Take My Hand (11 page)

Stop. Right. Fucking. There…

“But that’s miles away! I can’t sit on the
back of this thing for all that time without falling off!” she protested,
squealing like such a…
girl.

“I won’t let you fall, doll. Now quit
whining and hold on tight.”

**********

Every road and parking lot in sight were
crammed with cars from the second we crossed over into Brighton. That’s one of
the perks of having a motorcycle – you can squeeze in practically
anywhere. I nestled the bike in between a large white van and an Audi so beautiful
it made my heart twitch, before helping Emily clamber off the back and heading
in the direction of the water.

“Take my hand,” I said, holding mine out
for her. “Don’t wanna lose you now do I,” I teased, eyeing up the swarms of
people littering the sidewalks. But the truth was, I really just wanted to hold
her hand. Don’t ask my why because I don’t have a freakin’ clue.

Her hand in mine, we took a slow walk over
to the shore. We didn’t really have much of a choice as we were slowly sucked
into the crowd who were obviously heading for a snail’s convention. Along the
way Emily dragged me into various little shops – which she called ‘tat
shops’ – and I came out of one proudly sucking on a pair of Wobbly
Titties. Emily blushed and rolled her eyes at me when I began making loud
moaning noises as I flicked my tongue over one of the sugar nipples.

What can I say? My mentality stopped
maturing at twelve years old.

Next she pulled me into the Sea Life center
and I huffed and groaned like a sexually-frustrated woman all the way around. I
was bored after the second tank. A fish’s a fish right? I get it, some are
small, some are big, some have fancy colors – but it’s still a fish. It
still just bobs around looking brain-dead and seeming as bored being watched as
I
was watching it.

We emerged from the most boring hour and a
half of my life and crossed the street in the direction of the sea. Yep you
heard me right… an hour. A freakin’ HOUR and a half, staring at fish which all
looked the same. How in hell are those places so popular? I’m telling you I was
one more tank away from sticking my head in one of them and drowning myself.

We walked across the sand for an hour or so
– weaving our way around the patches of kids making sandcastles and
grown-ups trying to stop sand fights between them. I still had hold of Emily’s
hand. In fact when I look back, I think I only let go long enough to remove the
cellophane from my candy tits – which I eventually gave up on and threw
in the trash half way round Sea Life when they showed no signs of getting
smaller no matter how hard I sucked.

“You’re cold,” I noted, freeing her hand
from mine while I removed my black leather jacket. “Here.” I held it out for
her like you would for a two year old and she smiled gratefully as she slipped
her tiny arms inside. It drowned her completely – her hands no longer
visible as they hid under the too-long sleeves.

“Thanks.
That was very chivalrous of you,” she teased.

“Yeah
well I’ve heard you chicks dig that kinda shit,” I shrugged, trying but failing
to keep my face indifferent. She nudged my arm with her shoulder and then
started sniffing the air like a freakin’ dog.

“I
smell chips,” she beamed, drool practically dripping from her mouth and
creating an extra ocean in the sand. I looked around us and once I squinted my
eyes I could make out a fish and chip bar across the street with little metal
tables situated outside.

“Then
chips you shall have.” Holding out a bent arm for her to link I added, “Madam?”

You
ever seen one of those shows about dog rescue pounds? You know, the ones where
they find an emaciated dog tied to an old gate just minutes from death and then
they take it back, give it a bath and feed it it’s first meal in three months?
Well then you’ll know what they look like when they get their mouths round that
food – the way they vacuum that shit up without stopping to take a
breath.

Yeah,
well that’s how Emily eats – and it’s freakin’ adorable. There’s nothing
more off-putting than a girl who sits there nibbling at the edges of a piece of
lettuce. I mean do they really think us guys are that dumb? Humans gotta eat
– fact. So I don’t get why they bother pretending they don’t.

Let’s
face it, if a girl’s got a decent rack on her – no man’s gonna give a
shit if he catches her eating a burger.

“You
want me to keep watch while you eat the plate too?” I mocked. “I’ve heard these
places don’t take too kindly to people eating their crockery that’s all. But
I’ve got your back, doll.”

“I’d
rather just finish those,” she said playfully, pointing towards the handful of
fries left on my plate. Seriously, where the hell was she putting it all?
Plucking one from my plate and hovering it in front of her plump little lips, she
added, “I’m crockeried out for today. I think the mug on top of the bowl this
morning was just too much.”

Slumping
back in the hard metal chair I watched, slightly more fascinated than I
should’ve been, Emily finish off the remnants of my meal.

“Wait!”
I whispered loudly (if that makes sense – you must have done a
shout-whisper before right?) when she stood up from the table to leave. “That
kid over there just dropped a piece of sausage. If you’re fast you can eat it
before they notice and clean it up!” Quick as a flash, she wacked me with her
purse. I feigned a hurt expression even though I was howling with laughter
inside and then I held out my hand for her again, which she didn’t hesitate to
take.

