River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (20 page)

She couldn’t help smiling back. He leaned down and kissed her like he did behind the horse trailer. She wouldn’t have minded getting used to the breathless feeling that invariably swooped through her lungs every time he kissed her. “I really wish you didn’t have to go.”

For the first time, she could understand why people called in sick at work for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Prior to that groundbreaking thought, she never had even a moment’s fleeting desire. He released her and smiled.

“I know. I know. You don’t miss work unless you’re dead.”

She didn’t? She never thought about it before. With a reluctance that became disturbing to her, she started towards her beater pick-up. She could never remember an afternoon she enjoyed or loved more.

When she glanced up, Ian was leaning against the back door. His expression was back, all shuttered and blank as he watched her. How could she miss how hot he looked when he appeared so mysterious and hard to read? How could she ever have perceived that he was cold or weird? How did she fail to realize the panty-wetting gaze he had was just his way of making a girl
want
to heat him up? How could she ever think he wasn’t hot? He was athletic and perfect and he… She stopped her gushing thoughts and shook her head. No. She wasn’t doing
that.
She watched one friend after another fall for guys, and pretty soon, they’d forget everything they liked or did before them. She wasn’t like that. And refused to be like it now.

DEFLOWERING A VIRGIN WASN’T what Ian expected. Before Kailynn, he would have avoided any virgin as if she were spoiled food. He would have consciously shunned the weird, awkward feelings, and the sheer naivete for how to have an orgasm. He really liked orgasms, and it always made it a lot better if his partner did too. An experienced lover was also much more willing to open her bed to him for more. He didn’t really like to sleep around, and never felt the urge to go to a bar and conquer a strange woman. Not like Shane, who practically reveled in doing that. He didn’t do married women either, and rarely dated anyone. Shane was the reason for more than one broken marriage. He had to leave River’s End at least twice that Ian knew of because of a disgruntled husband or fiancé.

But a virgin? Why bother? However, he’d have taken Kailynn almost any way he could, except from another man. In all honesty, he erroneously assumed she’d been having sex since she was in high school. It literally made his eyes pop open and his brain short circuit when he finally realized why he wasn’t sliding into her very easily. He probably looked like a confused asshole, but had no idea. What he never expected was her reaction the more he touched her. When she finally opened up to him, it really did it for Ian. He’d never felt like that before. The sense of power and virility that surged through him was almost shocking. He kept thinking as he touched, kissed, and licked her that he was venturing into areas where no other man had ever been before. A caveman-like urge he never knew he had, although he liked it, overcame him. He started to enjoy watching how her facial expressions changed. She went from confused and unsure to being startled and eventually, completely gone. But beyond that fun and watching her discover all the delights of her body, was the actual sex. Today, especially. He nearly lost his rocks after one slid in. It was so good.
Blow-the-top-off-his-head
good. He had to concentrate very hard to keep from coming too soon so he counted backwards, anything to prolong the moment.

She was loud, and that was something he would have never picked up on. The girl could move around the house without making a sound, and yet, with one flick of her nipple, he had her nearly screaming. The sounds she made could have made him come in his jeans just listening to her.

The unsure way she had in trying to figure out what happened twisted his heart up. She was so lost, and shy, and eagerly curious. He knew he wasn’t imagining how much she was growing to like it, along with her fondness for him. What was he supposed to do when the girl he’d wanted for years held him in her soft, little hand? He quickly figured, for some reason, his penis freaked her out. She was careful to keep her gaze from wandering below his waist, and her hands usually remained above his neck. She turned three shades of pink when she stole a glance down and softly touched him. He could have come in her hand. He had to restrain a moan and resist actually pushing forcibly into her hand. She had no idea how hot she was.

Holy hell!
She could have modeled for a pinup calendar, if she chose to. Her boobs were so huge and heavy that he could have spent the entire day just playing with them. They could easily become his favorite sport. Her big, dark nipples tasted better to him than any kind of alcohol. Her curvaceous body made a guy think of nothing else, but what he’d like to do to her. Her hair was thick enough to wrap around his hands, and her eyes were big and strangely colored. She was always so innocent, too, like the perfect contradiction of sweetness and courtesan fantasy.

