Authors: Mildred Colvin
Blake still didn’t speak but stared at her as if he were trying to see through her story to the real Tessa. To the Tessa he remembered.
She leaned her forehead into her hand and shook her head. “This is not what I came down here to say.” She looked at him. “Blake, please believe me when I say I’m not the girl you knew.”
Blake smiled. “Tessa, look at me. I’m not the same boy you remember either. I’m thirty-two years old. You’ve got a birthday coming up in a few days, too, don’t you?”
How did he remember her birthday after so long? Tessa stared at him, unable to respond.
“For some people it’s hard to cross over to the big three-oh. Will you be here on the twelfth?”
She shook her head. He even remembered the day. “No, we’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Then I’ll come to Amarillo and help you celebrate. It’ll be like old times. What do you say?”
Tessa stood and clutched her purse. She’d made a mistake in meeting with Blake. He didn’t understand she was a Christian now and as such couldn’t go back to her old life even if she wanted to, which she didn’t. With her heart breaking just as it had eleven years ago, she prepared to go back upstairs.
“I’m sorry, Blake, but you don’t understand.” She lifted her chin a notch. “Jesus has done so much for me—how could I deny Him by going back to what He took me out of? I need to get back upstairs now to check on the boys. It was nice seeing you again after all this time.”
“Tessa, wait. I’m going to Amarillo this weekend. My mom called to tell me Dad is not well, and I’ve got to go see about him. I don’t know how serious it is, but maybe I can get some time to stop by. Can’t we just talk or something? No pressure, I promise.”
She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t even if she’d been weak enough to give in. By the weekend, she and the boys would be well on their way to Chicago. She shook her head. “I don’t think so, Blake. I don’t plan to be home.”
With that, she turned and walked away as fast as she could. She heard Blake call her name, but he didn’t come after her, so she kept moving, trying to keep tears from filling her eyes. She hadn’t even asked if he was married.
A
fter a restless night with little sleep, Tessa made a decision. She couldn’t stay another day in the same town with Blake Donovan. She dressed and packed everything except a change of clothing before the boys awoke. She hoped they wouldn’t mind heading out earlier than they had planned. She had thought a road trip along Route 66 would be an excellent vacation and a great way to revisit her old home as well as spend some time with Sarah Maddox, one of her best friends from back home. She hadn’t expected to revive old feelings within the first day—feelings she’d thought were successfully forgotten.
The boys’ grumbling at being awakened early changed to excited smiles when she promised a big breakfast. They loaded their belongings and headed out before nine o’clock. Still, Tessa didn’t breathe easy until she drove away from the hotel with no sight of Blake.
After breakfast they resumed their eastward journey on Route 66. Tessa watched the road as she drove through city traffic, while her mind continually drifted back to the evening before. Why couldn’t Blake understand her position? Did he think she couldn’t change? Did he not understand the power of God to change lives? Maybe he didn’t want her to be different because that meant they couldn’t go back to the way they were before. She finally forced her mind away from the puzzle and spoke to the boys.
“We’ll drive on historic Route 66 as much as we can. The road has changed tremendously since it was built in the twenties and thirties. In fact, much of the road has been replaced with freeways, so you can’t recognize the old road in those places. Many of the original businesses are gone now, and many moved to new locations as other highways took traffic from them. But some of the old businesses are still there and some have been restored along the route. I plan to stop at some attractions that should be interesting.”
Robbie’s eyebrows lifted. “As interesting as that water park? Not likely, Mom.”
When the other boys agreed with him, she laughed. “Hey, give your old mom some respect and maybe a little indulgence. If you don’t like the stops before Chicago, I know you’ll like the amusement park Sarah has planned for us.”
“That’s our birthday surprise, isn’t it?” Robbie grinned as Tessa nodded.
Since they had started earlier that day than she’d planned, Tessa made some unscheduled stops along the road. The boys seemed interested in everything, but she scarcely noticed. Everywhere she looked, she saw Blake. Every dark-haired man resembled him in some way.
