Remembrance (The Transcend Time Saga) (14 page)

CHAPTER 22

Drew walked towards me, his black leather jacket open, revealing a matching colored shirt underneath. I didn’t say anything as I watched him come closer, waiting for him to explain why he was there.

He leaned against the metal pole of the swing set and slid his hands into the front pockets of his jacket. “Hey,” he said, acting like it was completely normal for him to talk to me like we were friends after what had happened a few days earlier. I remained in the same position, not bothering to move a strand of hair out of the way when it blew across my face. I waited for him to say more, but he seemed content to stand in silence, listening to the wind whistling through the bare trees.

“What are you doing here?” I finally asked. The past few days had drained all of the emotion out of me, and I held my gaze with his, waiting for an explanation.

“Chelsea couldn’t find you in the hall between classes. She called you, but you didn’t pick up.” He glanced at my bag where I kept my phone. “She was worried about you.”

I stared at him in shock. “That doesn’t make any sense,” I said, shaking my head as I tried figuring out what he meant. “I get that she was worried, but why did you come out to find me instead of her?”

“She had a project due next period,” he started, like he’d already planned what to say. “I just had set design, and wanted to see if you were okay after what happened with Jeremy this morning.” He looked away at the mention of the earlier incident in the French room, his words no longer sounding rehearsed when he returned his attention to me. “You did the right thing by breaking up with him. After what I just saw … he doesn’t deserve you.” His eyes looked different than they did in the recent times we spoke. Before, he seemed to be in a constant battle with himself, always holding back. Now he looked sad; like something bad had happened that he couldn’t fix.

I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t know what you’re doing, Drew,” I started, not bothering to contain my emotions any longer. “But you need to stop. You made it perfectly clear that you want to avoid me at all cost, but then you follow me out here and decide to strike up a conversation. It would be a lot easier for me to stay out of your path if you stayed out of mine. Then there’s the Halloween dance. You can deny it all you want, and I don’t understand what you’re trying to hide, but I know it was you. We danced to that one song, and for the first time since the start of the school year, everything felt right.” The words came spilling out, and I leaned against the metal chain of the swing to try calming the pounding in my head.

He stepped forward, grabbing the chain right above where I held it. “You’re right, Elizabeth,” he said, shaking his head like he wasn’t sure if he should continue. “My grandparents came in a few days later than they originally said. I don’t enjoy dances, but I decided to go. I thought I would surprise Chelsea. Then I saw you, and I realized that Chelsea wasn’t the reason I was there. You looked so beautiful in that white dress, so similar to…” He paused, and I took a deep breath, wondering if the outfit looked familiar to him as well. “Like an angel,” he finished. “It was so dark, and I don’t know what happened. I should have walked right past you like I’d planned. But then, after we danced I couldn’t tell Chelsea I was there, because you would have known it was me. So I decided to forget it ever happened. It was so hard to tell who everyone was, and I figured that if I said I wasn’t there, everything that happened would disappear.” His eyes were pained as he looked at me. “But I can’t keep lying to you.”

I stayed still as I processed everything he said. “What do you mean … keep lying to me?” I finally asked, tilting my head in confusion.

“Tell me what you remember,” he said. “From the dance.”

“Well, I enjoyed dancing with you more than Jeremy,” I said. “It felt right.”

He looked away for a moment, disappointed. “Anything more than that?”

“This might sound strange,” I began, surprised I was even considering revealing my thoughts, knowing it would sound far from sane. “But when we danced, it was so familiar. It was like it had happened before.”

He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

“Have you ever met someone and felt like you’ve known them forever?” I asked, unsure how to phrase it.

“Only once.” He sounded so confident, and I looked back up at him to find his dark eyes focused on me. “With you.”

“Yes,” I said, smiling at the fact that he’d felt it, too. “The first day you walked into our history classroom, it was like I knew you. And then the night of the dance…” Unable to say it out loud, I paused, contemplating how to continue. “It has to be impossible. Things like this don’t happen in real life, right?”

He studied me before responding. “What did you see on the night of the dance?” he asked, ignoring my question.

