Authors: Leah Banicki
Television cameras were not that intimidating to me, perhaps because I was usually on the other side of
the camera for my job. I didn’t feel very insecure because I had been primped, toned, fussed with and made-over
by the show staff so much that I don’t even feel real. I passed a mirror and wondered who that woman was.
It’s not
me… really.
I had done it, I left everything behind: phone, computer, and the comforts of home, and thrown myself into
the ring with twenty-four other women for a chance of falling in love. It sounded really stupid to me too.
I handed over my ID and Passport to the show’s producers this morning when I arrived at the
headquarters downtown. It felt like the first day on the job, left alone in a small conference room to watch a
training video and a pile of papers to sign. The video explained, in detail, again, the confidentiality clause and all that
it meant. It went through how to handle phone calls with friends and family while on the show, what you can say,
and what you can’t. I remember old WWII posters I had seen at antique shops, LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS!
Okay, so this was a highly confidential endeavor, zip the lip. I got it. It was still early when I was whisked
away in a private limousine to the mansion, where the show’s taping would begin that evening.
The first day of the
Soulmate
show was really a crazy whirlwind of big hair and extravagantly gowned
women. To visualize, one should take twenty-five women packed into a sprawling adobe style mansion near
Hollywood, dressed to perfection from head to high heels, then double that in hairdressers and makeup staff.
There were at least twenty security guards in various positions, that I could see. I counted: twelve camera men,
twenty boom microphone operators, several producer types standing around with papers and clip boards, many
assistants and interns that also carried clipboards and smart phones, as they weaved in and out of the fray to keep
the paper/clipboard guys happy.
There were a few people whose job description was not clear, but they all seemed to have an opinion
about things, one male and one female. They both had a bohemian sense about them, my best guess, interior
decorator or stylists? Last but not least, was a large man that seemed out of place, completely. He was unshaven in
a way that wasn’t intentional, wearing an outfit that can only be the uniform of someone who feeds farm animals.
Nothing against farm animals or their feeders, but this guy did NOT fit in the Hollywood scene. He had to be
the
guy in charge, the head creative honcho. I was sure that he had his own boss somewhere with an office in a tall
building, wearing a very expensive suit. Let’s hope we don’t ever meet him.
I did my show interviews earlier in the week for the introduction part of the first show. They came to my
apartment in New York and trotted along with me on a fake day-on-the-job showing me taking pictures and then a
few of me talking about my hopes and dreams for romance.
I am so sick of me
. I thought to myself.
This was so narcissistic, being on a TV show. My speech should be…
This is me, Hannah Parker, suckered into
reality TV by family and friends. All of them believe I am such a loser at dating that I should do it on television.
Maybe I should have worked harder on my pros and cons list when I first decided whether or not to do
this. My socially awkward routine was working fine for me at church. I usually had a date a few times a year. My
roommate claimed that I was too pretty and I intimidated men. I thought she was biased and ridiculous. I tried to
be girlie and cute.
That’s a decent goal right?
I walked by another mirror and it freaked me out a little. The scary lady in my reflection pushed at my
own boundaries. I would be too intimidated to talk to this girl! If I wasn’t so nervous I could laugh at my own
thoughts.
I observed my competitors and I hated to admit it, but I have a labeling problem. I usually don’t ever say it
out loud but my active imagination loved to make up nicknames and I often noticed the quirkiness of those around
me. I had expectations that I would eventually grow out of it but I was certain that my labeling issue would come
back to bite me, someday. My mother would say ‘We shall see…’ in her slow drawn out way as I would imagine
Sherlock Holmes might say about a suspect. I was sure both my mother and Sherlock Holmes would see right
through me today, all nerves and with a fake smile plastered on my glossy red lips.
The competition was interesting, we all had the same look on our faces, surreal nerves with a side of
nausea. If we puked on the bachelor during our introduction would we be shipped off to Siberia for a few years to
hide from everyone we know? Nothing like feeling the pressure of meeting a gorgeous man for the first time, and
being joined by millions of viewers watching it from their living rooms.
