Road Trip (9 page)

“Hey, can you spare me a buck or two? I haven't eaten in days.”

I fished in my pocket for a wadded-up five dollar bill and held it out to him. “Here you go,” I said, relieved that I could finally help out a homeless person.

His eyes grew wide and his smile broadened to reveal a set of uneven and yellowed teeth. “Wow, thanks. Thanks a lot!”

I felt really good as he walked away. It would be so cool if someone did something like this for my brother Caleb.

“Hey, Chloe,” Willy said as he loaded an amp onto the luggage cart.

“Yeah?” I went over to give him a hand.

“Did you just give that guy some money?”

“He looked as if he really needed it.”

“Uh-huh.” Willy nodded as he set another bag onto the nearly full cart. Then he stood up and looked at me. “What do you think he's going to do with that money?”

“Hopefully get himself something to eat.”

Willy frowned. “Chances are that's not what it'll go for.”

“Whad'ya mean?”

“I know you gave him the money out of the kindness of your heart, Chloe, but most of the time when people are sp'anging—”

“What's that?” I ran the strange word that rhymes with “changing” through my head.

“'Sp ‘ange’ is slang for 'panhandling,” short for 'spare change.' You know, got any spare change?”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, most of the folks that are sp'anging on the streets are doing drugs, Chloe. And when you give them money, it's as good as buying them dope.”

“But he said he was hungry.”

“Yeah, he probably was. But most of these guys would rather buy dope than food.”

I frowned. “Do you really think he's going to buy drugs with that money?”

Willy shrugged. “It's a fair guess. Of course, he'll have to sp'ange “around until he gets enough to buy a hit of whatever his substance of abuse is. But I'll bet that's where your money goes.” He set another bag on the cart. “I remember how much money I wasted on my LSD habit, back in the old days.”

“That's right,” I said as I remembered how Willy used to be an acid freak before he became a Jesus freak (his own words).

“I used to wish for that money back, but now I'm just thankful I escaped that crud altogether. What a hopeless life. And believe me, I feel sorry for the guys on the street. Just the same, I wouldn't be handing out money to them, Chloe.

I sighed. “Well, now I feel totally stupid. I only wanted to. help him get something to eat.”

“I know, Chloe. Don't beat yourself up over it. And like all things, you can always pray and ask God to help you know what to do in situations like this. I just thought you should understand how it really is out here on the streets.”

We had everything unloaded by then, and we helped wheel the carts into the hotel. I wanted to
tell Willy about Caleb and how worried I get for him, but it didn't really seem like good timing. Still, I think I will sometime. I know he'll understand. I had tried to bring up the subject with Josh before they flew out last Sunday, but it seemed as though he didn't really want to talk about it.

“I don't know what to tell you, Chloe,” he said. “Caleb is living his own life on his own terms. Until he surrenders himself to God, I don't see how anything is going to change. Still, we need to keep praying.”

“I know. And I do pray. I just wish we could do something more.”

Josh just shrugged. “I don't know what it would be. Honestly, I don't even know where Caleb is these days.”

But after “helping” that guy on the street, I'm questioning myself. What I thought was helping might not be helpful at all. I may have just enabled someone to continue in their dead-end lifestyle. Still, I'm' praying for the guy with the bad teeth, asking God to redeem my mistake. I just wish life didn't have to be so confusing.

(REACHING OUT IN LITTLE ROCK)

You've got questions; God's got answers. And when I asked Him to help me come up with a way to help homeless people, He gave me an idea. Okay, it's just a very small idea, a tiny gesture, but I think it's pretty cool.

After my talk with Willy about the perils of giving money to sp'angers, I decided to head over to McDonald's for lunch. Naturally, Allie (queen of the junk food junkies) wanted to come along. Laura said she wasn't hungry. Anyway, after I ordered a Big Mac and a soda, I also bought fifty
bucks” worth of gift certificates.

“What's up with that?” asked Allie. “You doing your Christmas shopping early?”

I smiled. “Sort of.”

“Ito, seriously,” she said as she fingered the stack of packets. “What are you gonna do with all those?”

“Well, a guy sp'anged me—”

Allied eyes grew wide with alarm. “What? Did you get hurt?”

I laughed. “‘Sp'ange’ is slang for 'spare change.

“Huh?”

“A homeless guy asked me for some money at the hotel, and I gave him a f ive—”

“That's cool.” Allie dipped a fry in ketchup. “Isn't it great that we have enough money to help people out?” She slowly shook her head. “Kan, I can remember hard times when I was so broke that I was ready to go sp'anging myself.” She smiled with satisfaction. I'm not sure if it was over using her new word or the idea that she didn't have to beg for money anymore.

“Yeah, well, Willy said that by giving that guy money, I was in essence buying him dope.”

“No way.” Allie frowned. “You wouldn't do that, Chloe.”

“Not intentionally. But Willy made a good point.”

She eyed my stack of certificates. “Aha. I think I gotcha. Are you going to give those away?”

I smiled. “Yep.”

“Hey, I wanna get some too. This could be fun.”

So after we finished eating, Allie went up and got several booklets of her own.

Then sure enough, we were barely on the street when a girl with a sad expression approached us. I suspected by the look in her eye that she wanted to ask for money. Her hair looked ratty beneath her black stocking cap, and her nylon parka was crusty with dirt.

“Can you spare some change for a cup of coffee?” she asked in a timid voice.

“We can do better than that,” offered Allie. Then she turned and looked at me, worried I'm sure that she was stealing the show.

I nodded. “Go ahead.”

Allie pulled out a pack of certificates, tore out several dollars” worth, and handed them to the girl. “Here.”

The girl looked kind of surprised. It was hard to tell if she was happy or disappointed.