“I closed my eyes when we were dancing,” I said, picturing the flash in my mind as clearly as the first time I saw it, “And it was like I wasn’t in the gym anymore. I saw us together, but it was in a different … time.” I shrugged, embarrassed by how far-fetched it sounded. “There was a ballroom, and ‘Minuet’ was playing. It felt so real.”

He took a step closer. “What if it
was
real?”

I bit my lower lip, amazed this all was happening. “I thought about what else it could be, but there’s no other explanation,” I said, still trying to wrap my mind around what I was about to say. “We
have
met before. It was just … a long time ago.”

“That’s one way to put it.” He laughed, his eyes lighter in the sun. “I thought it was crazy when I first realized it, too. I’d seen your face before, but it was too impossible to believe that you were real.” He leaned forward, leaving barely any space between us. “I just don’t get why you’re still talking to me,” he continued. “After what I said in the music room, you shouldn’t want anything to do with me.” 

“You certainly tried to make me think that,” I said, wishing I could forget everything he’d said to me a few days ago. “But it’s not really what you want … is it? Everything’s working out so perfectly, so why should we try to change that? It’s like it’s inevitable for us to be together.”

“Not inevitable.” His entire demeanor changed, his words sharp and jagged. He moved his hand back to his side, and his previously smiling lips formed into a straight line. “The only thing that’s inevitable is death.”

The lines on his face were harder than I’d ever seen. “What happened to you?” I asked, frustrated by how cryptic he was about all of this. “From what I remember, you were different. You wanted us to be together, and we were happy. Now we have the chance to be together again, and you’re throwing it away. You act like you hate me!” Tears formed in my eyes, and I took a deep breath to hold them back, composing myself before continuing. “Why did you date Chelsea knowing she’s my best friend?”

“I didn’t make up everything in the music room,” he said, lowering his eyes. “I can tell that you don’t remember everything yet. But trust me, Elizabeth, I wasn’t good for you then, and I’m not good for you now.”

I took a step backwards, widening the space between the two of us. This Drew wasn’t the one I remembered—the one who I felt happy with whenever we were together. All he did since we met was cause me pain. The harsh words, the lies, and the mind games were becoming too much to handle.

“You need to stop saying all of this,” I said, unable to curtail my frustration. “Don’t you realize that you’re the only one who’s been hurting me recently? It’s hard enough with Jeremy and Chelsea. You say everything you do is ‘good’ for me, but you’re making everything worse. Whatever exists between us is powerful enough to transcend time, but instead you ignore it, date my best friend, and act like it doesn’t even matter!” 

He studied me in silence. “Do you want me to leave then?”

“I don’t want you to leave,” I said softly. “I want to talk more about us. Don’t you see how amazing all of this is? I want to be with you and learn about everything that’s happening with us. But Chelsea loves you, and I can’t go behind her back. You’ve made everything too hard by choosing to be with her.”

He scrunched his eyebrows, perplexed. “Chelsea loves me?”

“Yeah, I think,” I stammered, realizing from his reaction that she hadn’t told him yet. It also appeared that he didn’t return her feelings. I couldn’t help but feel happy about that.

“Hmm.” He took a moment to soak it in, smirking a second later. “I guess she just couldn’t resist my charms.”

I began to laugh, but stopped myself. “It’s not funny,” I said instead.

“It’s kind of funny.”

“Maybe,” I admitted, trying not to allow myself to smile. “But if you don’t love Chelsea, then why are the two of you together?”

“You
know
I don’t love Chelsea,” he said, serious again. “I just thought that if I were with her, it would prevent you and me from being together. I was right, wasn’t I?”

I held onto the chains of the swing like the support could stop my brain from exploding inside my head. “I don’t know,” I said. “In every scenario I can think of, someone gets hurt. How do I choose between my best friend and…” I thought about what to call him, unable to find the proper words to describe our connection. “And everything we were and still could be?” 

He was silent, and I knew he couldn’t answer the question for me. All I wanted was for us to be together and not worry about the problems that would cause with Chelsea. But I couldn’t hurt her like that. On the other hand, the connection I had with Drew was one of a kind. I couldn’t just walk away from him like everything between us didn’t matter at all. 

Horrified that I’d considered betraying Chelsea’s trust, I jumped off the swing and reached down to pick up my bag, swinging it over my shoulder. “I need to get out of here,” I said, running a hand through my hair to move away the pieces blown into my face from the wind. “I can’t think clearly when I’m around you.”

