Scattered Ashes (28 page)

Nicole pulled up in her driveway and slowly got out, hoping the crick in her neck would ease itself out overnight.  It would definitely help if she didn’t attract idiot drivers, though.  The front door was open, telling Nicole her daughter was at home.   Michelle usually rented the movies, while Nicole took care of ordering pizza, which was actually more for Nick than either of them, but they had to offer him something besides the chick flicks.  Granted, sometimes he popped his head into the living room, but Nicole often thought it had more to do with trying to understand women than really wanting to watch any movie that they’d rented--a movie that often made no sense to him-- and even though he looked a lot like his dad, he, too, was much more like his mother.  He just tolerated the weekend-warrior dad a little better.

Of course, the girlfriend was another matter.  Nick couldn’t stand her, either.

Nicole entered the house and set her purse and keys on the table in the entryway.  “Hey, Michelle, did you rent our movies?”  She reached up and pulled at the comb holding her hair up.  Immediately, the long, wavy strands fell around her face.

“Not yet.”  Michelle’s voice came from the living room, so Nicole headed that way.

“Why not?  All the new releases are going to be gone.”  She stepped into the room and spotted her daughter sitting on the sofa.  Her long, dark hair also spilled around her face, and everyone who had ever seen the two of them together had said they looked more like sisters than mother and daughter.  Then again, Nicole had always been fortunate because she didn’t show her true age.

“What are you doing?”  Nicole looked at the scrapbook in her daughter’s hand and assumed it was Michelle’s baby book.  For some reason, Michelle loved to look at scrapbooks, but she had no interest in creating any.

“Hey, Mom, who’s this?”  She pointed at a picture Nicole could hardly see from a distance, so she had to sit on the couch as well. 

As she looked at the glossy photo, Nicole gasped sharply, and her whole body went rigid.  She opened her mouth like she wanted to speak, but nothing would come out.

“Mom?  Are you okay?”  Michelle looked down at the photo, trying to figure out what had made her mother react.  It was a simple photo taken in the delivery room where her mother lay on the bed.  Standing beside her was a tall man she didn’t recognize.  It was her baby picture, she realized from the pink on the infant.  The stranger held her.

“Mom, who is he?” she prompted again, her finger touching the stranger’s chest just above where she, as a baby, lay.

Nicole swallowed hard before answering.  “Your godfather,” she whispered softly.

“Well, if he’s my godfather, shouldn’t I have heard of him before?” Michelle asked, looking more closely at the picture. 

“It doesn’t matter, Michelle.”  Nicole’s tone was sharper than she'd intended as she gingerly took the scrapbook from her daughter’s hands, closed it, and resettled it back on the shelf.

 “So aren’t you even going to tell me who he is?” Michelle asked, rising.  Even as her mother put the scrapbook away, she stared at it, suddenly even more interested than she had been, and Nicole quickly realized it was because she was reacting when she shouldn’t be.  It was just that she hadn’t expected to suddenly see an image of Jordan, and certainly not one that had made her daughter ask questions, not that Nicole had anything to hide.

There were just some things people never got over.  Jordan had been one of those.  He always would be.

“A name, Mom.  At least tell me that much,” Michelle said as she whisked her way into her mother’s path.   Michelle looked up at her with dark eyes that matched her own, and Nicole knew that the bigger the deal she made of this, the more her daughter would pursue it, and that was the last thing Nicole needed.

“His name is Jordan Carroway, and he’s a friend.  Not much more to tell.”  She side-stepped her daughter to go deeper into the living room, where the phone book had ended up on the table.  “Perhaps you should go get those movies now while there’s still a selection.”

“All right.  I’m going.”  She slipped from the room, and Nicole waited for a few seconds before she pulled out the scrapbook and flipped back to the page where she could look at Jordan’s smile.  Without realizing it, her finger had crept to his image and touched his face.  It had been so long since they'd met, and while she’d never meant to fall in love, she had.  Now she just couldn’t take it back.

Of all the things she'd expected, a warm pooling of tears hadn't been among them, and even though she tried to wipe them away, suddenly there were too many and they spilled down her face, forcing a quiet sob to escape as Nicole once again thought of how things should never have gone that way.  Never.

But it didn’t matter what she thought.  There would be no revising the past.

* * *

Michelle stood in the entryway, hidden just enough so her mother couldn’t see her as Nicole slowly went back to the shelf and pulled down the scrapbook.  As Michelle watched, she saw her mother flip through pages until she'd come to the one Michelle had pointed out.  When Michelle saw her mother’s expression soften at the sight of Jordan’s picture, she frowned, wishing she could make sense of what she was seeing.  What was it that seemed to disarm her mother the way no guy, including her father, had ever seemed able to?

Then the tears came, which caused her to take a step back and wonder at her mother’s words.  If Jordan Carroway had been just a friend, Nicole wouldn’t be crying, so she knew the story her mother had given her had been false, and  though she just didn’t have a clue why the secrecy was so important, she sensed a sort of urgency in her mother as she struggled to keep it secret.  Still, if there were one person who could untangle her mom’s secrets, it would be Aunt Sarah.  She knew everything, and she would talk, even if Michelle’s mom didn’t want her to.