Emily
is the first person who’s made me laugh –
genuinely
laugh, not fake laugh – since I was fourteen.
Before Emily, the last day I laughed was August 18
^th
2003, and if I
let myself forget to feel guilty about that for a second – then it feels
amazing…
liberating.
I will always
love her for bringing laughter back to me.

Wait,
did I say love? I meant be grateful to - because to love her after just a few
weeks of knowing her would be ridiculous right? Besides, what the fuck do I
know about love…

Back
on the sand I talked Emily into paddling along the water’s edge. She whined a
little, complaining about the cold, but when I threatened to chuck her whole
body into the frothy sea she soon quit moaning and followed me towards the
shore. I stood still for a few long seconds when we reached it – gazing
out in awe towards the endless stretch of unsettled water.

For
a moment I was back home. I was alone, admiring the effervescent waves crash
against the rocks, taking forgotten debris and lost branches with them as they
ventured back out into the impossibly vast ocean and wishing they could take me
with them.

“Crap
that’s cold!” Emily blared as a small wave lapped over her bare foot, snapping
me back to consciousness.

“Quit
being a pussy,” I replied, kicking up a mighty-big spray of water her way. She
jumped away from me quicker than if I’d just pulled a knife on her.

“Oh
my God, Dexter!” she squealed! “Stop it!” she continued when I splashed her
again. “I mean it now. Stop,” she added after the third time, growing a little
more serious each time. But I was having too much fun. Her angry face was too
cute.

Sensing
her irritation growing by the second and enjoying it more than I should (I’m
mentally stunted remember?) I scooped her up in one swift movement and tossed
her over my shoulder, running deeper into the ice-cold water.

“Dexter,
please. Put me down!”

“You
got it, doll,” I said, laughing lightly and plopping her down into the
waist-high water.

“No!
Please!” Any trace of humor immediately evaporated from my body. “PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE,” she begged, her eyes on fire with panic. She was all-out
scared. Fuck that she was
petrified.

I
lunged forward instantly, taking her in my arms like a baby and ran as fast as
the soft sand beneath my feet would allow, towards the dry land.

“Jesus,
Em, I’m so sorry,” I rushed out. She was shaking in my arms. It was more than
just the cold – it was pure unadulterated fear. “Shh, doll. You’re out
now. I’ve got you,” I reassured. She buried her head in my chest and her body vibrated
against me as the tears started to flow. What the fuck had I done? “I’m sorry,
doll. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Slowly
but surely her body began to relax against me. Then she looked up at me just
long enough to say,

“Take
me home.”

So I
did. And all the day’s fun and giggles became nothing but a grieved memory.

Dexter

Well
it’s
Saturday and Emily and I were starting our research for sociology. She hasn’t
mentioned what happened at the beach so neither have I. I’ve seen enough fear
in people’s eyes throughout my life to know that’s exactly what she was
feeling. I considered the fact that maybe she just couldn’t swim but I just
wasn’t convinced. For starters she was safe in my arms, and we were only
waist-high anyway. It was something more – I could feel it.

Those
baby-blue eyes, tortured and afraid, keep haunting me when I try and fall
asleep. How weird is that? Actually no, that’s
not
the weird part. The weird part is that I have the most bizarre
ache deep inside my chest to take whatever caused it away from her.

 
I was dreading today – dreading
Emily. She’s done nothing wrong, just being so close to her makes me feel all
funny and I don’t like it. It unsettles me and I can’t seem to get rid of it.
Three nights and three different fucks have passed and each one bored me a
little more. What the hell is wrong with me? I love having her as my friend
– shit there I go tossing that stupid word around again… I’ll start
again. I really
like
having her as my
friend, but if she’s starting to get even a tiny portion as attached to me as
I’m growing to her – then I need to nip that in the bud. Now.

The
worst part of the day was going to be spending it at Emily’s place. She had
internet access - I didn’t, so it made more sense. When I brought Jenny to life
I found myself wondering what sarcastic comments Snickers would have up her
sleeve today. I’d ran into her a few times with Emily at college this past week
and she was still as irritating as ever.

Speak
of the devil… Snickers was smoking a cigarette outside the front door to their
maisonette when I pulled up. Apparently Emily had banned her from doing it
inside. My eyes glossed over the exposed tattoos on her arms and for the first
time I noticed how well done they are. The fish especially is pretty darn cool.

“Hey,
Ho!” she hollered, angling her head towards the door and letting her pink hair
fall over her face.
I’m sure it was
purple yesterday…
“The American’s here!” I’d yet to hear her use my actual
name
once.
“Go on up,” she said to me as I neared where she was sitting.