“I understand how that is,” he said, a flash of pain crossing over his eyes. “If I could think clearly around you, then none of this would have happened in the first place. I wouldn’t have offered to help you in French, gone on that double date, driven you home when you were stuck in the rain, danced with you on Halloween, defended you to Jeremy, or even come out here to make sure you were okay. But I did, and it needs to stop. You can’t keep remembering who we used to be. You won’t like everything you’re going to see, and I want you to spare yourself the pain.”

I stared at him in shock—every sentence he’d said caused me to re-live the events of the past few months, until I was more confused than I was before. “I don’t know what to do,” I said, yanking my keys out of my bag. “But for now, I’m going to drive around for a while to get my thoughts together. This is too much to take in at once.”

“Be careful,” he warned. “Watch out for ice. The roads are slippery from the freeze last night.”

“I’m pretty cautious when I drive,” I said. “You know I don’t like speeding.”

“Of course.” He nodded, understanding that I didn’t want him to push it further. “But still be careful.”

He wouldn’t let me leave until I agreed, and when I turned away from him to walk up the hill to my car, I somehow resisted the urge to look back. It was hard—each step felt like I was fighting against heavy weights on the tops of my feet—but I reached the parking lot and entered my car, enjoying the freedom as I drove off campus and away from everything that had happened at school.

I had to make the choice soon. Keep everything the same and remain friends with Chelsea, or tell Drew it was him I wanted to be with and that I didn’t want to fight the bond between us anymore. The depth of our connection wasn’t something that anyone could understand.

It was an impossible decision, and I would have to make it soon.

CHAPTER 23

Chelsea sat in the cafeteria with Jeremy on Thursday and Drew wasn’t in school—so I went to the commons to sit with my old friends. I smiled when I saw Hannah happily chatting with a group of people. She started to reintegrate herself after the breakup with Sheldon, and I was happy she was forming some other friendships. I walked to join them, and Amy Gardner and Greg Collins, who I heard started dating mid-semester, watched me like I was descending from another galaxy. Greg scooted over on the couch to make room for me, and my hands shook as I placed my plate on the short round table.

“Welcome back, Lizzie,” Amy said, narrowing her eyes as I sat down. Greg hadn’t been shy in expressing his interest in me right before Jeremy and I started dating, and apparently Amy had yet to forget about that. 

I eyed her up, pretending I didn’t notice the contempt in her tone. “Thanks.”

The rest of lunch didn’t get any better, but Hannah insisted I sit with them again on Friday, which was just as uncomfortable as the day before. After ten minutes of awkward conversation with the group, Hannah told me to turn around, and I watched in surprise as Chelsea strutted into the commons, walking straight towards me. She was probably there to yell at me again for breaking up with Jeremy without telling her first. As much as I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that, I did see her point.

“We need to talk in private,” she said, hovering over the group sitting around the table and tapping her foot on the ground in irritation. “Let’s eat over there." She glanced at a small round table near the sliding door to the deck. No one sat in that corner because the cold air seeped in through the door, but if I turned Chelsea down now I wouldn’t hear the end of it later.

After apologizing to Hannah and telling her I would see her in drawing, I picked up my plate and followed Chelsea to the table. She plopped down onto the cold plastic chair and leaned back in her seat, crossing one leg over the other.

My heart thudded in my chest with the anticipation of what was coming. “What’s going on?” I asked, hoping she didn’t know about what had happened between Drew and me on the playground. Or at the Halloween dance, or after the soccer game … I could go on forever. I’d been hiding a lot from her recently. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to be friends again.

She untwisted the cap of her Diet Coke, taking a sip before speaking. “It’s about Drew.”

I remained still, dreading what she was about to say. “What about him?” I asked, trying not to let the fear enter my voice.

“I’ve been getting a weird vibe from him since he returned from New York.” She looked around, making sure no one was listening to our conversation. “He hasn’t been coming to school, and he doesn’t answer my calls. It’s like he doesn’t notice me or want to be around me anymore. When we do spend time together, he doesn’t even talk to me. I have to monologue to keep the conversation going, and it’s not fun.”

