Authors: Leah Banicki
Should I text that I was leaving?
Well leaving was relative since it’s just across the lake, but it’s still MY holiday and I was going to enjoy
every second of it without spending a single second thinking about Mr. Soulmate heart crusher.
I spent a little time that morning, while sipping my coffee, just being thankful, as I looked out at the still
water. I prayed a bit and let the peaceful morning fill me up. My hopes were high; my time for happiness was finally
here. I was starting to fall for a great guy, and I had the notion that his feelings were mutual. I had made some good
changes and I was ready to put the depression and anxiety aside now. I prayed about that for a while, just asking
God for complete closure on the past.
The morning slipped by me after breakfast, a shower and then I went through a few boxes to find the
summer clothes I wanted to take with me for the Bliss House holiday, a few swimsuits, for dipping in the pool,
several pairs of shorts, jeans… I had a pile forming on the bed and realized I was probably over-packing. I now
lived a few minutes away. It would be easy to come back and grab anything, should I run out.
I glanced at my iPhone, only 10 a.m. Jackson said he would come pick me up by noon.
Two more hours to go.
I took some time and unpacked a few boxes, washed the coffee mug and small plate from the breakfast I ate a
while ago. When I got more impatient I decided to drag out my laptop. I checked my email and Facebook. I read a
message from Chrissy. She had replied to a message I sent her last night about my new place. She promised to
come and stay in the spare room some weekend this summer. I looked forward to mending a few bridges and to
introduce her to Jackson, too.
I closed the laptop and packed it away. I fussed with my makeup and hair while packing my toiletries. I got
an idea and grabbed a few cameras and my tripod. I glanced out the window and saw a cloudless sky, so I grabbed
my freshly packed luggage and camera gear and plopped it on the small porch out on the front of the small house.
That way when he arrived here we could just go. When the gear was settled on the porch I heard my cell phone
ring from the bedroom. I ran full out to answer it after the third ring.
“Hey.” I said panting a bit.
“Were you running?” Jackson sounds amused.
“Of course.”
“Oh good. You ready beautiful?”
“Yea, I’ve been losing my mind waiting actually.” I confessed, I wished he was already here.
“Me too, lets get this vacation started, I have been waiting too long to hang out with you.”
“I am ready, come and get me.” I said.
We hung up and I grabbed my charger and iPhone and shoved it into my purse. The phone rang again and I
reached in grabbed it without looking.
“You forget where I live, silly?” I asked.
“Hannah, thank God you answered, it’s me Anthony. I need to talk to you.” I could actually feel that
beginning of panic starting in my stomach.
“NO!! Anthony, I am on vacation. I never want to talk to you again.” I hung up. I shoved the phone back in
my purse, good feeling gone. Now I was just trying to breathe deeply, like the anxiety book said. Breathe in;
breathe out…let my heart rate come back down to normal. IN…out…
I heard Jackson’s SUV as it pulled into the driveway. I gave him a weak smile as I locked the front door.
“Are you ok, Hannah?” He looked concerned.
I must look all panicky.
I thought.
“Yes, just had a moment, I am fine now.” I grinned again trying to convince myself. My heart hurt a little
from the anxiety. It’s a little bit tiring.
“Anything I can do to help?” He grabbed me off the top step like a child and gave me a hug. It was a warm
friendly, amazing hug that soaked up my troubles and sent them away.
“That was just what I needed.” I said a minute later when he let me go, I felt refreshed and giddy again. I
was ready for an adventure with Zee and family.
Adventure was just what I got when I signed up for this holiday. Day one started with hiking the trail
through Love Creek, a nature trail in Berrien Center, off of Huckleberry Road. Kyle and his sister Tina began by
announcing that the ritual for any hiking adventure was to find the perfect walking stick.
We scoured the front area which seemed like a good place to get walking sticks. Others had realized this
too and discarded their used walking sticks at the end, which was also the beginning of the trail. The trail map
showed that the path went in a full circle. It had a few places to choose a different fork but all the forks ended up
on the same larger path which ended up at the beginning. We were aligned with the parking area at the edge of
the woods.
