The Grave (16 page)

“I’ve run a bath, I put some antiseptic stuff in it.  I
think you should go to the hospital though, you’re bleeding and you look really
bad.”

“No, no.  I can’t.  I know they’ll call the police and I
can’t have that.  Just let me try and get clean.  Can I go now and get in the
bath.”

The room was small, dark and dingy, the pink wall tiles were
rimmed with mould and the taps had long since lost their shine but the water
was hot and the radiator held a big pink towel warming ready for her.  With gasps
of pain Sylvie lowered herself into the warm tub.  The water turned to pink as
the blood washed into it, she felt a wave of nausea but turned her face away.  She
felt dirty as though her body was ingrained with filth and would never be clean
again.  She could feel the ghost of his hands, on her ankles, around her waist
and the tops of her legs.  The soreness in her vagina and all around the area
from tears and bruising was beyond belief and though she had refused the
hospital her body was telling her there was damage deep inside.  She would have
to trust in fate that it would heal and there wouldn’t be permanent harm.  Her
arms and legs were scratched and reddened from the rough treatment and the
bindings, her face was sore from the beatings and her heart was broken from it
all. 

There was a knock on the door, “Are you okay, do you need
anything.” 

She couldn’t let Lennie look at her, the darkness at the
warehouse had hidden her shame and the blanket in the car had wrapped her round. 
As she looked now at her battered body she couldn’t bear to let anyone see. 

“I’m okay I think.  Do you have any aspirin and any
underwear, maybe a sanitary towel.” 

“Yes, ‘course, I’ve got a dressing gown for you and I’ve
turned the electric blanket on.  You need to get into bed.  I put some soup on,
it’s only tinned but it’ll make you feel better.  Well, I think it might.”

The kindness reduced Sylvie to fresh tears and she let them
flow, a salve to her soul as the water soothed and gentled her physical self…

Wrapped in a soft dressing gown and snuggled under the duvet
she sipped at a mug of soup.  Lennie had hardly spoken but held the bedding as
Sylvie slipped underneath and then tucked a towel over the covers before
handing her the soup.  Now she came and gingerly perched on the edge of the
bed.

“God, Sylvie what can I say.  I am sorry, so very sorry.  If
I’d known what they would do, if I’d had any idea I wouldn’t have brought you
back here.  I would never.”

“Did you know? all the time in the park and the café, did
you know who I was and how they wanted me?”

“Yes, well some stuff, what they told me.  They brought me
there, pointed you out. They told me you’d nicked some gear from ‘em.  Sylvie,
I know it’s no excuse but I owe ‘em.  Big time, I owe ‘em and they said if I
brought you back here they’d let me off some of it.  I thought if you’d nicked
some stuff, well you’d be ‘ard, able to look after yerself.  Then when I got
talking to ya and saw you weren’t like that I was in too deep, I couldn’t get
out.  They wuss watchin’ us all the time and they followed us back and God, I
didn’t want to do it but I couldn’t get out of it.” 

She buried her head now in her hands and sobbed, “I’m so, so
sorry.  I thought they’d just give you a bit of a beltin’ and we’ve all ‘ad
them ‘aven’t we?  I never thought they’d do – this, all this.”

“I wish you hadn’t done it, I’ll always wish that, but I think
I understand.  I know what it can be like.  I was with some people before and
I’ve seen what happens.  I don’t blame you, really I don’t but I don’t know
what to do next.” 

She held out the folded note and watched in silence as
Lennie read it and handed it back. 

“Christ, they mean to kill him don’t they?”

“I suppose they think he shot the other bloke.  There’s
other stuff as well from before.  He’s been running from them for years and he
was doing okay until he got mixed up with me.  I don’t know what to do now.  I
have to help him.

“How are you mixed up with them Lennie?  Do you do drugs?”

“Me, no.  Not any more, I did once but not now, I’m clean.”

“But you said you owe them.”

“Hmm, it was for Brian, my brother.  He’s dead now but
before he died I got him some stuff and I didn’t pay ‘em and…”

“I’m sorry, about your brother.”

Lennie nodded, “Yeah, well he couldn’t ‘elp ‘imself.  He
tried a few times, to get clean, went on the Methadone programme, all sorts of
stuff but no, he didn’t make it in the end.”

The statement was bald, almost devoid of sentiment; this
girl had been through much and survived, like Sylvie herself. A kindred
spirit.  As the thought began to take root it was followed by another and
Sylvie felt the anger start to rise and with it a desire for vengeance.

For now though, the warmth, the relative safety and reaction
to the trauma of the last hours overwhelmed her and she allowed herself to
drift away.  Lennie looked down at this poor creature, guilt and sadness swept
her and then she felt the anger start to simmer.

Here it was, the rest of her life.  Sylvie knew she was changed
forever.  It wasn’t that innocence had been lost, God knew she’d been long past
innocence but deep inside a dark place had been created.  It was, she knew, a
place of hate and for now she let it sit.  She believed she had a right to hate;
she also vowed to take revenge. 

Lennie brought her tea and toast.  The girl looked haunted,
her eyes were teary and her face pale save where dark smudges witnessed the
sleeplessness of the past night.  She plumped pillows, tucked the covers and
squeezed Sylvie’s hand.

