Freddie sat in a stunned silence. Not once did he interrupt her, he couldn’t have spoken if he tried. As she finished and the tears began to flow, he squeezed her hand.
‘Do you want me to get Tommy sorted for you? Is that what you’re trying to say?’ he asked gently.
Maureen nodded. She couldn’t actually say the words, because it made it all sound too real. She wondered if deep down, she was an evil woman. I mean, what type of mother asks for her son to be sorted?
‘Are yer gonna do it yourself?’ she whispered.
Freddie shook his head. ‘He’s such a cunt, I can’t believe what he’s done. I’ve known for years about his fling with Maria – I was there the night it happened – but this is different gravy, he’s gone way over the top this time. Having said that, I couldn’t hurt him meself, we go back way too far.’
‘Who else can you trust?’ Maureen asked awkwardly.
‘You leave that to me. I know exactly the right person for the job,’ Freddie assured her.
His uncle Bobby had wanted to teach Tommy a lesson years ago and he was sure he’d jump at the chance of doing it now. As luck would have it, he was in England at the moment. ‘He’s scum: I don’t trust him and he knows too much about my business,’ he’d said only the other day.
Freddie smiled. ‘I dunno about you, but I’m thirsty. Do yer want another pint of Guinness?’
Maureen nodded. The way she felt right now, she could easily polish off the barrel. She sat nervously while she waited for Freddie to return. There was one question that she hadn’t yet asked and she didn’t quite know how to.
Freddie handed her the drink and sat back down. ‘As soon as I leave you, Maur, I’ll set the ball rolling. You don’t want these things dragging on, do yer?’
Maureen chewed on her already bitten nails. ‘Will they – yer know? Will they just hurt him, or will they do him in?’
Freddie held her bony hand. ‘That’s entirely up to you, Maur. If you just want him roughed up and sent away, that’s simple. But what you’ve gotta consider is, will he find out about the baby and come back? Me and Tommy were like brothers for years and I certainly don’t wanna see him brown bread. But this is your call, it’s entirely up to you.’
Maureen stared out of the window and looked at the clear blue sky. What a lovely day, she stupidly thought. She turned back to Freddie.
‘Look, he’s my son and I can’t make that decision. I need you to be brave and decide what to do for me, Freddie. Please don’t tell me what happens, because I don’t wanna know, but whatever happens, I need to know that he will never come back to this area or interfere with the happiness of my sweet baby James. People like me and you, Fred, we call a spade a spade, so let’s be honest: both Tommy and Susan turned out to be rotten to the core. James is different, he’s always been my angel. Heart of gold the boy has, the complete opposite of the other two. His happiness means everything to me and I would kill for him if I had to.’ She paused before carrying on. ‘Between me and you, I don’t think I’m long for this world. Don’t say a word to James or anyone, but I think me cancer’s back. I need to sort this now, ’cause if I don’t, I will never rest in peace.’
Freddie felt a tear roll down his cheek as he looked into the eyes of such a wonderful woman. Genuine, kind, funny, strong – she’d been given such a rough deal in life and really didn’t deserve it.
‘You’ve always been like a second mum to me, Maureen. I want you to know that I think the world of you and I fully understand what you’re doin’ and why you’re doin’ it.’
Maureen wiped her tears away. ‘You’re a good boy, Freddie Adams, and I know I can trust you to make the most important decision of my life for me.’
Freddie gave her a sad smile. ‘I’ll sort it. I won’t let you down, Maureen, I promise.’
FORTY-FOUR
Maureen’s instincts about her health proved right and, after a couple of appointments, which included an MRI scan, she was told that her cancer had returned and was unfortunately at a very advanced stage.
‘You have weeks, rather than months,’ the doctor told her bluntly.
From the day she received the news, she decided to write down pages and pages of her life story. Why she did this she didn’t know, as she certainly had no real intentions of showing anyone. As she flicked back through her memoirs, she was aware that it made extremely uncomfortable reading. Some of this was her own fault, but most of it wasn’t. It was all down to the cards she’d been dealt. She knew it was time to show her hand to her family. If she didn’t, the truth would die with her and she couldn’t allow that to happen. She owed them honesty, if nothing else.
Something Maria had said to her had helped her to make her decision. ‘I wish I’d have come clean years ago. Keeping secrets has fucked up my life and now I can’t say anything,’ she had said.
