Seeing his wife pour herself yet another glass of wine, James nudged her.
‘Follow me out to the kitchen. I need to talk to you alone for a sec.’
Feeling awkward, Maria followed him. She hoped he wasn’t going to tell her off about her drinking again.
‘What’s the matter?’ she asked uneasily.
James handed her the paper bag and waited for her reaction.
Maria laughed as she took out the pregnancy test. ‘What’s this for? I’m not pregnant, James.’
James leaned against the worktop. ‘Well, I think you are.’
Maria shook her head. ‘I’m sure I haven’t missed me period and I’ve had no morning sickness. I know all the signs, James, and I’m tellin’ you, I’m definitely not pregnant.’
‘Just do the test. Please, Maria?’
Maria shrugged. ‘OK, I’ll do it in the morning.’
James smiled. ‘The woman in the shop said that there were two tests in the box. Do one now and you can do the other one in the morning. Please, Maria, do it now for me?’
Maria read the instructions. ‘All right, I’ll do it in the toilet.’
James didn’t want to miss out on the excitement. ‘Let’s give the girls their desserts and then we’ll go and do it together. I didn’t wanna say anything in front of them, in case it was a false alarm.’
Maria nodded and took the ice cream out of the freezer. When she’d been pregnant with the girls, she’d had sore breasts and been as sick as a pig for nine months. Frantically trying to remember when she had last seen her period, she felt herself go cold. She couldn’t remember; her mind had gone blank. Surely not, she thought. Please God no, not after what had happened with Tommy.
Ten minutes later, James snatched the white stick from her and hid it back in the box. ‘The instructions say that it takes five minutes. Let’s time it and then we’ll look at it together.’
Maria said nothing as he hugged her tightly. Her insides were in knots and all of a sudden she felt sick to the stomach. Say she was pregnant? What could she do about it?
James looked at his watch. ‘That’s it, the five minutes are up. Are you ready?’
As he picked up the box, Maria prayed silently. Please God no, please God no, please God no.
James’s ecstatic scream confirmed that God hadn’t listened.
‘There’s a blue line. Look, Maria, look. I knew it, I fucking knew it – you’re pregnant, we’re having another baby.’
Over the moon, James picked her up off the floor and swung her around. ‘Let’s go and tell the girls and then I’ll ring me mum and Freddie. You better ring your mum, Maria, she’ll be so excited.’
Unable to stop herself, Maria let out a wail of pure sorrow.
FORTY-TWO
Staring at the screen, the sonographer averted her eyes and smiled at the happy couple. ‘Your baby looks just fine, everything is as it should be.’
‘Thank God for that,’ James said, squeezing Maria’s hand. He’d been ever so worried because of Maria’s alcohol intake. It wasn’t her fault: she wouldn’t have been drinking if she had known she was pregnant.
‘Most women have cravings for ice cream or doughnuts. Not my old woman – she was necking the wine,’ James joked.
The sonographer laughed, but Maria didn’t. She knew what the next question would be and she was absolutely dreading the answer.
‘How far gone is she?’ James asked, squeezing his wife’s hand.
Maria had been insistent that they didn’t tell a soul until they knew how far gone she was.
The sonographer looked intently into the screen. ‘Approximately thirteen weeks.’
Maria’s heart lurched: the timing couldn’t have been any worse. Thirteen weeks ago, she’d been having regular sex with her husband, but it was also the same time that she’d been raped by his brother.
James kissed her on the forehead. ‘Good job for your sake it was thirteen weeks.’
‘What do you mean?’ Maria asked nervously.
‘Well, if it was any less, I’d have had to beat up the milkman.’
Maria tried to smile, but couldn’t. The way she felt at this particular moment, she could never imagine smiling again. As the scan came to an end, James helped Maria stand up.
‘Thanks ever so much,’ he said, shaking the sonographer’s hand.
‘Good luck and don’t worry, everything’s fine.’
James was annoyed as they left the hospital. The woman that scanned Maria had been lovely, but Maria hadn’t even thanked her or said goodbye. Even when they learned that the baby was fine, she hadn’t cracked a smile.
‘I’m getting sick of your moods, Maria. You were really rude to that woman in there, you didn’t say fuck all to her. We know that the baby’s OK, so what’s your fuckin’ problem? Is it me? Don’t you love me any more?’
