Authors: Leah Banicki
I oohed and aaaahed over some pieces. A new model of my current camera made me take a glance or
two. I called over the guy behind the counter and we talked “geek” for a few minutes. I tried out the new camera
and talked to ‘her’ to see if we could be friends. I could hear Jackson chuckling quietly behind me. I turned and
gave him a playful glare.
“I don’t judge at all sweetie, I even laugh at my own jokes in my books while writing. I am all about dorky.”
Jackson threw up his hands in surrender at my glare. I could picture him in my head laughing out loud with his dog
Bailey, wondering what all the fuss was about.
I put away the new camera with wishful thinking and proceeded to bring out my damaged lens. I filled out
all the forms to get it repaired and signed the papers. I rented a replacement while mine was being repaired and I
purchased a few extra memory cards for giggles.
“Refurbs?” I asked the guy behind the counter. He knew what to do and pulled out a box of cameras that
had seen better days.
“Which one should I get?” I asked pointedly. I was looking for something usable.
“This one was dropped a few times but with the work I did to her, she still works well enough. She is a bit
of a clunker.” The clerk said. He pulled out another one.
“Ok this one is the ugly duckling. I got a few pieces from several cameras and made a franken-camera.
Works like a top. It’s a few years old but needs a good home. She is all scratch- and-dent, but it’s all cosmetic. Her
insides are perfect.”
The price was good so I bought it.
Jackson and I left with my purchases in hand.
“You are a curious lady.” Jackson said.
“I know.” I grinned.
“South Bend Chocolate factory is about a block and a half away.” He suggested.
“Mmmm. Sounds perfect before the next stop.” I liked the way Jackson thought.
“So why did you buy the scratch-and-dent camera?” Jackson was trying to figure me out.
“It’s just my thing. I sometimes run into someone who needs to learn photography, a kid usually. I like
having a few spares around to bless someone. I have been buying rebuilds from these guys for a long time. I had a
place in New York where I got some good deals, now and then but it wasn’t the same. Do-gooders are harder to
find in the big city.” I shrugged, not sure why.
We locked my camera bags and purchases in the trunk and turned in the direction of the chocolate shop.
The buildings in this part of town were nothing like New York. I felt safer here, especially with my own body guard
walking next to me. The morning chill was gone and the spring air was nice. My light jacket was a pleasant change
from the heavy coats and other accessories of winter outer wear.
Jackson kept the conversation light until we got to the chocolate shop. I ordered mint meltaways and
Jackson got a box of caramel turtles.
We sat and enjoyed the sweet treats and then started walking back to the car, when I saw a group of
women staring at me. The show was actually far from my thoughts and it took a second for me to register that
they might want to talk to me.
“It’s Hannah Parker from
Soulmate
!” One woman pointed at me and I tugged on Jackson’s sleeve.
“Let’s go, now. Okay?” I said in a savage whisper.
“Yes, we can do that.” Jackson said and looked for a way around the gawking women. The traffic was
congested and there was no way across the street easily at this time of the day.
The women approached and I could see at least two of them frowning seriously.
“Hannah Parker, how dare you show your face after you… you killed someone?” A woman with short
permed blond hair and a bright red jacket, said first.
I sighed and said nothing.
“All you are is a fame hungry slut and a baby murderer. I am ashamed that I believed all your sweet lies on
the show just to learn you were a hussy behind closed doors. What a terrible person you are!” Another woman in
the group said with her face red from nearly yelling. She looked older than my parents.
“Please excuse us ladies.” Jackson grabbed my arm and started pulling me through the women who were
trying to block my path.
“Your parents must be so ashamed of you.” Someone behind me said. I didn’t turn to look. I could feel my
heart pounding and gaining momentum. I was getting hot.
The temptation to defend myself and say ‘I never slept with him,’ or ‘I never had an abortion,’ was strong. I
swallowed down my arguments. They all believed the rumors. It wasn’t real.
I stopped walking and felt my heart pounding faster. My chest was swelling inside me and getting hotter
and hotter. The ringing in my ears had started too. This was worse than the first panic attack. This hurt.
I was literally gulping for air and freaking out. Jackson was talking to me but I couldn’t hear him. I was
looking at the street. The cars were going by, one by one.