Her mind constantly darted back to the day before, as she remembered the way he’d smiled at her and how he ran his fingers through his hair in a moment of frustration. She thought about praying for release from those memories but, against her better judgment, clung to them as close as a warm quilt on a cold night.
As they got in the car, Robbie said, “Hey Mom. These museums are really great, you know, but don’t you think it’s about time we looked for a swimming pool or a beach?”
“I know,” Tessa said. “We’ll be stopping tonight in Missouri. I didn’t get reservations ahead because I didn’t know if we’d stay on schedule. But I promise I’ll make looking for a swimming pool top priority. Now help me find Galena. We just crossed the Kansas line.”
In the small town of Galena, they saw 4 Women on the Route. The old remodeled gas station had been freshly painted white with red trim and now served as a welcome center. One of its main attractions was an old rusty tow truck parked to the side of the building.
Tessa told the boys, “I don’t think it’s actually Mater, but it sure looks like the old tow truck from the movie
Cars
, doesn’t it? He even has eyes in the windshield.”
They crossed the Missouri line after that, and Tessa decided the guys had to, at least once in their lives, attend a drive-in theater. That evening they stopped outside Carthage, Missouri, at 66 Drive-In and enjoyed a double feature just as she’d heard her mother talk about from her youth. Because of the late hour, they stayed in Carthage that night.
Tessa was glad to sink into a clean bed. When sleep did not come immediately, she tried to remember the movies they had watched and couldn’t. All she remembered was wishing Blake had been with them. She had even imagined his arm around her shoulders in the car while one scene after another flickered on the huge outdoor screen. Never had she spent such a long night and day as the one just past.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on her Savior.
Lord, I’m sorry. Today I’ve been letting an encounter with my past take over my thoughts. Please forgive me
,
and let my mind and heart be centered on You. “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord.” I need to enjoy this time You’ve given me with my boys. Still, I pray for Blake, for his salvation. I’m so sorry I was unable to help him understand Your grace and the changes You brought to my life
.
Lord, deal with his heart and send someone to speak to him and to lead him to You
.
The next morning, Tessa felt better. Although Blake was never far from her mind, she didn’t see him everywhere she looked either.
After a couple of hours in the motel pool, she motioned her boys out. “Let’s go in and get dressed. We still have a long drive ahead of us today. I’m hoping to make Litchfield either tonight or tomorrow night.”
“Illinois?” Robbie asked, and she wondered how much of their earlier life he remembered.
“Yes, where I grew up and where you two older boys were born.” She watched for any recognition in his eyes, but he just shrugged and turned away.
They stopped in Rolla, Missouri, that afternoon for more swimming at the motel where they stayed. The next day they scouted out some more attractions in the area, and that afternoon they visited the St. Louis Arch before crossing the bridge over the Mississippi River into Illinois. Although she recognized the rolling hills and wooded countryside in Missouri, her surroundings became even more familiar the closer she came to Litchfield, and her heart beat with anticipation. But darkness crept up on them before she pulled to a stop in the motel parking lot just off historic Route 66. She fully intended to do some catching up in the morning, if no more than driving by to show the boys a few places that were still special to her. Places that held no memories of Blake.
Tessa let the boys sleep in the next morning while she took her Bible to a chair by the window. There, with the early morning sunshine streaming across the pages, she immersed herself in the Psalms, letting the beauty of David’s songs flow into her soul.
“Mom.” Robbie had slipped from bed without her noticing. He sat in the other chair across the small round table from her. “You were awfully young when I was born, weren’t you?”
She nodded, too surprised by his topic of conversation to say anything.
“I bet this town holds a lot of memories for you. Some not so good.”
A dim image of the boy who had fathered Robbie flashed through her mind. She remembered telling him she was pregnant and the rage that distorted his face before he hit her. Then she thought of Seth’s birth father, a teacher she liked and trusted. She’d been thrilled and honored when he’d offered her the job of classroom assistant. So what if she often stayed after school grading papers? He always took her for a bite to eat afterward. She enjoyed his company. More than she should have. One thing led to another, and again she found herself facing a man who didn’t want her child but had used her because of her reputation. She could have forced him to take responsibility, but she didn’t. Instead she dropped his class and let him keep his secret from his wife and kids and from the school board. He finished out the year and moved away that summer.