I started to break down the list of my competition: fourteen shades of blonde, three redheads, five dark
brunettes, like me, two light brown and one woman with a shawl covering her hair. Only two women had hair
shorter than shoulder length not counting the unknown factor in the shawl. Having spent my time in the
mandatory make-over chair, getting extensions, I could see the amount of fake hair in the room and recognized
the silliness. I had low expectations of hair being the only fake things in the room.
“Hannah Parker needed for limo number three.” I heard my name being announced from the next room, I
saw one of the ‘interns’ waving her clipboard once she got closer. I pulled myself from the strange stupor and got
my legs moving. My black strappy high heels created a hollow clicking sound across the flagstones, as I headed to
the limousine.
My heart started a fast rhythm when the door shut behind me. What in the world was I thinking? I was
minutes away from meeting Anthony Capriccio, the eligible bachelor on
Soulmate
! I turned and saw a redhead and
three blondes with me in the limo.
“Hi.” I said demurely, and felt like the new kid in school.
“Hi,” they all said nearly in unison. It seemed funny at the moment and we all laughed nervously.
“Anyone else contemplating running for your life?” I asked, trying to break the ice. I saw at least three of
the girls nod and one girl raised her hand to admit her guilt.
The redhead spoke, “This is so crazy… I sure hope I don’t trip walking up to him. I am not as worried
about Anthony, as I am about my three brothers who talked me into this. If I trip I may never hear the end of it. I
saw Anthony on the last Soulmate show. He seems nicer than my brothers,” The redhead finished, matter-offactly. I liked her sense of humor immediately.
“He may catch me if I fall.” The redhead did a pretend swoon into the back of her seat.
I could feel a genuine smile warming me up.
“Yeah, he seems like a good guy. That’s the reason I am here, too. I just can’t believe we are about to
meet him.” I said, uneasily.
I kept fidgeting with the embroidery on my dark plum gown. The embroidery was just one shade darker
than the fabric and swirled around the bodice and skirt of the gown. It was fun shopping for this gown with my
roommate, Allison. It seemed like a decade ago and a different planet away from this moment.
The car door opened and all the gowned women jumped in their seats in unison. A woman in a serious
black suit climbed in next to me with the ever-present clipboard. The door closed and the limo started to pull out.
My heart went into a faster rhythm inside my chest.
“We are only minutes away from the first meet and greet location. Your luggage has been delivered and
placed inside the grand foyer. The evening’s festivities will be to meet Anthony. Anyone, at anytime, may exit the
show at their own free will. You will still be under the same confidentiality agreement you signed when you joined
the list. You are not allowed in any way to disparage the show, any of its creators or producers.” The thin-lipped
assistant spoke fast. Her dark hair pulled back in a tight pony-tail. Her whole demeanor said “stressed out.”
The limousine took a curve too quickly; I reached for a handle to steady myself.
“When we arrive everyone is allowed one minute alone at the front door to meet Anthony face to face.
Please keep your conversation brief. When he gestures for you to go into the party please do so quickly. You will
have plenty of alone time to get to know each other this week. This minute you have is just to greet him. You
don’t need to win him over or give him your life’s story. Understood?” The assistant’s voice was cold. She gave us
a glare until we nervously said “yes” in agreement. I found myself nodding like the other girls. I felt like a naughty
child. This was an odd day, indeed.
“We will be arriving any moment. Janette will be first to exit the car and greet Anthony. Once she goes
inside I will give the cue for Hannah.” The assistant said, with no hint of humanity in her voice.
This was about as fun as going to the dentist. If this got any more nerve-wracking I would cry out for my
Mommy! The thought made me laugh to myself and calmed my nerves.
We all grew silent as we felt the limo come to a stop. Then we realized where we were and we turned
our heads to see the man of the hour. It looked a lot like the house where we prepared for this meeting, so what
was this drive for? I wondered. I tossed the questions aside and instead decided to focus on the reason I was here.
Anthony!
Six feet tall and an athletic build, he was more than a little impressive in his tuxedo. His raven hair was
shining in the moonlight. There were candles glowing along the flagstone walkway that led to the doorway. His
dark eyes shined as he nervously smiled at the waiting limo. His hands clasped in front of him proved he had a case
of nerves and which endeared himself to everyone in the limo.
