Shattered Dreams (2 page)

Emma looks at me and smiles. “I would love
to,” she says, sitting up in the bed. The nurse walks over and gets
an extra pillow from the linen closet. I kiss the baby and hand him
to Emma. I don’t walk away from the bed; instead, I sit on the edge
so I can be a part of his first feeding. The nurse assists Emma
from the other side of the bed, and I watch my son nurse for the
first time. Reaching over I lightly touch James’ forehead. He has
the softest skin I have ever felt. Emma looks over at me and
smiles.  

I say, “I love you so much. You do know that
I am the happiest man on the earth right now?” I raise my hand and
touch Emma’s earlobe. She leans her head into my hand and I cup my
hand over her cheek.  

“
Max, I love you so much.
Thank you for giving him to me. It’s hard to believe how much I
love him, already.” Emma looks down at James as he eats, and
touches his small cheek. 

“
He’s beautiful. Today is
right up there with one of the best days of my
life.” 

“
One of them?” she asks,
surprised. 

“
Yes, marrying you is one
and James’ birth is another. I feel complete. Everything I have
ever wanted is right here. I am the luckiest guy on the planet
Earth.”  

Once James is finished
eating and Emma swaddles him
.
I lay him down in his crib. I look over at Emma;
she is sitting up in bed with her eyes closed. I lower the head of
her hospital bed and cover her with the blankets up to her chin,
the way I know she likes them. She tells me she loves me, but she
doesn’t open her eyes. There is a recliner in the room I make into
a bed for me for the night. I know that she will want me to go
home, but I have no intentions of leaving my family in the hospital
alone. I kiss her goodnight before I kiss James goodnight. I look
on the nightstand; a children’s book is lying on the stand. I open
it and see that it is a gift from Emma’s mom and
dad. 

For our firstborn grandson.
We loved you even before we met you. We love you so much, Grandma
and Pap. 
 

I smile at the thought of
how much my son is already loved. He is only a few hours old and so
many people already love him. The more people who love him, the
better off he will be as a child
and
a man. The book is called
The Grandchild
. I pull up
a chair and begin to read the book to James before going to
bed. 

Emma

“
Emma, please don’t lift
that. I’ll get it for you.” 

“
Max, I am more than capable
of carrying our baby into the house.” 

“
The baby, yes, but not the
baby and his carrier. Here, let me,” Max says, reaching into the
back seat and unfastening the carrier from the carrier
base.  

“
I’m not as fragile as you
think.” 

“
I know that. I just want
you to take it easy for a while. The doctor said no
lifting.” 

“
Max, he didn’t mean the
baby.” And we both laugh.  

“
Ok, you got me there. Once
we get him in the house, then you can carry
him.”  

Max carries the baby and my suitcase and we
walk into our military-issued duplex apartment on base. We have
lived here for the past year. We share the other half of the duplex
with Jamison, a guy in Max’s platoon. Jamison is married to Brooke,
and they have two sons: Braden is two years old, and Briley is 6
months old.  

Max opens the door and I smell food cooking
as soon as I walk in. He closes the door and Brooke walks out of
the kitchen.  

“
It’s about time,” she says,
smiling. “I thought Greyson got lost.” 

“
He didn’t tell me you were
going to be here.” I walk over to hug her. “That explains why he
took the long way home,” I say, looking back over my shoulder at
him. 

“
Don’t blame me, I was told
to give Brooke time to get dinner ready. How am I supposed to know
how long that takes?” he says while lifting James from the
carrier.  

Brooke walks over and hugs Max before taking
the baby from him. “You’re right. It just seemed like you were gone
forever. I’ve been dying here waiting for you guys.” 

Brooke walks over to the couch with our son,
and Max and I watch her hold him. She uncovers him and looks at his
fingers and toes, she removes his small cap and looks at his hair.
I kiss Max and we both go over and sit beside Brooke. She replaces
his cap and swaddles him in a baby blanket before she holds him to
her chest. We watch as she kisses his cheek and cuddles him. “Oh,
Emma and Greyson, he is such a cutie.” 

A knock sounds at the door, and Max stands to
answer it.  

“
That’s probably Brice;
although I am right next door, he’s probably going crazy alone with
the boys,” Brooke says. 

Max opens the door and Brice walks in,
carrying a crying baby and holding Braden’s hand. Braden sees
Brooke and takes off and runs towards her. 

“
I’m sorry, Emma and Brooke,
but they want their mother.” He looks disheveled and tired. I take
James from Brooke and she bends down and picks up Braden. She
kisses him before she walks over to the door to join her husband
and baby. 

“
Food’s done. There’s
meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a salad on the table. The brownies
are in the oven; they still have about 15 minutes left on the timer
before they are done.” 

“
Thank you, you didn’t have
to do that.” 

“
We know that; we wanted to.
Someone in the platoon will be cooking for you once a night for the
next week. We want you to take it easy for a while.” She takes the
fussy baby from Brice and he instantly calms. 

“
Why don’t you stay and eat
with us?” 

“
No, thank you. This is your
time. I’ll be over tomorrow when these guys go to work. If you need
me or need anything, come over, text, or call us.” 

“
I’m off on paternity
leave,” Max says, walking towards the door.  

“
You are? You got time off
from work?” I ask. 

“
I took two weeks
off.”  

“
Oh, Max, two weeks with you
and no work. Just you, me, and James?” 

Max walks over to me, “You’re excited now,
but in two weeks, you’ll be singing another tune.” 

“
I doubt
that.” 

I stand up and we walk over to Brooke and
Brice. Max looks at me with concern; I smile. He doesn’t want me to
lift anything heavy. I have been carrying James around in my belly
for nine months; carrying him in my arms is no different. Well, it
is different; it’s much easier. Brice looks over at the baby and
smiles.  

