Authors: Diane M Dickson
“Hello again Samuel. How are you?”
“A bit better, I sat in the chair for a while. My head…
well I don’t know.”
Samuel’s big hands covered his face. They had told him
tearfulness was all part of his illness and not to worry but it was still
embarrassing for him to cry in front of the detective. Peter Bailey sat quietly
with his eyes lowered, giving the other man time to collect himself.
“Well, let’s hope we can clear up some of the puzzles for
you. We know who you are now. You’d already been told I think. ”
Samuel nodded. “Yes, bits have come back as well. I still
don’t know though about Marie and the baby. I’ve asked the nurses and the
doctors about them and all they did was to tell me to wait for you. They said
you have all the information. I don’t understand it, where is she? Do you
know? Have you found her?” Emotion overwhelmed him, his voice cracked and for
a moment the power of speech deserted him.
He coughed and tried again, “I thought I’d seen her, just a
few days ago, but they said it wasn’t possible and it was all part of the coma.”
Now it was too much and he cried, openly and unashamed. “I’m sorry, I just
need her. We should be together; I don’t believe we had a break up, nothing
like that. I just want her here with me.”
Detective Bailey waited for the storm to pass, he had spoken
to the medical people and understood there was no way to predict what would
come back or how long it would take. There was nothing to do but wait and
there was no point in trying to predict the outcome for Samuel.
The house in The Lakes was clear in his mind. He had
already related many memories from his childhood. He had recalled his mum and
dad, could talk about their death and times when he had lived in the house with
Marie. They had prepared a nursery. He could describe in fine detail the
wallpaper, the cot and baby furniture just as if he’d been there a short while
ago. He could remember much of his time in the army and serving oversees.
When they asked him about the time after the army there was a gap, he couldn’t
explain how and why he left and then it was as if a line had been drawn. His
life was on one side and then this pain and the hospital and confusion. In
between there was a void, empty and puzzling and Marie had fallen into it.
Samuel raised his head and tried a quiver of a smile,
“Sorry, I feel such a wuss.”
The man sitting before him with a large plastic file on his
knee simply shook his head. Samuel’s eyes were drawn to the file, he knew the
answers were in there and he also knew his life, such as it was in this
unfinished state, was going to be changed when the plastic covers were opened.
“So, we have the papers from the army, your rank, service
record and so on. All okay there, nothing to worry about, impressive really. I’ll
leave a copy with you so you can have a read.”
Now it was coming, the other man fidgeted on the hard seat,
he had made a decision and looked Samuel in the face, a direct gaze. It was
kind and it was sympathetic and Samuel readied himself.
“I’m sorry, we have found out about Marie. It’s in here.”
He lifted the plastic folder. “It was the reason you left the army. She was
killed, I’m really sorry. She was killed in a car accident and afterwards they
let you resign on compassionate grounds.”
He waited then for just a moment before reaching across to
touch Samuel on the hand.
“I am really sorry. It’s awful for you that you had forgotten;
I can’t imagine how this must feel. We have a police report about it and the
army records. I have read them all and you should ask me anything you want.
Or, if you’d rather I can just leave it with you.”
Samuel gulped, shook his head as if he was trying to clear
it and then he spoke quietly.
“The baby?”
“No, sorry there was no baby. Marie was pregnant when she
was killed but there was no baby, well not born if you understand.”
“Can you leave me? Can I be on my own?”
“Yes, of course. Look I’ll come back later. I’m really
sorry but there is still a lot we have to clear up. There is Sylvie apart from
anything else.”
“Who?”
“Sylvie.”
Again the shake of his head.
“I don’t know anyone called Sylvie. Who is she?”
“The girl who was with you in the hotel, the one who broke
in the other day, dressed as a cleaner. Samuel she was the one who shot the
other bloke. We don’t know but it seems as though maybe she saved your life.”
“No, no sorry. I don’t know anyone called Sylvie. Never
did and I can’t remember anything about the day I was shot. I don’t even know
what I was doing in the hotel, I don’t know why I am here in Liverpool. I just
don’t know.”
With this desperate statement he lowered his head into his
hands and the grief overwhelmed him.
After a few moments Detective Bailey pushed back the chair
and left the room. Contrary to what he had just said he didn’t leave the
folder, the contents made difficult reading, he didn’t believe Samuel was
strong enough. There were the descriptions of the accident, the accounts of
Samuel’s breakdown and then just a statement that he was discharged on
compassionate grounds and so it finished. The army paid his pension but the
account had never been used. There was the house in The Lake District and the
people who had been interviewed there said Samuel had disappeared after the
funeral and nobody had seen him since. A cleaner was paid regularly by
electronic means but she hadn’t communicated directly with Samuel for a long
time.
