Authors: Jay Crownover
I finally got the text sent out and
got one back saying she already had a seat and had ordered for us. When I got
to the coffee house the place was packed but Ayden had secured a spot by one of
the windows and was messing around on her phone. A table full of geeky looking
guys was trying to get her attention by talking and laughing loudly but she
seemed oblivious. I missed our girl time and I wished she would talk to me
about what had been bothering her the last month but with so much on my own
plate I was well aware that I hadn’t been the best friend as of late.
I flopped in the seat across from
her and gratefully scooped up the frothy drink she had ordered for me. She
made a face at me and put her phone away. “I almost saw your boyfriend naked
this morning.”
I laughed at the look on her face.
“I don’t know what to say to that, you’re welcome?”
She crinkled her nose at me. “He
doesn’t have much shame does he?”
“You’ve met Rule, right?”
She picked up her own drink and
peered at me over the top of the cup. “I guess he doesn’t really have much to
worry about does he? I don’t know how you don’t get distracted by all that
stuff inked all over him, I think I would spend all my time looking at his
tattoos rather than getting down to business.”
“It’s fun.”
“I bet.” She had a faraway look in
her pretty eyes that I just couldn’t let slide anymore.
“Come on Ayden; tell me what’s
going on with you lately. I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own nonsense but I
can see the change in you. You look so sad all the time and that’s just not
like you.”
Her whiskey toned gaze shifted from
one side to another before settling on the table between us. She set her
coffee down and traced the rim of the cup with her finger.
“I don’t know, I mean I know but
not really.” I just watched her because I wasn’t sure what she was talking
about. “I used to think I had it all figured out school, boys, my future, all
of it. I knew that coming from nothing and no one didn’t matter because I was
on the right track and I was going to be something great and now I just don’t
know.”
“What brought this on?”
“The night at the rock bar, the
night I had Jet take me home I practically threw myself at him.” I saw her
flinch a little. “He was polite enough about it all but said I wasn’t really
his type and that nice girls like me deserved better.”
“Well that seems chivalrous and
nice of him, not life altering.”
“That’s the thing Shaw, I’m a nice
girl now but you have no idea about the life I lived before I moved to
Colorado. When I was in Kentucky I was out of control. I partied, messed
around in all kinds of bad stuff, played around with too many guys and I was a
mess inside and out. It took a miracle to get me into this school and away
from all of that but part of me is still that girl and when Jet turned me down
it just made both parts of me go a little sideways. He’s cute and in a band, I
was mad, really mad when he rejected me on the basis of being a good girl,
that’s just not who I think I want to be. I’ve been struggling with it ever
since.”
I set my coffee down and looked at
her out of narrowed eyes. “You let a guy get all up in your head after one
brief encounter? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“There was something about this
guy, Shaw. I don’t know what it was.”
“Ayden you’re amazing. I don’t
care what your life was like before because now you’re loyal and kind, you make
me laugh, you’re smarter than practically anyone I know, you’re ridiculously
beautiful and we both know that there have been times in the last couple of
years that the only thing holding me together was you. I’ve meet Jet a few
times and he is nice and definitely a babe but he’s also a rock and roll guy
that comes with legions of rock and roll groupies fawning all over him so
whatever moment you had with him is not worth this mopey, self-doubt he seems
to have spawned in you.”
“This from the girl that pinned
over her guy in silence for almost a full decade?” Her sarcasm was biting but
well deserved.
“Yes and look how miserable and
lonely it made me. All I’m saying is that if a guy can’t appreciate you for
how wonderful you are then he isn’t worth it and if he doesn’t want to sully
your good image, whether it is real or not then I hate to say it but that just
sounds like maybe he wasn’t interested. You are pretty country and he is
pretty rock I mean I know I’ve been drowning in opposites attract and all that
stupid nonsense for my whole life with Rule but maybe they really don’t and you
just weren’t his type. I’ve seen the girls that gravitate to these guys when
they go out, heck I’ve walked in on Rule with them over and over again and
trust me big brains, self-confidence and ambition are not things these women
bring to the table.”
