Secret Torment (Bend To My Will #9) (8 page)

Then Jacob bit and sucked at her nipples, until she nearly came unglued. “I like it when your nipples are hard,” he said. “I like it a lot.”

Vivienne liked it too, but his continued ministrations had become painful. She didn’t know how to hold on, or how long he expected her to. She closed her eyes and pressed her palms into the leather bench.

“Open your eyes, Vivienne.”

She did so, finding no sympathy in Jacob’s expression. “I will make you suffer, Vivienne. You will not come.”

Desperation washed over her, and Vivienne considered begging. Maybe that was what he wanted; that was what would please him. And only by pleasing him could she expect Jacob to allow her any kind of satisfaction.

“Please, sir. I need…”

“I don’t care what you need, Vivienne.” His sternness surprised her. There was something different in his tone.

“I’m begging you, sir.”

Jacob’s eyes were glacier blue, and just as cold. “I don’t mind you begging,” he said. “I like the sound of that. You may beg, Vivienne.” He took a breath. “But you may
not
come.”

A glance down told her that she was nearly beyond hope. Her pussy was swollen, her outer lips pink with arousal. Vivienne was so sensitive that each time the rope moved she nearly came unglued. Jacob’s cock was gorgeous, and he was as hard as she’d ever seen him. Pre-cum seeped out the top and dripped down his shaft. He was as near to the cliff as she was, but he didn’t relent.

Instead, his demands grew fiercer. Jacob stood beside her and dragged his fingers along her slit. Vivienne trembled. “Sir, I don’t think I can…”

“You will do as I order you to do, Vivienne.” His words cut into her. “Do you understand me?”

“I’m trying to, sir.”

“
Trying
is not enough, Vivienne.” Jacob pinched her nipples, to torture her more. Then he slid two fingers into her pussy, making her moan. “I have not given you permission to come,” he said. “And I might not allow you to orgasm; not tonight.”

Jacob stroked her with his fingers and tapped his thumb on the knot pressed to her clit. Every nerve in Vivienne’s body was alive, and she trembled uncontrollably. “Sir…” She couldn’t get the rest out; speech was beyond her.

Without pausing in his stimulation of her, Jacob leaned down and sucked at her nipples, taking them in his mouth like a delicious treat. He pretended to be oblivious of her predicament. When he’d had his fill, he raked his tongue over the swell of her breasts, then down her belly.

Vivienne barely hung on, but then he took things a step further. Jacob gripped the knot over her clit and gently pressed. The knot underneath her pressed against her asshole, while he teased her with the one over her sex.

“I know you are close,” Jacob said, showing no sign of mercy. “Your orgasm is
mine
, Vivienne. Only I can say when you will come.”

Likely seeing her reaction, Jacob said, “If you disobey me, Vivienne…if you come without my permission…I will whip you.”

His threat hung in the air between them.

Jacob looked at her, and Vivienne wondered if this was the man she knew so well. “I will carry out my threat if you defy me,” he said. “And it won’t be an erotic spanking.” He held her gaze. “You’ll feel it for a week.”

Vivienne craved submitting as much as Jacob enjoyed taking control. But there was something in his expression, a look that she hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t that he was demanding her obedience, or even that what he expected was painful to endure.

For all that, Vivienne would have continued. But his demeanor was different, his manner unfamiliar. Even with all the sex play she’d enjoyed with him, Vivienne had felt in touch with
the man
. She knew he cared, that he had her pleasure in mind as much as his own.

Now Vivienne wasn’t sure. And that new circumstance frightened her. She didn’t know what to make of it. Something was wrong. Reacting, she spoke out. “Caution,” she said. “Caution, sir.”

That was the word Jacob had told her to use if she needed to slow things down, make him aware that he was pushing too far. Her words stung him, and Jacob stepped back.

“
Obey me
, Vivienne.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I can’t…I can’t.”

In a flash, Jacob stopped the play and undid the ropes. He released Vivienne and carried her to the bath, where he ran warm water. Lowering her in, Jacob got in beside her. Speaking without emotion, he said, “The warm water will soothe you.”