The tree cover was dense and the air was hot. We all had water and tons of conversation. Tina was talking
about 7th grade band camp starting next month. I was excited to know this young woman. She had a sparkle in her
eye like her mother. Her dark auburn hair had some gorgeous red highlights like her mother’s.
We got to a place where the woods opened up and a creek trickled through. The kids immediately
removed their shoes and socks, without any further ado Ruby and her husband Carl plopped down on a nearby
bench. I sensed this was another tradition for the Love Creek Hike.
“Let’s cross the bridge.” Jackson whispered in my ear, causing all my nerve endings to reach for the sky.
“Ok.” I nodded like a silly girl and watched Jackson make a plan with Ruby and Carl.
He grabbed my arm and we headed off over the rope and wood bridge, it creaked and groaned with every
step but it was fun and looked safe. I decided to just go with it.
“I told them I would meet them at the other bridge. It is all connected. The kids always wanna go wading
whenever they can. I just wanted to get you alone.” Jackson gave me a wink as we kept walking through the dense
woods.
“Is this where you bring all your women, to the deep woods?” I asked giving him a sly gaze.
“You have read too many crime novels.” He laughed and grabbed me.
“Perhaps…” I allowed him to pull me closer.
“It is really good to have you back Hannah.” Jackson let his face get serious a second. “I saw the anxiety
you had on your face earlier and I just want you to know that there is no pressure from me for anything you aren’t
ready for.”
I wondered where he was going with this conversation. I just listened to see what he meant.
“I know I said I want you to be my girlfriend but if that is making you uncomfortable, I can slow down. I
know my feelings have gone ahead of me, but I can be your friend Hannah. I care enough to take things very slow.”
“I don’t need you to take a step back, Zee. I just got a disturbing phone call. I answered without looking. I
hung up on the person and I am putting it behind me.” I knew I was talking too fast but I did not want to lose this
good thing over my silly anxiety.
I will not push this guy away
.
“Don’t panic sweetie. I am here and not going anywhere unless you tell me too.” I allowed his words to
sink in, I took deep breath and let the calm take over.
“You ready for more fun?” He asked, his face showing no pressure just friendly concern.
“Yes, let’s get moving before the bugs carry us away.” I tried to make my voice quiet and calm, another
trick from the anxiety books.
“I shall save you fair Hannah.” We moved quickly and got back to Ruby, Carl and the kids. They were out
of the water and trying to shake the moisture from their feet. It was a silly dance and I enjoyed laughing with the
other adults, as we teased the kids. They took it well and hammed it up for more laughs.
The hike was over too soon and we drove back to the Bliss House where more festivities were waiting.
* * * * *
Sandwiches, veggies, and dip were unloaded from the fridge when we poured into the Bliss House. I had a
bedroom upstairs in the loft next to the kid’s room. Ruby sat with me and we chatted while I unpacked.
“So, I just wanted you to know that Jackson and I are officially together now.” I knew I was blushing, but it
felt so good to say it out loud. I would tell Allison when she got back from her honeymoon.
“I knew you guys would come around. I can’t tell you how happy he looked today. I was worried after the
problems in Chicago. It took him a while to learn to trust people. I see how he is with you. He is learning to trust
again.” Ruby said, giving me a happy grin. I could see her approval written on her face.
“He is helping me trust again too. I never thought it could happen so soon. I know I have a ways to go to
work on my anxiety, but for a long time, I have been hoping for peace and quiet. That should stave off the panic
attacks.” I said with a nervous smile.
“Well dearie, that is all well and good to plan for peace but sometimes the trouble can chase us down. Just
know you have our support. Let Zee help you through when he can. His own experiences might help you through
the roughest patches. God let’s us help each other. I will keep praying for you dearie.” Ruby finished her thought
and gave me a sincere hug. Ruby had a good head on her shoulders, had a way of grasping a hold of a thought, and
gave advice without being pushy. It was refreshing.
* * * * *
The snap of the firewood burning in front of me was a pleasant soundtrack. The kids were in bed and the
adults were enjoying the starry night by the fire. Jackson had my hand in his and he was sitting close enough for me
to lean on his shoulder. The smell of his cologne was doing things to my senses, combined with the smell of the
fire.
“You getting tired yet?” He asked.
