Richard looked at him for
a long time, then finally he smiled, “So I guess that means you
won’t mind if I ask her out?”
“
I know, I’m
a complete idiot.”
“
Did you not
notice how gorgeous she was?”
“
I did, I do,
I just wanted it to be perfect.”
Richard leant forward,
his red face suddenly serious, “Chris I worked for a year in the
spinal injuries unit, and it gave me an insight into what it’s like
to be paralysed. People stare at you all the time, and while
they’re staring, they’re wondering what you can move and what you
can feel. Imagine coming in here and looking up at everyone,
looking into all those curious eyes and knowing that they’re
looking at all the parts of your body that you feel self-conscious
about.” He paused and took a mouthful of his dark bitter, then he
made sure Chris was listening and held his gaze. “Chris I’ve seen
men withdraw from life altogether because of the impact of a spinal
cord injury on their sexuality. It doesn’t matter how good we are
at our jobs, or how funny we are, stuff like that really
matters.”
Chris nodded, he knew
that he allowed himself to be misled by her poise and her careful
self-control, but the more he thought about it, the more he knew
that he needed to put things right. He didn’t want her lose faith
in men altogether. “Do you know where she’s gone?” He asked
hopefully.
“
No I don’t,
but I do know somebody who is joining them next
weekend.”
“
Thanks
mate,” Chris said, and allowed himself a moment of self-pity, he
was going to have to make peace with a man who wouldn’t have looked
out of place at a comic convention.
Chapter
eleven
It was raining in the
Lake District, a fine mist that softened the edges of the hills and
made the cottages look like images in a watercolour. Harry
stretched out on the sofa and looked out at the gardens where fruit
and vegetables were enjoying the last of their summer form. Julia
unpacked her hamper, she had bought almost everything that Harry
liked, or sometimes liked, olives, apples, salt and vinegar crisps
and obscure branches of the cheese family. She would have made a
meal, but she had never mastered cooking and most of the good food
she had eaten in the past decade had been prepared by the woman who
now had her arm in a sling. She tried to position her offerings in
the most appealing way possible. Then she pulled a table over to
the sofa and sat down beside her lovely friend. “Now it’s time to
uphold your part of the deal.”
Harry clumsily put
together a combination of cheese and crackers, it was a struggle
with one hand, but Julia knew better that to offer her help. “Do
you mind my limitations?” she asked suddenly, “I worry that you
could have an easier time with a friend who could walk.” Julia
handed her the olive that she had dropped and smiled at her. “How
many things have we discussed over the years?” “Pretty much
everything.” “How many diets have you watched me try?” Harry smiled
at her, tilting her head to one side in the way that Julia had
found herself remembering while she waited to hear about the
outcome of the operation on her hip. “How many men have you watched
me chase, before you pretty much set me up with the kindest man
I’ve ever met.” “Okay, we’ve looked after each other.” “Yes we
have. I hate sport and I don’t even like walking very much, so I
can honestly say you don’t limit me.”
Julia pulled open the big
red travel bag that she had dragged inside. “I bought you a
present, well my mum did, she got all competitive when I told her
about the car. It’s one of those tablet computer things, mum said
they’re using throughout the air force now. Apparently it’s really
tough, so it won’t matter if you drop it, and mum downloaded the
package that tells you how to join the armed forces, so that’s
something for you to enjoy too.”
After dinner they floated
into the lounge area where an impromptu piano recital provided the
sound track to a comfortable debate about the best time to plan
root vegetables. They drank wine and argued about gardening until
far later than they had intended. Harry had worried that it would
be awkward when Julia helped her, but she had underestimated her
friend. When she pulled up her duvet and closed her eyes she
realised that the horrible suffocation of the hospital bed was
lifting, and for the first time since the second really pointless
accident that had punctuated her life, she slept really
well.
Chris however, spent the
night looking at his ceiling, he greeted the regrets that were
never far from the front of his mind, and tried to decide how to
move forward. In the end he decided to buy a mobile phone, and the
relief of at least deciding on a course of action allowed him to
escape into dreams of her until it was almost time to wake
up.
He waited for Mike in the
dusty corridor at the end of the day; he knew how close Harry was
to her workmates and he couldn’t bring himself to actually step
into the department. When Mike finally emerged the look on his face
didn’t make him feel any better. “Can I buy you a
coffee?”
“
Actually I’m
in a bit of a hurry.”
“
What
for?”
Mike smiled at him, “To
be somewhere else,” he said finally.
“
Please Mike,
I know we haven’t gotten off to a great start, but I’d really like
to talk to you.”
“
You can buy
me a pint,” Mike said finally, deciding that he would definitely
need to discuss things with Julia before he said anything to the
big assertive man. They arranged to meet in the rugby club,
although the thought filled Mike with mild terror. He phoned her
when he reached his house, delighting in the warmth in her voice,
smiling at the thought of their shared secret intimacies and
wondering why he hadn’t noticed her before.
“
Chris caught
me today,” he said finally, “I guess he wants to talk about
Harry.”
“
Poor man,
I’ve been thinking about him, Harry didn’t even tell him we were
leaving.”
“
He really
upset her, he keeps really upsetting her.”
“
I know, but
he likes her and she likes him, and not everyone can be as good
this stuff as we are.”
“
I guess
so.”
“
You want her
to be happy don’t you?”
“
You know I
do Julia.” He heard the insecurity in her voice, and he reassured
her in the subtle code they were developing.
“
What if he
asks me if he can come with me next weekend?”
“
Of course
he’s going to ask you that. I’ve been counting on it. It’ll be
awful for Harry, and for us if he doesn’t come with you.” She
expanded on some of the ways that she planned to greet him, and he
felt his attitude softening.
