The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (15 page)

*  *  *

The frustrated look on Alec’s face amused me and he scowled when he saw me smiling.

“What, dear? Are the bags too heavy?” I grinned innocently.

“Seriously, Kristen. Why do you buy so much stuff? Half of the clothes in your closet still have their tags on. I saw them when I was hiding from your mother.” He gave me a quizzical look.

“Come on, don’t scold me. I need business clothes for work. And, well, I can’t deny the fact I enjoy shopping for clothes. It’s like a hobby which relaxes me.”

“A very expensive hobby...”

“What’s the problem, Alec?”

He pursed his lips. “Come, I want to take you somewhere,” he said, making his way toward the car.

“Where?” I followed curiously.

“You’ll see when we get there.”

The ride didn’t take too long and he eventually parked in front of a supermarket. I had no idea what was going on.

“Here? You brought me to a supermarket?” I crossed my arms defensively.

“No. But I need to get a few things first. Wait here. I won’t be long,” he said and kissed my cheek before leaving.

I leaned back and listened to some music on the radio while waiting for him, wondering what he was up to now.

He soon returned with a few bags stuffed with sweets.

“What’s with the candy, Alec?”

“Patience, babe,” he said, refusing to tell me any more.

We ended up in front of a large building and I panicked when I realized it was a homeless shelter.

“Alec, why did you bring me here?” I asked, already feeling uncomfortable.

“I wanted you to see how the money you waste could be put to a much better use than buying clothes you won’t ever wear.”

“Mom gives a lot of money to charity every year,” I informed him.

“That’s your mom. But what do you do? Look...” He took my hand in his. “I am not scolding you or anything. I just want to show you another side of life, a less bright side. You can’t know what it’s like because you’ve never been in this situation. I have...” He sighed heavily. “For many years Mom struggled to provide me and my sister with everything we needed. Seeing her cry herself to sleep almost every night left big scars on my soul. Some of them will never heal. This is why I have a hard time watching you or anyone else spend so much money on useless things. You could have fed this entire center for a month with the money you spent today.”

I squeezed his hand gently. My heart ached as I listened to his words. “I’m really sorry you had such a harsh childhood, Alec. I’m not oblivious to what goes on around me, you know? I just...it makes me really sad and depressed to see other people suffering, which is why I never participate in charity work. Mother gives to several groups every year. It’s not that I don’t care. I’m...I’m just too sensitive to human suffering.” I lowered my head, ashamed.

“Join me now. I promise nothing will happen to you.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, sinking my fingers into my seat.

“Come on, don’t be afraid. I’m with you,” he coaxed gently. He somehow managed to convince me and I stuck to his side as I joined him.

Immediately I felt out of place, being dressed the way I was. My knees began to shake as all eyes turned to us, but Alec’s grip on my hand was tight and it offered me comfort. When he let go to attend the swarm of children who gathered around us with huge smiles on their faces, I froze in place, not sure how to react. But the way he interacted with everybody, especially with the children, took my breath away. I watched him hand out the candy and make all kinds of funny faces at the kids to entertain them and I was moved at his kindness.

It broke my heart to see so much suffering and pain. The people’s reaction to his small gesture was unbelievable and it made me appreciate him even more. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was take him home, crawl into his arms and never let him go.

He put his arm around me when he saw the sadness in my eyes and I leaned into him, proud of how he treated everybody. “Are you okay, Kris?” he whispered, caressing my back.

“Yes. I’m just overwhelmed by everything. I got your message, though. I’ll try to help them as much as I can.”

He gave me a warm smile. “That’s great! I knew you’d understand.”

“You were so good with them. Have you been here before?”

“Yes, a few times. I happened upon the center one day when I was looking for a laundry and stopped to check it out.” His eyes sparkled when he spoke of it. “Okay. Let’s get you home now. You must be hungry too.” He said goodbye to everybody and led me outside.