I could hear people yelling at me. Words like ‘whore’ and ‘murderer’. I was just trying to breathe.
“Give me your keys.” I heard for the third time. I looked up as I was holding my hand on my chest, it hurt
so much to breathe. My ears were still ringing. I wanted to lay down now. I looked at the sidewalk and considered
it. I heard Jackson talking and handed him my car keys from my jacket pocket. I bent over at the waist to tried and
get some air. It doesn’t work and I felt dizzy. I stood back up, stumbled a few steps forward, and bumped into the
lady in the red jacket accidentally.
She said something I could not hear over the pounding in my ears, but I felt the sting of her hand as it
slapped me across the left side of my face. I saw stars a second or two. It’s hard to tell how long a moment like
this lasted, really.
I felt myself being lifted.
I think Jackson was carrying me.
I saw his face close to me, when the stars cleared and I rested my head on
his shoulder and tried to keep breathing.
Within a few minutes we were back on the road. I sat in the passenger seat and cried – and tried to
breathe. Neither of us said a word.
* * * * *
I was in the red leather chair sitting in the bliss house. My heart rate had slowed to a reasonable level but I
felt so tired and weak. Jackson brought me a small plastic bottle of orange juice then told me he was going out to
the car to get my camera stuff. I nodded and sipped my juice. I wanted to cry more but I couldn’t. I was numb.
After a minute he put all my gear down and I saw his tall frame fold into the chair next to me. I tried not
to get nervous but I knew he was going to want to talk about what happened, eventually.
“You are going to get a bruise.” Jackson said and broke the silence. “You want ice for it?”
I shook my head ‘no.’
“You want to rest for a while?” he asked quietly, looking in my eyes, reading my reactions.
I nodded. “I would like to stay a bit.” I said hoarsely.
“I am so sorry…” I started to say but my throat closed and I started crying.
“Please don’t apologize. I am the last person on earth that you need to explain anything to.” Jackson took
my hand in his for a minute. “I have been exactly where you are right now. I could see you having a panic attack. I
knew I needed to get you out of there. Traffic was not cooperating fast enough.” Jackson explained quickly as he
handed me a box of tissue. “I was watching the lights and missed you stumbling, I am so sorry that lady struck you.
My cop skills aren’t what they used to be.”
Jackson looks so ashamed, I wanted to comfort him instead I asked him a question.
“Where?” My voice was almost a whisper.
“I was a cop in Chicago, working my way up to detective.” Jackson said in a low tone. His eyes went far
away and I waited. He was a good storyteller and I needed a distraction.
“I was a workaholic cop, taking every shift and staying late, being overzealous. Trying to date was a
nightmare; I stood up a lot of girls. I was such an idiot.” Jackson shook his head.
Bailey trotted into the room, his collar jangled as he ran. He had his doggy senses working and nuzzled his
head against my leg. I gave the double-tap on my lap for the universal invite and the dog jumped up and
maneuvered a second until he got in a comfortable position. I had a hand resting casually on his head; I could easily
stroke his ears. It seemed to sooth me more than him, if that was possible.
“Why aren’t you a cop anymore?” I asked. I saw a flash of something dark pass over Jackson’s face and
wondered if I had crossed a line.
“I am sorry Jackson. I should mind my business.” I saw him look me in the eye and smile. I breathed a deep
sigh of relief. I hadn’t offended him at least.
“Things got hairy on a case and I was called in on my way to clock out. I have relived that call so many
times in my head that I am wearing out the broken record.”
“When I arrived the scene was in chaos, domestic disturbances always are. There were guys and girls
standing around and everyone was yelling. One person was in handcuffs and being led to the cars outside. I was in
charge of checking ID’s and getting statements. Mine was a simple assignment, just to help get things calmed down
so we could keep everyone safe and understand exactly what had happened. One guy across the room was giving a
fellow officer trouble and I was questioning a girl, when I heard an unmistakable sound. There was the sound of a
gunshot in another part of the house.”
“I don’t want to scare you, but are you sure you want to hear this?” Zee watched me so intently. I nodded
and waited for him to continue.
