Seer: Thrall (3 page)

"Not that!"

"What then?"

"I don't know."

"Would you rather she'd killed you?"

"That would be better than living like that."

"Perhaps. But this way you might be getting a second chance. Don't you want it? She had us unpackage you for a reason, although she hasn't told us what that may be."

"Those are the choices?"

"When you saw all the security, what did you think this was? Who did you think ran it?"

"I thought she was a mob lawyer."

"All right. What do you think the mob would have done to you?"

I sighed. "Beat me until I answered their questions then put a bullet through my head, if they didn't kill me just by beating me to death. But they're the mob. I guess I expected if I were caught, I'd be turned over to the police."

"Do you believe that's possible, given what you saw?"

"No." I paused. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew Solange was hiding something from me, something big. I thought it was something bad, something terrible."

"So that's your excuse for betraying her?"

"I didn't betray her, but even if I had, when one girlfriend betrays another, you don't normally respond in this fashion. I didn't deserve this."

"What did you deserve?"

"I told you: to be arrested and face trial. Not this. This is barbaric!"

"The rewards for loyalty to Ms. Casper are significant. The punishments for betrayal are equally significant."

"I didn't betray her. She betrayed me. But you think I deserve it. Go away. I don't want anyone near me who believes I deserve any of this."

"I don't know if you deserved it," she replied. "But I believe you put her between a rock and a hard place."

"She should have talked to me," I admitted. "And maybe, just maybe, she shouldn't have allowed a serious relationship with me if she was going to try to keep such a fucking big secret from a seer!"

I was still angry at what Solange had done, but I had stopped crying, which was an improvement. My heart was still pounding, however.

"What is she going to do with me?"

"I don't know," the nurse said, "but she told us to treat you gently. That is probably a clue."

"Will she let me go?"

"I don't know. You need to talk to her about that."

I kept my eyes closed, but I turned away again.

"Can you give me something to help me sleep?"

"She wants you to sleep naturally today," Nurse April replied. "But I can help you with calming exercises."

"Please don't be offended, but you don't seem like the calming type."

"You called me a heartless bitch, but you're worried if I'll take offense?" She paused. "I do yoga for my own health."

"Oh. You would have me do yoga?" I rattled my restraints.

She laughed lightly. "Just the breathing exercises. They'll help."

She let me consider it. "I guess I'd like that," I admitted.

"All right. I'm going to say once more. She told us to treat you gently. Your situation isn't hopeless. There's no one else here I'd say that about. Have heart."

I nodded, and a moment later she began speaking gently to me, helping me with meditative, breathing exercises.

* * * *

I slept until Nurse April returned with lunch. She woke me gently. She gave me apple juice, fed me more pudding, then offered me my choice of a few other gentle foods. I ate slowly and thanked her when I was done. She cleared everything then sat down next to me.

"Will you help me sleep again?"

"Of course." She paused. "My shift ends at 3:30. Someone else will be with you after that." I nodded understanding, and she told me to close my eyes. We did more breathing exercises, her voice growing quieter and quieter. I slept.

I woke a few times, but I remembered the breathing exercises. My body was so weak, so falling back to sleep wasn't difficult.

A new nurse woke me for dinner. I opened my eyes and saw a big, black man hovering over my bed. He startled me, and my heart began pounding. I would have pulled away, but I had nowhere to go.

"I am Doyle," he said. "I have your dinner. You will eat, and then I have permission to roll a television in. We have a variety of movies you could watch."

"The news."

"There's no signal down here. We have a television with a DVD player. It's movies or nothing."

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm sorry I startled you."

"Thank you," I said again. "What do you have?"

"Canned pears, green beans, mashed potatoes. And pudding."

"That pudding is terrible," I said. "Solange can't spring for the good stuff?"

"It's nutritious," he countered. I let him feed me. He was businesslike about it, although he didn't rush me. I didn't think he'd hold my hand if I started to cry; I had been surprised April had tried.

I didn't want their comfort, anyway.

I finished dinner. Doyle disappeared for a few minutes. When he returned, he was rolling a cart with a large television perched on it. He moved it to the foot of the bed.

"All right. I have ten movies to pick from."

"I wouldn't suppose the
Blade
trilogy is amongst them. Maybe I could pick up some useful pointers."

"I don't think you should consider
Blade
a documentary," Doyle said. He held the movies up, and I didn't recognize any of them. They must have been pretty new.

"Are any of them any good?"

"I like action movies," he said. "This one was good."

I eyed it dubiously.

"You don't seem like you're really in an action movie mood."

"No. I wouldn't suppose any of them is a lesbian romantic comedy."

He laughed, then he realized I was serious. "Sorry. This one is supposed to be good." We showed me what looked like a romantic comedy.

I shrugged then nodded. He slipped the DVD into the player, turned on the television, then slipped the remote into my hand. "Volume is here," he said, showing me. "Pause and play are here, but it should auto play."

"Thank you, Doyle."

"I'll check on you from time to time, but I have other duties."

"Thank you," I repeated.

It was hard to concentrate on the movie. I kept wondering when Solange would appear. She'd said evening. If I'd just had dinner, wasn't it now evening?

I wondered if she'd been waiting, as the credits were rolling when she walked into the room. I tried hitting stop on the remote, but I dropped it, and then I couldn't pick it up again. She stepped forward, picked up the remote, and stopped the movie for me.