I was silent on our way home. Everything I’d seen at the center made me think and reevaluate my life. My eyes involuntarily filled with tears, threatening to run down my face. His hand was on my thigh again, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You’re nothing like the girl you were when we first met,” he acknowledged.

I sniffed. “What do you mean?” My voice was raspy and muffled, rough with emotion.

“That girl tried to look tough and strong. She put on an air of superiority, but that was only a façade she used to protect herself. In reality you’re sensible and kind. I’m beginning to see the real you and I like what I see,” he confessed, stroking my leg with a gentleness I hadn’t imagined he was capable of.

I blushed, knowing he was right. I wasn’t as strong as I pretended to be, but I never allowed anybody to see my vulnerability, except for him. “I...I think I could say the same about you. I believe your constant teasing was your own defensive mechanism. I thought you were the most insufferable person in the world, but you proved you can be nice too. I honestly doubted you could...”

“I can’t stand to be looked down upon or disrespected. So if somebody is arrogant to me, I tend to behave the same way.”

“Is that the only reason why you teased me?” I hinted.

He didn’t answer right away, so I knew it was more. “No,” he admitted. “Something about you attracted me and I fought it. You see, I was forbidden to think of you, to touch you or look at you in an inappropriate way. After all, you are my boss.” His naughty smile made me punch his biceps playfully. He chuckled.

“You said you only obey Mom’s orders. That she’s your boss, not me.” I pouted.

“Well, she’s the one who hired me and pays me for my services.” He grinned.

“She doesn’t pay you to kiss me, though,” I said, toying with him.

“No. I get that for free, as a bonus.” He laughed, but all too soon he turned serious. “I can’t be submissive, but I sure would enjoy seeing if you could be in one particular situation.”

“What situation?” I asked, staring at him intently, my curiosity piqued.

His jaw clenched before he answered me. “When it’s for pleasure,” he murmured in a mellow, seductive tone. It swirled about me wickedly like a satin caress.

The small hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention and I felt my mouth begin to water. “You mean...sex?” My heart lurched madly and I pressed my thighs together when I sensed the throbbing between them.

He nodded, his seductive smile awakening my senses and stirring my desire.

I smiled sexily in return, but turned to glance out the window, letting my imagination roam wild.

*  *  *

“How was shopping, dear?” Mom asked as soon as I walked through the door, smiling at me.

“A little tiring, but I got everything I need,” I said, flushing a little when Alec approached us with his hands full of shopping bags.

“Wow! Did you buy the entire store?” She blinked, stunned. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re home. I sent Ryan out to take care of some business, so I need someone else to pick Paola from the airport. Alec...”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied politely and took the bags to my room before joining Mom for her instructions.

I frowned, not pleased she was sending
him
to get Paola. I trudged up to my room in a bad mood.

About an hour later Mom called my name, so I reluctantly headed downstairs. I smiled cautiously when I found her hugging Paola. Almost my height, curvy but not toned like me, with long dark hair and overly tanned skin, she looked different than the way I remembered her.

“It’s so nice to see you!” Mom said as she released her.

“I’m happy to finally be here!” Paola grinned excitedly, then turned to me as I approached her. “Kristen!” She exclaimed. Her high-pitched voice had remained the same. Wrapping her arms around me, I was suffocated with her strong perfume. “I really missed you.” She laughed happily.

“Hey. How was your flight?” I asked, exchanging a quick look with Alec as he entered with her luggage. I took a couple of steps back when she let go of me.

“Long and boring. But the drive here from the airport was nice.” She smirked, glancing at Alec. Her eyes were out on stalks as she gazed at him and my hands involuntarily clenched into fists when I noticed the way she was looking at him.

I could feel the blood pushing at my veins and my muscles tensing at the thought of her coming on to Alec. Throughout the entire dinner I listened to her continuous chatter, but the truth was I didn’t comprehend much she was saying. I had other things on my mind.