“How is it?”

“Bloody sore, all over.  I think the bleeding might have
stopped though.  I can hardly move.  Shit.”

“Can I help?”

“No, no it’s okay just let me sit up.”

“Just stay where you are today, stay in bed.  I ‘ave to go
out later but you’ll be alright here.  Least I think you will.”

Sylvie shook her head. 

“I can’t, I have to get away from here.  They know where I
am, I’m scared stiff they’ll come back. I don’t know where I’m gonna go but I
have to get away. 

“Lennie, please don’t keep on blaming yourself.  I know, I
know you didn’t have a choice.  You’ve been good to me and I don’t blame you.”

The short speech reduced the other woman to yet more tears
but she smiled in spite of them and leaned in to hug Sylvie gently. 

“Come on, let me take your plate.  So, what are you gonna
do?”

“I can’t go to the police.  I can’t go back to the hospital
or the hotel.  I really need to know how Samuel is and I need to get some
money.”

“Can you use the internet, transfer money from your account?”

“Yeah, if I can remember my password.  It’s ages since I did
it but yes.”

“Well, if you like you can transfer it to mine and I can get
some out for you.  I can only get a hundred pounds a day but I can get some
today and some tomorrow, will that work?”

“That’d be great, it really would.  I need some clothes.”

“Well, I have some stuff but it won’t really fit you, you’re
welcome to anything but if you’d rather I can go and get some for you.  I can
get it on my card and then you can pay me back.  Shit, I feel bad asking you to
pay me back but…”  She shrugged.

“No, no that’d be great.  I need everything, would you
mind?”

“I’ll go now. Tell me what you want, your size and stuff,
and you have another bath if you like.”

They hugged again and Lennie dragged on her jacket.  “My
computer’s on, over there and you can log on, I piggy back on the bloke
downstairs’ wifi  he doesn’t mind.”…

The outside door slammed and Sylvie jerked from her half
dream, scuttered in panic to the bathroom and fumbled with the door lock.  She leaned
against the wood breathing rapidly her heart pounding against her ribs.  She
knew she couldn’t stay here, would have no peace of mind in this place where
she was vulnerable.

“Sylvie, Syl. It’s me Lennie.  I’m on my own, it’s okay, are
you in the bog?”

Lennie stood in the middle of the room her hands full of
plastic bags, a concerned look on her face.

“I thought you’d gone.”

“Sorry Lennie, I’m just jumpy you know.”

“Course you are.  Anyway look I got some stuff, I hope it’s
okay for you.  I got some money as well, did you manage to do the bank stuff?

“No, you didn’t leave me your account details.”

“What am I like?  Right, here you look at the stuff, I can
take any of it back if you don’t like it.  I just went to the ordinary shops
for most of it.  It’s cheap stuff, M & S for the undies though.  I don’t
know what you usually do.”

“Oh it’ll be great.  Just to have something of my own’ll be
great.” 

“Right, you get dressed, I’ll put the kettle on and make us
a butty.”

“Sorry.”

“A butty, you know a sarni, I hope ham’s okay, I got cheese
as well.”

“Oh, oh right.  Yeah great.  Then we’ll do the bank and
then, will you do me a favour?”

“‘Course I will anything.”

“Will you ring the hospital for me?  See if you can find
anything out about Samuel”

“Yeah, but they probably won’t tell me anything.  I had an
idea though.  My Aunty is a cleaner there, I could ask her to see if she can
find out anything.”

“Will she be okay?  It won’t put her in any danger or
anything?  The police are there at least I suppose they still are.”

“It’s fine.  Look let me ring her now, I think she’ll still
be in work. You have a look at the clothes.”

Sylvie came out of the bathroom where she had taken the
plastic bags.  Jeans, top, socks and trainers, simple things but they made such
a difference, she felt human again, almost normal.  On the outside.

Lennie was busy in the kitchen alcove buttering rolls and
slicing cheese.  She turned as she heard the bathroom door closing.

“Oh, they’re great.  Are you happy with it all?”

“Yeah they’re fine, thanks.  You even thought to get me
spare socks and knickers.  How much do I owe you?”

“The receipts are there, I tried to keep it reasonable.  You
can just transfer some money into my account and then I’ll take out the
difference in cash from the hole in the wall.  Like I said I hate to ask you
for money, I feel so guilty, but, well you know.”

“Yeah, I know and anyway I wouldn’t feel right not paying
for the stuff.  Did you ring your Aunty?”

“I did.  She’s in work this affie, she’s going to try and
find out what she can.  It might not be much but, well, we’ll have to wait and
see.  She’s great she’ll do her best.

“Here ya go, sarnie’s ready, do you want tea or coffee?”

“Coffee’d be great thanks.”

And so they sat, like any two friends meeting for lunch. 
Two friends with so much drama between them that it made cheese sandwiches and
coffee ludicrous but what choice did they have.  At the end of the day the
minutia of life soothes the spiky edges and calms the tormented waters.

