The Breaking Point (23 page)

Now it was her mother who choked up. “We can’t wait to have you here. We love you.”

It had been far easier to tell their local friends they’d gotten married; it was like a holiday had been declared. Cards and gifts started flowing in, and one friend after another demanded the right to hold a party or shower.

“You may have cheated us out of the wedding, you sneaky rats,” one of their closest friends said, “but you can’t cheat us out of the celebration!”

And so they went from one party to another, smiling and playing the part of happy newlyweds. But though Gabe seemed more like his old self at times, more often than not Renee found herself dealing with the same emotionless Gabe who had proposed to her. And the few, fleeting moments of warmth and tenderness between them couldn’t offset day after day of emptiness.

Even their visit with Renee’s parents had been only a mild relief. She’d loved being back home, loved being with them, and she could tell they did their best to make Gabe feel at home. But he’d kept his distance, speaking only when spoken to.

Renee wanted to shake him, especially when she saw the glimmers of concern in her parents’ eyes as they hugged them good-bye at the airport. Renee barely spoke to Gabe on the four-hour flight home. He didn’t even seem to notice.

Now, after nearly four months of living in emotional limbo, Renee was about to go out of her mind. She wanted to let all her frustration out. To ball up her fists and let Gabe have it. Sure, he’d get mad. So what? She’d welcome even his anger if it brought him back to life!

Then everything changed.

They were sitting on the couch in their tiny living room, not talking, as usual. Renee had finished a paper she was
working on for Lit class and was reading a magazine; Gabe was nursing his brooding silence and a soda. Suddenly Renee felt something. It was tiny … just a flutter, like a miniature butterfly had somehow made its way into her belly.

She went still and her hand moved to her abdomen. Was that …?

The movement came again, and this time Renee let out a squeal.

Gabe jumped, then turned to look at her, his brows arched. “What’s wrong?”

She stared at him, her mouth open, wanting to tell him but afraid to do so in case she was wrong. What if it was just gas?

As though to prove it was much more, another flutter came, stronger this time. Biting her lip, Renee reached out to take Gabe’s hand. His eyes widened as she placed it on her belly.

“What—?”

She didn’t let him finish. “Wait …”

They both sat there, frozen, and when the flutter came again Renee’s eyes flew to Gabe’s face. The wonder she was feeling was reflected in his widened eyes, his quick intake of breath.

“Is that …?”

Delight danced through her and escaped on a giggle. “I think so.”

His fingers stretched over her belly and he inched closer, bending down to press his ear over the baby. Renee watched him and felt her heart leap. He looked like a little boy catching his first glimpse of a pile of presents at Christmastime.

She couldn’t hold back the smile that lifted her spirit as well as her features.
Come on, baby … talk to your daddy …

When the movement came again, they both jumped. Gabe whooped and gathered Renee in his arms, pressing kisses to her cheeks, her forehead.

She laughed, breathless from his onslaught, and caught
his face in her hands. Her heart beat a rapid rhythm as she stared into his eyes. “Have you come back?”

Something flickered in the depths of his gaze, and she knew he understood her whispered question. He tugged her forward until she was nestled in his embrace, cradled against him. His chin rested on top of her head, and when she felt him nod, her relief eased out in a shuddering sigh.

Her arms went around him, and he leaned down to kiss her neck. “Thank you.”

His words whispered against her skin, and she wrapped her arms around him. “I didn’t do anything.”

He leaned back so she could see his face, and the emotion there was like a refreshing rain after a long, scorching drought. “You did everything. You didn’t push. You gave me time—” he reached down to spread his hand over her belly—“you gave me a son.”

That had been almost a month ago, and things had been different ever since. Wonderfully so. Gabe took on the role of expectant father with unbridled enthusiasm. They read books, visited the doctor, worked on the baby’s room—always together, always with shared dreams and laughter.

Renee had gone from being trapped in a nightmare marriage to feeling as though she were living in a wonderful dream. The day they went for the sonogram, Gabe could hardly contain himself. Terror battled with excitement inside her. Terror that they might find something wrong; excitement that she was about to meet her baby for the first time.

Renee glanced at the machine and her mouth opened on a silent “Oh!” Her baby was there, on the screen.
Hello, little one …

Renee squeezed Gabe’s hand. He leaned his face close to hers, and from the dampness of his cheek she could tell he was crying, too. Renee closed her eyes, holding the moment close, treasuring it. This was the most amazing thing she’d ever known!

They’d walked from the doctor’s office, picture in hand,
and Gabe shared it with everyone, from the receptionist at the doctor’s office to the poor, befuddled man he cornered in the elevator—

Gabe pulled her from her thoughts when he patted her tummy, his mouth quirking in playful encouragement. “We’re ready when you are, kiddo.”

Renee let her contentment out in a sigh. Life was good—she placed a hand over her rounded belly—and it was only going to get better.

A
PRIL
9, 1980

THE PAIN THAT WOKE RENEE EARLY THAT MORNING
wasn’t severe. Not at first. It was just a kind of cramping discomfort that kept coming and going.

