Chapter
six
Harry woke up early the
next morning and made herself a strong coffee. She found her
thoughts wandering back to Chris and then staying there. Chris
opening wine in her kitchen, Chris chopping vegetables, and of
course Chris kissing her in a way that made her feel unsteady. She
tried to stay angry with him, but it was difficult, and she
wondered briefly if she should have tried to explain to him why she
was so upset. The problem was that walking was so very fundamental,
and not walking was something that never really stopped hurting.
She worried that if he didn't understand that, he wasn't the man
for her. Now she just needed to stop liking him so much.
Julia let herself into
the house and grimaced when Harry put a bowl of porridge in front
of her. “It's a slow release food, you won't get hungry until lunch
time.”
“
I'm always
hungry before lunchtime.”
“
Then you
should eat more porridge.”
“
Why are you
lecturing me?” Julia asked, she knew all her friend's coping
strategies, and all her habits. Harry admitted to Julia that she
had spent the evening hoping that Chris would come round to visit.
“Honey you left him standing in the computing department with your
odd chilly boss.”
“
She's not so
bad.” Harry said.
“
Don't dodge
the question, I know he upset you, but it sounds like you really
froze him out.”
Harry finished her
porridge and drank another cup of coffee. “I was also thinking
about you and Mike.” she said finally.
“
Mike only
sees you.” Julia told her firmly.
“
He works in
an IT department, I'm probably the first girl he's spoken to and
he's not very good at change.”
“
You're a
hard act to follow.” Julia said softly, as they climbed into her
messy little car.
Harry was silent on the
journey into work. She had tried so hard to create a little bubble
where people didn't know who her mother was. She loved her role in
the hospital and the comfortable camaraderie of the men she cared
about, and she wondered if they would be able to forget her
mother's imperious entrance. “You're still Harry.” Julia told her
in the car park, “They'll remember that by the end of the day.”
Harry smiled at her, remembering her tearful explanation to Julia
in their first year of University. Julia had grown up in air force
bases across Europe, and the complex hierarchy of the armed
services had allowed her to accept a British title without too much
discomfort.
The doors to the IT suite
swung open in their usual grinding fashion, and Harry took a deep
breath, and felt her apprehension mount. By the time her computer
had started up, it had dissipated completely, and she was feeling
bad about ever doubting the gentle band of misfits that she worked
with. They had made her coffee, they had told her about their
misadventures with computer games and blind dates, and they had all
called her Harry. She answered the first call of the day and
settled into a comfortable battle with a junior doctor who couldn't
access his email account. She realised that she was still hoping
that Chris would appear, but she pushed that thought into the back
of her mind.
Belinda called her into
her office at lunchtime and offered her a carrot stick. They both
crunched in silence, until the older woman said awkwardly, “I've
checked all the work policies, there is no clear guidance on how
members of the nobility should be addressed in the work
place.”
Harry finished her carrot
stick and cleared her throat. “Can we carry on as before?” she
asked quietly, “I like being called Harry.” Belinda looked at her
in silence. She had watched a lot of the coverage of the fundraiser
on the local news, and she wondered why anyone would choose to
spend their days in a portacabin on the edge of a hospital when
their parents lived in one of the biggest country houses she had
ever seen.
“
Okay then.”
Belinda said finally, “Do you mind if I send you a formal email
record of this conversation? The management are likely to ask me.”
Harry agreed and escaped back to her desk. She had been hoping that
their night together stabilizing the blood results would make
things easier with her manager, but it seemed that she would remain
disappointed. She answered the phone again and was particularly
chilly to a medical student who had forgotten her
password.
Chris was waiting in the
car park. Her stomach filled up with so many butterflies when she
saw him that it was hard to think. “Hi.” he said softly, “I'm sorry
about yesterday.”
“
It's okay,
I'm sorry I didn't thank you properly for bringing me back.” He
smiled at her then, relief and anticipation forming a heady
cocktail in his heart. He realised that he didn't care how many
other men were interested, he just needed to let her know that he
was the right man, and that he would look after her. If she would
let him. “Do you want to come for dinner tonight? Both of you that
is. My housemate is cooking, I know she can't hold her drink, but
she's fantastic with spices.”
“
We'd love
to.” Julia said quickly, and Harry nodded her assent. He smiled
down at her and she smiled back, she wanted to thank him for trying
again, for not finding her disability an insurmountable challenge.
But the butterflies were making it hard to think, and she looked up
at his delicious kissable mouth and almost decided that she didn't
mind if he wasn't very good at understanding her.
He gave them the address
and loomed over her for a moment longer, then he strode out of the
car park with the tough fluid grace that she found so hard to
resist. “Do you think we should eat first?” Julia asked her, “I
haven't got much faith in her after all that weirdness at my
party.” “How can you think about food at a time like this?” Julia
shrugged and manoeuvred her scruffy little vehicle out of the car
park. Having considered the matter for much of the journey home,
she made herself a particularly nice sandwich while Harry tried on
most of her wardrobe.
They detoured through the
park and took their time choosing a bottle of wine. The
well-dressed man in the independent shop gave them their usual
discount and interrogated them about their evening plans until
Julia cut him off slightly abruptly and asked for directions. They
found the right road and navigated the foliage of overgrown
pathway. There were three large stairs leading up to the front door
and Harry took a deep breath and smiled at her friend. “Shall we
cut our losses and get a takeaway?”
Chris opened the door
before she could reply, his smiled faded as the practicalities of
the situation sank in, and he cursed himself for his
thoughtlessness. “Would you like a hand?” he asked lightly, and she
smiled at him.