The house had been broken into a short while ago but there
had been no damage and so she had simply cleaned up, throwing out the few
things left there and carried on. She hadn’t even bothered to report it as she
had no faith in the police investigating such a small crime and so there was no
evidence left and no way to tell who had been there.
There was so very much unexplained and of course one of the
major items was the great holdall full of money. The cash had been unmarked
and though they had tried they hadn’t found any clues about the source. This
being the case the money belonged to Samuel. Yes there had been traces of
cocaine but they were so minimal as to be meaningless. The landlady of the
hotel had told them he paid in cash, from a large bag and there it was. Perhaps
there was a drug connection but what, where, when and who it was proving
impossible to discover.
Samuel was a reasonably wealthy man, with a house in one of
the most beautiful parts of the world. His bank account was very healthy due
to the regular payments and in truth he would probably never have to work
again. Knowing this Detective Bailey wouldn’t change places with this grieving,
lonely, damaged individual even if he had to work until the day he dropped dead.
“He didn’t even know who I was. Either he really didn’t
recognise me or he didn’t want me there, I don’t know which but I couldn’t ever
bear to see such a look on his face again. He looked straight through me. It’s
over, for me and him. I’m sure it’s over.
“So what is it, what’s your idea?”
Sylvie was sitting on the couch, exhausted mentally and
physically. Her heart was leaden, every time she thought of Samuel and the
blank and unknowing expression in his eyes she wanted to curl into a ball and
wail and thrash and rail at the unfairness of life. After all the years of
mixing with dead beats and dangerous criminals she had found him. When he told
her he was on the run she had pushed the knowledge aside. Deep in her soul she
believed he was a good man and the story of loss and tragedy he told her
reinforced that belief.
She gave herself to him totally, the sex had been good and
within it she had chosen to believe there was genuine feeling and caring, maybe
even love. If it was the case surely, no matter how ill he was and how afraid,
he would have known her, something would have been carried over from then to
now.
It seemed she had been wrong and now she was alone. This was
not a new situation, in the other life, before Samuel, she had been on her own
but in her own place, she had a life there. It hadn’t been much of a life but
it was hers, now there was nothing. No home, the clothes she stood up in and
the tiny bit of money in her bank account and that was it. Nothing to hold,
nothing to hope for and nothing to lose.
So, she sat back against the slightly greasy cover of
Lennie’s auntie’s sofa and opened herself up to what the other girl had to say.
“I’ve been running from Si and Mo for a long time. Since
before Brian died, yeah long before. They’re thugs and lowlifes but they have
money and power and I think they are part of something big, really big. I hate
the bizzies, never had anything to do with ‘em that came out well, but I’ve
been thinking. This is never goin’ to go away, now I’m mixed up with you I
feel I’ve been sucked further in.”
Sylvie gasped at this and leaned forward. Lennie shook her
head and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“Don’t worry I don’t blame you, I really don’t. With you
all I feel is guilt, really deep guilt. When I saw what they’d done to you, in
the warehouse, well I could ‘ave died. I can’t let this go on any longer.
What will they ‘ave me doin’ next eh? How far will they make me go? No. It
stops ‘ere. It ‘as to because I think if I don’t do something I’ll end up dead.
“I thought we could go to the cops, you and me. We can make
up a story, we’ll tell ‘em you were raped, tell ‘em you ‘ad to shoot that bloke
because he was goin’ to kill you and your Samuel. Maybe they’ll do a witness
protectin’ thing. I know where they go when they’re here, Si and Mo and some
others. I know where they keep their stuff. Don’t ask me how ‘cos I won’t
tell you but I know and I know other stuff as well, stuff the filth might
really like to know. Honest, there are bodies I know about, there are girls as
well, girls locked up and abused. I know where they are. I wouldn’t ‘ave ever
gone on my own it’s too scary, but I will if you come with me. What do you
think?”
The tears wouldn’t be dammed any longer and they flooded
down Sylvie’s cheeks. She lowered her head into her hands and sobbed as life disintegrated
around her. All the new hope, the fresh happiness and the blossoming love
washed away in this grimy house in a strange town in the bony arms of a
stranger and she let it go, what choice did she have? She just let it go.
“What will I do afterwards though, where will I go. I’m so
scared, I try to see what will happen and there’s nothing. I can’t even
imagine tomorrow. It’s like I’m falling, deeper and deeper into some sort of
great hole and it’s bottomless and endless. I don’t want to end on the streets;
I don’t want to go on the game and just don’t understand how this has all
happened.”
