Take My Hand (8 page)

Emily

I
strolled sluggishly into the flat via the back door and threw my bag on
the floor by the cooker. Rachel came to meet me when she heard me arrive, which
wouldn’t have been difficult seeing as our flat is so small you can be in the
furthest apart rooms and still hear the other breathing. She was wearing the
tight black dress she not so affectionately calls her ‘fuck me dress’, her purple
hair was pinned up with purposely loose curls framing her face and she was only
one more coat of lip-gloss away from becoming a prostitute.

“Going somewhere?” I asked curiously.

“Sure am, Ho. I’ve got a date.” She winked
excitedly at me and rubbed her freshly manicured hands together.

“Since when? With who? Where at?”

“Bloody hell, take a breath! He’s called Leo
and he’s in my life modelling class. I don’t really know too much about him but
we’ve grabbed a couple of coffees together over the last week or so.”

“And you’re only telling me now?”

“Sorry, Mum,” she said, feigning a guilty
expression. “It was just coffee. It’s no different from you not telling me
about the hot American.” I rolled my eyes at her. I was doing that a lot
lately.

“There’s nothing to tell! Honest, Rach, I
hardly know him.”

“Oh please. You have classes together every
day!”

“Yeah well he’s not really much of a talker,”
I said defensively.

“Well if
I
knew him it wouldn’t be
talking I’d want him doing with those lips.” Dear God. I couldn’t roll my eyes
again.
Actually, yes I could. So I did.

“So where are you going?” I asked, changing
the subject.

“Cinema, pizza, then hopefully back to his
place.” I tried to hide the nerves I felt from my face but as usual it didn’t
work. “I’m a big girl you know,” she added in an effort to pacify me. I knew
she was right. She’s an adult and there’s no question she’s more experienced
with life than I am… but that doesn’t stop me worrying about her. I know she
doesn’t want to be seen as different or ‘special’ but the fact is, she is. Not
everyone can see past her chair and even though that makes them total
arseholes, I didn’t want her getting hurt because of it.

“I know you are. Just… be careful. Like you
said you hardly know him.” Chair or no chair I would never feel comfortable
with her spending the night with someone she barely knew. You hear all kind of
sickening stories on the news every day.

“You worry too much. I’ve got my phone and if
it’ll make you feel better I’ll text you every hour to assure you I’m still
alive.”

“That
would
make me feel better,” I agreed, knowing full well I sounded like an
overprotective mother.

“I love how much you love me, Ho,” she said
with a warm smile. “And I love
you
too much to go and get myself
murdered okay?”

“Okay,” I repeated, laughing softly.

“You gonna be okay here on your own?”

“I’m actually heading to Jared’s in a little
while. I doubt it’ll be a late one though.”

“Uh oh. I know that face. That’s your
shitting it face. What’s going on, Ho?” How does she read me so well?

“I’m breaking up with him tonight.”

“About fucking time. You’ve spent too long
already on a guy who doesn’t even make your hoohaa tingle.” I literally almost
choked to death on my own saliva.

“I’m just so nervous. I suppose I feel bad
for him. He’s a good guy, I just don’t think he’s
thee
guy. Know what I
mean?”

“You know it’s not illegal to have sex before
the wedding anymore right? Just ‘cause you don’t want to elope and have his
surfer-babies doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun.” I felt my face drop.
Was it really wrong to want to
feel
something for someone you were going
to be so intimate with? Was I an old-fashioned prude? “I’m just fucking with
you, Ho. I admire how seriously you take these things. You know I wouldn’t
change you for the world.” Instantly, my face softened into a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Rach. I’m just hoping he’ll still
want to be my friend.”

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up there. Guys and
girls who’ve dated can’t ever be friends. Not
real
friends. Either the thing
that made you want to break up with him will keep pissing you off or one of you
will get jealous when the other moves on. That’s just the way it is.”

“Hmm. We’ll see,” was all I could say to
that. I genuinely couldn’t pinpoint what it was about Jared that didn’t get my
hoohaa tingling as Rachel so crudely put it. I also knew I would be happy to
see him move on with someone whose hoohaa was blowing fireworks for him. So
providing he felt the same, I saw no reason why we couldn’t be friends.

“Now as much as I’d love to sit here
exchanging our undying love for each other, I’ve got a cock… oops I mean cab,
waiting for me.” Seriously how did we ever become such good friends?

Rachel left a few minutes later and I got
ready for Jared’s. I sent him a text on my way home from Uni and he was working
later on but had a couple of hours free beforehand. I took a quick shower and
changed into my cream tunic and black leggings before tying my hair back and
dusting my face with the minimal amount of concealer needed to hide the bags
under my eyes.