But he didn’t reach for her, didn’t put his arm around her. Vivienne looked at Jacob, witnessing his torment, all too aware that he was embroiled in emotional trauma. It was what she’d seen in the playroom, and was what had scared her.

“Jacob, talk to me.” Vivienne reached for his hand. “Please, tell me what happened in there.”

But Jacob didn’t look at her, nor did he speak. He just stared at the water, in a world of his own. After minutes that seemed like hours, he squeezed her hand, Vivienne’s only sign that she hadn’t lost him entirely. Yet still he was silent, and her heart ached.

Chapter 8

Jacob knew that Vivienne was torn apart. She hadn’t said her safe word, but she had warned him that he was pushing too far. And he had been, so he had decided to stop the scene. He squeezed her hand, feeling like an ass. That’s exactly what he was. He should have been stronger, should have kept his negative emotions in check.

But after the incident in Mendoza, when he thought he’d lost her, frustration had filled him. Jacob was damaged goods, and he should not have allowed Vivienne into the darkness that threatened to consume him. Instinctively he had compensated for his inadequacy with aggression.

Yet he shouldn’t have taken it out on Vivienne. He was supposed to protect her, and keep her safe, tasks he clearly wasn’t equipped for. The playroom, and dominating her, was Jacob’s way of holding on to her. It assured him of her submission, that she was
his
, that he hadn’t lost her.

Only play didn’t go well when used in that way. The playroom was for mutual pleasure, not for working through his psychic trauma. Jacob knew better, and felt guilty for falling short. He’d upset Vivienne, which wasn’t what he’d intended. Yet he’d reacted when his temper simmered too close to the surface.

The rage building inside him threatened to explode, just as it had when his father had bullied him. Carl had abused him, and then the violence had taken his mother from him. That very rage, the violence that was a part of Jacob, had secretly tormented him for most of his life. Yet he couldn’t escape it, couldn’t make it go away. And as he’d told Vivienne before, someday he was going to explode.

“Jacob…are you okay?”

“I’m an ass, Vivienne. I fucked up.”

Jacob stood up and took her hand to help her out of the water that had cooled. He dried her off, then himself, and grabbed a robe for her from the hook on the wall. Her skin would still be sensitive, and she would be more comfortable without clothes yet. He went to his bedroom dresser to put on jeans and a sweater, without bothering with underwear. Then he led Vivienne back to the living room, to the sofa in front of the fireplace. It was chilly in the room, so he turned it on.

When Jacob sat down, he put his arm around Vivienne. It might be the last time he’d be with her. He couldn’t be trusted. The scene had gotten out of hand, and he’d been unable to repress the anger brewing inside him, ready to blow up with the right provocation. He didn’t know when or where it might happen. Tonight the volatile emotion had surfaced, and he’d allowed it to affect Vivienne.

Vivienne put her hand on his thigh. “Are you still upset about what happened in Mendoza?”

“It tore me apart when I feared I’d lost you,” Jacob said. “And it made me think.”

“About what, Jacob?”

“Of how I’ve taken your life, steered you away from your path. It brought my errors to light.” Jacob stared at the flames of the fire. “I’m sorry, baby. I just overreacted in there.”

“Tell me. Please keep talking to me.”

“I went too far. I’m sorry. I know I upset you…scared you.” Jacob looked at her. “Dominating, intensifying my control, the reassurance of your submission…it all…” But he didn’t know how to finish.

“I knew something was off,” Vivienne said. “I enjoy the same type of play that you do, but I could tell that something was going on with you. I was concerned.”

Jacob didn’t respond.

“You don’t have to endure it alone,” Vivienne said. “The worst thing for me is when you won’t tell me what you’re going through, when I don’t know what’s happening.”

Then Jacob started to talk. “The evil I try to hold inside, the fear that I might lose you while knowing I should release you from any involvement with me…sometimes it’s all too much, and it pushes me to the brink of insanity.”

“You have to talk about it, Jacob.”

Vivienne’s pleading tone got through to him. She was correct; she had a right to know.

