them to her. Even though I sometimes gave her a hard time, her approval meant the world to me.

“I’ve brought you a surprise,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “But first...are you still upset?”

I knew the bag most likely contained the dress she had designed and created herself especially for my birthday. “A little,” I admitted.

“Come on, cheer up. Look at this!” She unzipped the bag and pulled the dress out, waving her creation in the air.

I couldn’t hold back my smile the moment my eyes caught a glimpse of the sexy backless silver mini dress. Mother was one talented lady. Even without trying it on, I could see the lines were classic and the workmanship without flaw. Mancuso Designs was known for the European flair and top of the line fabrics.

“Please, try it on...” She held the beautiful dress out for me, an expectant look on her face.

Anxious to see myself in the exquisite cocktail dress, I moved Fred gently over on the bed and quickly removed my T-shirt and shorts, tossing them right on top of his head. A canine protest and a wiggling bump under the clothes had us both laughing.

“You’ll need to take your bra off as well for this dress,” she added. “I’ll rescue Fred.”

“Okay, okay...” I laughed while I shed my bra and slid the gorgeous gown on. I marveled at how perfectly it hugged my curves. “Wow...Mom…this is stunning.” My eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t help it. “Thank you!” I embraced her warmly. “You did an amazing job, like always.”

“I was hoping you’d say that, dear.” She smiled a sweet tentative smile. “There’s more. Now check these out!”

“Oh!” I gasped when she pulled out an electrifying pair of Louboutin silver high heeled platform shoes. She knew they were my weakness. “They’re the perfect match for the dress.” Elated, I tried them on before stepping in front of the mirror to take a good look at myself. “I hope I can dance all night in them.”

Her arms circled my waist from behind. For a few moments she was silent and I could feel her trembling. Then she murmured with deep emotion, “Why did you grow up so fast?”

Nostalgia swept over me. I wanted to grow up, but I also loved the security my home and family had always brought me. “Sometimes I wish I were a child again. There were fewer things I had to worry about. Life seemed...easier...”

She left a small puff of air on my skin as she lightly kissed my cheek. “You have killer legs. Did you know that?” She changed the subject, probably to avoid getting too emotional. Mom didn’t like to show any sign of weakness.

“Jake’s been really hard on me. But I think all the work has been worth it. I love training with him.”

“I do too. He always knows how to motivate me.” She let go of me and settled on the bed next to Fred, who nudged her hand for a pat. She rewarded him with a scratch behind the ears. “Gilda should be here any moment. I asked her to serve us dinner in here, if you don’t mind. I think we’re having coq au vin.”

“Sounds wonderful. I’d rather eat in here anyway.”

“Oh, really? Any particular reason?” She picked up a magazine from the bedside table and began to leaf through it.

Despite the warmth in the room and the promise of a tasty meal, I shivered as I remembered Alec. I wasn’t about to tell Mom I was trying to avoid Ryan’s son, so I opted for childhood memories. Those always got to her. “Being here with you like this is cozy. It reminds me of when I was younger and we’d pretend to have sleepovers with my dolls.”

Mother smiled at the memory. “By the way, I wanted to ask you…do you have a special date planned for your birthday party?”

I jerked my head around. Her question caught me off guard. Trying to hide my nervousness, I busied myself with changing back into comfortable clothes. “No, but all my friends will be there and whoever else you’ve invited.” I never told her about Ian. It just didn’t seem that important. Ian was safe and predictable, not exciting and intriguing. Moving closer to the window, I stood in the sunshine to warm myself. Then my mind drifted back to Alec. Eluding him in my home would be easy, but it would be much harder to banish him from my thoughts.

“Megan and Ana helped with the guest list. I just didn’t know if there was someone special you were seeing.” She watched my face. I strived to keep a bland expression. When I didn’t comment, she tried again. “Well, is there?”

