Authors: Chelsea Lynn Charters
My eyes were brimming with tears as I made my way towards my bedroom. I was eager to lie down before I collapsed into a bawl of emotions on the wood flooring in the hallway, but I didn’t make it. With a loud cry, I gave up and fell to the ground sobbing. I didn’t know what to do, so I simply sat there and cried. As usual, I gave into my emotions….but this time it seemed the best thing to do.
32
ERIKA DETECTED MY WAILING FROM THE KITCHEN.
She came rushing down the hall, an alarmed expression on her face as if she assumed I was hurt. When she spotted me on the floor, I tried to get up and run away but she stopped me by crouching down and placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Jade, honey, are you alright?” She asked me gently, her brown eyes studying me closely.
I shook my head and cried even harder. Why did she have to bother me? Can’t a girl cry in peace?
“Did something happen with Trace?”
Then, we both glanced up over at the window as the sound of an engine roaring filled my quiet house. The urge to jump up and catch Trace before he left jolted me, but I let the feeling pass as I watched his car pulled out of my driveway. I didn’t respond to her question, but my face scrunched up in pain and I had to tear my eyes away from the horrible scene. My distress was a dead giveaway.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Boy, was she persistent! I hated the way she pretended to be interested in my problems. She was so fake, and I knew that she didn’t give a damn about me---so why did she keep trying? It was so irritating.
“No!” I spat, finding the strength to rise to my feet. “Just leave me alone, Erika.”
I stumbled down the hallway to my bedroom, eager to get away from her. After arriving at my door, I realized she was hot on my heels and I sighed as I pushed the door open. I flung my body onto my bed, and after burying my head into a pillow I began to cry again. When I overheard Erika enter my room and sit down on the edge of my bed, I didn‘t flinch. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I prayed she would just leave me alone. I was in no mood to deal with her right now.
She took a deep breath before speaking. “Jade, I know I’m not your favorite person in the world…but if you want to talk about what happened, I’ll listen.”
“I don’t want to talk about anything with you. Go away,” I exhaled angrily, wiping at my eyes.
“It might make you feel better,” she offered faintly. It was obvious that she did not detect my abhorrence towards her.
I groaned and shook my head. “I doubt that, Erika.”
Erika sighed at my response. “Jade, if you would just give me a chance…” she pleaded.
“Why?” I shouted, turning around to face her. “Why should I? You don’t give a damn about me, Erika, so stop pretending to!”
Erika’s jaw dropped at my outburst, and I could see that I offended her. “What? Why would you say something like that, Jade?”
“Because it’s true! You don‘t care about me!”
“No, Jade,” Erika said softly. “You’re wrong,”
“Am I?” I replied hastily.
“Absolutely. I care about you, Jade. A lot. I don’t understand why you’d think otherwise.”
I couldn‘t help but laugh. “Just stop the act, Erika. My father’s not here. There’s no sense in wasting such good material.”
“Excuse me?” She breathed, her brown eyes growing wide. “What on Earth do you mean by that, Jade?”
I scooted up straight on the bed and glared in her direction, disgusted by her phony manner. “You and I both know that the only reason you put up with me is to get closer to my dad…and his money,” I added coldly.
Erika‘s jaw dropped and her eyes fell sadly. “Is that really what you think?”
I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Do you think I’m stupid, Erika?” I asked her.
“Jade, of course I don’t…” she began, studying me anxiously. “But, what you’re saying…it’s not true. I---”
“Just stop it!” I interrupted angrily. “It doesn’t matter if I like you or not, Erika. The only reason I put up with you is because you seem to make my father happy,” I told her sharply. “I’d do anything for him…and after seeing the hell my mom put him through, I can’t bear to see him hurt again.”
“Jade, I know about what happened with your mother, and I’m very sorry that she treated you and your father that way.”
“So he told you, did he?” I replied angrily. Way to give this bitch her ammunition, Dad.
“Yes, he did---but if you think I’m trying to replace your mom, Jade…I swear that I’m not.” She took a deep breath before adding, “And I would never hurt your father the way your mother has.”
“Never say never, Erika,” I replied coolly. Reaching for a pillow, I wrapped my arms around it tightly and buried my head into it’s soft exterior. I kept my face hidden from her view as I said, “Please go away now.”
“So that’s it then? I can’t change your mind?” She asked me weakly. “You don’t even want to try to be friends?”
I lifted my head from the pillow and laughed at her suggestion. “Friends? You and I? Please.”