I heard in unison “sigh” as we finished our perusal. He was pretty close to male perfection. I remembered
my roommate exclaimed that he looked like the prince from a cartoon fairy tale about a mermaid.
He looked like a prince, indeed. I would gladly be in his fairy tale any day.
“Janette, you go first. Remember, one minute.” The cold assistant’s voice was breaking through the fairy
tale music in my head.
The humorous red head was straightening herself before she opened the door and stepped out. I was torn
between turning away during her one minute private moment or watching to see what happened. Curiosity won. I
watched as Janette talked to Anthony and gave him a very brief hug. They were both smiling, but his gave nothing
away. He was friendly to Janette, but I didn’t see any sparks. The minute went by fast and Anthony gestured to the
door. Janette disappeared into the grand house.
“Hannah Parker, next, ” The assistant’s voice nearly made me jump. I opened the limo door and stepped
out. Miraculously my dress, shoes and body cooperated as my heart pounded in my ears. I tried to take long
graceful steps toward the princely figure ahead of me. I wanted to cheer when I arrived at my destination
unscathed. No tripping or any kind of embarrassing moment to cry over later.
‘’My goodness! You are beautiful.” Anthony said, his dark brown eyes nearly killed me as I stood there. He
had a strong chin.
“Well, you are a charmer.” I said before thinking. I should tell him my name.
“I promise I am not, I just had to tell the truth. My sister would say I am a shy idiot. I guess I spoke before
thinking.” Anthony dipped his head a second and swallowed nervously.
“I am Hannah Parker.” I said after an awkward silence. I couldn’t stop looking at his eyes. He was nervous.
Perhaps even more than me.
“Hello, Hannah,” My name sounded amazing when he said it. He grabbed my hands, leaned forward slowly
and kissed each one. Sparks were an understatement, liquid lightning poured through my arms and down my legs. I
was pretty sure I became a quivering idiot the moment his lips touched my hands.
“Please call me Anthony.” He said, his eyes never leaving mine once he was through with the hand kissing.
He still had both my hands in his.
“I hope to see you inside, Anthony.” I said slowly. What was wrong with me? I was not sure if I ever
wanted to move again.
“I think our minute is up but I can honestly say I don’t want to send you away. I have a sudden desire for a
moonlit walk with you, Hannah.” He grabbed my arm and leaned away, for a second I thought he was serious.
Anthony wanted to run away with me.
Okay, I’m game
.
“Well, you must protect me from the cranky lady in the limousine. She scares me.” I winked at Anthony
conspiratorially.
“Well I have my cranky equivalent yelling in my earpiece to wrap it up.” He smiled and he had stolen my
heart. He was a beautiful man.
“What shall we do?” I asked, giving him a sly smile.
“Well, just for now we should follow the schedule. But I claim a walk in the gardens with you later,
Hannah. I am not even close to knowing you well enough yet.” His dark eyes stole my sanity. He reluctantly
gestured to the front door nearby. I gave Anthony a wink then went through the door.
As I walked down the long corridor toward the party my heart had decided. He was mine. All mine!
Chapter 2
Thirty minutes after meeting Anthony my heart calmly returned to its normal pace. I was waiting inside the
grand mansion on a soft chair and sipped a glass of wine. I had limited myself to one because I was such a
lightweight with wine. I had no desire to get silly. I tended to giggle a ridiculous amount when I drank more than
one glass. I had a supreme desire, right now, not to appear foolish.
I went back to people watching again and noticed a few groups gathering. Several blondes were talking
animatedly and giggling. There was a blond near the pool outside that had huge gold hoop earrings. Her very loud
boisterous laugh drew my gaze a few times. Her white blond hair was swept up in a high pony-tail. It seemed a
strange hairdo to choose to go with a formal gown. But who was I to judge? I tried to be generous by thinking how
perky and fun-loving she looked. I saw the redhead I spoke with in the limousine and decided to be social. I think
her name was Janette.