She exhaled loudly. “Maybe. It
just made me wonder about what I’m doing. I date, I have a pretty good time, I
love living with you and I’m awesome at school but I feel like something is
missing and when I see your super-hot, half-dressed boyfriend covered in
tattoos looking all sleepy and satisfied I get a little burn near my heart that
hurts. I think I’m lonely and not for something casual and simple. Trust me I
had plenty of that when I was younger.”
I laughed a little and scraped off
some of the foam of my drink with my finger and popped it in my mouth. I think
the table of geeks gasped but I wasn’t sure because when I looked back up at
them they were all frantically typing away on their laptops.
“So you pick a heavy metal singer
to get all mushy and sentimental over? Man we’ve got marvelous taste in men.”
She laughed with me and leaned back
to cross her long legs at the ankle. “I think it’ll probably fade away but in
the mean time I need to get my head around moving forward without totally
forgetting who I am, I mean look at you. You’re not suddenly covered head to
toe in ink and sporting a face full of extreme piercings. You took all the
parts of Rule’s make your own rules philosophy and used it mellow out and take
control of your own destiny not turn into a new you.”
She was partly right. I figured it
was probably too much information to tell her I had been seriously considering getting
my nipples pierced. Rule was always telling me how sensitive they were, how
easy it was to get me turned on and all worked up and ready to blow by just
playing with them and after having intimate contact on a repeated basis with
someone that had piercings through strategic parts of their anatomy I knew
exactly how the little pieces of jewelry could enhance the experience. It had
always been Rule for me so I didn’t know what it was like to be with anyone
that didn’t have barbells in their cock and through their tongue, but as good
as it was with him I had no desire to find out how it was with someone
unadorned. I didn’t want them for him, I wanted them for me but I wasn’t sure
I was ready to commit to something that big yet.
“He influences me, he always has
but I don’t want to be with someone that only wants to be with me just to
change me.”
“I know and neither would I. I
think when I left home I had the idea that if I didn’t change I was just going
to be stuck in that endless rut forever and somehow I lost everything, even the
good stuff about the pre-Denver Ayden.”
I reached out and squeezed the hand
she had resting on the table. “Maybe you’re just entering a new phase, maybe
this isn’t new Ayden or old Ayden but a excellent new incantation of both.
You’re fine, whoever and whatever you want to be is just fine.”
“I sure hope so. So have you seen
or heard anything from Gabe?”
I shook my head and kicked back in
the seat. “No. I’ve seen him on campus coming and going but he keeps his
distance. Rule’s retired cop friend says he heard that Judge Davenport wasn’t
happy to have his son’s name come up in open court so maybe he put a leash on
him. The guys have been really good about keeping me close so I don’t think he
has the nerve to go up against Rule or Rome and I’m purposely avoiding all
contact with my parents so if he’s trying to enlist them it isn’t doing him any
good.”
“So what’s your long term plan?
Rome has to go back to playing solider soon and as much as I’m sure Rule likes
keeping you close eventually it’s gotta get old. The honeymoon phase won’t
last forever.”
I was worried about that myself.
Right now he seemed to like hanging out at the bar and didn’t seem to mind
juggling our hectic schedules back and forth to see each other and to keep his
eye on me, but I agreed with her that it couldn’t last much longer.
“I just don’t know what to do. If
the legal system can’t help and my own parents are working against me to keep
him off my back I just don’t know. I wish he would just find another girl that
is socially acceptable and forget about me.”
“I don’t know either but I’m glad
you aren’t trying to handle this all on your own.”
“He’s good for me. I feel like my
life is finally my own with him in it.”
“Have you told him that you’re in
love with him and have been for eternity yet?”
I gulped down some of my drink and
it went down the wrong tube. I hacked for a second until tears filled my
eyes. “No! Are you nuts? Why would I do that? He already knows that I’ve
had a crush on him since forever and I think just that weirds him out. I don’t
want to put all kinds of pressure on him to feel the same about me. He wants
to be together and he’s making a true and honest effort to be in this
relationship with me and for now that’s good enough.”