“Cheers,
Snickers.” She pursed her eyebrows and bobbed her head forward a little as if
she were sure she’d misheard. If she can’t be bothered using
my
name,
why should I use hers? Twelve years old, remember?

“You
want something to eat first? Or just dive right in?” Emily asked with her cute
smile.

“Sure,
I could do food. What you got in mind?” I followed Emily through to their
kitchen and propped myself against the doorjamb while she rifled through her
cupboards.

“Hmmm.
I’ve got Pot Noodles, Super Noodles, or…” she paused while she checked the last
pine cupboard, “Pot Noodles.”

“I’m
guessing you like noodles,” I teased.

“Not
really. I mean I can eat them but I wouldn’t buy them if it was left to me.
Rachel’s addicted though. She even had one for breakfast this morning, how
minging is that?”

“Minging?”
I asked, confused. Pretty sure that was one I hadn’t heard before.

“Yeah,
like… gross,” she clarified.
Minging
I repeated in my head. What a
strange word. “So what’s it to be? Noodles or noodles?”

“Tough
decision but I think I gotta stay true to my heart and go with the noodles.
Preferably the Pot variety.” Emily giggled, tossed her fiery hair over her
shoulder and flicked the switch for the kettle.

It was
just minutes later when Emily introduced me to the most orgasmic taste ever to
enter my mouth – Pot Noodle ‘butties’. To the layman, that translates as
noodle sandwiches. Right then I decided I was gonna get me some of those bad
boys next time I hit the store.

 
It was all going great until Snickers
decided to join us, moaning on about how bored she was.

“I’m
still bored,” she groaned for the third time.

“I’m
sorry, Rach but we
have
to get started on this,” Emily apologized
– unnecessarily in my opinion. “Why don’t you finish up your beer bottle
thing?”

“Ran
out of bottles,” she said sulkily. I had no idea what they were referring to
and to be honest I didn’t really give a shit. “Oooo that’s it!” she beamed,
slapping her hands against the wheels of her chair. “We should have a
mini-party tonight and make it a rule that people can only drink beer. There’s
already three of us here… who else can we invite?”

“You
know I work in a pub right? I could easily get my hands on a ton of empty
bottles for you,” I offered. Mainly because I couldn’t think of anything worse
than sitting here watching her get wasted all night.

“Yeah
but where’s the fun in that? My way’s much better. So come on, Ho, who we gonna
invite?”

“Why
you asking me? I don’t know anybody,” Emily sighed, and in that very moment I
witnessed the loneliness in her eyes. I recognized it because I’d seen it so
often in my own.

“I
could call Jared,” I interrupted. As much as I’d rather jump into a steaming
vat of dog shit than spend the evening with Snickers, I think it was just what
Emily needed. Loneliness sucks ass and I was more certain than anything that
she
didn’t deserve to know what it felt like.

“Hmm,”
Snickers looked to be pondering. “Sure why not. It’s not like our address books
are bursting at the seams.” Did she not like Jared or something? Wouldn’t
surprise me. I was fairly certain she didn’t like anybody except Emily.

**********

Emily
and I spent almost four hours on our research and now have a very organized
file containing a range of external factors which could be seen to influence
the mind of a criminal. Thankfully she didn’t suggest the one thing I was
absolutely shitting my pants about – ‘Hey Dex, let’s Google our names!’
That game only ever ended in me faking a headache and getting the hell out of
there, and bizarrely I didn’t want to leave Emily just yet.

Just as
Emily was finishing up filing our research into alphabetical order (guess it’s
a good job
one
of us is organized in the studying department) Jared
arrived with a full crate of beer that he’d clearly stolen from work.

“Little
help here?” he huffed, attempting to lower the crate. Snickers was obviously
excluded from his plea and I just planned to laugh at him, until Emily stood up
to help.

“I got
it, doll,” I said, jumping in front of her. I took the crate and lowered it
onto the floor effortlessly.

“Hey,
it was fucking heavy okay?” Jared snapped, weighing up the three sets of smirks
being thrown at him.

“Whatever,
man. Your trouble is, rich boy, you’ve never been made to pick up anything
heavier than your dick since the day you were born,” I retorted. Jared shot me
his best derisive glare before dismissing me completely. I took that as me
winning and sat back down.

“Is
this it?” he asked, sounding disappointed as he glanced around the ‘party’.
“I’ve brought enough booze to knock out a small army!”

“You
don’t have to stay,” I sneered. I didn’t want to be here either – or at
least I didn’t want to be here with anyone but Emily – but
I
had
to suck it up and so should he.

“Hmm,”
I think he meant to say but it came out more of a grunting sound. “Guess I’m
here now.”