“How long did you say you were staying with us?” I asked when she stopped to take a sip of orange juice.

“A couple of weeks. Maybe more...I’m on vacation, so I’m in no hurry to return home. Plus, I’m contemplating the idea of going to college here. But I haven’t decided anything yet.” She flashed a broad smile.

Goodness gracious!
Smiling to disguise my dismay, I focused on my food.

“You look so different,” she said, studying me closely. “You’re actually hot.”

I stopped mid bite, fork poised in the air. I was surprised to hear her say that. “Thank you, but I don’t look any different than I usually do.”

“Right.” She smiled. “When can I meet your boyfriend?”

“What?” Her question puzzled me.

“Well, I’m sure a hot girl like you must have an equally hot boyfriend hidden somewhere.”

Mom laughed, but her laughter faded away when I gave her a warning look.

“Um, no…I’m not in a relationship at the moment,” I answered, hoping she’d drop the subject.

“Really? Then maybe we could go to the beach together and check out who’s there.” She grinned wickedly.

“I’d love to, but I have work to do. You see, my vacation ended yesterday. You can go on your own, though. Since you came all the way to the U.S., it would be a shame not to go out and explore this place.”

“Alec will drive you around while we’re at work, Paola. Just tell him where you want to go,” Mom told her, smiling.

Paola’s face brightened and I wasn’t sure whom I wanted to smack first—Mom for sending Alec with her, or Paola for reacting excitedly at the sound of his name. This concerned me.

“Oh, how nice! I don’t want to stay in here alone all day while you have to work. Thanks, Lillian!”

“My pleasure. I hope you’ll have a wonderful time here with us.”

“Please excuse me. I need to get to bed,” I said, getting up without finishing my dinner. “I’m still not used to getting up so early.”

“All right. Um...maybe we can do something tomorrow evening.” Paola suggested.

“Yeah, I hope so. Good night.”

“Good night, Kristen,” they said at once as I escaped to my room.

Perturbed, I got under the covers, not pleased with the idea of leaving Alec alone with her. I tossed and turned unable to doze off for more than two hours. When I glanced at the alarm clock I saw it was almost midnight. I slipped out of bed, pacing nervously around my room until I gathered enough courage to sneak out and head downstairs in complete silence.

CHAPTER TEN

The lights were off and everybody seemed to be asleep, so I approached Alec’s room, walking on tiptoe. I leaned against his door, but didn’t hear anything. Thinking he was most likely asleep, I opened the door and stepped inside without knocking. To my surprise his bed was undisturbed and there was no sign of him. Then the sound of water gushing from the tap in the bathroom drew my attention and I approached the half-closed door. I peeked inside and spotted him lying back in a bathtub full of water and foam. I nearly convulsed at the hot sight. This was even better than the time I’d spied on him in the shower. Chewing on my lip, I pushed the door open and walked in, startling him.

“Kristen?” He blinked repeatedly. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“Hey...” I flushed scarlet. “I couldn’t sleep. I...I’ll wait for you outside. I didn’t mean to invade your space,” I said timidly.

“Don’t go,” he exclaimed when I turned to leave. He stretched his arm and I placed my trembling hand in his. “You...want to get in?”

“I...I already bathed,” I said coyly, but the disappointment on his face made me step inside the water and sit down on the edge so I wouldn’t wet my nightgown.

He smiled and caressed my calves, scooting closer. “What a pleasant surprise...” He kissed my knee. My body trembled with want.

“What’s your excuse? Bathing at this hour...” I said to distract myself.

“I couldn’t sleep either and decided to take a relaxing bath.” He leaned his head on my lap and I melted, aroused by the proximity of his nude body to mine. I wished I could see through the foam.

My fingers slowly began caressing his hair. A shiver rushed down my spine and my nipples hardened instantly when his hand slid beneath my nightgown and touched my thigh all the way up to my hip. It froze there when he realized I wasn’t wearing any underwear. My breath got caught behind my diaphragm and it was several moments before I could force myself to exhale, hardly controlling my impulse to rip the fabric off and sink down into his arms.