Lennie stood looking down at the slight form of her
visitor.  Curled under the duvet with her bruised face barely visible and her hair
spread over the pillow she looked like a child.  A child who had been to hell
in the last days. She leaned forward and gently shook Sylvie awake.

“Hi, have you had a nice nap.  How’re you feeling?”

“Yeah, shattered to be honest, God I’m sore all over again,
I’m stiff and my face hurts.”  Suddenly, out of the blue Sylvie began to shake;
she buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

“Hey, hey what’s matter?  Come on, come on you’re okay, I’m
here.”

Lennie wrapped her skinny arms around the trembling form
rocking and crooning, it was all she could do. Eventually, the crying abated
and Sylvie looked up, her face was drawn with despair.

“I’m sorry, sorry.  It’s just that every now and again it
all comes back, whap and I’m back there.  A great sweep of blackness, it’s so
scary.  I can’t believe it, why, why did this happen to me?”

There was no answer and Lennie made none, she simply sat
cradling her new friend and fought internally with the guilt she knew she would
carry for the rest of her life.

“I’ll make a drink.  Are you okay now?  How’s the pain in
your stomach?”

“It’s horrible but I think it’s better than it was.

“Oh did you hear from your Aunty?”

“Hmm.”

Sylvie could see from the clouding of Lennie’s eyes that
there was something wrong.  Her stomach flipped, she couldn’t get the words out
and so in the end simply stared at the other woman willing her to know there
are some questions just too difficult to verbalise.”

“She rang me while you were asleep.  She went up to the
intensive care place.  The police are still there ‘course.  Anyway, she has a
coupla mates working up there.” 

Playing for time so obviously, but Sylvie went along with it
steeling herself, wanting to know but fearing the worst.

“It’s not good.  I’m sorry.”

As the tears began to fall Lennie came back to the bed and
perched beside the hunched figure.

“He’s not dead though is he?  Tell me now.  He’s not dead?”

Lennie shook her head.  “No he’s not dead.  He’s not good
though.  He’s had two more cardiac arrests, he’s had to go back to the
operating theatre and they don’t know what’s going to happen.  They don’t know
if he’ll waken up again.”

“What do you mean they don’t know?”

“Well, at first he was in a coma because they wanted him to
be.  Now though, he’s just in a coma and they don’t know if he’ll ever come
round or…”

“Or what?”  Her fingers were coiled now around Lennie’s
skinny arm, the knuckles white. “Or what?”

“Well, he might just stay like that for a long, long time. 
Or.”  She shrugged, trying to convey the rest of the information without having
to speak.

“Or he might die?”

“Yes, they think he might die.

“ ‘Course this is only one of the nurses, the doctors
wouldn’t tell a cleaner anything but this girl is a mate of my cousin”

Irrelevant information filling the great sad void and she knew
it wasn’t working.  Inside the flat now there were many moments of silence. 
The noise from the road, the shouts of children and revving of cars were a part
of another world, where people weren’t fighting for their lives or struggling
to come to terms with a hideous assault on their bodies and their souls.  The
other world, sanity and normality.  How very far away it was from this scruffy
little room and these two grieving women.

After a while Sylvie stirred, she stood up and slowly
straightened, pain and resolve visible in her movements.

“Can she get me in?”

“In?”

“Yes, your aunty, can she get me in to the hospital?”

“I don’t know.  I suppose.  Well maybe.  I could ask.  But
the police are still there, they have a bloke on a chair outside his room and
the others keep coming to see how he’s doin’.  You can’t go back, they’ll ‘ave
you.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I don’t care.  I want to see him and
that’s all.  If he’s going to die I don’t care what happens to me and if he is
going to, die you know, then I want to see him first. Ask her, will you ask her
if she can get me in?”

“Yes, she isn’t back until tomorrow morning, it’d look funny
if she went in now but I’ll ask her, if you’re sure.  They might grab you
though, and even if she gets you in to the department I don’t know how you’d
get into his room.  No, it’s daft, a daft idea.”

“Please, ask her.  I won’t get her into trouble or anything
I promise. As soon as she gets me into the hospital I’ll leave her, ask her.” 
Sylvie held out the mobile phone...

“Right that’s it.  She’ll come in the morning, she’ll bring
a spare uniform and get you in by the back door.  She doesn’t know how you’ll
get in though; she said the bizzies are all over the place.”

“It’s okay.  I just want to try and if I don’t then so be it
but if I don’t give it a go and he dies I’ll never forgive myself and anyway
what the hell else is there for me to do?”

Lennie, heaved a great sigh. “Listen, I asked a mate if you
could go there for tonight, ‘cos you were scared here.  Actually though I think
it’s okay, they’ll ‘ave gone now you know.  They never hang around for long,
they ‘ave a bloke at the hospital but he’s a muppet, I think he must be somebody’s
brother and you shouldn’t have a problem with him, if you wear the uniform.  Si
and Mo though they’ll be gone for now ‘till they think Samuel is coming round
or whatever.”

“Is that their names then, Si and Mo? I didn’t know.

“I’d rather stay with you to be honest.  If you think I’m
safe here.  Actually I don’t much care anymore.  All I want now is to see
Samuel and then I just don’t give a shit.”