"Thank you." she said,
her dark eyes unreadable and he carried her into the hallway.
Nicola was waiting, rehearsing the warm lines of apology that she
had been planning to say in a spontaneous fashion. Her smile faded
and she tried to mask her surprise. Chris took Harry into the big
badly painted lounge. He had spent the early evening frantically
tidying, and after a lot of deliberation, he had lit a large fire
which had now overheated the room.
A generously built man
looked at her with concern. “Are you hurt?” he asked in a gently
Welsh accent.
"I'm fine,” she said as
casually as she could, watching his face change as Julia appeared
with her chair. “I can't walk, it happened a long time ago and I
should be better about remembering the practicalities.”
Jeff recovered quickly,
sensing her discomfort, and opened the wine Julia handed him. Chris
helped her find her balance in her chair, and Jeff watched his
friend's protective intensity with a smile. “Red or White?” he
asked, when the beautiful woman made eye contact with him
again.
“
Red please,”
she said gratefully.
“
A large
one?” She laughed, the animation illuminating her expressive face,
in a way that made him catch his breath. He poured a glass for her
and for himself and lost himself in her company until Chris rather
pointedly interrupted him. He smiled apologetically at his friend
and poured out a glass of wine for Julia.
Nicola watched Harry as
unobtrusively as she could. She realised that her perceptions had
completely changed, and wondered why Chris hadn't explained that
she used a wheelchair. Then she felt bad all over again when she
remembered spilling wine over her legs. While Jeff and Chris
circulated with the wine, Harry leant forward and adjusted one of
her shoes on her footrest. She looked up into Nicola's stare and
smiled into her curious eyes. “How is your week going?” she asked
easily, and Nicola was still talking when Chris called them through
for dinner.
“
Sorry Harry,
I didn't think about this either.” Chris said wretchedly. He had
wanted to show that he could look after her, and that he could make
her feel safe and comfortable, but so far all he had done was
repeatedly turn a spotlight on her disability.
“
Can I use
the chair at the head of the table?” Harry said, in the same easy
tone she had used previously. “The arm rests will help me to
balance.” He lifted her into the dining table, and heard her catch
her breath slightly as she adjusted to her new position. Then she
smiled at him again, as unconvincingly as before, and Nicola
resumed her conversation while he was laying out the
starters.
He did get to speak to
her over the main course, telling about his day, the operations and
the battle with a manager who didn't want him to admit a patient.
Her questions were perceptive and he asked her if she had
considered medicine, then looked wretched all over again when he
remembered her chair. Her eyes slanted in the way he loved.
“Goodness no, I never even considered it, your job is interesting,
but I love computers.”
"So Harry do you have any
hobbies?" Nicola asked, as they drank coffee in the lounge. Chris
froze for a moment holding the milk jug he had found in a dusty
cupboard. He was just getting the evening on track and he didn’t
think ridiculous questions from Nicola were going to help. Harry
looked at his friend in silence, her expression unreadable, and
Chris desperately offered round the chocolates he had bought
minutes before her arrival.
“
We're in a
band,” Julia said finally, “in fact we're playing tomorrow
evening.” Of course they wanted to hear more, and Julia smiled
apologetically at her friend and gave them the time and
address.
He didn't want her to go
home when the night ended. He stood in the moss on the scruffy path
outside his house holding her in his arms and savouring the subtle
notes of the scent she wore. “Thanks for a lovely evening.” she
said, and reluctantly he placed her in her wheelchair and watched
her disappear into the street with Julia close by her
side.
“
Why on earth
didn't you tell us she was paralysed?” Jeff asked him. “You ended
up embarrassing her repeatedly. That would be bad enough under any
circumstances, but given that she's a beautiful and lovely woman
that you so obviously like, it’s also really stupid.”
“
Sorry, I'm
just not sure how I feel about it.”
“
What do you
mean? She's in a wheelchair, it's not a lifestyle
choice.”
“
No I know
that. It's just that she confident and funny and intelligent, and
the paralysis thing doesn't really seem to impact on
her.”
“
Do you care
about her Chris?”
“
More than
anyone before.” he said softly. “I miss her when I'm not with her,
and I can't stop thinking about her.”
“
Then why
don't you start treating her better? No matter how confident she
is, it can't be easy to have people reacting to her wheelchair
every day. You should be able to understand that. If you want to
have a relationship with her, start looking after her.”
Chris nodded, and sat
down on the sofa. “You're right. Of course you are. I just thought
if I told you it would affect your perception of her.”
“
Chris it's
not a character flaw. It just means that she needs people to be a
bit more thoughtful around her.”
“
How was she
hurt?” Nicola asked quietly.
“
Is that fair
to ask?” Jeff said, annoyed with himself for his own
curiosity.
“
There was a
documentary about her on television last week, so I don't think
it's a secret.” Chris told them. He explained further when his
friends stared at him in blank incomprehension, describing her
intimidating lineage, her mother's time in India, the bicycle
accident, and the long lonely time in hospital in
London.
“
Have you
discussed it with her?” Jeff asked, and Chris took a deep breath
and explained her reticence, and the fundraiser, and then admitted
his insensitivity. “The thing was that I was trying to protect her.
She was so very tired, and all the men in her department had
descended on her and I thought if I explained what happened then
they would give her more space.” He ran his hand through his hair
and sucked in a deep breath, “I’m an idiot, I know, and I can’t
stop thinking about the look in her eyes when I first saw her
chair.”
Jeff sat down next to him
and touched his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I was hard on you. It’s just
she has an intense effect on a person.”