He lifted his gaze, the burning lust in his eyes spreading through me like lightening. He used his other hand to graze my flushed cheek and I leaned in for a kiss, dying to feel his mouth on mine. He captured my lips in a long, lingering kiss I never wanted to end, but butterflies replaced the knot in my stomach when his tongue tangled with mine. The kiss turned more passionate with every passing second, raising my blood pressure until I could barely think. With almost imperceptible movements he pushed my nightgown up my thighs, exposing more of my legs.

I spread them unconsciously and he raised himself onto his knees, settling in between them. Wrapping his arms around my waist, we made out passionately, driven by our desperate need for each other.

“Kristen...” Him moaning my name acted like a wake-up call from my lust entranced state.

I suddenly became aware of the firm press of his erection against my lower tummy and my inner muscles contracted with need. My legs were weak and my feminine center was throbbing with desire. But despite my arousal, I gently pushed him back into the foamy water, staring at him as I adjusted my nightgown and gasped for air.

“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I got carried away. I’m sorry...” He repeated agitated, though by the sharp gleam in his eyes I could see how much he wanted to run his hands up and down my body and make me his.

Instinctively, I pulled my thighs together when he approached me again.

He took my hand in his and kissed it. “Kristen, I don’t want you to think I’m like the guy who only wanted sex from you. Please don’t think that...” His voice was raspy with concern.

I inhaled sharply before I spoke. “I...I want it too. But not in here...not right now...” I whispered, feeling it was not the time, nor the place to go all the way with him, in spite of how much I wanted him.

“I forget about self-control when I’m with you,” he confessed. “When you kiss me like that...”

“I know. I feel the same way. But I don’t want to rush into anything. For now I simply want to enjoy getting to know you better.”

He grinned boyishly. “Can you wash my back?”

I laughed, unable to resist his cute face. “Okay, crazy, I can do that.”

He turned around and I picked up the bath sponge to pour some shower gel onto it before rubbing it gently against his muscular back and broad shoulders. I offered him a relaxing massage at the same time, listening to the low moaning sounds he made.

When I was done with his back, I leaned forward and passed the foamy sponge over his chest, causing him to shudder beneath my hands.

I felt him tremble and stopped to avoid arousing him again. “Here...you do the rest,” I handed him the sponge after pressing my lips to his cheek.

He took it and I stepped out of the tub, grabbing his towel to dry my legs. He spun around to stare at me while he washed his arms, and smirked. Without warning, he stood up to wash the rest of his body, clearly not minding my presence.

I whimpered and covered my eyes before I managed to see anything. “Alec!” I protested, but failed to stifle my laughter.

“What?” He chuckled. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Funny...up until recently you kept putting something on when I caught you shirtless.”

He said nothing in return, but I could hear him stepping out of the bathtub. He took the towel from my grip, the fleeting touch of our hands causing tremors to shoot through my limbs. I was literally vibrating from head to toe.

“You can open your eyes now,” he told me as he kissed my cheek.

“Don’t trick me.” I smiled.

“I’m not.” He laughed and embraced me tightly.

I returned his warm hug, pressing my cheek to his bare chest. My hands rested on his lower back, feeling the towel wrapped around his hips. “I have to go back to my room.” I sighed.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” he whispered in my ear, then placed feathery light kisses on my neck. My skin tingled at his heated touch, yet I surrendered and lay my head against his shoulder as he tightened his hold. We sat for a long while, neither of us wanting to let go.

I nuzzled his hard shoulder to comfort him. When I opened my eyes I found myself facing his tattoo and took advantage of the situation to analyze it. “I love your dragon,” I said, tracing it with the tips of my fingers.

He flinched and pulled back abruptly, his sudden withdrawal startling me.

“Alec?” I blinked worried. I didn’t understand.

