Authors: Lizzie James
I stomped my way to my room slamming my door as I went.
I travelled silently the whole way to work with regular
glances off Chase.
As the limo pulled up
to the curb Chase turned to me grabbing my hand.
“I’m sorry he upset you but he was no good for you.”
I looked into his eyes as he said this.
He shook his head sadly.
“It never would’ve worked.”
He tapped my hand as he exited the car.
I noticed he tensed as he got out of the car.
“What do you want?” he growled.
There was only one group of people he would
speak to like that.
It only depended on
which one of them it was.
The person he
was speaking to chuckled and I knew immediately who it was.
I’d know his chuckle anywhere.
“I’d like to speak to my girl,” Nathan cockily answered
him.
I got out of the car and peered around Chase.
Nathan’s eyes immediately shot to mine and he
frowned.
“Doesn’t look like she’s going to be your girl for long.”
Chase smirked.
I frowned at Chase when he said this.
“I’ll see you inside, Chloe,” he said, pushing past Nathan,
looking pointedly at me.
I rolled my eyes as he walked away, expecting Nathan to kick
off or push me away like this morning.
I’m still not completely sure why he pushed me away.
Was it because I heard what he said?
Was there something else I didn’t know
about?
Or was he so afraid to love me
that he was willing to push me away completely?
I kept my head down as I approached him, afraid to look at him.
I didn’t want to lose the way he used to look
at me.
Like there was no one else he
could ever look at with as much adoration.
No one had ever looked at me the way Nathan did.
I could feel Nathan watching me.
My eyes travelled over his freshly polished
patent leather shoes and up to his knees where they remained.
He gently took my chin between his thumb and
forefinger and tilted my face up so he could look at me.
The first thing I noticed was how warm his
brown eyes were.
They were the deepest
shade of chocolate brown and I could get lost in them forever.
“Don’t hide those beautiful eyes from me,” he whispered,
bending down which brought his face closer to mine.
As he rubbed the tip of his nose along mine I
instantly raised up on the balls of my feet.
He smiled as I did this, instantly taking my face in his hands.
“I’m sorry about this morning,” he
apologised, pressing a kiss to my lips.
I stared at him, unsure.
There was something else going on and I wanted to know what it was. “I
have to go to work, Nathan.” I pulled away from him.
“Chloe,” he choked.
“Don’t do that,” he said, grabbing my wrist and holding it against his
chest.
He was dressed in a dark grey suit with a matching tie.
He looked so hurt.
As if he genuinely thought I was walking out
on him.
What shocked me the most was
that he seemed genuinely hurt at that thought.
“I can’t talk right now,” I said.
His hand tightened over my wrist, refusing to
let go.
“Meet me for lunch,” I offered.
“At Deano’s down the street,” I said, nodding
my head down to the delicious sandwich place down the street.
He followed my gaze and seemed to get lost in his
thoughts.
I took the time to look at him and he seemed extremely
stressed.
Watching the way his fingers
repeatedly tightened against my wrist and the continuous deep breaths he seemed
to be taking.
If I didn’t know any
better, I would assume he was going into a panic attack.
His eyes immediately came back to mine and he
began to loosen his grip.
As my wrist
came free I quickly pressed my hand to his cheek and reached up to him to kiss
the opposite cheek.
“I’ll see you at 1pm,” I whispered, turning away and rushing
into the building.
As I ascended to my floor in the glass elevator I looked out
onto the street below and was surprised to see Nathan still standing where I had
left him.
He was in the exact same spot
watching the elevator I was in travel upwards.
This filled me with hope. Maybe by the time lunch was over with I would
have answers to why Nathan panicked this morning.
I’d have the answer to the one question I
needed the answer to - What was so bad about loving me?
I passed Chase’s office and noticed Louise standing in the
doorway.
She’s lucky Nathan didn’t offer
to walk me up.
“Chloe?” she called after me as I entered my office.
She had some cheek.
I
continued walking and slammed my office door.
It was horrible and nasty which just wasn’t me but with the mood I was
currently in it was unsafe for me to talk to Louise right now.