“Look,” said Allie. “You probably need a meal. Go over to McDonald^ and get yourself something to eat, okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“And God bless you.” I said.

“Yeah,” said Allie with a smile. “God bless
you. And remember Jesus is the way. Gall on Him and He'll answer.”

The girl studied us as she slowly backed away. I'm not sure if she thought we were nuts or religious fanatics or what, but hopefully God used us.

We were about a block from the hotel when Allie spotted a guy coming our direction. “Hey, Chloe,” she said in undertones, “that guy looks like he might be homeless too. Ya think he's going to sp'ange us?”

I had to smile. “Maybe.”

“Well, you go ahead and do it this time.”

I laughed. “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

And sure enough, by the time he reached us, he had his hand out. “Can you help me out?” His eyes looked flat and slightly glazed, his cheeks hollowed from hunger. “Got any spare change?”

So I whipped out my McDonald's coupons, and instead of tearing out some pages I handed him a whole booklet. “Here you go,” I told him as I peered into his eyes. “And God bless you.”

Again, we got the curious look. I'm still not sure if he was disappointed or just surprised, but he did say thank you.

“And don't forget,” called Allie as he was walking away. “Jesus is the only One who can set you free.”

“And when He sets you free, you'll be free indeed,” I called out after her.

“You're sure generous,” Allie told me as we headed into the hotel.

“Guess I better really stock up on these.”

So that's our plan. And when Laura found out, she decided to do the same. I told them that we should keep what we're doing quiet like the way Jesus says to do your good works in secret so your Heavenly father can reward you. We don't need the whole world to know that Redemption and McDonald's are working in cahoots to feed the homeless. But at the same time, I'm thinking this is just the beginning. There must be other ways to help out too. And I'm going to ask God to show me. In the meantime, I'm handing out Mickey D-bucks to every sp'anger I meet. And it's pretty fun!

(WALKING IN MEMPHIS)

It's a quiet day. We went to church in Memphis this morning, after performing last night, and then hit the road again. I must admit to feeling a little road weary. I think we're all tired and looking forward to Thanksgiving “break in a couple of weeks. We get to go home for four days of a blissful break.

One of the toughest things about this concert tour is constantly being with people. While we're on the bus there is no getting away from the others. At the hotels there are always people around. But the concerts are the worst. Sometimes I feel almost claustrophobic from being surrounded by people. Tve even imagined myself totally flipping out and screaming, “Leave me alone!” as the fans clamor around, asking for autographs. I know it's totally ungracious on my part, but it's how I feel.

I guess I never realized how much I enjoy being alone at times. But it's hard to get quiet times like that on the road. Oh sure, we all have our quiet times in the morning, but we do it within
the confines of the bus. And of course, I can take a little walk when we stop for gas or a break, but I'ra always on a short leash. When I go home for Thanksgiving, I think I'll spend a whole day in the cemetery, just enjoying the silence up there. I'm sure that sounds weird to some people, but it sounds like a welcome relief to me.

I got an interesting e-mail from Cesar today. We still write each other, but not as much as before. He seems okay with the “just being friends” thing now. Very okay. At first I'd thought he was hurt, but it seems he's moved right along with his life. I'm impressed with how much he's growing spiritually. He's involved in a guys Bible study and working with a ministry that reaches out to middle school kids. He's even gotten his little sister Abril involved. But here's what really blew me away.

'oI just read this book about dating,” he wrote in his e-mail. “It's written by a guy named Josh Harris and called 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
¹
Anyway, the premise is that dating only leads to problems. At first I was pretty skeptical, but the more I read, the more I agreed with the author. And I can understand this whole thing from firsthand experience. So brace yourself, Ghloe, but I've decided to kiss dating good-bye too.”

Well, I was a little surprised by this. In fact, I wasn't entirely sure if he meant he was “kissing
me good-bye” too, although we'd already agreed to continue our relationship as “just friends,” so I guess it shouldn't natter. But somehow seeing those words in print felt like a small slap in my face. All right, I know I'm being terribly self-centered and shallow and immature, but it's how I felt.

Still, it's not as if I haven't heard this kind of philosophy before. After all, this is what Caitlin truly believes. And I've seen my own brother devastated by dating. Although, in Caitlin's defense, they seem to be getting along better than ever these days, but only as friends. I guess Cesar's note just caught me a little off guard. To be perfectly honest, I think I enjoyed the idea of Cesar being slightly in love with me. Oh, what a selfish little fool I am.

Because the rest of the truth is, I still have a crush on Jeremy. Oh, sure, I do a fantastic job of keeping it under wraps. Unlike Allie who actually practices writing her name as “Mrs. Brett James” and will launch into spontaneous discussions about how smart Brett is, how good he is on drums, and she can go on and on about how he's by far the best-looking guy in the band. All to which I manage to just nod and keep my raouth shut. Talk about self-control.

It's not that I want to be insincere to Allie, or Laura for that matter, but I just don't feel it's
right for me to have these feelings for Jeremy. Or to express them. I don't see that any good could come from any of it. And although he's never admitted it, I suspect by a couple of comments from Isaiah that Jeremy might have a girl back home. Naturally, I hope I'm wrong. But all these thoughts about dating and crushes and boys just leave me feeling a bit empty and weary. In fact, I don't think it's very healthy for me. So I return to what I should be doing at the moment, and that's songwriting.

(SINGING BIG IN ST. LOUIS)

We had one of our best concert crowds last night. They were absolutely fantastic and I felt like I could've performed all night. But we politely
surrendered the stage when it was time for Iron Cross to perform. Still, I think the crowd may have liked us almost as much as them. Okay, I know thatfs a very egotistical thing to say. But the reason has to do with CD sales and comments after the show, ibr the first time, Redemption outsold Iron Cross after the concert. It was almost embarrassing.