He looked distinctly uncomfortable. I could even sense a change in his breathing.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, approaching him again. My eyes fell on his chest and I thought I could see small scars marring his pectorals.

He exited the bathroom, leaving me staring after him.

I walked out as well a moment later and found him already dressed in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. “What happened to you, Alec?” I stared at him scared.

“It’s late. You should go.”

“Are you kicking me out? A moment ago you wanted me to stay.”

“Please...”

“No. I want to know. I want to help you. You can trust me.” I encouraged him, grabbing his hand with concern.

“It’s nothing, okay? Don’t worry. Please go. I’m tired and I want to sleep.”

“Fine. Maybe you’ll tell me when you’re ready to talk about it.” I waited another second. He looked at me but said nothing. “Good night.” I kissed his cheek and left, extremely worried about him.

“Kristen?” Paola whispered as I nearly bumped into her in the hallway. “What are you doing?”

I jumped. “I...I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. What are
you
doing? I thought you were asleep.”

“You know...jet lag.” She rolled her eyes. “I got in bed but couldn’t sleep at all. Then I got hungry so I decided to make myself a sandwich. May I?”

“Of course. You’ll find anything you want in the fridge,” I replied and headed toward the stairs.

“Kris?”

“Yes?”

“Your nightgown is wet.”

I looked down and swallowed hard, making a forceful gulping sound. “Yeah...I...I accidently spilled some water on it.”

“Are you all right? You seem a little upset,” she commented suspiciously.

I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’ll see you in the morning.” When I reached my room, I changed into a different nightgown and threw myself on the bed, thinking of him and wondering about the cause of those scars. I shook at the thought of anybody hurting him, but since he refused to talk to me about it, I suspected it was something serious which had brought him pain and suffering. Tears rolled onto my pillow. I tried to brush them away with the back of my hand, but more appeared as quickly as I wiped them off.

*  *  *

My face was a mess when I woke up in the morning. I scowled at my reflection in the mirror, worried that everybody would figure out I’d been crying. My eyes were red and puffy, and my head ached like crazy. For whatever reason I felt emotionally drained and I couldn’t seem to get out from under the cloud of sadness which had enveloped me out of the blue.
What in the world happened to you, Alec?
I bit down on my quivering lip to stop myself from crying again.
Maybe I should ask Ryan.
I quickly shook off the outrageous idea, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate me going to his father.
What if he’s the one responsible for those scars?
I shuddered.
No, it can’t be. Alec told me his father was never violent with them. But what if...? Oh, shoot!
The struggle with my inner torment overwhelmed me and I burst out, throwing an empty bottle of perfume at my bathroom wall with such force, it shattered into a million pieces at my feet.

Upset, I stepped into my dressing room to look for something to wear, but I came to a halt at the door and stared inside at the jammed closet.
Alec is right. I’ve never worn more than half of what’s in here.
A searing pain flared in my stomach as I was reminded about his rough childhood. I forced myself not to think of how hard it must have been for him and his family.

Motivated by the desperate need to see him smile, I swallowed a sob and quickly gathered all the clothes I didn’t need, stuffing them into two large suitcases. Once done, I put on some business clothes and busied myself with my makeup. I used concealer to cover the dark circles under my eyes, thankful to see the swelling had receded a bit. My face looked less puffy when I was done with it, but I couldn’t do much about the sadness in my eyes.

I found him standing at the foot of the stairs when I left my room and hardly contained my impulse to run into his arms and hold him tight.

He offered me a small smile which lit up the entire place. It went straight to my pounding heart, calming me. Then his face turned solemn as he glanced behind me.

“Kristen!” Paola beamed and surprised me with a hug. “Morning.” She grinned. “Did you think about what we could do this evening? Please take me out. Pleeease...” she uttered in pleading squeaks, acting a bit childish.

“Paola, I’ve just woken up. I haven’t had time to make plans.”