“
We need to get these guys
fed and bathed. Emma, you look great and call if you need anything.
Greyson, count your blessings
that your son
got his looks from Emma and not from you.” Brice laughs as he opens
the door for his family.  

“
I know that’s right. I’ll
see you tomorrow and thank you both,” Max says with his hand on the
doorknob. 

“
No problem, see you
later.”  

I feed and change the baby before Max and I
eat supper. Brooke set the table and even placed white taper
candles in the center. Max and I talk about him being home for the
next two weeks and about my parents coming up for a visit for five
days and his parents coming up for another five days the following
week. Thankfully, they won’t be here at the same time. This house
isn’t big enough for the seven of us.  

Over the next few days, Max and I stay home
and try to get a routine down as a family. James is a good baby, as
I knew he would be. Max is so calm and patient, I was hoping James
would get that gene. I, on the other hand, worry about everything.
I was a nervous child, and I am a nervous adult. I do know some
things will never change, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying
about them.  

I breastfeed James for every feeding and Max
sits close. I know he wants to be a part of it. I started using the
breast pump his mother got me, so Max can now feed James and James
doesn’t miss out on the nutrients of breast milk. Max holds him and
watches him closely. We have a camera that we keep out for moments
like these.  

“
What are you doing?” Max
smiles and blinks several times.  

“
I’m sorry, I want to get a
picture of you feeding James.” 

“
I understand that, but
don’t you think you have enough pictures?”  

“
No, you can never have too
many pictures. Besides, he is growing every day, I don’t want to
miss anything.”  

Max removes the empty bottle from James’
mouth and puts him on his shoulder to burp him. “You’re changing
this diaper,” Max says, laughing. 

We have quickly learned that James poops
after every feeding.  

“
Ok, but you get the next
one.”  

I stand and walk the short distance to the
Pack ’n Play where the extra diapers and baby wipes are stored. I
collect what I need for a diaper change and go back over to sit
beside Max. I watch how gently he handles James. Nothing like the
rough and tough soldier he is trained to be.  

“
What are you smiling
at?” 

I blink a few times and look up at Max’s
sweet face. “I was just thinking about how gentle you are with
him.” I smile and watch as Max continues to burp James. “If you are
this soft as a soldier, I think you are in big trouble.” 

“
Soft? Who are you calling
soft?” he says, laughing. 

I laugh, too. “I didn’t mean for that to come
out like it sounded.” 

“
Here, I think he’s done and
I definitely think his diaper needs changed.” Max kisses our son
and hands him to me. “Soft, huh? I think this is a conversation
that needs to remain between us.” 

I take the baby from Max. “I’m not saying
it’s a bad thing.” I kiss James and lay out his changing mat so I
can change him. 

“
A soft soldier is
definitely a bad thing.” He shakes his head and walks
away.  

I wake up in the middle of the night to an
empty bed. I walk down the hall and into the nursery to find Max
asleep in the overstuffed rocker with a sleeping baby tucked safely
in his arms. I smile and walk back into the bedroom to get the
camera. The lamp is on and I pray that is enough light so I won’t
need a flash. After I snap several pictures, I pick up the baby and
place him back into his crib. Max wakes up and watches me. He
stands beside the crib and lightly touches James’ small
cheek.  

“
Come on, momma. Let’s go to
bed.” 

I look up and smile at Max. He has never
called me mom, mommy, or momma before. He places his large hand on
my waist and leads me out of the room. He lifts the covers for me
to climb under. I do, then wait for Max to get into bed so I can
curl up beside him. I snuggle into him and he wraps his arms
securely around me.  

“
Thank you,” he says while
gently caressing my earlobe.  

I don’t move my head but ask, “For
what?” 

“
For giving me everything I
have ever wanted. For making my life complete.” 

“
James has made your life
complete?” I ask, smiling into his chest. 

“
Well, I have always thought
my life was complete with just you, but he adds to it.” Max kisses
my head and holds me tighter. 

“
He is pretty sweet, isn’t
he?” I ask as I draw the infinity symbol onto his bare
chest.  

“
Yes, he is. Who knew what
we were missing out on? Emma, when I get back from my deployment we
should try to have another baby.” 

Max and his platoon are scheduled for
deployment overseas in another six months. “Max, I don’t want to
talk or think about that.” 

“
Ok, I’m
sorry.” 

The next few days are filled up with my
parents coming in to see their grandson and to also help Max and me
out. To my surprise, Max and I have adjusted very well into a
routine. James is an extremely good baby. I haven’t needed to fix
dinner since we came home from the hospital. The guys in Max’s
platoon and their wives have been taking turns making us dinner and
bringing it over every night. I guess they decided that would be
the easiest and the fairest way for everyone to meet James. They
bring dinner and stay for an hour or so visiting. It’s been
wonderful seeing everyone and it hasn’t been too overwhelming,
since they have been taking turns.  

“
Emma, I think he looks like
you when you were born,” my dad says,
smiling.  

Max clears his throat and smiles at my
dad. 

“
Oh, yeah, I can see some of
Max in him, too,” my dad says, while focusing solely on James. “I
think he has your chin, Max.”  

“
The dimple in James’ chin
definitely came from me.” Max beams. 

My mom takes James from my dad. James also
has Max’s nose and his deep-set eyes. I look up at Max — he is
standing proud. He walks to and stands over my mom. I have to smile
at how proud he is knowing his son resembles him. 

“
He has Emma’s blond hair,
mouth, and ears,” Max says seriously. He bends down and touches
James’ cheek. “I love Emma’s soft blond hair, her full lips, and
small ears. He looks so much like his mother, thank
God.” 

“
He is a beautiful baby and
he looks like the both of you. The dimple in his chin certainly
comes from you, Max,” my mother says while repositioning James on
her lap.