Erika bit her lip and glanced at the floor. “I just wanted to get to know you, Jade. That’s all I ever wanted from you.” She paused before she asked, “Are you sure that you can’t find a way to get along with me?”
“No,” I told her firmly. “You can‘t play me like you can my father.”
Erika responded with a nod, and she didn’t say another word when she stood up from my bed and headed towards my open doorway. I bit my tongue when the guilt began to sink in, but I did my best to ignore it. I frowned, realizing I didn’t care if she felt bad about what I’d just said. It was the truth, whether she wanted to admit to it or not. She could try and convince me till she was blue in the face, but I knew what kind of person she truly was.
Then, Erika twisted her blonde head to glance back at me, and I noticed that her eyes were red. I immediately wondered why she looked like she was about to cry. Why would my opinion bother her if she was only after my father’s cash? Why would she care what I thought about her?
“I’m really sorry, Jade. I had no idea that you felt this way about me.” She paused to gaze down at the floor before she added, “I’ll leave you alone now.”
Erika was true to her word and walked out, closing the door gently behind her. I overheard her footsteps heading down the hall and towards the kitchen where they stopped. I didn’t want to feel guilty, so I pretended I didn’t. All I allowed myself to feel at that moment was anger. I was angry at Trace for lying to me and making me believe we could actually be together, and I was angry at Erika for trying to worm her way into my life and my father’s.
Why did everything in my life have to go sour? For once, why couldn’t I have the life I wanted? A life where my parents were still happy and together---and always would be. Where I wasn’t a joke or treated like the world’s biggest loser. The sort of life where the guy of my dreams stands up for me and doesn’t let me down.
I had to face reality. That wasn’t my life and it never would be. My parents were never going to get back together, every one at school would continue to pick on me until I graduated, and Trace…well, I couldn’t count on him anymore could I? I was alone, completely and utterly alone. But perhaps, in a strange way, I was better off by myself. I would never disappoint myself the way everyone else had. No, I didn‘t need anyone, and it was painfully clear that no one needed me.
33
THE NEXT MORNING
I found my father hunched over the kitchen table. His head was buried in his palms, and déjà vu swept over me as I flashed back to the day Mom left. I realized something horrible must’ve happened, and I panicked and hurried towards him, wondering what was wrong. Had someone in our family died?
“Dad, are you okay?” I asked him as entered the kitchen.
His head remained in his hands as he replied, “No, Jade, I’m not okay.”
I frowned and joined him at the table. Now sitting across from him, I asked, “Why? What happened?”
“I think I should ask you the same thing,” he said sternly.
“What? I don’t understand---”
My father finally raised his head, causing me shut my mouth. I bit my lip when I noticed how furious he seemed, but I was completely oblivious as to the reason why. Until he said her name.
“I found a note this morning taped to the front door,” he began, his bottom lip quivering. “It was from Erika.”
“A note?” I replied, surprised.
It was an odd thing to do---especially for Erika. What could she possibly have to say on paper that she couldn‘t say in person? I instantly recalled our argument from the night before, and I flinched as realization passed over my face. Unfortunately for me, my father noticed it.
“What happened, Jade? What did you say to her last night?” He asked me angrily, and I was taken aback by his attitude. I knew Erika was his girlfriend and everything, but I was his daughter. I was more important to him than her wasn’t I?
“Nothing happened, Dad,” I replied stiffly, staring down at my hands.
“Don’t lie to me, Jade!” He yelled, and he slammed a fist onto the table.
I jumped in my chair, shocked by the action. Eying him irritably, I asked him “Why are you so upset, Dad? It‘s not that big of a deal!”
“Oh really? It’s not that big of a deal?” My father shook his head furiously and reached down into his pocket to reveal a blue envelope. I grew tense when he unfold the letter and began to read it.
“Dear Lucas, I’m sorry but I can’t see you anymore. I love you very much, but I don’t want to make your daughter uncomfortable. Last night, Jade said some things that I just can’t ignore. I never wanted to disrupt her life, and I thought that if I gave her time she would come around…but I don’t think she ever will, Lucas. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I don’t want to say goodbye to you but I want to do what’s right by Jade. I will never forget you, and you’ll always have a special place in my heart. I love you, Lucas. Goodbye, Erika.”
My father had trouble reading the end of the letter, and my face grew red with shame when I realized how hurt he was---and that it was all my doing. If only I hadn’t attacked Erika last night. This wasn’t what I’d been trying to accomplish. I was on the verge of apologizing when I shut my mouth quickly. I rolled my eyes and cursed myself for being so naïve. This was what she wanted! For me to feel guilty of pushing her away. Wow, she was so conniving!