“How about we go to a movie? Or shopping at the mall?” She insisted, smiling brightly.

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise you anything,” I replied, feeling trapped.

“Okay, but think about it.” She kissed my cheek and headed to the dining room. “Morning, handsome,” she told Alec as she walked by him.

“Good morning, Miss,” he greeted her back, staring after her.

I frowned, jealousy rising up inside of me. I stopped in front of him and he turned to look at me.

“Intense, isn’t she?” he asked innocently.

“She can be that, yes,” I agreed. “Alec...there are two suitcases in my room. I’d like you to take them to the center we visited yesterday. I packed all the clothes I don’t need and—”

“You did?” He cut me off, grinning broadly.

I nodded and the next thing I knew I was enveloped in a tight bear hug, squashed against his strong body. I knew my gesture would make him smile, but his genuine display of happiness exceeded my expectations by far. Needing him badly, I ignored the danger of being seen and allowed myself to enjoy his soothing embrace.

When he finally stepped away, he looked around us cautiously and then grabbed my chin, planting a kiss on my lips before darting upstairs.

His excitement was contagious and I found myself smiling from ear to ear as I glanced at his disappearing form. Unfortunately, the effect didn’t last long. Knowing he would be in the company of Paola all day and that I’d spend the entire time thinking of him unable to focus on anything else, depressed me and I sulked once more.

*  *  *

I gazed at the cell phone resting on my desk, battling the strong temptation to call him and check to see if he was all right. Just as I predicted, I lacked all will and motivation to fulfill the tasks Mom assigned to me, my mind occupied with thoughts of him.

“I’m lost,” I admitted to myself, no longer able to deny the fact I had a huge crush on this man. With a heavy sigh, I lay my head down on my desk for a moment, trying to pull myself together.

“Kristen?” Mom called, walking in without bothering to knock. “Hey, are you sick? What’s wrong?” She rushed to my side alarmed.

“Mom, I was just resting my eyes for a second. I’m fine.”

She placed her hands on her hips, looking down at me. “Did you do what I asked you to?”

“I’m working on it. Do you need it right away?”

“Leave it. I want you to join me in the meeting with the models who will be on the runway this Saturday. Then we have a meeting with Niall Tomlinson. He’s bringing a sample of our perfume. You promised you’d help me with it, but I ended up doing everything on my own,” she complained.

I crinkled my nose at the sound of his name, since I was really hoping I’d never have to see him again. Especially knowing he was attracted to me. “Do I really have to attend this meeting?”

“Yes, you do. This is
our
perfume, remember? I want to know what you think of it, so please don’t try to excuse yourself. This is important to me.”

“Fine, Mom. Whatever you want,” I answered dully.

“What’s with this sloppy attitude, Kristen? You look as if you’d rather be anywhere else but here. As if something is constantly bothering you. You’ve changed a lot recently and I’m beginning to seriously worry about you. Do you have a problem? Please talk to me...”

I looked at her, not sure how to respond. I wanted to tell her how I felt and get it off my chest, but I couldn’t, afraid of what she might do to Alec. The possibility of her or anybody else hurting him or sending him away was simply unbearable. “I need time to adjust. That’s all.” I stood up and grabbed my purse before heading to the door.

“You need a man to relieve you of this accumulated tension and grumpiness.”

Her words stopped me in my tracks. “Are you saying I need sex?” I gaped at her.

She approached me and took my hand in hers. “For me sex without love is meaningless. You need a boyfriend. You need to fall in love and be happy. Your whole attitude toward the world will change if that happens.”

“I can’t fall in love on command, Mom. And my sex life is not something I want to discuss with you.” I fanned the heat in my cheeks.

She hugged me unexpectedly. “I know you’re unhappy. I can see it in your eyes whenever I look at you. And it really hurts. Maybe I could help somehow, but you stubbornly refuse to allow me into your life. It wasn’t always like this. You used to share everything with me. Now you keep pushing me away.”