Gilda arrived just in time to keep me from having to answer her question. Bustling around, she served our dinner in bed. We spread out the sumptuous fare and enjoyed every bite, while Fred rested quietly by my side, accepting bits of chicken every now and then.

Mom worried too much about what I was doing. What she needed was a love interest of her own. So, before she could resume her line of questioning, I beat her to the punch. “Are you seeing anyone?” I asked, causing her to choke on her red wine. Her unexpected reaction made me glance at her suspiciously out of the corner of my eye.
Are you hiding something?
She did appear to look a bit guilty.

“Since when are you interested in my love life?” She blinked several times in quick succession.
Interesting.

“Can’t I be curious? So, are you seeing anyone?” I pressed her for an answer. Since Dad had passed, Mother had only dated a handful of times that I knew of.

“No. Not at the moment,” she replied, turning away to avoid eye contact.

I didn’t know if I believed her, but I decided not to press her for a name. Rather, I sought advice in a roundabout way. “Don’t you miss it? Waking up next to someone?” I often thought about it. Many nights I would lie in bed and imagine someone was by my side. To have someone to cuddle and kiss, to have his hands roam hungrily over my body. The dreams I’d been having only made matters worse. My fantasies were becoming much more enjoyable than my reality.

“I do miss having someone near me at night and holding me close, but the person who made me happy is no longer around. Just anybody won’t do, Kris. When you give yourself to someone, he needs to be the love of your life. Your father was everything to me.” Her sad tone pulled me out of my reverie. I turned to study her, wishing we could return to happier days.

“I think Dad would have wanted you to be happy. You’re not bound to live the rest of your life alone, unless of course you choose to do so.” No one could ever replace my father, but I was willing to accept whoever would complete her life. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d afford me the same courtesy, not that I had anyone in mind.

Her brow creased slightly and I wondered what was going through her mind. Finally she spoke, “I have to tell you, Kristen...I’m not anxious for you to settle down, but it makes me nervous when you wander around with all kinds of dubious people. Don’t you think it’s time you found yourself a decent boyfriend? I’m constantly worried when you’re out and about. If you were with someone I could trust, I’d feel better about it all.” She had stopped eating completely and pushed the tray to the end of the bed.

“Mom, my friends are not dubious. I can take care of myself. The point is I never have any privacy. There’s no need for your men to follow me around. Megan and Ana are from well to do families and they aren’t encumbered with bodyguards all the time.”

“I don’t want to argue about this. You know it’s for your own safety, Kristen.”

Two more days and I’ll be twenty-one! Two more days and I’ll be twenty-one!
I repeated to myself over and over again like a mantra. “I know,” I answered, straightening up. “Even though nothing bad is going to happen to me.”

Knowing she had won the battle, if not the war, Mother dropped the subject. “I should let you sleep now. Tomorrow afternoon we’re going to the spa for a few hours of pampering and relaxation before your big day.” She kissed my forehead. “Good night, Kristen.”

“Night, Mom,” I murmured, hugging Fred to my chest. Sometimes I felt like I was the one on a leash.

*  *  *

In the morning, the smell of hot pancakes and maple syrup woke me. Sitting up in bed, I stretched and yawned, enjoying the enticing aroma. My mouth watered at the sight of my favorite breakfast waiting for me on the desk. It made me forget the disturbing dream I had and the throbbing need it left in me. Night after night I was teased by nocturnal fantasies of the same faceless man. They had me tossing and turning in my bed, needing an intimacy I was determined to resist.

Mentally, I thanked Gilda and dragged myself out of bed to eat. She was such a good cook. In minutes there was nothing left on the plate. I would have wanted to ask her to teach me to cook, but Mother had discouraged me. She’d said there were many more important things I could be doing with my time.
Learning to cook will be something I’ll reward myself with when I become my own person.
Folding my napkin, I felt deliciously full. Only the thought of meeting Jacob downstairs put a damper on my good mood. Reluctantly, I put on my workout clothing and headed to the gym.