Shattered Dreams (8 page)

Danny stands over her and nods in agreement.
“He sure does.” 

“
I think so, too, especially
when he smiles,” I add.  

While they are here, we mostly stay in the
house, although we go out to eat dinner a couple of times. I like
to keep James home because it’s easier for me to watch him and I
don’t want to expose him to all those germs, just yet. The doctor
told me it’ll be good to expose him and it’ll help to build up his
immune system. I’m still not ready for that.  

Max is scheduled to skype with us today so we
have the computer set up on the dining room table waiting for
him.  

Brooke’s family is also in town visiting. I
haven’t seen much of her, but I know as soon as they leave we’ll
fall back into our routine of eating fattening foods and watching
funny chick flicks.  

The monitor comes to life and Max’s grainy
image appears. I smile as we all crowd in front of the small
monitor. I hold James as I stand beside Max’s mother. Max’s father
stands behind us. His father doesn’t smile and stands tall and
serious. I wonder what is going on in his mind. Max’s image appears
clearly, and he smiles. I automatically place my fingertips on the
corner of the screen. Max does the same.  

I cry and try to look away before he sees
me.  

“
Em, don’t cry, we are one
week closer to being together.” 

I wipe the tears away and make myself smile.
“I know, I just miss you.” James coos and everyone laughs. “James
misses you, too.”  

I hear a noise and the screen goes grainy
again. We stand there patiently waiting for Max to
appear.  

“
Was it like this last
week?” Danny asks.  

I don’t take my eyes off the screen. “What?”
I ask.  

“
The noises and then the
interference. Was it like this last week?” Danny
asks.  

“
Yes, but not as bad.” The
screen comes back to life and Max looks thinner than last
week. 

“
Sorry about that,” Max
says. “We are out in the middle of nowhere,” he
adds. 

I hold James out for him to see. “Hey,
daddy’s little boy. He is getting so big, Em.”  

“
And strong, I can barely
hold him still,” I say, trying to keep James from
moving. 

 “
How are you?” Danny
asks. 

“
Ok, I’ll be glad when it’s
over,” Max says. 

“
Do you need
anything?” 

“
No, we are getting a care
package once a week and so far it has been enough. They are loaded
with hygiene items and some other things; cards, socks and dental
floss are the extras. I am very grateful to have them. They started
collecting and sending out our mail last week. So far we haven’t
received anything from home. The care packages are being donated
from schools and churches from the U.S.”  

“
We just got a mailing
address and I mailed some letters, cards, and a care package from
me and James,” I say. 

“
Same with us, we just got
the address a few days ago. Once you get everything, you should be
all right,” Max’s mother adds.  

We hear another noise and the screen goes
grainy again. We wait and his dad seems to tense up. “Emma, has
Alec said that they are in active combat?” 

“
No, Danny, he hasn’t said
that. Do you think that is bombing?” 

“
Emma, I don’t
know.”  

Max comes into view and I rush to tell him I
love him and how much I miss him. He smiles and I can see the dark
circles around his eyes. His mother sobs and I know she sees them,
too.  

Max says, “Emma, I love you and James so
much. If you need anything, you call Sgt. Majors or my Dad. They
both will help you.” 

I nod because I can’t speak. The image comes
in and out before the computer screen finally goes blank like it
did last week. I stand there and pray it comes back on, although I
know it won’t. James begins to fuss, and I go upstairs to change
him. I am grateful for the small amount of alone time I have. I
love seeing Max, but it takes a toll on me seeing him like
that. 

I hear his mother walking up
the stairs and shutting the bathroom door behind her. I hear
muffled cries and I have to fight my own tears. My nose tingles,
and I have to rub it to make it stop. I look over at James and he
smiles at me. My son knows who I am and it’s the only joy I have
right now. I change James and put him into his pajamas before
heading back downstairs. Expecting to see Danny, I am surprised to
find the downstairs empty. I lay a small blanket out on the floor
and sit James in between my legs. I turn my phone on so Max can
read his son a bedtime story. We have done this every night since I
first found the recorded bedtime story that Max had recorded. I
hold the book and point to the words as Max reads them.
I am certain James’ favorite book will be
Richard Scarry’s, Please and Thank You
Book.
I make sure Max reads it to James
every night before bed.  

Once the story is over, I hear “Aww” behind
me. I turn around. Max’s parents are standing there
watching.  

“
Oh, Emma.” They are the
only words his mother says. 

I smile. “I can’t take the credit — Max did
this when I was asleep. Max and I get to read James a bedtime story
together every night.” 

“
Max did this on his own?”
Danny asks. 

“
He did. I found it a couple
days after he left.” 

“
Danny did the same thing
for Max when he was in the service,” Cheryl cries. “Of course, it
wasn’t on a cell phone; it was on a voice
cassette.” 

I hold a sleeping James close to me and kiss
his small forehead. “Did Danny leave one for you, too?” I ask,
already knowing the answer.  

“
He did, mine was
instructions about what to do if I needed anything,” Cheryl
says.  

“
Mine was, too,” I
smile. 

Danny removes his phone from his pocket and
excuses himself. He doesn’t wait for us to say anything before he
heads outside.  

“
I didn’t hear his phone
ring,” I say, standing with James so I can put him to
bed.  

“
It must have been on
silent. I didn’t hear it either.” 

I walk over to her so she can kiss James good
night. “Are you all right? I heard you in the restroom
earlier.” 

“
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
for anyone to hear that. As you can imagine, it’s very difficult
seeing your son like that. I know Danny won’t admit that he is
scared, but I’m scared. I just want my son home where he should be.
Safe in his own home.” 

