The Breaking Point (26 page)

“Water. You need to drink, hon. Can you sit up?”

She nodded and planted her hands on the ground to push herself up, then stopped when the ground crinkled. She looked down. She wasn’t sitting on the snow any longer. She was on a space blanket.

“Told you we might need it someday.”

She laughed, then held her hand out to Gabe. “And you were right. Now help me sit up, okay?”

He stared at her, unmoving.

“Gabe?”

“What did you say?”

At the mock astonishment in his expression, she batted a hand at him. “Ha ha.”

“Say it again. Just so I can be sure I really heard it.”

Tipping her head, Renee gave a sigh. Well, she had promised him she’d say so if he woke up. “Youwereright-youwererightyouwereright.” She held her hand out again. “Satisfied?”

The warm curve of his mouth was all the answer she needed. He helped her sit up, then handed her the cup again. She pressed her lips to the cold metal. The water tasted wonderful. Cold and clean. She looked at Gabe. “How … how did you find me?”

“I didn’t. God did.” He reached out to pet Bo, who Renee realized was stretched out beside her. “And this guy.”

As she sipped the water, Gabe told her everything that had happened since he woke up in the cab. When he finished, he rocked back on his heels. “Pretty amazing, huh?”

It was indeed. And humbling. God had managed to take care of everything just fine.

And all without her help.

Gabe moved to tend the fire, and Renee drank in the comfort of his nearness. She had been so afraid … Her heart had longed for him to be there, called out to him to help her, and he’d come.

Thank You …

The prayer whispered through her, magnifying the gratitude that swelled within her.

She found herself smiling at his careful placement of twigs and sticks. He worked with such precision, such forethought.

They were so different.

Surprisingly, she didn’t feel the frustration that too often rode shotgun with such an observation. In fact, her smile widened. Yes, Gabe’s meticulous personality too often grated on her nerves. But now …

They could have been in serious trouble if not for his proclivity for considering every angle and preparing for as many scenarios as possible. Seat-of-the-pants living was fine in a more controlled environment, but out here seat-of-the-pants would only get you in trouble.

Gabe’s work on the fire brought the low flames to life. She watched the fire dance across the wood, and a thrill of gladness tripped across her heart. Thank heaven he was different from her. She might know how to play but he knew how to make things safe. And she was starting to realize both were important.

Soon warmth radiated from the snapping fire, and Gabe came to sit next to her. He held out a protein bar to her. She took it from him, leaning her head against his arm as she chewed.

Her angry thoughts from earlier in the day, when they were on the road, came back to her, and she knew she’d been wrong. She didn’t hate Gabe. She might f
eel
like she did at times, but that was because no one could hurt her like he could.

And that was because no one mattered to her like he did.

Renee rubbed her cheek on Gabe’s arm and shifted when he moved it to circle her shoulders. She nestled against him.

No, she didn’t hate Gabe. She loved him. Her reaction when she opened her eyes and saw him proved that. And really, she’d always known that was the case. Even in the darkest of times, even in the hottest anger, she knew she loved him. And that he loved her. Loving each other had never been the problem.

No, the problem was that love simply wasn’t enough.

S
EPTEMBER
1990

“ENOUGH ALREADY! SERVE THE BALL, RENEE, AND LET’S
get this game over with!”

Renee grinned at Tom, the captain of their volleyball team. The man was the embodiment of pent-up energy. She drew a deep breath, tossed the volleyball into the air, and gave it a quick smack with the flat of her palm. She allowed herself a small moment of satisfaction as the ball floated over the net.

She loved floater serves. They looked easy to return, but they weren’t.

Taking her position on the floor, Renee crouched, ready for the return—but it never came. The ball followed an erratic path over the net, then shifted just as one of the opposing players readied to hit it. He groaned as the ball glanced off his arm and hit the ground.

They’d won!

Renee’s teammates exploded into cheers and congratulations, then went to shake hands with the other team. She fell in line with her friends, flexing her shoulders and back. She was tired and sore, but it was a good feeling. She’d been sitting at the computer all day, trying to meet a deadline. As much as she loved her job as a creativity and product development consultant, the stress sometimes got to her. Her boss always said it was her own fault.

“Hey, when you’re known as one of the best in the business, people expect a lot from you.” He’d shrug then, an amused pride playing over his features. “Such is the price of success.”

She supposed he was right in a way. She’d been with Creative Solutions, Inc., for nearly five years. She traveled all over the country, giving workshops and seminars, and had just recently been asked to develop a program to help her company train new employees. She felt fortunate that she’d done so well, that people seemed to respect her and listen to her, even about important issues. But sometimes she just wanted to chuck it all—the pressure, the expectations, the responsibility—and go sell shoes.

Volleyball was a welcome change of pace today. She had known the match would be tough, and she was glad. She needed the release.

“Way to go, Renee.”

She turned to Conrad Leonard. Being on a volleyball team with some of her closest friends made playing even more fun. But having Conrad, her best friend, on the team made it a blast.

Conrad and his wife, Ami, attended the same church as Renee. And though Gabe had given up on church a few years ago, he still went with Renee to the Bible study at the Leonards’s home.