Now she smiled at her oldest son and the questions in his eyes. “I grew up here, so yes, I’ve got good and bad memories. One good one is the night you were born.”
“Really?”
She saw the raw uncertainty in his eyes. “Really. Never doubt for a moment that you boys are the second-best thing that’s happened in my life.”
“The first is Jesus, isn’t it?” Robbie smiled. “I know because that’s the way I feel, too.”
Emotion clogged her throat, and she nodded, barely able to say, “Yes, and I hope you never change.”
“I won’t.” He stood. “What do you say we wake the sleepyheads and hit the road again?”
“Okay. Would you like to see where we lived when you and Seth were little?”
“Grandma’s old house? Sure.” He crossed to the bed and plopped down on his back between his sleeping brothers, giving each a hard shove to the floor. “Come on, guys. Time to go. Don’t forget the amusement park at the end of the trail.”
“Actually, Chicago is at the beginning of Route 66.” Tessa’s correction became lost in the indignant cries of the two younger boys and the scuffle that followed after their rude awakening. Oh well, there’d be plenty of time for learning as they traveled.
Driving around Litchfield brought more memories to Tessa than she expected. She showed the boys where she’d gone to school, and she remembered many happy times with her two best friends.
“Do you remember Sarah Maddox?” she asked the boys. “She’s the tall blond who flew down to see us about five years ago. She’s the one we’ll stay with in Chicago. My other best friend from school is Amanda.”
Amanda Davis, now Amanda Wilson, had moved to California and married Jeffrey, a guy from there. Tessa had only seen her twice in the last twelve years since they graduated from high school. The last time had been at Jeffrey Wilson’s funeral, but she’d stayed in touch with both friends through emails, instant messages, text messages, and phone calls.
A quick drive past her mother’s old house reinforced to Tessa the saying that you can’t go back home. A new family lived there now and changes had been made, but she didn’t care. That house held too many hurtful memories for her. All of them had started with her father’s death the summer she turned fourteen before she entered high school.
Mom turned inward after that, shutting Tessa out and embracing the bottle that took one pain away and gave her so many more. Tessa had left Sarah and Amanda to find acceptance with new friends who introduced her to a downward spiral of cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, and loose moral behavior. She’d joined the Outsiders to gain her mother’s attention. Two babies later, she finally succeeded. As soon as she graduated from high school, her mother sold her house and moved them all to Texas. But it took meeting and losing Blake before Tessa sank low enough to begin her climb to freedom.
Now she shook off the old memories and turned to her boys. “Are you about ready to leave this town behind?”
“Yeah.” Robbie, from his seat beside hers in the front, nodded. “What’s next on the agenda?”
“Route 66,” the two boys in back called out in unison, and they all laughed. Tessa was glad to leave her trip down memory lane and headed her car north.
In Williamsville, they saw the Route 66 Dream Car Museum. Then they drove to Bloomington for a tour of the Beer Nuts Factory before deciding to spend the night.
Near noon the next day, the boys were impressed with the size of the Gemini Giant in Wilmington. Tessa had to stand across the street to get a picture of the boys in front of the tall green man.
After they ate at the Launching Pad Restaurant, they continued northeast and reached the suburbs of Chicago later that afternoon. Tessa handed a slip of paper to Robbie. “Here, see if you can keep me from getting lost in the big city.”
“You ever been here before?” He took the paper and spread it out across his knee.
“Actually, no.” Tessa changed lanes. “I think we turn north somewhere before we get too deep into the city, don’t we? Sarah told me on the phone how to get to her town house, but it should make more sense on the map she drew. I hope.”
Robbie laughed. “That sounds encouraging, Mom.”
He got down to business then, and a mile later Tessa turned north. “Okay, are you sure this will take us to Sarah’s?”