It could result in me being escorted from the
building or arrested.
I’d like to say I spent the entire morning sorting through
the massive workload that had been dumped on my desk but I’d be lying.
I barely made a dent.
My eyes kept repeatedly flicking back to the
clock.
By the time 12:30 came I was out
the door.
“Have you had a chance to look at the Jennings file?” Chase
called after me as I made my way to the elevator.
“I’ll do it later,” I replied.
As I approached the elevator, the doors
opened and several members of staff exited.
I quickly got in and pressed the button for the ground floor but before
the doors could close Chase blocked them with his arm.
“The Jennings portfolio is important,” he said, cocking an
eyebrow at me.
I smiled sweetly at him
in response while forcing his arm out of the way.
His face dropped as I did this.
“Walkers are so not worth it,” he said,
glaring at me.
“He is to me,” I said, before the doors began to close but
not before I caught the look of disgust on Chase’s face.
I took a seat at a table at the back of Deano’s café.
From here I could hopefully see Nathan coming.
“Can I get you anything…?” the waitress asked.
“Coffee,” I replied.
Only I said it too loudly.
The
waitress jumped and several customers turned to gawk at me.
I had to calm down.
“Sorry,” I apologised, blushing.
“Coffee will be fine and a pot of tea,” I
said, indicating the empty seat opposite me.
She quickly walked away but not before giving me a strange look.
It was a
‘What
the hell is her problem?’
look.
I glanced out the window and shot up straight in my
seat.
I could see Nathan walking this way.
He was continuously running his fingers
through his hair.
He walked towards the
door to the café but stopped himself from coming in.
As he began to walk away I noticed his hands
were moving.
Almost like he was taking
to himself.
I had never seen Nathan look
so frazzled.
As I watched him he quickly
brought his phone up to his ear and began wildly pointing towards the
café.
His other hand was held to the
other side of his head and he was repeatedly clenching his hand into a
fist.
I was flabbergasted at his
behaviour.
Plus, I was scared.
Was what he had to tell me so bad that it
would do this to him?
I suddenly wished
I never offered to meet him for lunch.
I
could tell I wasn’t going to like this.
My waiting soon came to an end.
He straightened up and marched straight for
the door to the café.
As he entered, his
eyes immediately met mine and even from here I could see him take a deep
breath.
On the other side of the café I
did the same.
Preparing myself for
whatever it was Nathan was about to tell me.
Chapter Twelve
Watching him sit across from me, I didn’t want it to end.
Lately every moment that we’ve had together
had been cast with the shadow of time.
I
felt like time had been catching up with us.
As if now that people knew about us it meant that our time would come to
a close.
I’d never been able to fully
block the thought that there was some other reason why Nathan wanted me.
Not for me.
Not even for my family or whatever people thought I might be able to
help him get.
Mostly I felt it was to
create waves.
Maybe he got bored with
his random seducing of women and wanted one that would cause drama and make it
more fun.
Only I didn’t.
I did exactly what all the other women
did.
All he had to do was click his
fingers and I gave it all away exactly like the rest of them.
“Don’t go there, angel,” Nathan whispered, reaching across
the table and tilting my face back in his direction.
I frowned in confusion at his words.
He laid his hand over mine and gently squeezed.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, lifting my
knuckles to his lips sweetly.
“What makes you think I was thinking that?” I asked, taking
a sip of my coffee.
I was trying to be
strong for the break-up.
It was
coming.
We both knew it was.
There was no way in hell we’d survive
together with our families the way they were.
He laughed loudly as I said this.
Only it wasn’t his beautiful laugh that I loved to hear.
His laugh was usually so warm and
welcoming.
It would immediately fill me
with warmth and make me want to smile with him.
This laugh was not warm or welcoming.
It was cold and sarcastic.
“I know you better than you think I do,” he said cockily,
looking straight at me.
I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “We haven’t been together long
enough for that,” I said, confidently.
That
got his attention with a cocked eyebrow, glaring at me.
“I-I mean,” I stammered, “it takes a long
time to know everything about a person.”
