Read The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad Online
Authors: Karl Pilkington
Tags: #General, #humor
The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad (42 page)
This is the one that has made me realise that this whole Bucket List idea is floored. I like the idea of seeing the Grand Canyon but I just know it’ll be heaving with
tourists. There’ll be helicopters whizzing round making a racket, there’ll be people there who didn’t really want to go but got talked into it by either a sales person at the
hotel or family member, and there’ll be businesses selling tat to the mobs of people. People are working through this list trying to enjoy things that other people want instead of finding
their own thing.
Some of these things on the list have lost what was special about them, by becoming special.
Once I’d finally calmed down, and my legs had stopped shaking, Jamie and the rest of the crew took me to see the alternative experience that Ricky had talked about. It was
the annual Mr Leather competition in Chicago. If I’d done it, it would have involved me wearing leather pants and straps and dancing on a stage to some Hi-NRG music in front of about 600
half-naked men also dressed in leather pants.
All I can say is, I’m glad I did the wing walk.
People used to make jokes about me wearing trainers with Velcro straps instead of having laces. They said Velcro was for kids, which I think is wrong, as kids have more time for
tying shoelaces than adults. I don’t understand why soldiers wear big boots with laces that could undo and end up tripping over them when they’re on the front line. Velcro would be much
better. Once fastened it never comes undone. It’s one of the best inventions of the twenty-first century. What’s strange is, Japan to me is the home of inventions, but I didn’t
see much use of the Velcro trainer strap. And yet they need it here on their shoes more than anywhere in the world, as you have to remove your shoes so many times a day when in Japan – when
entering most restaurants, homes or any temple you go into. If you’re a gas man in Japan taking meter readings you could be in and out of your shoes hundreds of times per day. They would love
to have a Velcro strap instead of laces.
Most places have a large collection of slippers for you to pop into as you enter. In busy places the slippers you got were generally still warm from someone else’s feet that had been in
them just moments before. I don’t like that feeling of someone else’s warmth. Seats on buses are worse for it. The slippers they give you are quite smart. In all my time in Japan I
never saw a novelty pair like we get at home with big pig heads or elephant feet or
Simpsons
characters on them. They were normally beige in colour with some flowers done in embroidery. As
well as protecting the floor, I’m sure the changing into the slipper calmed me down and relaxed me mentally.
Mount Fuji is sacred, and it is Japan’s highest mountain. It always seems to be wealthy people who have too much time on their hands who climb mountains. Evidence of its being a rich
persons’ hobby is the fact that they once found an abandoned piano on Ben Nevis. Your average person doesn’t get to own a piano. It’s an instrument for people who live in big
houses. To be able to take a piano up Ben Nevis and then leave it, that shows that whoever it was was made of money.
People just seem to climb everything these days. Is it because mobile phone reception is garbage in most cities and it’s the only way to get a signal?
I looked online to see if this is even allowed, and it is. They’ve even had picnic events on top of Sydney Bridge. Other buildings and towers have started having outdoor extreme
activities to pull in the tourists. I’m sure I read you can now pay to climb the roof on the Millennium Dome if you want!!
The company Woolworth’s wouldn’t have gone into administration if they had just thought about it putting the pick n mix counter on the roof. People would have
lapped it up.
It’s odd how much praise climbers get, too. They always seem to be treated like heroes, but I’m sure a lot of people could do it. It’s just that they don’t have the time,
as they need to be working to pay their way in life. I also seem to hear more about people who have died during a climb than the ones who make it back. The news normally features a family member
saying, ‘At least he died doing what he loved’, which I don’t think makes dying any better. I nearly choked to death on some of my favourite Happy Faces biscuits, but at no point
did I think, ‘Oh, at least I’m dying eating something I love.’