Even now, in the deepest despair she couldn’t tell Lennie
about Phil. She had buried it so deep that if she spoke his name, related the
events of that dark and ghastly night then all the hounds of hell would be
loosed and the chaos it caused would be unstoppable. Could she though carry
this secret with her forever, locked in her soul, a dark and dreadful pulse to
be borne until her last moments and then what, to carry it still into whatever
there was beyond this reality. Would it not drive her insane, never sharing,
holding it close and keeping it part of her forever? Was it possible to have any
sort of life, happiness and hope with such baggage? She would never know
unless she tried and right now there was no other road to take and so she
gulped back the fear, looked into Lennie’s eyes and nodded.
They didn’t hug or smile, this was no time for a high five
they were two frightened desperate women and they had a stony path ahead of
them and so they sat quietly in the little house and lost themselves in their
own thoughts and tried to summon the courage to move on.
“What about Samuel though, what will happen to him do you
think?”
“I don’t know love, I really don’t. If he can’t remember
you, maybe he can’t remember anything at all about the past and then what will
they do? If he can’t remember and they can’t prove anything well it could be all
right. I know you don’t want to hear it just now but leaving him might be the
biggest favour you could do him. Maybe it’s for the best in the end and it’s
the way it has to be. He hasn’t been arrested has he? They seem to be looking
after him well. Maybe he’ll be okay and it’s better like this, for him and for
you. D’ya think?”
Sylvie nodded slowly, could this be what was meant to happen
and though it had wrapped her in barbs of guilt until the day she died it had
freed Samuel and right now perhaps that was enough. For him to be free to live
in his lovely house in The Lake District and to find peace in the turmoil of
his life would make some sort of sense after all.
The quiet was overwhelming, street sounds and the ticking
clock underlined their inability to make more conversation. With no further
excuse to stay Lennie stood and picked up her bag and jacket, she scribbled a
note for her auntie and turned to her friend.
“Come on love. We should go and if we’re gonna do this thing
I think we should do it now. They’re out there, I’ve seen ‘em today and I’m
scared.”
Sylvie nodded and together they left the little house,
casting glances back and forth. Their nervousness grew sharply the longer they
were in the open. The route twisted and turned down the back alleys and narrow
streets as they scuttled back to the flat…
“We need a story. It ‘as to be simple and we both need to
be able to stick to it no matter what. I know there are things you ‘aven’t
told me and it’s okay, I have enough stuff of my own to cart about, I don’t
need any more garbage...”
Lennie’s lips lifted in a smile which didn’t reach her
eyes. She plonked two mugs of coffee down on the carpet and flung herself
against the bean bag. A great sigh lifted her shoulders and then she
stiffened. “Okay, let’s get on with it.”
Sylvie sipped at her coffee before asking, “All this stuff
you say you know, how sure are you about it all? I mean if we go to the police
and then they don’t find what you say it’ll all fall apart.”
“Oh believe me I know.” Lennie visibly paled and she hugged
herself, this reaction stilled any more questions from Sylvie. She didn’t want
to know, the horrors she carried were enough for her, she had no room for more.
“So what do you think, do we ring them? Go to the police
station? Once we do they will have me won’t they? There’ll be no way back.”
She grasped the other woman’s hand, “I’m scared, I am really
scared.”
“I know love, I know but I can’t think what else to do. I’m
not going to force you, ‘course I’m not but I think I ‘ave to do it, for me.
If you want to run, leave me to it then I wouldn’t blame you, I would never
blame you.”
“I have nowhere to go, I have no-one to be with, except you
and this has got to finish...”
“Christ what was that noise?” The crash of the front door
brought them both to their feet.
The interior door slammed against the wall and bounced back
to hit the fist of the man glowering in the doorway. Behind him the dark
shadow of a second male reinforced the threat and drew a shriek of fear from
Sylvie. Lennie for her part simply muttered under her breath. “Oh God.”
The two women had stepped instinctively toward each other,
their hands joined. Terrified eyes watched as the two thugs stepped over the
threshold and pushed the door closed behind them.
“Ladies.” Si bent from the waist, a mocking parody of
chivalry.
Lennie could feel Sylvie’s fingers shuddering with fear and
heard her rapid panting. Her stomach had clenched and bile filled her throat,
this was it. She had known really that a face off was inevitable but she had
turned away from the belief and carried on in false hope.
“How are you Lennie? And you slut, getting better are you?
Ready for some more fun perhaps?” He turned. “What do you reckon Mo, d’ya
think you’d like a bit more party.” He jabbed a finger towards where Sylvie
was fighting to keep it together, her instincts told her to scream and run but
her eyes showed her there was nowhere to go and so she clung to Lennie’s nerve
damp hand and waited.