Maria started to cry. ‘It’s not you James, I love you more than life itself.’
‘Well, what is it, then? You’ve got me doting on you, two beautiful daughters, a nipper on the way. We’ve no money worries, so what the fuck is your problem?’
Maria couldn’t stop apologising. ‘I’m so sorry, James, I think I’m just hormonal. Once the baby’s born, I’ll be fine, you’ll see.’
James shook his head. ‘I’ll tell you something, Maria, best you try and lighten up, because I ain’t putting up with another six months of this.’
Sobbing, Maria ran after him as he stormed out of the building.
Over in Stepney, Ethel was hungry and restless. Maureen was no company these days – she was always asleep. ‘Maur, Maur, wake up for fuck’s sake. You still ain’t done me any lunch yet, and I’m sitting ’ere wasting away.’
Maureen rubbed her tired eyes. Ethel had the appetite of a carthorse and there was more chance of Elvis turning up alive and well than her wasting away.
She stood up. ‘Whaddya fancy?’
Ethel took her false teeth out of the cup and popped them back into her mouth. ‘Do us that other pair of kippers. Bleedin’ handsome they were, them ones I had yesterday.’
Maureen looked at her in horror. ‘What have I told you about putting your teeth in the cups? It’s disgusting, Mum, people have to drink out of them.’
Ethel shrugged her shoulders. ‘I can’t help it if these new gnashers hurt me. What am I meant to do? Sit here in fuckin’ pain?’
Maureen ignored her and went out to the kitchen. Looking after Ethel was getting her down lately and she was struggling to wait on her hand and foot. The tiredness had started a couple of months back. She couldn’t put her finger on it: she didn’t exactly feel ill, just listless all the time.
‘Probably old age catching up with me,’ she convinced herself, as she slung the kippers in the frying pan.
Thinking of Kenny’s visit the previous week, she smiled to herself. She’d certainly perked up while he was here. Maybe that’s what she needed, a few more visits from Kenny.
‘Hurry up! What you doin’? Catching the bloody things?’ Ethel shouted.
Maureen shook her head. As much as she loved the old girl, sometimes she could quite happily ring her bloody neck.
Tommy opened his front door and bent down to pick up the post. Glancing at it, he lobbed it on the stairs – all he ever got sent to him was fucking bills. Checking his answerphone, he was relieved that there were no messages from James. The slag had obviously kept her mouth shut, then. He went to the fridge and cracked open a beer. A long break in Clacton had done him the world of good. He’d had a good drink while away, but had left the gear alone. He felt much better for it, his head was a lot clearer.
Going over his messages again, he felt a pang of guilt. Alfie had left loads. ‘Dad, where are you? Please pick the phone up if you’re there. I really miss you and I wanna come home. I’m worried about you, Dad. Please ring me back so I know that you’re all right.’
Tommy had taken his mobile away with him, but hadn’t spoken to a soul. Alfie had left tons of messages on that as well.
He pressed speed dial and smiled as his son answered his phone. ‘All right, Alfie? I’m sorry I didn’t call you, son. I went away to sort me head out, but I’m back now and feel much better, so you can come home if you want.’
Alfie was overjoyed. ‘That’s blinding, Dad. I’ve been so worried and I’ve really missed you. I’ll be round within the hour.’
Tommy cracked open another can. Some people in life had no one; he was lucky, he had a son who loved him. Thinking of Maria, he smiled to himself. Retribution was the greatest feeling in the world and now he’d gained his, he could finally move on.
With James barely speaking to her, Maria left her dinner untouched and walked out of the room.
‘Where are you going, Mummy?’ Tara asked, concerned.
‘You haven’t eaten your vegetables,’ Lily said sarcastically.
‘Just shut up and eat your dinner,’ James told his daughters. His temper was getting shorter by the second.
Sitting on her bed, Maria felt more alone than ever before. She needed to spill her guts to someone and get some much-needed advice. Debating whether to speak to her mum, she quickly decided against it. Her mum would get too involved and would probably take her anger out on Maureen, with Tommy being her son. Desperately racking her brains for an answer, she struggled to find one. The problem was, whoever she told, she would have to come clean about her fling with Tommy. Who could she trust? Suddenly the answer came to her.