He shut the door after she left, and quickly tackled the laundry. No one would ever be the wiser, but he knew she thought someone would disapprove. The only thing he could do now that something between them had started was to make it as easy on her as he could. He figured out pretty quickly that her trailer was definitely out for sex. And he knew she’d never come to his house in the evenings. Any tryst they had would have to occur during the day, when the house was empty and likely to remain so. He also worried if he didn’t do this again soon, she’d completely flip out and never let him near her again. He hoped he finally managed to show her this was all good, and not
weird.

It was also time he stopped living with his damn brothers; if only so his girlfriend could come over and have sex with him. Of course, she wasn’t even close to that assumption yet, but he didn’t know how else to approach Kailynn except by using sex as bait. Perhaps it was kind of a dirty way to play, taking advantage of her innocence and using it to manipulate her, but he felt sure she would refuse to go out in public on a date with him in River’s End. And he didn’t want that either, since he didn’t need anyone else’s opinion to possibly start swaying hers.

He was quiet and didn’t indulge in idle chatter just to be talking. People said and did things around him that they might not have otherwise. He knew a lot about the people in the valley, but none of them knew anything about him. He liked it that way. He didn’t feel the need to discuss his actions or thoughts with anyone. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him. He didn’t need anybody’s approval. The last time he cared about such things was Tuesday, September fifteenth, the day his parents were hit head-on by a semi and died instantly. There was no one influential in his life since then. No extended family. Only his brother, Jack. He never did learn to look at Jack as a father figure. Even Shane managed to consider Jack as a father. Ian was too old to do that, but not quite old enough to handle his life and grief alone. He learned to stuff his emotions and pain down deep inside. It became a habit, and he eventually lost any desire to open his mouth and share his thoughts with others. Even trivial things.

There was no one. Except today, he felt a desire to share something with Kailynn, and he thought he just might. She might have been worth risking it. He knew how his silences always bugged the shit out of her. Now? His pursuit of her, and pushing her to have sex was opening her up to him. But in return, he would most likely have to reciprocate and reveal his thoughts to her. He shoved his hands into his pockets. At least, he knew he could make her feel good physically. He’d never met any woman who responded so easily to his caresses. She was like a pet cat, curling up against him. Even when she got embarrassed or mad or totally confused, she invariably turned towards him with an almost needy grasp. It made his heart twist, to see she was that lonely and in such dire need for attention. Didn’t he witness firsthand how her father generally overlooked her? Her brothers were in name only. They were more interested in pouring beer down their throats than ever showing even a little bit of affection, or attention to their little, quiet sister. She was one of the loneliest people he ever met. But she didn’t even know she was.

He could shower her with physical affection, since that was as easy as breathing. He couldn’t wait to touch her. But talk? Share? Fill in all the silences she so hated? He wasn’t sure he could do that. He knew he’d pushed Kailynn in ways she was not prepared for. Shouldn’t she expect the same from him?

She was nearly shocked to find him attractive, and horrified when she had sex. She became flabbergasted after she wanted to continue doing it. He could see that in her eyes. She had no idea what to do with this latest development between them. It didn’t help when he had to nearly sneak away to spend time with her, and only at completely stupid hours. How could he pursue anything without a private place for them to do so?

It also clearly illustrated the need for things to change around there.

****

She avoided Ian for the next couple of days by nearly sneaking down to their house to do her chores, and only when she was half sure Ian wouldn’t be there. She worked several double shifts at the café to explain her absences to Jack. When she crept in one late morning, there was Erin, waiting for her with fresh coffee. Kailynn glanced up with a happy grin.

“Hey, stranger. I feel like I haven’t seen you in years. Sit with me for a few minutes. I need to talk to someone with breasts. I don’t think I’ve talked to a female in weeks. Even the stupid coffee stand doesn’t bring in enough women, as you probably already guessed,” Erin said.

Erin was one of the few people Kailynn could act casual and open with. She somehow managed to burrow straight through Kailynn’s invisible guard, which she barricaded herself behind with everyone else. Erin, for some reason, wanted to be friends with Kailynn and she was hard to resist. Kailynn sat down next to her after pouring a cup of coffee and sliding into a kitchen chair.

“Is anyone else here?”

Erin shrugged. “Nope. All the testosterone is gone for a few.”