“
Cheryl, please don’t be
sorry. I’m scared and Brooke is scared, too. Six more months and it
won’t come fast enough, if you ask me.” I reposition James in my
arms, “All we can do is pray. Good night and I’ll see you in the
morning. I’ll turn the covers down for you and
Danny.” 

“
Good night and sweet
dreams. Please don’t fuss over those blankets. I’ll do it when we
go to bed. Thank you, Emma, for listening to me. I didn’t mean to
dump all my worries on you.” 

I start to walk towards the stairs. “You
didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. Good night, and
please tell Danny good night for me.” 

I speak to Brooke only a
couple of times during the week. She didn’t get good reception when
she spoke to Brice the other day either. Her parents are leaving
tomorrow, and she says that she’s relieved. Danny and Cheryl are
supposed to leave in a few days, but Danny asked me if they could
stay a few extra days. He said he wanted to
talk to
Max again before leaving. I
can understand that, and I don’t have a problem with them staying.
James loves having them here, and they are a huge help. I actually
get to soak in a bubble bath when they are here. 

The mail comes and brings a mailbox full of
mail. I laugh when I reach in and pull out all the envelopes with
the flag border indicating U.S. Mail. It takes both of my hands to
hold all the letters from Max. I carefully walk inside the house
and toss everything on the foyer table. I look through the letters
and some are addressed to Mr. James, Sir James, and Soldier James.
I laugh. All of mine are addressed to Mrs. Max
Greyson.  

I remove my coat and shoes and carry all the
letters to the couch. Cheryl and Danny are taking James for a walk.
It’s still cool outside, but it is finally warming
up.  

I sort through the letters and I suddenly
feel hope. Half of the letters are for me, some are for James, and
a few letters are for Cheryl and Danny. I lay their letters off to
the side and look over the letters addressed to James before
opening a letter for me.  

I open a letter to me and tears immediately
fill my eyes and blur my vision. My nose tingles and I rub it with
my hands to try to get it to stop. I haven’t even read the letter,
but I know it’ll make me cry. I tilt my head back and will the
tears to stop. I begin to read.  

Emma, I hope you and James
are holding up. I feel terrible for leaving you so soon after the
birth of our son. I was hoping for more time with him and with you.
I am forever grateful for the time I did have. I am also grateful
for the once-a-week Skype time we have; although the reception is
poor, it is far better than nothing at all. Please know how much I
love you, and him. You both are my world, and there isn’t anything
that I wouldn’t do for either of you.
 

The Middle East is
everything I thought it would be: hot and sandy. Nothing much is
going on so we play cards and write letters in our spare time. The
only saving grace is my platoon and the fact that my buddies and I
are here together. It’s good to know they have my back and I have
theirs.
 

If you need anything, call
Sgt. Chad Majors or my dad. When I get home, I plan to make up for
the time I spent away from you and our son. Em, I love you always
and forever and I will be back soon. Max. 
 

I hear the front door open and James squeal.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand to greet them. I already
know that my face is blotchy and my nose is red. Some days I hate
being a blond, fair-skinned girl.  

“
Emma, what’s wrong?” Cheryl
says in a panicked voice. 

I hate that she scares so easily since Max is
deployed. I put on a smile and look at the stack of letters from
Max lying on the coffee table. “Max wrote a month’s worth of
letters and they just came today. I put yours and Danny’s off to
the side.” 

“
Oh, thank God,” she says,
taking James out of the stroller.  

I walk the short distance over to her and
take James from her. “And daddy wrote you, too,” I say in the
baby’s voice I use on a regular basis.  

“
I’m glad they were able to
get their letters mailed out,” Danny says, while folding the
stroller up and putting it into the coat closet. He smiles at me
and walks over to retrieve his letters from the coffee table. “I’ll
be right back,” he says as he walks outside with his letters in
hand.  

I have to smile because that is the same
thing Max would say. Max always said, “I’ll be right back,”
whenever he left. I watch as Cheryl also picks up her letters and
heads to the dining room table to read them. I sit James on my lap
and remove his coat and hat. He looks at me and smiles. “You want
me to read one of your letters from daddy?” 

I reach over and pick one up from the top of
his pile.  

James, I would move heaven and earth if I
could just be with you. Unfortunately, things happen and we must be
apart. I love you and miss you to heaven and back. I work hard
every day so I can see you for 15 minutes each week. Your smiles
and coos keep me going to the next week. Every week that passes is
one more week closer I am to being with you and your mother again.
Son, I love you, always and forever, Daddy.

I decide I can’t read another letter from Max
right now, although I have been waiting for them for weeks. His
letters remind me of the pain he suffers being apart from us. I
have been so wrapped up in my own sadness that I have forgotten
about his. James squeals and it brings a smile to my face. “Did you
like daddy’s letter? Let’s get you fed and put down for a nap.” I
look over at Cheryl — she is crying. I can feel her pain. I grab a
box of tissues from the table and take them over to her before
taking James upstairs to feed him. 

Later that night I lie in
bed and read some of Max’s letters. I cry and smile at the same
time. Neither Cheryl nor Danny shared their letters or the contents
of their letters with me. I didn’t ask and they didn’t
offer.
Danny did ask if it would be ok if
they stayed an extra week, and I invited them to stay as long as
they want.
 
 

I haven’t seen Brooke lately, but I know her
parents are leaving to return home today. I text her to invite her
and her sons to dinner.  

Emma: Did they
leave?
 

Brooke: Just
left.
 

Emma: Wanna come to dinner?
Max’s parents are still here for another week. I could use some
company, if you know what I mean.
 

Brooke: Are you sure? Three
extra people are a bit much.
 

Emma: Of course I’m sure.
I’ll be over to help you get the kids ready.
 

Brooke: That’s ok. As soon
as the baby wakes from his nap, we’ll be over. Thank
you.