She clicked her tongue at me and
waved a finger back and forth. “If you think you hide the way you feel about
him at all you’re so wrong. The feelings you have for that boy radiate out of
you like a bright light. He has to see it every time he looks at you.”
I fiddled nervously with the ends
of my hair. “Well he’s never said anything about it and that’s just fine by
me.”
“You are so silly. You’ve been in
love with this guy since you were a teenager and now you have him and you’re
still worried about being open and honest with him? It just seems to me like
you wouldn’t want to waste any more time.”
“This is Rule we’re talking about.
He’s unpredictable and doesn’t deal with emotions in a typical way. I don’t
want to scare him off by getting too intense too quickly. I’ve seen what he
does to people that push him and it isn’t pretty.”
“For what it’s worth I think he’s
just as sprung on you as you are on him. That glow you have well he has it too
just in a darker, slightly more confused way.”
“Well that’s nice to hear. I don’t
know that I believe it but still it’s a nice thought.”
We spent another hour and one more
coffee each catching up. We talked about school and I told her a little about
Margot’s breakdown when Rule went to get my car. We talked about work and how
ridiculous Loren seemed to be every time she opened her mouth and we made plans
to go shopping the following weekend after another trip to the salon. By the time
we were done it was too early for dinner and she had to run to get ready for
work. We left on a hug which I’m pretty sure caused the tabled of geeks to
spontaneously break into juvenile erection territory and I headed up to Capitol
Hill. Since I was off and Rome was back in the Springs for another checkup I
had promised Rule I would meet him at the tattoo shop and wait until he was
done with his last client.
I hadn’t been in the shop during
business hours so when I pushed open the door I was slightly taken aback at how
busy it was. There was a girl behind the counter with super short hair
bleached out as white as mine and spiked up all over the place. She was
answering the phone, handling the people milling about the waiting area and
pointing perspective clients in the directions of the appropriate portfolios.
There were three other artists set up in the stations not filled by Nash, Rowdy
and Rule. I noticed one of them was a very pretty girl with black and green
hair that looked like something out of a comic book. There were also six
clients in varying positions getting various designs and making various noises
and looks of discomfort that had their friend’s and the artist’s laughing and
making light hearted comments. Against Me! Was blasting over the sound system
and the entire vibe was energetic and exciting. I couldn’t fathom how anyone
earned such a good living in such a crazy environment, but it seemed to suit
Rule’s personality to a tee.
I stood unsure in the doorway for a
full minute just taking it all in until I was jostled to the side by a girl in
too tight pants and disgusting Uggs. Her hair was teased up and I could see
she had swirling sleeves of ink under her super tiny t-shirt and I guess she
was good looking in a trashy, desperate kind of way but the girl behind the
counter apparently had no time for whatever she was asking for because her
voice, loud and clear with a hint of an East Coast burr told her none to
graciously to “Fuck off Liza. I already told you over the phone that he was
booked up for the next two weeks and he has no interest in working late to
touch your shit up.”
The girl mumbled something I
couldn’t hear and leaned over the counter. The receptionist or whatever her
title was rolled her eyes dramatically. “Look let me break this down for you;
he is not interested in you. You are a client, you give him money to tattoo
you not date you and not to flirt with you. He’s busy and I mean busy so if
you want work done you will get put in the book like everyone else and come in
for your scheduled appointment. Besides he’s got a girlfriend now and has no
interest in the little ink bunnies anymore.”
I blinked rapidly in surprise when
I realized she was more than likely talking about Rule and that I was more than
likely the girlfriend she was referring to. How strange was that? The girl
continued to have a little bit of a fit until it became clear she wasn’t going
to get past the blond fireball to get to the artists. She shoved past me on
the way out the door and immediately a clean cut college guy took her place at
the desk. He made his appointment with no fuss and I continued to watch the
ebb and flow business for a while until the girl’s attention finally landed on
me.