“Not
for much longer if you don’t wipe that look off your miserable fucking face,”
Snickers snapped. Can’t say I blamed her on this occasion. Jared waved his
hands in the air, surrendering. Then somehow he managed to squeeze his ass in
between mine and Emily’s on the faded leather couch.

“Why
don’t you just sit on my lap?” I said to him, feeling irrationally irritated.

“’Cause
that’d get you excited and I’m just not in the mood for a cock prodding
tonight, mate.” Emily giggled which made the whole scenario worth it. Then an
awkward silence followed where the only thing missing was some tumbleweed.

“Well
you guys feel free to sit there being boring all bleeding night, but I’m
getting this party started on my own,” Snickers grumbled, reaching into the
crate and plucking out a beer.

“Chuck
us one of those,” Jared joined in.

“I’m
not your fucking waitress. Get your own,” she barked back. Huffing, he stood up
to get his own and I seized my opportunity to scoot closer to Emily.

“Emily?”
Jared asked, holding an extra beer out for her.

“I’m
good thanks,” she replied, waving him off with her tiny hand.

“How
about you, American?” Snickers interrupted.

“He
doesn’t drink,” Jared answered before I had chance.

“What,
like
ever?
” Snickers asked, wrinkling her nose in disbelief. I
sniggered, amused at how shocking she found it and shook my head no. “
Why?
”

“Guess
I’m just boring,” I blew her off, unprepared to explain the real reason behind
my sobriety.

Emily
interrupted then, switching the subject to Snickers’ latest art project –
the one she arranged tonight for in an effort to get her hands on more empty
beer bottles. For a moment I wondered if she could sense my uneasiness with
where the conversation was heading and was trying to help me out, but then
decided it was probably just coincidence. I’m an expert at hiding my emotions.
There was no way she could’ve known.

A
couple of hours in and the effects of the alcohol were quickly taking over
Jared and Snickers. Their eyes were glassing over and their susceptibility to humor
was at an all time high. At one point Snickers (and
only
Snickers) actually laughed when Jared came out with the line
‘hey, you hear about the fire in that Viagra factory last night? The place went
up in no time.’

Most of
the time Emily and I were silent, enjoying the show.

“Ooo
that’s me,” Emily announced when her Adele ringtone started singing in the next
room. She shot up from the couch and disappeared to get it. No one spoke in her
short absence and it seemed we were all listening in for clues to who it might
be.

“Where
are you?” she asked, her sweet voice growing louder as she re-entered the room.
“You’re not! Are you serious?” She was practically shaking with excitement as
she ran towards the door, tripping on the shaggy pink rug and almost
face-planting the almost empty crate of beers along the way. Instinctively I
jumped up to help her but she just giggled and carried on. Jared, Snickers and
I flashed each other equally intrigued glances and then Emily practically
ripped the door off its hinges.

“Oh my
God why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” she squealed, throwing herself
into the arms of a guy with the exact same shade of red hair as her.

“I
wanted to surprise you,” he replied, returning her hug with equal affection.
“You gonna let me in or what?” he added when Emily showed no signs of releasing
him long enough to let him into the warm.

“Sorry,”
she muttered, standing aside for him. “You find it okay?”

“Sure.
Jane guided me straight here,” he replied, causing Emily’s eyebrow to shoot up.
“SatNav,” he clarified.

“Chriiiiiiiis!”
Snickers slurred once he was fully in the room. If I remembered correctly, Chris
was Emily’s brother. I didn’t realize how tense I’d been feeling until the
moment I remembered that, but I instantly relaxed. “You miss me, baby?”

“Always,
Rach.”

Emily
introduced us all to each other and from the death glare this Chris dude shot
Jared, it was obvious he knew about the pair dating and it would seem he wasn’t
happy about it. I kind of admired his protectiveness. The love he felt for
Emily shone out of him the second he laid eyes on her.

The
drinking went on for another couple of hours only now Chris had joined in too.
He filled the room in on his recent promotion to head mechanic and then
listened to Emily and Snickers re-live their first few weeks as college
students. He ignored me and Jared completely. Didn’t even make eye-contact. In
fact I’m pretty sure if he weren’t Emily’s brother, I’d think he was a jackass.
Ah hell, I
still
think he’s a jackass.

Slowly
but surely the drinkers’ batteries started to die. Jared was the first to crash
– literally. As the night dwindled to a close his paralytic body lay in a
crumpled heap on the floor by the coffee table. Rachel was next, slurring
something about turning in before she choked to death in a pool of her own
vomit.
Nice
. That left just me, Emily and the brother who refused to
look at me. Yeah, that wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

“I need
to crash, Emmie. I’m knackered from driving all this way,” Chris announced. At
least I
think
that’s what he said. It was difficult to interpret through
the giant yawn. I saw this as my cue to leave, assuming I was sitting on his
bed for the night.