I felt like I was going to be sick when I
pulled up outside Jared’s fancy apartment block. I still had absolutely no idea
what I planned to say or even if I’d be brave enough to say it. Swallowing my
heart back down, I tentatively pressed the buzzer for his apartment.

“Come on up, sexy girl,” Jared greeted before
releasing the door. He was being playful, which made me feel even worse about
what I was about to say. I walked as slow as humanly possible, taking the
stairs instead of the lift. I was in no hurry to have the conversation I was
planning. Maybe I was thinking too much of myself. Maybe he wouldn’t even be
bothered. God, what if he was relieved? Even though it was what I wanted I was
pretty sure that would make me feel like crap.

“Hey, you,” he said with a wink when he
opened the door. The scent of his deodorant danced up my nose when he neared
me. It smelt nice I guess, but not nearly as potent as whatever Dexter wears.

What the…

Why would I even think about Dexter’s smell
when I was about to break up with my boyfriend? Huh…

“Hey,” I replied hesitantly. He leaned in to
kiss me and I turned my head to the side, allowing him a peck on the cheek.
That was what gave me away. He knew straightaway something was bothering me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked dutifully, stepping
aside so I could pass him on our way to the living room. I headed straight for
the couch and sat down, moving one of Dexter’s t-shirts out of the way as I did,
and bizarrely letting it linger in my hands longer than it should.

“I, um, I’m not sure how to put it,” I
admitted nervously, my voice cracking.

“Ah, this is the breaking up speech,” he
noted, not sounding
too
devastated about. I was right – that made
me feel crappy.

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

“What did I do wrong?” Oh lord, I just
reached a whole new level of crapiness. “Is this about last night? Because I’m
sorry. I shouldn’t have let you drink so much. More to the point, I shouldn’t
have let
myself
drink so much.”

“No, no, no,” I assured, shaking my head. “You
didn’t exactly force my mouth open and pour the stuff down my throat. You
haven’t done
anything
. You’re a great guy, Jared. It’s not you, it’s
me.” Please tell me I didn’t actually just say that. Jared laughed, proof that
I really did.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “It’s true though. I’m
not really used to all this ‘dating’ business,” I air-quoted and everything. “I
suppose it’s just all a little too much what with moving away from home and
starting Uni and everything. I only really went out with you to please Rachel.”
Jared’s face dropped so low he almost whacked his chin on the floor. “Shit! I
didn’t mean…” Yep, I’d landed myself so far in it I actually swore. “Oh crap
I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” I found myself scanning the floor in search
of a giant void I could jump into.

“Don’t worry, Em. These things happen. I’m
glad you were honest with me before we went any further. I could never hate
you, sugar.” See? He was lovely. So why wasn’t it working for me? Damn my
broken hoohaa.

“So we’re friends?”

“You bet, baby,” he replied with a wink
before slapping me gently on the back. In that moment I felt more relaxed in
his company than ever. Jared and I were friends, and great friends we would be
too.
 
“So,
friend
… you want to keep me company at work for an hour till we get
busy?”

“Erm…” Pub equalled alcohol. Just the thought
made me queasy. My face must’ve said as much.

“You can stick to Coke?” I laughed softly
– gratefully.

“Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

Dexter

“
Hey
, mate, will you fix
Em a Coke while I hang my jacket in the back?” I heard Jared say while I was
bending down counting the mixers below the bar.

“Sure,” I said simply, rising to my feet and
wiping the condensation from my fingers on the cloth draped over my shoulder.
“Ice?” I chucked a smile Emily’s way before plucking a glass from the shelf and
picking up the nozzle for the draught Cola.

“Please.” She smiled back but it was different
than usual. For the first time since I’d met her she didn’t look uneasy. She
looked… content.

Ah shit. They’d just fucked for the first time.
And now it was all I could think about.

“So what time are you moving back tomorrow?”
Emily asked and I had never been so grateful to hear another voice. The subject
change instantly erased the vile image of Jared… Ugh I can’t even finish that.

“I get the keys back at eleven. Not sure if I’m
gonna make sociology yet so if not can you take notes for me?” I asked, setting
her drink on the bar.

“Course I will,” she replied before taking a sip.
Jared returned before I could respond so I gave her a grateful nod and made my
way to the other side of the bar to serve one of the regulars. I didn’t want to
watch while they ogled each other all flushed and gooey-eyed.

Emily stayed, perched on the same stool at
Jared’s end of the bar, for a couple of hours or so. I tried really hard not to
watch them interacting but I couldn’t seem to help stealing the odd glance.
Oddly I didn’t see them touch one another once. Jared usually had his eager
paws all over her. If it wasn’t for the fact he kept making her giggle I’d have
sworn they’d had an argument.

“I’m getting off, Dex,” Emily announced,
wiggling over to where I was pulling a lager. Like I needed any more reminders
of what she and Jared had been doing earlier.