“So, did Gabe come to watch you play?”

Renee snorted. “And miss his TV shows? I don’t think so.”

Conrad frowned, and she knew it was as much at her sarcasm as anything. “I’m surprised. Did you tell him it was the championship game?”

Renee turned from his steady contemplation. Sometimes Conrad saw way too much. Thankfully it was time to hit the locker room.

As Renee made her way to her car, she heard Conrad call her. She hesitated, her hand on the car door, then turned. He and Ami were walking toward her. Renee leaned against the car, waiting.

Ami waved at her. “Want to do a Dairy Queen run with us?”

Renee perked up at that. “Sure. Lead on.”

They made their way to DQ, and when they had their ice cream, they went to perch on one of the outdoor tables next to where her car was parked.

Renee licked at her cone. She loved nights like this. Nights sitting out under the stars, talking and laughing with frien—

“So why didn’t Gabe show tonight?”

She should have known Conrad wouldn’t let the subject drop. Not when she’d made such an obvious dodge. She concentrated on her ice cream as she answered. “He wouldn’t have enjoyed it, Con. We’re just the C-league, so it’s not as though the game would have been all that exciting for him.”

“You didn’t tell him about it.”

Leave it to Conrad to cut through her rhetoric right to the heart of an issue.

She sighed. “I didn’t tell him about it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

At the gentle admonishment, Renee contemplated getting into her car and leaving. But she didn’t. She respected Conrad too much to run away. He’d proven himself a solid friend and a godly counselor more times than she could count. He was a
man who walked the line of truth, even when it cost him—which it did when he had to say hard things to a friend.

“Look, even if I’d told Gabe, he wouldn’t have come.” It was the truth. Gabe never came to watch her. Not anymore.

She’d asked Gabe to come watch. Plenty of times. He’d done so years ago. But lately … his answer was always the same: “I’m too tired.”

Too tired. What a laugh. How tired could you get sitting in a recliner all night watching TV? Oh yeah. Punching those remote buttons was exhausting.

She looked away. Gabe just didn’t care.

“Any idea why?”

Renee started. Conrad knew her as well as anyone, but even he couldn’t read her mind, could he? “Why what?”

“Why Gabe wouldn’t come.”

She shrugged. “He isn’t interested in volleyball, Con.” This time Ami spoke up. “But he’s interested in
you
, isn’t he?”

Renee stared at her ice cream, which was quickly losing its appeal. Like the conversation. She hopped off the table and tossed her melting ice cream cone into the trash. So she and Gabe weren’t the perfect couple. So they hardly spent time together. So what? It wasn’t as though
she
wanted it that way.

She returned to the table, plopped down on top if it, and glared at Conrad. “What do you want from me?”

She wanted to retract the question the minute it jumped out. But it was too late. Conrad took his and Ami’s unfinished sundaes and dropped them in the trash can. “It’s not what I want that matters, Ren.”

Renee looked away, gnawing at her lip. She knew what Conrad was saying: What mattered was what
God
wanted. Trouble was, she wasn’t ready to ask Him. What if He asked her to do something she couldn’t do? Or worse, something she didn’t want to do?

Like treat Gabe like a husband rather than the enemy.

I tried treating him like a husband, and he told me to get a life, remember? I tried loving him, and he just grew colder. More critical. So I quit trying. What else was I supposed to do?

Conrad slid his arm around his wife’s shoulders, but his gaze rested on Renee. “We’re here for you, Renee.” His words had the sure ring of truth. “It may not feel like it sometimes, but we are.”

She swallowed hard and nodded.

He came to sit beside her on the table. “I know it’s tough. It doesn’t make a lot of sense why a girl like you didn’t end up in the perfect life, the perfect marriage.”

She choked on a laugh. “A girl like me?” Maybe he didn’t know her as well as she thought. “Stubborn, unforgiving, demanding …?”

He didn’t smile. “Creative, intelligent, sensitive, athletic, energetic. A girl with solid parents and upbringing. Having all of that probably didn’t prepare you for what you’re facing now.”

No, it didn’t. Not one of her childhood dreams looked like this. She’d never envisioned herself married to a man who didn’t even seem to like her most of the time.

Ami slid onto the bench seat of the table. “You know, Renee, most people think they need intimacy on several levels. And when we don’t get it, we get angry. Resentful.”

How well she knew.

“But what we really need is God.”

Renee frowned. “I have God.”

Conrad’s nod was slow, thoughtful. “I know you long to serve Him, to follow Him, but I also know how deep your anger runs.”

Anger?
She
wasn’t the one who was angry all the time. Gabe was! She choked back the frustration clamoring for release.

“You chose Gabe. Right or wrong, you two are joined now.”

Yes, she chose him. Exercised her free will.

She shook her head. Free will? More like foolish choices. The stupidity of youth. “We never should have gotten married.” Her eyes widened. She couldn’t believe she’d finally said what had been rolling around in her heart for far too long.

Conrad didn’t look the least bit shocked. “Maybe, maybe not. But you did get married.”