He nodded, smirking. “Until you’ve been inside their skin,
you mean?”
I rolled my eyes at his innuendo.
He picked up his cup of tea and looked at me
over the rim.
Nathan often didn’t need
words.
He could often communicate
everything he wanted to say with those chocolate orbs of his.
“For instance,” he continued, wrapping his hands around his
cup.
“I’ve wanted you since the moment
you came into my life.”
His knee bumped mine underneath the table and I
shivered.
Every touch brought out a
reaction in me that I couldn’t ignore.
“Since the club, you mean?” I dared to look up at him from
beneath my eyelashes.
He stared at me biting his lip for a moment before he shook
his head, as if trying to clear it. “I’ve wanted you far longer than that,” he
whispered. He smiled at my confusion.
“I
first met you,” he said, taking a deep breath, “when I was three years
old.”
He couldn’t look at me.
Warning bells were flashing in my head that this was
serious.
The fact that he wouldn’t look
at me was enough of a sign but when his hands kept repeatedly tensing I knew
this was something that made him anxious.
“I had just been adopted,” he continued, frowning at his
cup.
“I remember being scared.
Afraid that I was going to be sent away.
Losing your parents is hard enough but as a
child I remember being terrified.
I was
alone.
No one could reach me.”
My heart was breaking at the sadness in his tone.
“I remember your parents visiting and your mother asked me
if I wanted to hold you.”
I grinned at the thought of a little Nathan holding me as a
baby.
“As soon as she put you in my arms I remember the bad
feelings seemed to disappear.”
I so badly wanted to touch him but I was afraid to break
whatever spell had been cast that was making him open up.
“When they put you in my arms,” he said, taking my face in
his hands.
The gentleness in his tone
made me want to cry.
He was holding me
as if I might break which I imagine was the way he was holding me in his
memories.
“I loved you before you could
even crawl.”
I was shocked he said those words.
‘I love you’ coming from Nathan was never
supposed to happen but as he said the words I could feel the truth deep in my
soul.
Nathan loved me.
“Nathan,” I whispered, placing my hands over his
wrists.
I was unsure whether I was
offering comfort or attempting to stop him.
He closed his eyes as I said this, shaking his head.
“I’ve been in love with you, angel,” he said, tightening his
hold on me, “since before I even knew what love was.”
Of all the things I was expecting to happen today, this was
not one of them.
If I wasn’t sitting
down, he would have knocked me over with those words.
“And if you’re honest with yourself,” he said, gazing down
at me, “that’s the reason.”
I frowned in
confusion.
“The reason you’re tempted to
push me away and not fully give yourself to me just like I have done because
you’re afraid…”
I tried to pull away but
his hold tightened.
“Those beautiful
green eyes can’t lie to me,” he said, gently kissing my lips.
“They’ve haunted me my entire life.”
I had no idea where this side of Nathan had come from.
How he could go from cocky, to sweet, to the
most beautiful declaration of love I could have ever imagined.
“I am afraid,” I admitted.
He frowned, shaking his head when I said this.
“Chase gave me the advice ‘if you give the
power to someone to love you – you’re loading the gun for them’.”
He rolled his eyes as I said this.
I agree Chase had always been a bit overly dramatic but it
made sense.
“Nathan, by loving you I
have already given you that power…” I said, resting my hand over his
heart.
“You could break me into
pieces.”
He bit his lip as I said
this.
“Just like you have done to the
rest of your conquests.”
“I could never break you, my darling,” he said, gently
pressing his lips to mine and stroking his tongue with mine.
I pulled my lips away resting my head against
his.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,
was it?” he asked, smirking.
I pulled away with a deep sigh and quickly stood.
After paying the tab I began my march back to
the office with Nathan trailing behind me.
I wasn’t prepared for what Nathan did next.
He grabbed me by my wrist and roughly yanked
me around so I was facing him.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” he said, roughly yanking
my head up so I was looking at him.
“I
just want to be clear.
I want everything
with you.”
I wanted to take everything he was offering so badly.
“You need to decide for yourself if you’re one of those
people that fall in love easily or if you’re a once in a lifetime all in.