“I live with all men too. It gets pretty gross.”

Erin sipped at her coffee and her eyes shone brightly. “So gross. Tell me, what’s up with you? You’ve been acting kind of cagey of late. Any particular reason?”

Kailynn glanced out the window. The views were enough to thrill a nature photographer. She fiddled with the handle of her cup and Erin’s face dimmed, growing more serious. “Hey, seriously, what is it?”

“I had sex.” Kailynn nearly slammed her hand over her own mouth. She didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.

Erin kind of started to smile. “Okay… and should I assume this was something you wanted?”

“No.”

“Oh, dear God. What happened?” Erin immediately grabbed her hand in sisterly sympathy.

“Oh, not like that. No. I mean I wanted it to happen, I just didn’t know I wanted it to. You see… I was, a—a virgin.” She whispered the word as if it were dirty and ducked her chin down.

Erin squeezed her hand, and in a gentle tone said, “I guessed as much. It’s okay, Lynnie, talk to me. As you can guess, I’m not. I can probably help you though. Who is it?”

“No one I expected. Can I not say?”

“Of course, you don’t have to say. Was it any good? Let’s start there.”

“It was… indescribable. But the thing is: I fully intended to wait, you know, until I got married. I just wanted it to be special and right, the polar opposite of the rest of my life.”

“And it wasn’t special and right? Was it ordinary and impersonal?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. I think, well, I can’t say for sure, but I can’t imagine it could get any better. He was… perfect. I mean, I think he was, at least.”

Erin’s smile was soft and sweet. “That’s really good, honey. You know it’s not always like that, especially the first time. I was thirteen. All I remember is burning pain and sickening humiliation.”

This time, Kailynn grabbed Erin’s hand. “Thirteen? I figured you were young, but thirteen?”

She shrugged. “That’s how I got boys to like me. ‘Course, the girls never did. They were always so snarky and rude. I’d do anything to hide my inability to read. Boys were just easier to manipulate into liking me.”

“So, was the first time you liked it with Jack?”

“No, Kailynn. I liked it before. You can have orgasms without being in love. If that’s what you’re asking.”

She stared hard at the shiny, wooden tabletop. “I don’t know what I’m asking you. Is it better now? With Jack, and not for the other reasons?”

“Yes, it’s far better. But it wasn’t bad with Joey. It’s okay to like it Kailynn, no matter what you might’ve planned in your head.”

“But, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to waste it. And now that I have, I thought I would just stop and kind of reassert my previous beliefs and vows… but it keeps happening. And I keep letting it. No, I look for it and even ask for it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Erin shook her head with a little half grin. “It’s not like going skydiving or bungee jumping; not something you do one time just to say you did it. Most of the time with sex, once you do it, and I mean, when it’s good, it’s hard to go back to not having it play a part in your life. It feels good, Kailynn. That’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“But the guy wasn’t who I was planning to do it with. He isn’t the one I thought it would be.”

“You mean, you have feelings for someone else?”

She started picking at her fingernails anxiously. She couldn’t even girl talk about sex. “I did. Now? Now the person I did it with is all I think about. But until that happened, I never even noticed him. How can that be? You must think I’m so lame.”

“And you must think I’m a slut,” Erin countered.

“No. Of course, I don’t think that about you.”

“Well, of course, I don’t think you’re lame. I love you. You have to know that. There’s never been anyone who’s ever felt so much like a sister as you do.”

“I feel the same. There’s never been anyone from around here that I felt so connected to.”

“Well, then, understand I certainly won’t judge you for living by the morals that I obviously lacked.”

“You had pretty tragic reasons.”

She shrugged. “I also could have found a lot healthier ways to channel it.”

She licked her lips. “You know, Jack worries about you all the time. May I ask? Why won’t you try to learn to read?”

Erin stood up and walked to the window to stare out, but her gaze seemed kind of lost and sad. “I know everyone wonders why don’t I just do it. Because I’m used to not being able to read. I’ve never known anything different. So yes, it embarrasses me, but also, it’s kind of a comfortable place for me. It’s all I know. I’ve failed at most things I tried in my life. So I don’t try anymore, and I don’t fail. And I think I’ll fail miserably at reading.”