I made my way over to Janette, carefully. My high heels were not cooperating on the thick shaggy
carpeting.
The room was large with two huge stone fireplaces, an outdoor terrace on one side and a huge window
on the other overlooking a valley below. This part of Los Angeles was very hilly. The overlook in the evening
showed the cityscape. It was a beautiful sight. The lights of the cars and buildings lit up the valley.
“Are you Janette?” I asked as I reached the terrace. The redhead nodded and set down her drink. She was
standing on the edge of the terrace next to the doors; she seemed undecided about whether to stay inside or go
outdoors.
“I am Hannah.” I reached out to shake her hand.
“I am Janette.” She shook my hand and her smile was shy.
“I wasn’t sure what to expect with the party. It seems more fun on television. They don’t show all us girls
standing around in high heels waiting for the guy to show up.” Janette said, surprising me.
“I know what you mean, my feet hurt and I don’t know a soul. I am wishing for something to do.” I added.
I actually wished I had my iPhone, at least, I could have texted funny things to Allison. She would have appreciated
my labeling game.
“I hope Anthony is done meeting everyone soon. I am dying to stare at him some more.” Janette said and
pulled a dreamy actress face. “I don’t know if I’m in love, but he is really easy on the eyes.”
I thought for a moment and decided I liked this girl; she seemed shy, but then she shocked me with her
sense of humor.
“Well, he had me melting a bit, but he probably said the same thing to everyone. Calling every girl beautiful
and saying he wanted to steal her away to walk in the moonlight would have worked on everyone, I am sure.” I
said and laughed. It was my effort to push away the gushy overwhelming feelings. I was starting to feel strange
about dating a guy that was dating twenty-four other women.
Why do I think of this now
? I asked myself.
“Well he said ‘Hi, nice to meet you’ to me. ‘Hope you enjoy the party’. I introduced myself and hugged
him. It was weird.” Janette said. Her grimace made me laugh and her words made my heart thump a few extra
beats, maybe it wasn’t just a line.
I looked around and did a quick count, there were twenty-three women in the room. The camera men
were present and a few boom microphone operators but the assistants and the producers were gone, or hidden.
The camera men were dressed in all black. They wore big earphones and their eyes were always pointed directly
at the camera. It was easy to forget about them, almost.
I had a momentary freeze when I thought of my family and hometown watching me on television. After a
minute of freezing I talked myself out of stage fright and decided to be cool. I was here for a reason. I had to
ignore the cameras and go with the flow.
I saw another girl enter from the long corridor I used earlier. She was a stunning blonde bombshell. Her
hair was golden yellow and she had large exotic eyes. I felt my stomach churn a bit in jealousy. She was beautiful
and walked like a jungle cat in her black strappy high heels. Her outfit was dark and clingy and there wasn’t much
to it.
Is it possible to dislike someone after seeing them for three seconds?
I was glad she was number twenty-four. I decided to stop staring daggers at the exotic-eyed blonde and
turned to look at Janette, who was quietly at my side.
“I don’t like her.” Janette said, in a whisper. I laughed and nodded.
“There is nothing to dislike, you never know, maybe she is really sweet.” I said sarcastically.
“She looks like a boyfriend stealer to me.” Janette stated, convincingly. “She likes to kill kittens as a hobby,
I am sure of it.”
I laughed again, noting Janette has a dark sense of humor that I liked. I tried to think of something witty to
say when the last girl entered the room. It quieted down as everyone did the math and began to gather in the main
room. The contestants on the terrace joined everyone near the biggest stone fireplace. The camera men sprung
into action and obviously, by cue, turned the cameras toward the corridor.
I held my breath for a few seconds until I saw Anthony walk in. I realized I was grinning like a fool but
could not stop myself. Behind him was the show’s host, Randall Bartholomew. He had reddish brown hair and a
handsome square jaw line. One dimple showed off whenever he would smile for the camera. He also had a very
visible wedding band that announced ‘OFF LIMITS’ to anyone with odd ideas. Randall walked past Anthony and
spoke to the crowd.