She’d experienced similar pains a few weeks ago and had gone to see Dr. Wykes, her obstetrician, right away. When she told him there was no bleeding, he assured her it was perfectly normal. “Nothing to worry about, Mrs. Roman. Just go home and relax.” He sounded so sure that Renee’s fears began to fade.

She’d done just as he recommended, hardly thinking about it again.

Until now.

Another cramp seized her, and Renee sucked in a deep gulp of air.
It’s nothing to worry about.
She grasped at the echo of Dr. Wykes’s reassurances.
Cramping is normal with pregnancy remember?

It had to be true; Dr. Wykes had said so. So why, she wondered
as she lay here, hands pressed to her pain-racked abdomen, was she so anxious?

Within an hour the cramps had progressed from mild to just this side of agonizing. She considered waking Gabe, but one look at his sleeping form and she knew she couldn’t. Poor guy was exhausted. He needed his sleep.

As quietly as possible, she slid from beneath the heavy covers and padded to the bathroom. What she discovered there sent a chill racing down her spine.

She was bleeding. The blood was bright red and plentiful.

This
isn’t normal.
Even as her suddenly numb mind absorbed the realization, Renee was calling out. “Gabe!” She heard the panic in her voice but couldn’t do anything about it.
“Gabe!”

In seconds he was at the bathroom door, blinking against the harsh light. “What’s happening?”

Renee could hardly get the words out around the terror pressing in on her. “I’m bleeding.” She wrestled with the last shreds of her control as she met his suddenly alarmed gaze and gave voice to her greatest fear. “Gabe … what if something’s wrong with the baby?”

He didn’t hesitate. “I’ll get your coat. We’re going to the hospital.”

By the time they walked into the ER and sat at the admitting desk, she was close to hysterics. When the kind-faced nurse asked her name, she simply sat there, blank.

“Renee Roman.” Gabe answered for her, his hand covering hers where it rested on her abdomen.

After what seemed like an eternity of answering questions, the nurse showed them to a small examining room. She helped Renee climb onto the gurney, then patted her arm when another bout of cramps hit her. “You just rest, dear. And don’t worry. The doctor will be here in a jiffy.”

When she left the room, Gabe moved to stand beside
Renee. His long fingers closed over hers, and she tried to draw strength from him.

Scripture she’d memorized long ago came back to her now, and she drew on their promises:
“Fear not, for I am with you … The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? … Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death—”

No.
Renee closed her eyes.
No, please …

The curtain closing them off from the rest of the ER parted and the nurse came back in, a folded, white blanket in her arms. She spread it over Renee, tugging it up under her chin. “It’s heated, so you and that baby of yours don’t get chilled.”

“That baby of yours …”

Renee closed her eyes. She’d never been so frightened in her life.
Please, God, please…let my baby be all right.

Gabe’s arm slid around her shoulders, and she leaned against him, clutching at his shirtfront, pressing her face into his broad chest. He stroked the back of her head.

“It’s going to be okay, Renee.”

She pulled back enough to look up at his face. “You promise?”

His response was quick, confident. “It’s probably nothing, hon. Didn’t you say some cramping and spotting was normal?”

Spotting, yes. But this was more than that. There had been so much blood …

But she didn’t say that. She just nodded, holding on to his reassurances with a desperate determination. God had brought them through so much; He wouldn’t desert them now. The baby had to be all right. He had to be!

When the doctor finally arrived, he asked one question after another. Renee lay back on the gurney, struggling to speak through the spasms that continued to assault her.

“How far along did you say you are?”

She looked at the doctor. “Almost six months.”

When his lips thinned, her growing terror slammed into overdrive. “Doctor … is my baby all right?”

He didn’t answer. He just looked from her to Gabe. Renee wanted to beg him to tell her everything was fine, but before she could form the words the curtains parted again and a young man came in pushing an ultrasound machine.

The doctor nodded. “Good. This should tell us what we need to know.”

Renee gripped Gabe’s hand through the procedure. She knew she was probably hurting him as hard as she held on, but she couldn’t help it.

A strange, strangled sound. Her eyes flew open and she looked up at Gabe. He looked terrible, pale, and drawn. Renee turned to the ultrasound screen, seeking the cause of Gabe’s obvious distress.

That’s when it hit her. The baby wasn’t moving. A nameless horror took hold of her. Her mind scrambled for understanding, and vague realizations began to pelt her. The baby hadn’t been very active lately. In fact, now that she thought about it, he hadn’t moved at all since … since …

When
was
the last time he’d moved? She didn’t know for sure, and that fact made her sick.
Stupid, stupid! How could you not realize the baby wasn’t moving? What kind of mother are you?

“Doctor?”

At Gabe’s raw plea, she looked to the doctor, who stood studying the screen. He just shook his head. “Your baby is small …”

“Is that bad?”

He looked up, and there was no compassion in the man’s face, no pity or empathy. He was simply matter-of-fact. “I don’t know yet. But the baby is smaller than it should be.”

He moved closer to the screen, and in the following silence Renee thought she would go mad. Her frantic heart cried out for mercy.
God … are You there? Please … please …