“
You’re
absolutely right.” Mike thought of all the astonishing places that
Julia’s imagination had introduced him to. He started to think how
he would feel if Harry was lying alone in the next room, and felt
his usual protectiveness intensify.
To Mike’s relief Chris
was waiting for him in the rugby club. He sat down at the battered
wooden table and Mike pushed the lager towards him in a predictably
masculine tankard.
“
Cheers
mate.” Mike took a deep mouthful and relaxed back against the
chair, there was a group of men talking loudly at the bar, none of
them looked any fitter than he did and he started to
relax.
“
Thanks for
meeting with me, I’m sure you know what I want to talk
about.”
“
Harry” Mike
said softly, wondering if the thought of the beautiful, complex,
mysterious and vulnerable woman would ever not make him
tingle.
“
Harry.”
Chris echoed, then cleared his throat. “We had a bit of a
disagreement last week.”
“
Again?”
Chris looked at him, he
had known that Mike would not make this easy, but he reminded
himself that he needed this man as an ally. “You know I envy
you.”
“
You envy
me?” Mike shifted on the uncomfortable chair and felt his stomach
rubbing against the table.
“
Well you
know how to talk to women, you seem to say the things that they
like.”
Mike grinned at him, “Of
course I can talk to women, I spent all of high school being a best
friend, and watching the girls I liked getting hurt by boys who
didn’t need to understand them.”
“
I don’t know
how to talk to women, I mean I know how to talk to other surgeons
and nurses, but not women that I like.”
“
You’re in a
rugby team, you must meet women all the time.”
“
I know how
to take women to bed, but that’s not going to help me with Harry, I
mean I want to take her to bed…” he paused, “I guess that’s more
information than you wanted.”
“
Way more
information.”
“
But you’re
with Julia now, you’re really lucky.”
“
Do you mean
that?”
“
Of course I
do. She’s funny and confident and interesting, I mean she scares me
a bit, but you know how talk to girls, so you’ll be
okay.”
“
I am lucky,”
Mike said proudly, then realised that they were wandering off
topic. He knew that Harry liked this man, but he cared far too much
about her not to try to understand his motivation. “Are you really
interested in Harry?”
“
I turned
thirty five last week, and do you know where I spent the
evening?”
“
Here?”
“
Am I that
predictable? Actually don’t answer that. Yes I was here, I was here
when I celebrated getting into medical school, and getting out the
other end with my degree, and when I got my professional exams and
my consultant post. I love it here, I really do, but there must be
more to life than medicine and friends.”
“
I know what
you mean.”
I wasn’t looking for
someone, but when I saw her. Well I just couldn’t believe it, she’s
so lovely, and with that delicious fire about her. I don’t think
she’d ever back down if she believed in something.”
“
If you’re
really sure about your feelings then you’re going to need to be a
bit gentler about her wheelchair. She is all those things you
described, and they’re wonderful, but she’s also paralysed Chris,
and even though she’d never admit it, she does need a bit more
looking after because of that.”
“
I want to
look after her, I just keep getting it wrong.”
Mike realised that he had
spent the past four years dreading the arrival of someone like
Chris, and found to his surprise that he was about to help him.
“Try to sit down when you’re talking to her, tell her you like her
shoes, make it obvious that you’re interested in her legs and not
just noticing her breasts.”
“
How do you
know this stuff?”
“
Girls talk
to me.”
“
They don’t
talk to me.”
“
No they
laugh at your jokes even if they’re stupid and ask you about being
a doctor.”
“
People are
interested in what it’s like to be a doctor.” Mike looked at him in
silence until he grinned apologetically. “Well they are probably a
bit interested.”
“
Please don’t
hurt her,” Mike said softly. “I'm not going to embarrass myself by
threatening you, but I just can’t bear the idea. Besides, Julia
would definitely kill you.”
“Now that I believe. No you can trust me, I'll make her
happy.”
“Where are they staying?”
“A little vegetarian place on the edge of Lake Windermere. They go
there a couple of times a year.”
“Why?”
“Now you see, that right there is the attitude that gets you into
trouble. It’s wheelchair accessible, the staff are lovely and Harry
feels that she can relax.”
“Have you been before?”
“Once, Harry had a birthday up there. I went up with the
band.”
“Thank you,” Chris said finally. “I will look after her.”
Mike smiled at him. “I know you will. I bet you've never had to
work so hard for anything in your life.”
“You'd be surprised.” Chris said softly, but he knew this male
script. Subtle sensitive women might be a mystery to him, but male
bravado he could do.
“
So if I help
you not say such silly things will you help me get some
exercise.”
“
It’s a
deal,” said Chris and insisted on setting up a time for them to
meet the following day.
Mike left him discussing the exploits of the English team. He
walked back to the safety of his little flat, and called the woman
he was starting to really like. He told Julia that they would
travel up together and that Chris now had a mobile phone.
“I'm not telling Harry that. I can imagine that he'd be appalling
on the phone. I'll get her stronger if you knock some sensitivity
into him.”
Julia waited until she had her arm out of the sling, waited until
she had transferred without help onto her favourite lounge chair.
They drank a glass of wine and watched the sun go down, then she
told her that Chris wanted to join the end of their
break.
Harry looked at her in
silence, but Julia knew her well, so she waited and held her big
dark eyes. “He turned me down when I offered myself to him. I’ve
never offered myself to anyone before, I’ve never dared.” She felt
the tears sliding down her face again, “I forgot myself for a
moment, people in wheelchairs don’t try to seduce people, at least
not successfully.”