Maureen knew exactly how she felt, as her own secrets had inwardly ripped her apart for years. Spilling the beans was going to be the hardest thing she had ever had to do, and she prayed that her family would forgive her.
On his first visit to Kent, young Johnny Hutton was in his element. For months he had yearned to meet his dad’s other family and finally his dreams had come true. His dad’s wife, Candy, had been a bit cold towards him at first.
‘She’ll be fine once she gets to know you. It’s because your mum was on drugs and that,’ his dad explained to him. He could hardly tell his son the truth, that Candy didn’t like him because his mum had been white.
‘Mmm, that dinner was amazing. It’s one of the nicest meals I’ve ever had,’ Johnny said sincerely.
Candy smiled. She liked being praised for her cooking. Goat curry was her signature dish, an old recipe from her Jamaican grandma.
‘What dinners do you eat at home?’ she asked politely.
Johnny smiled. ‘Some of Nan’s cooking is a bit old fashioned. We have liver and bacon, rabbit stew, steak and kidney pudding, that type of stuff. Sometimes she cooks me spag bol, that’s my favourite.’
Candy pulled a face. How anybody could eat offal in this day and age, she would never know.
Johnny winked at his two little half-sisters. Unlike Candy, they’d taken an instant shine to him. They couldn’t take their eyes off him and all day had been following him around, like two little lap dogs.
‘I’m glad you’re my brother, Johnny,’ said the older one, Whitney.
‘I’m glad as well,’ piped up Macey, the youngest.
Johnny’s smile lit up the room. Whitney and Macey were adorable and he felt like the luckiest brother in the whole wide world.
Back in Stepney, Maureen was certainly not smiling. She’d just broken the news of her illness to Sandra and Brenda. All three of them were in floods of tears and no one knew what to say. Annoyed with herself for blubbering, Maureen quickly pulled herself together.
‘Look, I need one of yous to do me a big favour. I have a lot of things I need to sort out and I need someone to take care of Ethel for me for a couple of days.’
‘She can stay here,’ Sandra said immediately. ‘My Pete’s goin’ fishing at the weekend, so it’ll be no problem. I’ve got a fold-down bed, she can sleep on that.’
Maureen thanked her. ‘Whatever you do, don’t say anything to her about the cancer. What I’m gonna do is tell the rest of the family first and I’ll tell Mum last. She knows I’m ill, she’s not stupid, but I don’t think she knows that I’m dying.’
Brenda was distraught. She’d known Maureen for over fifty years and couldn’t imagine life without her. ‘I can’t believe it, Maur, my life won’t be the same without yer. And what’s gonna happen to Ethel? You know, in the long run?’
Maureen shrugged her listless shoulders. ‘I’ve no idea, this is what I’m trying to sort out. Apart from yous two, I’ve told no one yet, but this weekend, I’m gonna have all the family round, one by one. There’s stuff we need to talk about, things I’ve never told them.’
Sandra began to sob again. ‘You are so brave, Maur. I couldn’t imagine telling my kids, and what about James? That poor little sod adores you, he’ll be heartbroken.’
Maureen stood up and put on her jacket; she had to get away from all these tears. Strength must become her motto from now on.
‘Is it OK if I bring Ethel over in a minute? I’m gonna tell her that I’ve got to go into hospital for a few days to have some more tests done.’
Brenda stood up. ‘Won’t she think it strange? They don’t normally take you in for tests on weekends.’
Maureen shook her head. ‘She won’t have a clue. Apart from when she had her fall, she’s never had any other dealings with hospitals. I know she’s had arthritis for years, but she goes to the doctor for that.’
As Maureen walked down the path, she paused and looked back. Sandra and Brenda were both standing at the front door, crying.
‘Thanks for being such good friends to me,’ she said sadly.
With a heavy heart, Maureen walked away.
Over in Ingatestone, James, Maria and the girls were celebrating the sale of the renovated house.
‘Want another glass of champers, Nelly?’
Maria laughed. James was such a piss-taking bastard and his new pet name for her was Nelly, after the elephant. Pretending to be annoyed, Maria gently punched his arm. Giving up the gym hadn’t exactly helped her weight gain. She’d intended to keep going throughout her pregnancy, but Lavinia and the girls had been such bitches to her that she’d had little option other than to cancel her membership.
