Something Like Summer (31 page)

Ben and Jace celebrated
their one year anniversary on Christmas Eve and recreated their
first date as best they could a few days later. Ben took on a
teacher’s assistant position in the second semester, feeling it
would look good on his resume. After a couple of nervous lectures
he fell into the routine and began to actually enjoy it, but it was
a constant challenge, especially since the professor would often
leave the class in Ben’s not-so-capable hands.

Spring break was once again
met with a surprise trip from Jace, this time to Berlin. Unlike
Italian, Jace didn’t speak a lick of German, which meant that they
were often lost and found themselves in embarrassing situations
that left them clutching their stomachs with laughter.

Jace promised that these
trips would become a yearly tradition. Ben requested Paris next,
but Jace shook his head, insisting that Paris would have to be a
very special occasion. The gleam in his eye promised that he
intended to one day propose to Ben there. From then on, whenever
the subject of marriage came up, they referred to it as “visiting
Paris.”

The following year Jace
took Ben to London. Of the three trips so far, this was Ben’s
favorite. Big Ben was haunting at night, Westminster Abby
impressive, and Madam Tussaud’s unintentionally creepy, but the
shopping really made the trip for him. They shopped everywhere,
from the Portobello flea market to the stores along Oxford
Street.

All of these vacations held
another meaning for Ben, for each one reminded him just how much he
cared for Jace. With all of life’s daily distractions stripped
away, he rediscovered his love for his boyfriend with every
subsequent trip. More and more, Ben felt very certain that he
wanted to “visit Paris” with him.

The return from London
brought a somber mood. With spring break out of the way, only a
small stretch of time was left before both Ben and Allison
graduated. Dreams of the far future gave way to the more pressing
matter of the present. The biggest question was: Where
next?

Cut free from the
university, they could seek out work in any city or state they
desired. Their many choices were overwhelming. Jace was an
important part of this equation, but his work was so flexible that
it had very little influence on Ben’s decision. He almost wished
that Jace’s job would force them to stay in one particular city so
that the choice was no longer his to make.

“
I think I’ve decided,”
Allison announced.

“
What?” Ben snapped. She
wasn’t supposed to decide! He wasn’t ready for that yet. Their
frequent brainstorming sessions in coffee shops weren’t meant to
deliver results. They were supposed to delay the making of actual
decisions with circular conversations that never went
anywhere.

“
I’ve decided,” Allison
repeated. She sipped her cappuccino and gazed out the café window
as if she could already see her own future. “There’s nothing left
for me in Houston. No family, obviously, and I’ve lost touch with
all my high school friends except you. No, there’s no point in me
going back.”

“
Yeah, fine, but that
still doesn’t eliminate any of the other places we’ve talked
about,” Ben said. “Not returning to Houston is one thing, but going
somewhere new is entirely different. What about the band we’re
going to start in Seattle? Or our hippie commune in Sante
Fe?”

Allison rolled her eyes,
trying not to smile. “Seriously though, think about it. Finding a
job and starting our careers is going to be hard enough without the
added hassle of relocating.”

Easy for her to say. Ben
still didn’t know what he wanted to do after graduation. He shoved
his vanilla cappuccino away. No point in suffering the taste of
coffee if it wasn’t going to earn him some procrastination. “I
thought we agreed that Austin is overrun with fresh graduates
looking for jobs. That’s a lot of competition.”

Allison didn’t seem to hear
him. She was staring over his shoulder. Her eyes widened and
flicked back to Ben, then over his shoulder, before once again
focusing on him.

“
What’s up?” Ben said,
starting to turn around.

“
No!” Allison said
quickly. “It’s nothing. Just-- What were you saying?”

Ben didn’t answer, choosing
instead to scrutinize his friend who was suddenly acting
crazy.

“
Don’t turn around,”
Allison pleaded. “You’ll regret it if you do. Oh god! Never
mind.”

“
Benjamin?”

His skin tingled at the
sound of that voice, shivers running up his spine to the base of
his skull. Ben turned around. And there he was. Tim Wyman, floating
through the café’s jumbled tables and chairs like a ghost from the
past. He looked exactly the same, and yet completely different. His
teenage body had given way to manhood, accentuating every handsome
feature. The jaw was stronger, the cheeks more defined. The body
beneath the tight, artificially aged T-shirt solidified into
something showcased in fashion catalogs and porn magazines. Worst
of all, those damnable silver eyes were already smiling at
him.

“
It’s really you, isn’t
it?” Tim had reached the table and put his hand on Ben’s
shoulder.

At his touch, Ben was
seventeen again, clutching the grass while watching Tim walk away
from him and knowing the damage was irreparable, that no matter how
much he begged or pleaded, no matter how badly he wanted to feel
Tim’s touch again, he never would. Their time together was over.
Except, here he was again.

“
Yeah,” Ben responded, not
even remembering the question anymore. His chest was so tight he
could barely speak a single word. He shrugged Tim’s hand away, an
act that probably seemed cold, but his only other option was to
scream.

The light in Tim’s eyes
flickered with uncertainty. “Man. So are you just visiting or
what?”

“
I’m enrolled here,” Ben
answered, heart thudding in his ears.

“
Since when? I thought you
were in Chicago?”

As one, Tim and Ben both
looked to Allison. She gave Tim a blank look before turning to Ben.
Her eyes said “Don’t be mad at me,” and Ben understood. She had
previously run into Tim and had told him Ben was in Chicago. Maybe
he actually had been at the time, but she had never mentioned the
encounter to Ben, which could only mean one thing.

“
I’m guessing we go to the
same school?” Ben asked, his focus still on his best
friend.