“People started screaming and the girl in front of me throws herself on the floor. I pulled out my gun and
ran through the house, watching the corners, following procedure. I heard someone yell ‘Clear’ and I turned down
another cramped hallway and saw a tall guy in a hooded sweatshirt run toward the window. Another man was
there gesturing and yelling. I saw the guy closest to me had a gun. I yelled, I think I told him to put down his
weapon and that I was CPD. The guy running toward the window tucks the gun to his side and squeezes off a few
rounds. One hit my leg. I yelled ‘I’m hit’ and heard yelling and scuffling in the house. I shot the first guy in the
shoulder and he fell and tossed the weapon out the window. The guy outside the window grabbed it and shot me
three more times. I shot back, I hit him once and shot the guy on the ground, as I was falling.”
I didn’t know when I had gasped. I was holding my face. To watch crime shows was something I had always
done but this was different. He was flesh and blood, shot four times by some criminals.
“I am so sorry you were hurt Jackson.” I said, I sipped my orange juice then sat it down. A few more tears
slipped through, I did not like the thought of him being in danger.
“I am sorry, I have made it worse.” Zee took a large hand and brushed a stray curl off my face. I closed my
eyes as he touched my cheek. I was enjoying this way too much. I felt the alarm bells going off. I instantly thought
of Anthony.
“Keep talking Zee, I am okay. What happened next?” I wanted him to keep talking. My thoughts need to be
interrupted. Anything but thinking about Anthony today, I felt a swell of selfishness, wanting to hear about Zee’s
worst day to distract me from my own troubles.
“Well I was rushed to the hospital. I lost a lot of blood and had several surgeries that first week to
remove the bullets. While I was there the family of the man I shot decided to sue me for wrongful death. Even
though he had a gun and had shot at me, his gun wasn’t at the scene, the man at the window escaped with the gun.
My reputation was in the hands of the media and the police department had nothing to say in my defense. My
name was smeared, my body broken and no one seemed to care except me and my family. Every week the
Chicago papers took delight in splashing my name in the headlines, sometimes I was labeled a dirty cop. Other
times, they brought my family into it, my girlfriend’s name was mentioned too and that ended our relationship very
quickly.” Zee gave my hand a squeeze when he stopped. “I had a few panic attacks of my own after those days. I
was so disillusioned about my job and my relationships. I thought I lost every friend I ever had for a while. A few
true friends rose to the surface but I learned so much during that time. I was walking on crutches when the court
case started.” He was frowning at a memory. I could see he was reliving it.
“I am speechless Zee. I want to comfort you but have no words other than, I am truly sorry. Are you
okay? I mean, you aren’t in any pain now are you?” I asked and did a once over glance, like I had a way to see his
injuries magically. I felt a bit silly but I was suddenly worried about my new friend.
“I am doing well, I will never be able to run like I did before, but I am healthy, I still get achy when bad
weather rolls through. I’ve been threatening to make a few long trips to a warmer climate during the winters. But I
cannot miss my nieces and nephews over the holidays. They would be devastated.”
His smile warmed my heart. I could imagine the crew around here on Christmas, tearing through presents
and running through the house chasing Bailey around.
“Christmas in this place would be quite beautiful, do you decorate?” I asked, changing the subject to one
that was hopefully less painful.
“My sister goes into a decorating frenzy and I make it worse by shopping after Christmas for new
decorations every year. My basement is full. We go all out, roasting chestnuts, lighting the outside and the inside.
The tree is always extreme fun. I have a fake one that was outrageously expensive but goes to the ceiling in the
great room.” Zee pointed to the far wall and the enormous ceiling.
“That must be over fifteen feet tall!” I exclaimed in wonder, what a beautiful thought, Christmas in the
Bliss cabin. I was reveling in the thought of snuggling under a blanket and drinking hot cocoa while the kids piled in
after playing in the snow.
Yeah, the picture was a nice one.
“Actually it’s almost twenty feet. I saw the look on your face. If you play your cards right I could get you an
exclusive invite to a Christmas Eve party next year. You are my cover art photographer, after all.” Zee said with a
wink. He gave me a look that was very sweet. It made me forget the trouble of the day.
“Can I stay for a while longer Zee?” I asked him softly. “I don’t want to leave yet. This is the most peaceful
I have felt in a long time.”