That’s what you are to me.
Once in a lifetime.
All the way in, baby.”
This was the goodbye I knew was coming.
Only I had brought this on.
I had made him think he wasn’t good
enough.
“Come to me when you’ve decided.”
He gently pressed his lips to my forehead and
turned away from me.
As he walked away I noticed the way he tucked his hands into
his trouser pockets and the way his shoulders seemed to hunch.
Almost like he was bracing himself.
To the casual observer they’d assume it was
against the wind.
I couldn’t help but
feel it was against whatever decision he feared I would arrive at.
There was no decision to make.
I had given myself to Nathan completely.
I just never thought he’d feel the same.
For some reason the thought of being
emotionally naked with Nathan terrified me.
Only now my fear was pushing him away.
If I didn’t sort my act out I was going to lose him.
I had to go after him otherwise that might
happen.
Crossing the street my phone began ringing.
Chase.
I didn’t have time for him right now.
As I entered Walker Towers I took the elevator straight up to Nathan’s
floor.
I walked straight up to Louise’s
desk.
“Hi Louise,” I greeted her politely.
Maybe if I was more open to her and Chase,
it’d be returned.
She gaped at me.
Her and Chase really were very similar.
“Is Nathan in?” I asked patiently.
“Actually,” she said, eyeing Nathan’s closed door with a
panicked expression on her face.
“He’s
in a meeting at the moment.”
As my eyes
trailed past Louise I knew whose coat it was hanging on the coat rack behind
her.
My eyes immediately shot to
Nathan’s closed door and my feet automatically carried me to Nathan’s
door.
Louise didn’t bother trying to
stop me.
There was no use.
She knew what kind of mood I was in.
If Chase was here for anything other than
business I was going to kill him.
With utter dread, I opened the door and was instantly met
with the gazes of the two Walker boys.
One of those I wasn’t really concerned with – Adam – and I think he
liked that.
My eyes immediately went to
Nathan’s and he looked devastated to see me.
Chase casually walked to gaze at the painting of London’s skyscrapers
over on the wall.
Nathan’s body jerked
forward as if he was going to come to me but Adam’s hand shot down on his
shoulder and gravely shook his head.
I
frowned in confusion.
Adam’s hand
dropped to his side and he subtly called me forward with his fingers directing
me to come further into the room.
I closed the door.
Within seconds Chase chuckled as he walked back over to Nathan and Adam
and I cringed against the door thinking he had heard me.
“You think this isn’t the first time Chloe has acted out?”
Chase asked nastily.
I stared at the back of Chase’s head devastated at the words
that came from his mouth.
“My sister,” he said, rocking back on his heels, “will do
whatever I tell her to.”
I was outwardly glaring now.
If I didn’t see it for myself, I could never believe that Chase was
doing what he promised he would never do.
He was using me just like people warned me he would.
“She’s spent her entire life hearing the truth about your
family.”
He looked at Nathan and
grinned.
“You lost her before you ever
had her, Nathan,” he finished snidely.
Adam cocked an eyebrow at me as if to prompt me to say
something.
Even without the hint I
couldn’t listen to anymore lies. I quietly stepped forward.
Nathan and Adam were pros really.
They never gave away that I was in the
room.
As I stepped up by Chase he tensed
and stared down at me…
“Oh, please,” I said angrily.
“Don’t let me interrupt.”
I cocked my eyebrow at him and he had the
decency to cringe.
He looked at Nathan
and Adam and openly glared at them.
“Don’t glare at them!” I snapped.
“They’re not the ones talking trash about me.”
He had the cheek to roll his eyes when I said
this.
“Chloe…” Chase started, looking at me seriously.
“What the hell is this?” he asked, pointing
his thumb at Nathan.
“Are you
stupid?
These boys use everyone.
If he’s fucking you… it’s for what he can get
from you.”
I could sense Nathan move forward but Adam held him
back.
I was thankful for that.
This was my problem.
I never wanted to hit someone as much as I
wanted to hit Chase.
Family or not… he
was pushing it.