I paused at the realization that this didn’t involve me at all. “Have you tried talking with him about it?” I suggested, even though I knew it wouldn’t do her any good.

“I have no idea what to say.” She took another sip of soda, thinking. “I don’t want him to break up with me. This is the longest relationship I’ve ever had. And normally I’m the one who ends it. It’s so much easier that way.”

The words stung, reminding me of when I ended things with Jeremy. “I don’t know if it’s ‘easier,’” I said, sitting back in the chair. 

“Your situation was different,” she covered up her mistake. “You and Jeremy were dating forever. It’s easier when you haven’t been together for very long. Drew’s barely talked to me this week, and it doesn’t seem like he wants to hang out with me this weekend. He’s acting distant, and I don’t understand what’s going on with him.”

She pouted and waited for me to say something helpful, but I had no idea how to respond. Because when it came down to it, I wanted Drew to break up with her, and I doubted I was going to come up with anything helpful.

“I don’t know, Chels.” I shrugged, unable to deny the possibility of his breaking up with her. “Maybe it would be best if you just asked him what’s going on? He might be having family problems, or maybe he got a bad grade on a test. I don’t know.”

“You’re right.” She twirled a strand of hair around her finger and sat back in her seat. “I’ll call him when I get home. It’s probably something stupid and I’m freaking out about nothing.”

“Probably.” I took a sip of water, trying to wash away the guilt I felt from not telling her the whole truth. Unfortunately, she would think that I’d lost my mind if I tried to explain what was actually going on.

“I still think you should consider getting back with Jeremy,” she said, appearing content with her decision to talk with Drew. “You don’t plan on staying broken up with him, do you? This was just you making a point so he would get back to normal?”

“No.” I shook my head, frustrated that she wouldn’t let it be. “I told you before—Jeremy’s changed a lot since we first started dating. It’s like he has this whole new life that I’m not a part of. His new friends don’t even like me. Keelie’s nice, but I don’t know what to talk about with the others.”

“I get what you’re saying.” She paused like she was wondering if she should continue. “But you’ve been acting differently, too.”

I almost choked on my water. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s not in a bad way,” she said, shifting in her seat. “But you’ve been a lot quieter than normal. It’s like you’re thinking all these things, but keeping them to yourself. Maybe you could be friends with Shannon and all of them if you gave them a chance, but it’s kind of obvious that you don’t want to be around them. I know you’re not doing it on purpose, but they could think you’re snubbing them. And I know things weren’t perfect with you and Jeremy, but you didn’t even call me before breaking up with him. I didn’t want to say anything more because I didn’t want to make it harder for you than it was, but that hurt, Lizzie. I’m supposed to be your best friend, and you didn’t want my opinion on what to do.” Apparently finished saying everything on her mind, she sat back in her chair like a huge weight was lifted off her chest, waiting for me to respond.

“I’m sorry,” I said, turning my eyes up to look at her. “I started mentioning it to you before the dance, but you shrugged it off. Then the other day when he drove me home after practice, it just happened.”

“This is what I mean!” She threw her hands up in frustration. A few people sitting on the couches glanced over at us to see what was going on, returning to their conversations a moment later. “I’ve known you for eight years, and you’ve never done anything this impulsive.”

“I know,” I said, wishing she would let it go already. “But I just don’t see Jeremy and me getting back together.”

“Fine.” She nodded, seeming content with my response. “But next time something big like this is happening, talk to me. That’s what best friends are for, right?”

“Right.” I gave her a small smile and took a bite of my sandwich.

She looked over at the table where Hannah sat with the group of our friends from last year. “It doesn’t look like our old friends are going to be very welcoming,” she said, shrugging like she didn’t care. “And you can’t go sit with Jeremy and all of them in the cafeteria without it being awkward, so you can sit with me and Drew when he gets back.”

I somehow managed to force a small smile. I would rather deal with Greg looking at me like he wanted to ask me out again and Amy glaring at the two of us than sit with Drew and Chelsea. But the faraway look in Chelsea’s eyes made it obvious that she was worried about what was going to happen between Drew and her, and every rational thought in my mind told me I had to stand by her.

Unfortunately, I knew it wouldn’t be as easy to make that decision once Drew was back in the picture.