“
Yeah,” she
confirmed.

“
Jesus,” Tim said, sitting
down at the table.

This was too much. “I have
to go.” Ben stood clumsily, the chair almost tipping over behind
him and was out the door before anyone could say anything to stop
him.

“
You should have told me!”
he heard Tim scolding Allison before the door of the coffee shop
closed.

Ben headed down the street
at a pace desperate to become a run. He was heading toward Jace’s
apartment until he remembered Jace would be out of town for three
more days. Home was in the other direction, which would mean having
to walk back by the coffee shop. Ben turned and saw Tim running
down the sidewalk toward him.

“
Wait,” Tim called out.
“Please.”

Ben looked down at his
feet, half-expecting to see the same dopey Smashing Pumpkins
T-shirt that he was wearing the night that Tim had jogged past
him.

“
Hey,” Tim panted as he
came to a stop. It sounded so casual, as if they were two friends
who regularly saw each other.

“
What do you want?” Ben
shook his head, unable to imagine the answer.

“
I don’t know,” Tim said.
“I just want to talk to you, I guess.”

Ben breathed in heavily,
the smell of Tim filling his nose and tingling on his tongue. This
wasn’t happening. “I can’t.”

“
I know you’re mad at me,”
Tim said, stooping to catch Ben’s eye and failing. “Look, take
this.”

A cell phone was pressed
into Ben’s hand.

“
I’ll call tonight, okay?
We’re both in shock right now and need time to think, but I still
want to talk to you. Cool?”

Ben nodded. Why the hell
not? He could always dump the phone somewhere if he changed his
mind.

“
All right. I’m going
now,” Tim started to walk away, but hesitated. “You were right,
Benjamin.”

Ben finally raised his
head. “About what?”

“
About a lot of things.
See you around!”

Tim flashed his winner’s
smile and left. Ben watched him walk down the street, expecting him
to disappear any moment like a phantom.

__________

Chapter 21

There was no good cop, bad
cop in this interrogation. Only bad cop, and he wanted answers. If
need be he would cut off his prisoner from food or water. Or refuse
to pay his share of the rent, or something.

“
Sophomore year,” Allison
reported from the couch, while Ben stood over her, arms crossed
like an angry parent. “I would always pass him after composition. I
noticed him right away, but it took Tim ages to see me.”

“
But one day he did and
stopped to talk to you?”

“
Mm-hm. The first thing
out of his mouth was a question about you. He wanted to know where
you were, how you were doing.”

“
And?”

“
I didn’t tell him
anything. Well, I said you were in Chicago, but that was
it.”

“
Was I still?”

“
No. I lied and would have
again today if you hadn’t been there.” Allison crossed her own
arms. “I did it to protect you.”

“
You could have told me. I
wouldn’t have run off to meet him.”

“
No, but you would have
ended up in that hallway one day, just out of
curiosity.”

Ben’s shoulders sagged. He
knew she was right.

“
So, anything
else?”

“
Not really. Eventually
Tim gave up trying to pump me for information and we didn’t see
each other after that year.”

Ben sat down on the couch
and leaned against her for support. “Do you think I should answer
when he calls?”

“
No. Think about
Jace.”

“
Why? Talking on the phone
isn’t cheating. It’s not like I’m going to have phone sex with him
or something.”

Allison didn’t answer right
away. Ben could tell that she was holding something back, trying to
decide whether it would help or harm her case. Ben waited. If she
decided not to tell him, he would force it out of her
somehow.

“
I’ve heard things,”
Allison said at last.

“
Go on.”

“
Tim has a sugar
daddy.”

“
What do you mean?” Ben
asked, his stomach clenching.

“
Some old guy. I don’t
really know details, but he’s supposed to be rolling in it. You
really think someone as pretty as Tim is hanging around a rich old
guy for fun?”

Ben didn’t reply. He didn’t
want to imagine his high school sweetheart grunting over some old
bag of bones for cash. Maybe he shouldn’t take Tim’s call. Why
tarnish his memories even further with more lurid
details?

“
Why don’t you call Jace
instead?” Allison suggested.

She was right, of course.
That’s just what he would do.

* * * * *

Summer burned and blazed
with a vengeance, as if it had something to prove. Ben tossed and
turned in bed, the sheets tangled up around his legs. The window
air conditioning unit couldn’t cope with more than mild warmth, so
he had shut it off and opened the other window. Cicadas buzzed
outside, invigorated by the heat.

Ben had stripped down to
his underwear but was still sweating as he drifted in and out of
sleep. He hadn’t called anyone that night and no one had called
him. Ben had fiddled with Tim’s phone, looking at the stored
numbers and wondering what sort of people were on the other end.
Each male name listed was a leering old man in Ben’s mind,
clutching a wad of hundred dollar bills in one hand while gesturing
to the bulge in his plaid trousers with the other. Then there was
the number listed as “Home.” Where did that lead to? A place of
Tim’s own, or to his parents back in the The Woodlands? Eventually
Ben grew tired of wondering and longed for the blissful limbo of
sleep. He left the phone on the pillow beside him, and it was still
there when it began to buzz like a bee.

Ben groped around until he
found the vibrating phone. He answered blearily, forgetting that it
wasn’t his own. “Hullo?”

“
Hey! Were you
sleeping?”

Ben jolted awake. “No! I
mean, yeah.”

“
It’s only 11 p.m.,” Tim
chided. “What sort of college boy are you?”

Ben hesitated. Should he
enter into casual banter, or should he start shooting off
questions? He didn’t want to pretend nothing had happened and that
they had always been on good terms.

“
Where were you?” he
tried.

“
Oh. I had a study group
and we went out for--”