“Welcome ladies to
Soulmate
. We hope you are having a pleasant evening. Anthony is thrilled to meet all
of you and over the next few days will get a chance to spend at least one hour with each woman here individually.
We have a few different ways for you to spend time with Anthony. There will be sign up sheets available in the
dining room.
At some point this evening, Anthony may give out a special broach that announces his intent for the first
evening date with one of you lovely ladies. The woman who receives this broach is the one who made a special
impression on Anthony when they met earlier. He wants the first dinner date to be with this lucky lady. She will
still get her one hour session within the next four days but she will be the very first full date if she decides to stay
on
Soulmate
.” Randall finished his long speech and talked to a few women who had questions.
I always loved watching this part of the show. My mother and I would try and pick through the girls after
they were introduced to the guy and see who had sparks and who didn’t. Which one would he pick for the first
date? When it was a woman with twenty-five men to choose from it was so much easier. Girls wore their
emotions on their sleeves. Now being a participant I could not help but wonder who Anthony would choose.
Would I get the broach?
I felt our greeting was a bit special. I thought I had seen something in his eyes that had been
more than a friendly “hello.”
I listened to Randall continue to talk about the sign up sheets for the hour session that Anthony was going
to get with each woman over the next four days. I wanted to sign up for a lunch or afternoon event. I tried to pay
attention but had the oddest sensation. I let my eyes wander over to Anthony and he was staring directly at me!
I met his gaze and he smirked a little.
‘I caught you.’ I told him with my eyes, he winked his reply. He wanted to be caught. My stomach did a
triple back flip and I could not tear my eyes away from him. This was it… I was in deep trouble now.
After Randall’s instructions we could relax and enjoy the evening. We had a few hours to mingle and then
Anthony would leave and we would get settled in for the next four days before the dreaded ceremony. It
reminded me of the days of old when a girl had a dance card. This was a date card. If Anthony does not have a
date card for you, you go home, your dance was over.
I was hoping to get to Anthony first after the speech but the flock of women vying for his attention was
serious competition, and a bit menacing. I let the first group of women get their turn to chat with him, and avoided
any claw marks. I was hoping to get my turn to talk to Anthony soon, though.
I relaxed and moved to the kitchen in search of something to drink besides wine. I found some lemon-lime
soda, poured it in my empty wine glass, and rejoined the party. I saw Anthony seated on a large couch chatting and
laughing with a group of five women. He looked comfortable and calm, with the experience of being one of
twenty-five contestants on last season’s show. I walked by slowly. Listening to the conversation, I hoped to glean
more about him. Perhaps I was eager to get his attention a little, or a lot.
I saw his eyes slowly turned to me as I walked by. His black hair swept back formally, his dark eyes
grinning.
“Pardon me ladies.” He said in a low voice, he stood up and walked to me. He took my arm and led me
wordlessly outside.
“Hello again, Anthony.” I said, in a near whisper. He was taking me to the far side of the terrace. There
was a railing that overlooked the valley. I could not care any less about the view of the valley. All I could see was
Anthony. His presence was more intimidating in person, the pictures looked good, the real man was intoxicating.
“Who are you, Hannah? Are you real?” He asked and I felt the same way. This seemed like a fantastic
dream.
“Well I think I am real, not sure today, though. I am pretty sure tonight is very different from anything I
have ever experienced before.” I was trying to be myself. I didn’t want to pretend to be anyone but me.
“I feel nervous around you Hannah. I am not sure if I am breaking some kind of dating rule by feeling what I
feel after knowing you for a full two minutes. I don’t even know you. What’s happening here?” He took my hand
and held it over his heart. I could feel it pounding as hard as mine.
“Well, my mother would say its called attraction and she would get all giddy and giggly. My dad would say
that it’s a spark and that God gave us the spark and it’s our job not to burn the house down.” I said, practically.
“That is wise, and just what my father would agree with.” Anthony took my hand off his heart and held it
for a minute at his side. His fingers wrapped around mine easily. It felt like heaven on earth. “The show’s
producers told me there were some girls who shared my values here on the show. I hope you mentioned what
your father said as your cue to me that you watched the last season of
Soulmate
?”