“Nope, perfectly happy where I am.” I snuggled in a little closer to let him know I was content against him.
“Well just wondering if you were wanting to take a peek at my next book.” He said it slowly and then
paused to let it sink in.
“What? You are finished, already?” I jumped up and gave him hug.
“Yeah, I just got the rough draft back from my first round of edits. I will re-read it soon but wanted to
have another set of eyes before I attack it again. You have proven yourself worthy to become a beta-reader.” He
gave me a quick peck and pulled me up.
I waved to Ruby but saw her and her hubby were having their own romantic conversation on the other
side of the fire. It was good to see their relationship was healthy and they enjoyed each other. It was what I hoped
for in the future. They seemed crazy about each other after more than twelve years of marriage.
Zee held my hand all the way to his office. He unlocked the top drawer and grabbed the pile of papers. He
grabbed an empty manila envelope and let the stack of papers slide home. He looked me in the eye and handed it
to me.
“Trusting me again?” I said, I could feel the gravity of this again, but this time it’s something more. It was
about a job last time. This time he was handing me more than just a manuscript.
“You know I trust you darling.” His endearments were getting intense. I hoped he kept them coming.
“I cannot wait to read it.”
“Take your time, I got a few weeks before I will work on the next edit. But any little things that need
tweaking are open for it. You did great the last time - you caught a few things my editors missed. That’s why betareaders are a good thing.”
“I am glad to help.” I said and took the envelope into my guest room then joined Jackson in the living
room.
We snuggled on the couch for a while and just talked.
My phone dinged for the third time in 10 minutes.
It was too early for texts, I glanced at the phone and saw it was from Anthony, again. I was losing my
patience and decided to write back to get him to leave me alone.
His text read.
‘Hannah, please answer me.’
‘What do you want?’ I replied, my thumbs tapping the screen. I was tired and misspelled a few words, then
corrected.
I laid my head back down and waited. The ding sounded again.
‘I want to talk with you, face to face.’
‘Not gonna happen Tony.’ My temper throbbed in my head.
‘Will you re-read the letters I sent you?’
‘I threw them away.’ I lied, they were packed away somewhere but I had every intention of burning them.
‘No you didn’t. I know you.’ Drat, everyone read me like a book. I began typing again.
This needs to end. I
want Anthony out of my life.
I typed out, ‘I am in a relationship now. I am not interested in hashing things out with you. You are with
Desiree.’ I hoped telling him about my current relationship would cool his jets.
What does he want?
‘I broke up with her. I really need to talk to you.’ Anthony replied.
I sighed on my side of the world. I did not enjoy where this was going at all. Feeling slightly insulted that he
thought because he broke up with Desiree he could just contact me and I would just be okay with it. I paused a
minute to swallow my anger and breathed deeply before I texted back.
‘Anthony, move on. I have. Please leave me alone.’
I turned off my iphone and got up. I threw on a sweatshirt and my shoes on over my bare feet, wrapped a
throw blanket around myself, and walked outside on the private deck that led outside of my room. I sat above the
rocky shoreline for a while to just let myself think. I felt like I had said goodbye enough. Why was Anthony trying
to reach out to me again?
I let the morning calm me, and I talked to God. The peaceful flow of water outside and my prayers washed
over me. It was a good thing to just let things go, to forgive Anthony one more time for good measure and I
prayed that he could find his own happiness someday. It gave me a little more clarity.
Today will be an excellent
Independence Day.
I heard someone walking under. The crunch of the stones was a pretty good give away. I didn’t need to
look back, I knew who it was.
“May I join you?” Jackson asked softly.
“Always.” I stood up, glanced over the railing and gave him a smile.
“I will come down. How about we sit in those charming chairs right there…” I pointed to the two chairs
near the shoreline.
“I’ll meet you there.” He said with a handsome smirk. He hadn’t shaved and the affect looked good on him.
“I’ll bring breakfast.”
“What a man.” I said. I jumped out of my seat and checked myself in the mirror. My hair was a little scruffy
but not too bad. I ran a brush through my hair and then trotted out the door. I plopped into the chair just in time
to hear Jackson behind me crunching through the gravel stones in sandals and pajama pants.