“K, doll. Catch you later.” She smiled that
innocent smile of hers and then hollered a goodbye to Jared. What, no kiss?
What was with them tonight?

When Emily left I decided I wouldn’t ask Jared
what was going down between him and Emily. It wasn’t my business and I didn’t
particular care.

“So what’s going on with you and Emily?” Yeah
okay so that lasted all of five seconds.

“You noticed huh?” Hard not to. Though don’t ask
me why ‘cause I don’t have a fucking clue. “She broke up with me tonight.” Was
not
expecting that answer. Was he that bad in the sack? There I go again
torturing myself with images that made me want to vomit violently. Maybe I
should vomit. The sight of it
had
to be more pleasant than what I was
picturing now.

“Ouch, man. What’d ya do?”

“Wow thanks for the vote of confidence,” he
deadpanned. “She said I didn’t do anything. To be honest I just think she’s a
little too… I dunno… innocent?” She was
definitely
that. “I can’t say
I’m all that disappointed. Don’t get me wrong she’s cute and sweet. She makes
me laugh and shit but, Jesus if I don’t get laid soon my balls are gonna
fuckin’ explode.” I kinda felt his pain but hearing it out loud… were us guys
always such assholes?

“And you’re doing the friends thing I take it?
You think that’ll work?” I’ve never seen how it could be possible to be friends
with an ex lay before.

“Yeah I reckon so. I think that’s what we
should’ve been from the start to be honest. In fact, that’s probably all we
ever were. It’s not like we slept together or anything.” Hmm. I felt my mood
pick up immediately. That little statement pleased me more than it should. I
don’t know what the fuck is going on with me lately but it’s confusing the hell
out of me. I don’t fancy Emily. No seriously. Really I don’t. Actually I’m
pretty sure it’s just the loneliness. Yeah that’s definitely it. Another day or
two and I’ll probably start crushing on Jared.

Therefore I’m bumping up getting laid to the top
of my list for when I move back home tomorrow. That’ll sort me out.

**********

“You’ve
got to be fucking with me,” I groaned out loud when I walked back into my
crap-hole of a flat for the first time since the tsunami. The pipes were
clearly fixed given the fact there was no water slapping me in the face, but
the place was still a sodden mess. And it stank – something like mildew
mixed with dog shit and a dash of cat’s piss for good measure. Guess I
shouldn’t have expected anything else when I’m only paying a hundred and twenty
pounds per week for the shit-heap. I would definitely be missing classes today.

Emily
popped into my head as I rolled up the sleeves of my long-sleeved black shirt
in preparation to rip up the moldy carpet – I should really let her know
so she didn’t forget to take notes. Then I remembered I didn’t have her number
so I had to text Jared and get him to tell her instead. Good job they were
still friends or my plan would’ve been totally pissed on.

I’ve
woken up covered in my own vomit a fair few times in my life yet nothing
could’ve prepared me for the smell that annihilated my senses when I bent down
to that reeking fucking carpet. I decided my best option was to cut it into
squares rather than try and lift it in one piece. It would’ve been awkward
enough with the added weight of three week old water.

I’d
just finished scoring the squares when the bell downstairs rang. After drying
my hands on the bottom of my shirt I curiously hurried towards the main
entrance door - I wasn’t expecting anyone. When I opened the door my mood
instantly lifted.

“What
are you doing here?” I asked Emily. “How did you know where I lived?”

“I
asked Jared. Hope you don’t mind. I just thought you might need some help
moving back in.”

“What
about class?” was my first thought. My second was silently telling myself not
to sound like such an ungrateful jackass. “Sorry. I mean that’s real nice of
you. But you really didn’t need to. I only had one case with me at Jared’s.”

“Oh,”
she muttered dejectedly – her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink
like they always did when she was embarrassed.

“But
seeing as you’re here… come on up,” I offered, standing to the side and
pointing up the stairs. She smiled that sweet smile and brushed past me as she
made her way inside.

“Oh my
God!” she squealed when she strolled obliviously into the cesspit that was my
home.

“Yeah.
Still got a few finishing touches to make.”

“It
would’ve taken you forever to clear this mess on your own. See? Good job I came
right?” she said, shrugging off her tan mac and laying it neatly on top of the
kitchen countertop – the only place that wasn’t wet. Then she rolled her
the sleeves of her baby-pink sweater and knelt down.

“Whoa
whoa whoa, you don’t need to-”

“Why
don’t you just shut up and come help me,” she scolded playfully. Wow, her
slight attempt at being masterful was kind of hot. And Jesus, seeing her bent
down like that was doing uncomfortable things to the inside of my pants. This
was getting ridiculous. I decided there and then that if my place wasn’t ready
to bring a girl back tonight, then I’d find one and go to theirs.