"Good evening, Sidney," she said. "How are you feeling?"

I was immediately filled with dread. I'd been looking forward to having it out with her, but the enormity of my situation pressed on me. It would take nothing for her to put me back where I'd spent the last seven months.

"I don't know," I said. "Please, Solange, will you please let me go? I promise, I won't tell anyone a thing."

"That's what we're going to discuss, Sidney," she said. She stepped to the television cart and rolled it backwards, opening the curtains widely to do so. She moved a chair to the side of the bed and sat down. "Do you need anything before we begin?"

"Something to drink? Doyle left everything somewhere."

She got back up and crossed the room to a small counter. "I have water and juice."

"Water, please."

She gave me the water, then dabbed at my lips for a moment. It wasn't necessary, and I wondered why she had done it. She set the water down and returned to sit in the chair beside the bed.

"Please forgive me, Solange," I said as soon as she turned to me. "I won't tell. I won't."

"I should tell you: if you lie to me, I can tell."

"I'm not lying! I won't tell."

"You believe that now, but once you have your freedom, I am not sure you'll keep your promise. So we have a great deal to talk about." She paused. "I want to be able to trust you, Sidney, but it's going to be hard."

I closed my eyes tightly but said, "I know. Please don't put me back in that other room. I'm begging you."

"Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about the best possible outcome. Open your eyes and look at me."

I obeyed immediately, hoping to assure her of my obedience.

"Your best possible outcome from this is actually pretty good, Sidney," she said. "Your body is weak and needs therapy to be strong again. You won't enjoy therapy, but if I decide to trust you, then you will do whatever I tell you. Won't you?"

"Yes, Solange!" I said immediately. I would have agreed to almost anything if it meant I wasn't going back into the plastic bag again.

"So, discounting therapy, which will be unpleasant but necessary, you could find yourself free of this place. You would, more or less, belong to me. I might let you return to your job. I'm not sure yet. I may let you move back into your house, or you may live with me or with someone I assign to watch over you. I haven't decided that yet, either. I may let you return to your old friendships; I may not."

At that point, I wasn't sure how much of that I cared about. I was terrified she'd walk away and return with Doyle, telling him to put me back in the plastic. Anything sounded better than that.

She read my emotions all over my face.

"You'd agree to almost anything right now, wouldn't you?"

I admitted I would.

"Well, I'm not interested in that. I want an agreement you won't grow to resent as soon as you have a taste of freedom."

I looked away for a moment, and she took that as a request to let me think. "Why are you even offering this?"

"Several reasons," she said. "This is a risk for me. It crushed my heart to see you had broken in, Sidney. It crushed my heart to know you had betrayed me. It crushed my heart to know what I was going to have to do. I've spent the entire time since trying to decide what to do."

"I never betrayed you, but it seemed like you already had decided. You turned me into a meal."

"Yes, but I never intended that to be permanent, if I could avoid it."

I turned back to face her. She watched me for a minute, then she must have decided something. "Your dreams, the ones where I asked you to betray me-"

"That's not exactly it," I said. "They were all mixed together. You asked me to help, but somehow I knew I had to discover what was here before you would ask."

"All right," she said. "You thought there were more metaphors. Sidney, there may have been metaphors involved, but I am here, now, asking for your help."

* * * *

After that, neither of us said anything. I closed my eyes, but I rattled my hand at her, and she took the hint, lowering the side of the bed before taking my hand in hers. We stayed like that for what seemed like a long time.

"I won't tell," I said. "I won't. I'll go away. I'll go far away. You need never hear from me again."

"So, you're refusing my request to help me?"

I turned back to face her. "How could I possibly help you?"

She smiled. "You're a seer."

"My dreams aren't exactly controllable. If I have any that might interest you, I promise to tell you."

"You are not the first seer I have encountered, Sidney. I can direct your dreams in fashions more useful to me."

I stared at her for a minute and thoughts turned cold. I released her hand, but I couldn't pull out of her clasp. "I think I understand. As long as I dream for you, and live in some other prison, at least I avoid becoming your ready to eat meal." It was said coldly.

"I thought you were ready to agree to anything," she said, almost as coldly. "That doesn't seem so bad a price."

I turned my head away, the only movement I could control. My anger had returned.

"As ready as you were to promise me your firstborn child, you should have jumped at that offer. Why didn't you, Sidney?"

I didn't answer her. She let me stew for several minutes. Finally I turned back to her and I looked at her hand pointedly. "I thought-" I closed my eyes. I started over. "You didn't unwrap me because you care about me, or because you feel guilty for what you're doing to me, but because I might be useful to you." I sighed. "I was useful as an amusing lover. Then I was useful as a meal. Now you think I'm useful as a seer." I sighed again. "But you're right. I'll do it. Whatever you want. Please don't put me back in that room."

"Sidney," she said gently, "I do care about you."

"I don't believe you." I struggled to pull my hand out of hers, and she released her grasp. "You tried to keep all this a secret from me. I begged you to tell me. I told you I would understand. You knew I had my dreams. You knew I was having dreams, and they were deeply upsetting to me. But you think I betrayed you." I tightened my jaw. "I'll agree to whatever you want, but I'm not interested in your lies. I think the only reason you kept me around was because I told you I was a seer, and you wanted to keep an eye on me. Everything else was a lie."