The Beast of Beauty (17 page)

The drive to Colorado got more
and more beautiful the closer that we got. I talked to Daniel off and on as we
drove, and when the conversation slowed, we played music. We sang along at the
top of our lungs and let out all of the frustration that we were leaving behind
us.

We had burned the book the day
before in his backyard. His parent’s thought that we were just cooking
marsh-mellows, which we did, and the s’mores were amazing, but it was more than
that. It was us, making the most courageous decision that I felt like we could
have made. We were getting rid of the magic, even if it could have helped us in
the future. It was harder than we thought it was going to be, seeing as it had
caused us both so much heartache, but it was for the best. I was confident that
we had made the right decision.

I didn’t press charges against
Jasper. I was glad that the authorities knew what he did, but I wasn’t about to
have a day on my calendar that I was scheduled to see him in court. Whether the
police would do anything about it at this point, I didn’t know, but it didn’t
involve me anymore.

I wondered about Jasper
sometimes, though. I wondered if he thought that he was crazy too, or if he
would be too drunk to remember again.

My father married Stacy while I
was in the hospital, and who knew what they are doing with their life now. They
might’ve been happy, or they might’ve been miserable, but I wouldn’t get to be
an audience to that either. I was grateful for that.

My mother did leave me money, and
a lot of it. I took it out of the bank in Holbrooke and planned to deposit it
once we got landed. Daniel was right, his parents refused to let me pay rent,
so I was going to save it to put a down-payment on a house one day, or maybe
even use it to help pay for our wedding in the future.

Daniel’s parents had accepted
that we were going to get married one day; they just wanted us to get into
college first. They said that as long as we did well our first semester, that
they would support us if we wanted to get married that Christmas. I was
grateful for their support, even if that was a year from now.

I was also more than grateful to
have a family now. I had parental figures that were choosing to look out for me
even though they didn’t have to, and that is a deepest love that I had felt
since my mother passed away. I missed her so much, but I knew that all of this
happened for a reason. I felt like I could understand what Joseph went through.
After all, he went through a lot of pain and turmoil in his earlier life, and
was sold into slavery by his own family. He survived it, though, and became one
of the most important men in Egypt. I wasn’t helping run a country or anything,
but I was happy. I was on the top of my own world. We don’t always understand
the plans that God has for us, but we must always remember that he does love
us. Looking back on all that I went through, I felt like He had been looking
out for me all along, saying, “Hold on, Adeline. It’ll all be better soon.” I
just couldn’t hear him because I hadn’t been listening.

I looked over at Daniel, who was
whistling to the radio and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. We had
been though a lot too, but our story was going to have a happy ending. There
was nothing that this new town could throw at us that could even compare to
Jasper, and if it tried, we would be there for each other this time.

Daniel believed in himself again.
Without Jasper in his head telling him that he wasn’t good enough, he began to
see that he was all along. He and his father discussed it, and Daniel was even
going to play intramural basketball in college. It wasn’t what his father had
always planned, but it was better because Daniel was finally going to play
because he loved it.

I began to believe in myself too.
I started to value all of the things that I overlooked about myself before like
my love for knowledge and my passion for helping people. I planned to go to
college to be a teacher next fall; I just couldn’t decide what subject I wanted
to teach.

I smiled to myself because I had
never had so much hope for my future before. I could be anything that I wanted
to be. I could do anything that I wanted to do. I had no chains holding me
back.

I was even starting to believe
that I was beautiful. Daniel had told me so many times that it was finally
starting to sink in. I smiled when I looked in the mirror now. I even took
pictures without wondering how they were going to turn out. I accepted myself
for who I was and how I was made, and it was the most liberating journey I had
ever been on.

I intertwined my fingers with
Daniel’s and stared out at the open road ahead. We were free.

Yes, this book is a modern
fairy-tale. It is a story of characters that are faced with a crisis and find a
way to overcome it. However, it is so much more than that.

This story is about facing fears.
Fear is something that I am all too familiar with as a person, as an artist,
and as a writer. I chose to base my story on the fear of not being beautiful,
not being seen, and not being good enough. My characters, while not
representations of actual people, are representations of myself. I am afraid of
all of those things, while fighting with all of my might not to be.

A great teacher once told me that
the areas in life where you have the most fear are areas in which you trust God
the least. I want to put my whole life in God’s hands, not just fractions of
it.

Like my characters, I am on my
way to overcoming my fears. They still creep up on me every once in a while,
and I feel like I have to start over, but I am getting there.

As for you, I want you to know
that you don’t have to be bogged down by these fears. Own them. Accept that you
have them, and then put them away. These fears belong to you; therefore, you
can do anything with them that you want. You can continue to let them control
your life, or you can hand them over to God and let him vanquish them. The
choice is yours.

Take risks with your life. Don’t
be afraid to do the things that you know that you should do. Never let the fear
of what others think of you determine how you live your life. The life of a
Christian is to please an audience of one, and that audience is God and God
alone. Everyone else takes a backseat, and some people probably shouldn’t even
be riding in the car.

Here’s a last nugget of advice:
On your death bed, you aren’t going to look around the room and say, “Gosh, I’m
so glad that I was so careful and I managed to spend my whole life tip-toeing
around and didn’t step on anyone’s toes.” You’re going to look at the people
who are there with you and say, “I’m so glad that I took a chance on you. I’m
so glad that I gave you my time even though it was difficult, and I’m more than
grateful that you gave me yours. I’m so glad that I wasn’t afraid to love you.”
Because guess what? Love is the scariest thing in the world. Everyone that we
love here can be taken from us at a moment’s notice, but that should never keep
us from loving them with all of our hearts, because love is worth it.

There you go, my book summed up
in one thought: love is worth it.

Valerie
Johnston

Acknowledgements

I’d like to take a moment to thank some
very special people who were crucial in the publishing of this novel. Ms. Cynthia
Stigall, who edited for me; Gregg and Beth Pinkston, who photographed my
painting for the cover picture and my author’s picture on the back cover; My
family, who always had high expectations for me; everyone who’s eyes lit up
when I told them my book idea and said that they wanted to read it, because
that kept me excited about it throughout the whole process; and last but not
least, my husband, who lifted me up and encouraged me to keep going when I
started to doubt myself. You all made this book possible. Thank you.