At one time, Michelle had believed she knew everything about her mom, but the older she got, the more she realized her mother had had a life, and there were so many years that hadn't included her.  Still, this was the first time she'd seen some glimmer of a life that might not have included her dad, and that definitely made her curious, especially since Jordan had done something that now made her mom cry at the sight of his photo.

* * *

Sarah was sitting outside by the pool when she heard her cell ring.  She slowly eased one eye open and glared at the phone, hoping that would effectively silence it.  No go.  A third ring followed and then a fourth.  Of course that was when it went straight to messaging so she figured it was all good.  Until the phone rang again.

“Oh, all right,” she muttered and reached for it.  “Hello?”

“Aunt Sarah?”

Sarah frowned and sat up.  “Michelle, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”  In addition to Michelle’s voice, Sarah also heard the wind around her, telling her Michelle was outside. 

“What’s wrong?  Is your mom okay?”  She looked out at the blue-green water that beckoned her and figured that once she'd finished this call, she’d dive in and cool off.  Suddenly the sun felt way too hot for comfort.

“I think she is, but there’re some things I want to ask you.  Can you meet me at Burger King by my  house?”

Frowning, Sarah nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll be right there.”  She disconnected the call and gave the pool one last longing look.  “So much for a swim,” she muttered, and headed into the house to slip on a pair of shorts and a shirt before sliding her feet into flip flops.  This done, she grabbed her purse and keys and flew out the door, driving like a demon.

Michelle was already there when Sarah arrived, and she quickly slid into the booth opposite her best friend’s daughter.  While she sort of expected Michelle to be upset or something, the teenager only  sat calmly, sipping a milkshake.

“Okay, Michelle, out with it.  What’s so important?”  Sarah brushed the hair from her face and took another sip of the drink she’d just bought.

“Who’s Jordan Carroway?”

Sarah choked on the drink and sputtered.  “Where did you hear that name?”  She grabbed a napkin and wiped her mouth, suddenly wary of where this conversation was going.

“Mom told me.  I just want to know what you know about him.”

Of course you do
, Sarah thought, suddenly unsure what to say that wouldn’t upset her best friend.  Surely, if Nicole had wanted her to know, she would have told her, right?  She opened her mouth and closed it more than once as she tried to figure out how to answer Michelle’s question.  “Why does it matter who Jordan is, and how did you find out about him?  I know there’s more to this story than what your mom told you about him so if you want info, you tell me what happened.”  She leaned back and folded her arms across her chest.

“Okay.”  Michelle leaned close and told her the story about the scrapbook.  When she'd finished, she asked, “Now are you going to tell me about Jordan and why a picture of him could make my mom cry like that?”  She propped an elbow on the table and stared at Sarah expectantly.

Taking another sip, Sarah considered her options.  She could tell the truth, or she could say that Michelle wasn’t old enough to understand.  The problem with option number two was that Michelle was mature for fifteen, and if anyone would understand, Michelle would.  Besides, Nicole had never compromised her marital vows.  That had all been Michael.  She would even have fought to keep their marriage intact had Michael had the slightest glimmer of loyalty.

So she finally nodded at Michelle.  “Okay, here’s the deal--but if you tell your mom, I’ll have to kill you, and it will be a slow and painful death before I feed you to my Chihuahua.  Got it?”

Michelle started laughing and shook her head.  “You are so insane, Aunt Sarah.  You don’t have a Chihuahua, and you know it.”

Sarah nodded coolly and took another drink.  “Well, yeah, but I’ll buy one just for the occasion.  Do you agree to be eaten by a Chihuahua if you tell your mom?”

A huge smile lit up Michelle’s face as she realized Sarah was about to give her what she wanted.  “Yes, I promise already.  Now tell me!”

And Sarah did.  She started with the weekend PE trip when Nicole had first fallen in love and went through all the moments she was aware of her best friend being around Jordan, and Michelle sat with stars in her eyes, eating it all up until Sarah reached the end.

“So why doesn’t Mom call him now?  She’s divorced.  And it’s not like she doesn’t deserve some happiness.  Besides, while I like our movie nights, it would be really good to see her go out every once in a while, if you know what I mean.”

Sarah nodded.  “Yeah, I know what you mean, Michelle, but this has to be your mom’s choice.  Besides, I think she did try to call him.  A woman answered the phone, and Nicole figured he had remarried.”

Michelle let out a sigh and shook her head.  “But that doesn’t mean she knows he’s remarried.  She’s guessing.  She should just call him and ask him or something.”

Sarah frowned.  This was the same conversation she’d had with Nicole, and her daughter was right, but Nicole had just believed without proof  he was married and was willing to let that be the end of it, which had troubled Sarah to no end.  Still, Sarah knew her best friend wasn’t going to give on this, so she held up her hand.

“Listen, Michelle, I know you mean well, and I know you want what’s best for your mom, but this is something she needs to do.  We can’t do it for her.  However things work out for Jordan and your mom, it’s not up to us.”

Sarah might have said more, but her cell rang and caught her attention.  She checked the display and smiled.  “Hello, hot, sexy, and dangerous.”  Then she nodded to Michelle.  “I’ve got to take this.”

“Of course you do,” Michelle sighed.  “I need to go rent movies, anyway.”  She gave her aunt a parting wave and disappeared.