“Yeah, mebbe. Mind she wasn’t very good, not last time, a
bit dull ‘f I remember. Lennie now, well we can always rely on Lennie, what’ya
say girl, ready for a bit a jiggy?” He moved into the room, pushing past his
friend and stepping to where the two women were pressed now against the wall.
Si glanced around, “How do you live here, really how? It’s
shit. Did you know that Lennie? You live in shit. But then how would you know
eh? it’s all you’ve ever lived in isn’t it? Pigs in shit, you and your
worthless brother, your junkie waste of skin Brian. Oh, oh no, he isn’t living
in shit anymore is he Lennie?”
When it came none of them were ready, it was a sudden and
violent explosion. Sylvie had been aware of Lennie’s fingers clenching and
unclenching and she felt the body beside her tense and tighten but when the
other girl moved the force of it knocked her to her knees on the grubby
carpet.
She looked up in bewilderment as the streak of violence which
had once been Lennie screamed across the room and connected with Si. Fists,
nails and teeth raked, bit, punched and slapped. Si, caught unprepared as he
was, could do no more than raise his hands to try and protect his eyes. Lennie
didn’t let it stop her, she had taken all she could take and now the fury and
fear drove her on.
Even as the blood began to trickle from the deep gouges on
his cheeks she grabbed at his ears and, screaming now with the passion of it,
she pulled at them and stretched in towards him to bite and tear with her
teeth.
He screamed, “Mo, for God’s sake Mo, get her off me.” As
the other man made his move so Sylvie came to her senses, these were the men
who had punished her so badly and now there was a chance for revenge. Grabbing
the lamp from the little side table she smashed the bulb against the wall and
approached the roiling mass of skin, flesh and fury at the other side of the
room. She jabbed and poked with the sharp edges of glass catching both Mo and
Si in turn, driving them back away from the sobbing, gulping Lennie who
followed the retreating thugs, still kicking and thumping. Blind with fury,
totally beyond any sort of control she was an unstoppable force.
As Si tried to grab her hands she brought her knee up to his
groin with all the force her scrawny body could manage, behind the action was
years of pain and grief and when it found its mark Si screamed as his world
dissolved into red pain and he fell to his knees gasping and groaning.
Mo was struggling now with Sylvie, trying to wrench the lamp
from her hands but she whirled and spun jabbing at him with the glass-sharp end
and he leapt back again and again unable to penetrate the wall of hate.
Lennie’s legs were working now, she still had on her boots and she kicked and
stamped on the groaning Si, his back, his head, his belly over and over. She
was sobbing and grunting like some demented creature and long after he lay
still she continued to beat at the ruined unconscious thing he had become.
Sylvie for her part was weakening against the strength of
Mo, he was too much for her. She was a small thing and he was sturdy and fit,
long hours in the gym had built muscles and power and it was a match doomed to
failure from the very moment it started. Once the light bulb had disintegrated
he simply dragged the lamp from the girl’s hands and threw it aside. With a
glance at his fallen comrade and with a chilling calm he spun to face where
Sylvie backed away from him retreating into the corner by the window. He
followed her, two steps brought him to where she was pressed against the dowdy
walls and as he stretched his great hands towards her she understood that she
was lost.
With a piercing screech Lennie launched herself across the
room and flung herself back into the fray. Had she come from behind it would
have been a lost cause but coming sideways she caught Mo mid step, off-balance
and he tipped towards the bed. As his legs connected with the metal frame she
pressed home her advantage leaping onto his body, wrapping her arms around his
shoulders and taking him down with the weight and force of her forward motion.
He fell partly onto the bed and then squirming to drag himself from under the
screaming furious woman he slid further to slouch against the frame. Sylvie
re-joined the fight. She picked up the table, scattering the bottles and
mirror across the floor and with a wild yell she brought the heavy wood down
onto Mo’s head. Still it wasn’t enough to defeat him and he grabbed at the
broken furniture flinging it aside even as he struggled to regain his feet.
Lennie tore aside the curtain separating the kitchen from
the living room. She dragged open a narrow drawer and snatched up the big
carving knife. Without a beat of hesitation she flew across the small space
the blade brandished before her and with no thought as to where it would pierce
she jabbed and stabbed at what had been but short moments before an arrogant
and powerful male. Now, reduced to a bloody mess he fell back against the bed,
red flooded from his belly which he clutched with slick and desperate hands.
He raised his eyes to hers, the look in them was fear, disbelief and hatred and
then they clouded and a great and sudden silence engulfed the shabby flat.