‘Maureen,’ she whispered.
Her mother-in-law was as honest as the day was long. She was great at giving advice and she’d know exactly what to do for the best.
She picked up her mobile and rang her number.
‘Hello, darling. To what do I owe this pleasure?’ Maureen said chirpily.
Maria took a deep breath. ‘I need to talk to you, Maur. It’s really important and I can’t speak in front of Ethel. I don’t want me mum to see me, so can you meet me outside The Bancroft in about an hour? I’ll park up and wait in the motor.’
Maureen had known her daughter-in-law long enough to recognise how distressed she sounded. Instantly, she knew it had something to do with Tommy.
‘Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be there.’
‘Who was that?’ Ethel asked nosily.
‘Oh, just one of the girls from the bingo. I think she’s got some problems with her husband, wants to meet me for a quick drink,’ Maureen lied.
Ethel hated having the wool pulled over her eyes. ‘What girl? You don’t even go to the bingo any more.’
Maureen came out with the first name she could think of. ‘Maggie, Maggie Delaney. She lives in Canning Town, I don’t think you know her.’
Ethel huffed and puffed. ‘Of course I don’t know her, she don’t bleedin’ exist, that’s why. I know I’m old, but I’m not senile. Where you really going?’
Ignoring her, Maureen walked out of the room and rang Brenda.
‘Can you do us a favour, Bren? I’ve gotta nip out for a bit and I was wondering if you could sit with Mum for me? I don’t know how long I’ll be, but I shouldn’t be that long.’
Brenda agreed immediately. ‘Don’t worry about Ethel. Sarn’s here with me, we’ll both come over and get her on the Guinness. You take as long as you like.’
Maureen smiled as she ended the call. She didn’t socialise as much with Brenda and Sandra these days, but they were true friends and she could always rely on them. They’d been fantastic when she’d had breast cancer. They’d insisted on accompanying her to her gruelling chemo sessions, they’d helped her with her housework and even cooked her meals for her. Diamonds they were, the pair of them, and she loved them both to bits.
Maria pulled up opposite the pub and turned off the engine. She opened her bag, took out her baseball cap and placed it on top of her head. She was well known in this area, having lived there for years, and she certainly didn’t need or want to be recognised.
Waiting for Maureen to arrive felt like she was waiting for a death sentence. She just hoped and prayed that she was doing the right thing by telling her. Disclosing your innermost secrets was never easy at the best of times and she prayed that her mother-in-law would understand.
With her eyes firmly fixed on the mirror, she saw Maureen walking towards her. She hadn’t seen her for nearly a month and was shocked by how much weight she had lost. As she opened the door, Maria smiled nervously.
‘Thanks for coming, Maur. Get in and we’ll drive somewhere quiet.’
Maureen knew that something bad had happened. Maria’s face was etched with worry and her voice sounded desperate.
As they drove along, Maria did her best to sound cheerful. ‘You look ever so slim, Maur. Have you been dieting?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘I’ve never dieted in me bleedin’ life and I certainly ain’t startin’ at my age. Running around after Ethel twenty-four seven has probably made me lose this lot. I’m up and down like a whore’s drawers trying to keep up with her needs.’
Maria drove for about ten minutes and then stopped outside a quiet-looking pub. ‘I think we’re both gonna need a drink, Maur. Shall we talk inside?’
Feeling apprehensive, Maureen agreed.
The pub was virtually empty, bar one or two workmen.
‘Sit in that corner, Maur. What you drinking?’
‘I’ll have a Guinness, make it a pint,’ Maureen said. She had a feeling that a crate would be more appropriate for what she was about to hear.
Maria sat down and swallowed half of her drink in one gulp. She wished now that they’d talked in the car. At least it would have been dark and Maureen wouldn’t have been able to see the guilt in her face. Clearing her throat, she tore her eyes away from her mother-in-law and stared at the table.
‘Years ago, before I ever got with James, I had a one-night stand with Tommy. Please don’t think badly of me, Maureen. I swear it was a drunken mistake, a moment of madness.’
Maureen squeezed her hand. ‘It’s OK, Maria, I’ve always known, anyway. Did it happen the night of Susan’s engagement?’
Maria looked at her in amazement. ‘Yeah, but how did you know? Did Tommy tell you?’