‘Go on, have another glass. You ain’t had a drink for months and two ain’t gonna hurt yer,’ James said, as he waved the champagne bottle tantalisingly near her face.
‘Oh, go on then, just a small one,’ Maria agreed.
‘Can Tara and I have some, please?’ Lily asked indignantly. She hated being a child and was desperate to become an adult.
Both Maria and James burst out laughing. She was a handful, their youngest, with a capital H.
‘Put a tiny splash in a glass and fill it up with lemonade,’ Maria ordered her husband.
James stood up. At eight months gone, he was used to running around after Maria like a blue-arsed fly.
‘Does anyone else want anything while the waiter’s standing up?’ he joked.
Maria giggled as he left the room. Ever since Tommy had disappeared, their relationship had improved no end. The arguments had been replaced by friendly banter and they were like loved-up teenagers once again.
Tommy’s disappearance was a shock to both of them. It had happened about five months ago, Alfie had informed everybody and, by all accounts, Tommy had just vanished overnight. It was certainly one of life’s mysteries and for Maria it was a godsend. Obviously, she still had worries about who the baby belonged to, but she’d sort of convinced herself that James was the father. With her tormentor finally out of her life, she could look forward to the future, rather than worry about the past.
Back in Stepney, Maureen poured herself a large brandy and crossed the first name off her list. Freddie was on his way over and should be here pretty soon. The last few months had been torture for Maureen since Tommy had disappeared. She didn’t think she’d be that bothered, but she was absolutely beside herself. In the beginning, she’d been adamant that she didn’t want to know the fate of her eldest, but as the months passed, the worry and disbelief over what she had done had set in. What type of an awful person was she? No decent woman would set up their own child, would they? The only excuse she had for her actions was that she knew exactly why she’d done it. Two boys she’d given birth to and it had been a straight choice between the pair of them.
Unfortunately for Tommy, James had won. Now she couldn’t live with herself. Whatever the truth was, she had to know.
As the doorbell rang, she felt herself shake from head to foot.
Over the road, Ethel was chewing Sandra and Brenda’s ears off. As she sipped her fourth Guinness, her voice was getting louder and louder by the second.
‘I mean, I know she ain’t been herself, but chucking me out of me own home, it’s a fuckin’ liberty. I’m nearly eighty-seven, I shouldn’t have to be pushed from pillar to fuckin’ post.’
Sandra sat down next to the bitter old lady. ‘Don’t say anything bad about Maureen; she’s not well, Ethel, and I mean really not well.’
As the seriousness of their faces hit home, Ethel felt a tear roll down her cheek. Surely her cancer wasn’t back – please God, no.
Freddie accepted the beer gratefully and sat down at the kitchen table. Maureen took a deep breath and poured herself another brandy.
She sat down opposite him. ‘You remember me tellin’ you that I thought I was ill, that me cancer might be back?’
Freddie nodded.
‘Well, I was right. It’s back with a vengeance and apparently I’ve only got weeks to live.’
Freddie couldn’t look at her, he didn’t want her to see him upset. ‘I’m so sorry, Maur, does James know?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘Not yet, I wanted to speak to you first. Look, I’m sorry to have to ask you this, Freddie, but I need to know what happened to Tommy. Please don’t lie to me. However bad it is, I have to know the truth.’
Freddie held her bony hand. ‘It’s OK, Maur, he is alive. After I organised things, I went to see him, told him to get out of town, fast. He knew what was coming to him, so he left that night.’
Maureen breathed a sigh of pure relief. ‘Are you sure, Freddie? I desperately want the truth.’
‘Honestly, Maur, he ain’t been touched, I promise yer. I’ve got a feeling he’s gone abroad, but I ain’t sure. I’m just glad that I warned him as I don’t think I could have lived with meself if I hadn’t.’
As ill as she felt, Maureen threw herself against him like a rugby player. ‘Thank you so much, Freddie, I knew I could rely on you. I haven’t been able to sleep at night for worrying about him. Do you think he’ll ever come back?’
Freddie shook his head. ‘No, he knows what will happen if he does. He’ll start a new life somewhere and, knowing Tommy, he’ll be having a whale of a time as we speak.’