“Carl Hahn, my abuser, tried to
bend my will
. He beat me until he thought I would cower to him.” Jacob could see his biological father as if he was standing in front of him. “But I wouldn’t back down, Vivienne, not even as a child.”

“But that’s not wrong, Jacob.”

“Let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “Carl still has emotional sway with me. To this very day, he affects me. I can’t escape it, Vivienne. It’s who I am.”

Vivienne rubbed his thigh, listening intently.

“The childhood intimidation still haunts me. The fear and the anger are embedded; they are part of my personality. Those inner demons grow stronger with the years, not weaker.”

Jacob looked at Vivienne without really seeing her. “The memory of Carl, his face, the sound of his voice incites me. Yet I can’t wipe it from my mind. I remember as a child that the smell of his cologne, his rancid breath, or the feel of the wool of the shirt he wore…it made me crazed.”

Vivienne didn’t say anything.

“I haven’t been back to my childhood home, not since I left. I couldn’t bear to see it, or feel the horrible sadness again.” Jacob shuddered. “It’s all there inside me: the rage still simmering…waiting for the right moment.”

Jacob turned and took Vivienne’s hands in his. “That’s why I keep my distance from you, baby. It’s why I can’t open my heart to you. I’m not pure and innocent as you are. And I must be careful.”

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” Vivienne said. “I wish you’d just trust me…trust in
us
.”

Jacob’s heart twisted. If only he could do that, but there was no way. “There’s more.” He clenched his hands into fists. “It’s not just pent-up anger.” He looked into Vivienne’s lovely green eyes. Finally, he would share what had tormented him for so long.

“I
hate
Carl Hahn…
I hate my own father
,” Jacob said. “The hatred eats me up inside, and I don’t want you to be a part of it. I have a temper that cannot be controlled. I suffer from emotional damage that can’t be undone. The psychiatrist told me that someday I would explode…with the right provocation.”

Vivienne looked at him, her eyes filled with understanding that he didn’t deserve.

“The worst part is that I won’t have forewarning. It could happen at any time. So yes, baby, you could get hurt,” Jacob said. “And that’s what I don’t want.”

The emotional pain overwhelmed him, and for a moment it seemed like the blackness in his heart would overpower him. “If it was just the physical abuse, maybe I could let it go,” Jacob said. “But I cannot forgive what Carl did to my mother. The rage over her death has festered inside me ever since.”

Vivienne had tears in her eyes.

“I want you, baby. But I can’t make the commitment that you hope I will.” Jacob looked away, unable to face the look in Vivienne’s eyes.

“I can’t do it, baby. I can’t tie you to me forever. That would be an immoral act…because it would ultimately destroy you.” Jacob saw the truth of that, even if Vivienne didn’t.

Jacob had to be strong; he had to be honest with Vivienne. She needed to know what she was dealing with. “When you are beaten and punished enough…you
feel evil
. There’s no defense against it.” He clenched his jaw. “It was whipped into me…the rage was instilled at a young age.”

Vivienne touched his cheek, but he pulled away.

“I’m not just bad for
you
, Vivienne.” He expelled a breath. “I’m just…
bad
.”

“No, Jacob. That’s not true…I know you.”

But Jacob knew it was the truth, the most honest thing he’d said to her so far. There was nowhere to go from here. Vivienne was all he wanted from life, but she would be better off far away from him. Jacob turned from the woman he coveted, yet had so carelessly endangered. Misery gripped him; maybe the darkness would win…after all.

# # #

“Will Jacob dare to confess?”

Read next: Daring Confessions (Bend To My Will #10)

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Secret Torment by Emily Jane Trent ©2016 All Rights Reserved

Published By Camden Lee Press

Cover Art by Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design - www.bookcoverbydesign.co.uk

Emily Jane Trent writes steamy romances about characters you’ll get to know and love. The sex scenes are hot, and the romance even hotter! If you are a fan of stories with a heroine that’s got spunk and a hunk of a hero that you’d like to take home with you, these stories are what you’re looking for.