“I did, I admitted, bravely, that you were the reason I came on the show. I was only interested because you
were good Christian man.” I was shaking a little as I spoke, overwhelming emotions were obviously taking over my
nervous system.
“I am so glad to meet you Hannah. Tell me about you.” He said in a low voice that calmed me.
“Well I work as a professional photographer for magazine and also freelance commercial work.” I said,
watching his eyes as they stared into mine. It was making me a little self-conscious but I was trying not to be
bashful and look away.
“Wow, not an easy career to maintain unless you are very talented. I like that you are in a creative field,
you know how to face competition. The challenge is to capture a vision for the client.” Anthony said.
I knew from the show last year that he was an architect.
“As an architect do you mostly work with pen and ruler or are you a computer graphics guy?” I asked,
hoping he knew I was sincerely interested.
“I do a mixture, there is nothing quite like seeing the project come to life on paper, but the capabilities to
transform it on computer with new software is also something I find thrilling. Wow, sorry I don’t mean to talk
about work tonight.” Anthony laughed. “Lets try this, where are you from originally?”
I shared with him moments from my childhood, my love of photography and my eventual move to New
York. He told me about his family and then I noticed a few girls stalking us nearby. It was a reasonable part of the
show that everyone wanted a chance to talk to Anthony. I let him go with a wave. After a few steps he bolted back
to me and leaned in close…
“To be continued, Hannah.” He smiled and winked which left me breathless. I said a little prayer. Dear
Lord…
Can I keep him?
* * * * *
I found Janette and we parked on the couch and chatted with a few other girls. Several of the girls, we
both agreed, were nice. I was now wishing we could wear nametags. I would never remember all these girls’
names. I felt a small twinge of pity for Anthony, and hoped he had a good memory.
I was starting to tire from the long day and with no one that I knew really well I was running out of chitchat. I spent a quality hour going over the conversation I had with Anthony again and again, trying to find a flaw or
something that could talk me out of butterflies in the stomach. No luck yet…
I saw a few girls yawning and looked at the time, 11:43 showed on the face of the ornate clock above the
fireplace. The night would end soon. I wondered if anyone had received the broach. I glanced around nervously. I
stood up and stretched as well as I could in the tightest dress imaginable. The under layers of starchy things
designed to make the bell of the skirt stay puffy, was beginning to poke through the expensive nylons and cause a
slight itching sensation near my knees. My feet were starting to protest the high-heels, as well. I began a mental pep
talk with my body about the lateness of the hour and very, very soon I would be free to escape the evil confines of
fashion. I regained my focus back on the room just in time to witness Anthony coming back into the house. He ran
into Randall and they talked a minute. Randall handed him something and Anthony smiled and thanked him.
Twenty-five women and five cameras zoom in on Anthony Capriccio. He turned and for the second time
tonight I saw him ignore everyone else as he walked toward me. This was a very good day.
“Hannah, will you be my first full date on
Soulmate
? I am very taken with you. I would love to find out
more about you.” His voice was smooth and low. Those dark eyes were swallowing me whole.
“Yes Anthony, I would be honored.” I hoped my voice didn’t crack. I suddenly remembered that I was not
alone in the room with just Anthony, but had an audience of millions. The thought sent a weird sensation up and
down my spine and after a few trips around it stopped in my stomach.
Anthony placed the velvet box in my hands a moment later. I opened it and saw an antique emerald
broach. Every year it was different and this one was stunning. I knew the show would have a television clip of him
actually shopping with a family member or close friend for the broach. They used that trip to talk about the guy’s
hopes for finding a
Soulmate
. Usually the broach brought up the question about love at first sight.
Did he fall in love at first sight with me?
I asked myself.
I watched Anthony say his goodbyes to the crowd and Randall gave a few more speeches about what
would happen now regarding the ladies.
I was only half hearing Randall, I was still dwelling on the broach and the talk Anthony and I had out on the
terrace. He was easy to talk to, and I was very pleased that he was not arrogant about his good looks. He seemed
a little shy.