Remembrance (The Transcend Time Saga) (13 page)

CHAPTER 20

It didn’t feel like much time had passed before Jeremy knocked on the door, opening it without waiting for me to let him in.

“I thought I’d find you in here again,” he said, pushing the door out of his way so it slammed into the wall. “I checked the library first, but you weren’t there.”

I lifted my head to look at him, knowing I looked like a complete mess. My eyes were wet with tears, and my cheeks splotchy from crying. 

“Whoa,” he said, taking a step back. “What happened to you?”

I swallowed to shrink the lump in my throat. “Rough day.” I shrugged, gathering my hair over my shoulders and pulling off a few strands that were sticking to my drying cheeks. “ But I don’t want to talk about it here. I’ll tell you in the car.”

His body stiffened, and his eyes went as cold as a statue. “Okay,” he said, walking towards me to help me gather my things. “Let’s get out of here before anyone sees you like this.”

Another tear threatened to fall, and I rubbed the corner of my eye, grimacing at the smudge of black mascara on my index finger. I reached into my bag to take out the sunglasses I left in there. It was rare for me to wear sunglasses, but hopefully it would hide the fact that I’d been crying.

The junior lot was five minutes from main building, and we didn’t speak for the entire walk up to the car. There was no good way to break up with someone, especially when the relationship was as long as ours. I had no idea how to approach it. We drove in silence for a while, his face hard and angry as he waited for me to start the conversation. I stared out the window so I didn’t have to look at him. It was like I was watching someone else’s life, and I didn’t know if I could follow through.

“Now do you want to tell me what’s going on?” he gave in after five minutes, realizing I wasn’t going to begin without him asking.

“I don’t think we should be together anymore,” I said, choking back tears at the words. The muscles in my body felt like rusted hinges that refused to move, but I somehow managed to force myself to turn in his direction.

His mouth was set in a straight line, and he remained silent, keeping the car moving at a steady pace. It was like any sudden movement would cause him to burst into a rage of anger.

“It’s just that so much has changed in the past few months,” I continued. “You’ve been so involved in soccer. I know co-captain is a big deal—and I’m really happy for you—but we’re going in different directions. We barely even talk anymore, and whenever I try to say something, you don’t listen because it isn’t what you want to hear. I just … I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

He jerked to a stop at a red light. “Wow, Liz,” he said, gritting his teeth and flooring forwards when it turned green. “You’re breaking up with me and you have the nerve to say it’s my fault? Well let me tell you something. Ever since the beginning of the school year it’s like you’ve become a completely different person. You’ve changed your drawing style, you’re doing better than me in French, and you even started playing the piano without bothering to tell me. We don’t talk anymore because you don’t try to, and you don’t care about anything going on in my life. I just found you crying by yourself, but it didn’t even surprise me since lately you’ve been upset and irritable all the time.” He revved the engine, the car lurching forward when the light turned green. “I don’t even think I like this ‘new you.’”

I sunk into the seat and closed my eyes for a second, taking in everything he’d said. My throat started to swell, and I knew that if I were to say any more, the words would be a mumbled mess of crying. A single tear escaped, and I wiped it away as quickly as possible.

“There you go again,” he said, shaking his head. “You can’t even break up with me without being pathetic about it.”

He stopped in front of my house and I took in the sight of the familiar gabled windows, eager to get out of the car and run up to my room. Hopefully my mom wouldn’t notice that anything was off. I would talk with her eventually, but right now I needed to think about everything that had just happened before I could talk about it with anyone.

Finally gaining the courage to look at Jeremy, I took a sharp breath inwards upon seeing the anger in his eyes. “You’re right,” I admitted, looking down at my hands in my lap. “It’s not the same anymore. But I can’t do anything to change it. I’m so sorry, Jere.” I reached forward to touch the back of his hand, but he jerked it away and slammed it on the steering wheel.

“Just get out.” He continued to face forward.

I tried to will him to look at me, but he stayed focused on the road. Realizing there was nothing more to say, I opened the door of the car and trudged towards my house, not looking back at the Jeep as it sped out of sight.

* * *

“How was school?” my mom asked when I walked inside, muting the TV so she could hear my answer. When she saw me her expression changed to one of concern—there was no way I would be able to go upstairs without giving her an explanation for why I looked so distressed.

I sunk into the reclining chair, not knowing how to start. “Jeremy and I broke up,” I said, the words not sounding real.

“He broke up with you?” Her voice rung with alarm, and she sat up on the couch.

“No.” I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”

She was silent for a moment, absorbing the information. “Why would you do that?”

I looked at the ground, not wanting to see what was sure to be disappointment in her eyes. “We were just going in separate directions,” I said, playing with my hands in my lap. “Ever since he was voted co-captain it’s like soccer and impressing his new friends matters more to him than our relationship.”

She scooted closer to me on the sofa. “Did you consider the fact that it might be a phase?” she asked. “I know you did what you thought was best, but sometimes people need time to adjust. And you know how much I like Jeremy. He really helped you break out of your shell.”

“I think that was Chelsea,” I said, placing my hands on the edge of the sofa and looking up at her. “Jeremy barely spoke to me until I became friends with her.” I stood up, not knowing what else there was to say. “I’m actually not feeling well,” I said, grabbing my bag from where I’d dropped it earlier. “I’m going to lay down in my room.” 

Walking up the stairs felt like climbing a mountain. When I finally made it to the top I entered my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed, falling asleep on contact. I wished I could stay there—not having to deal with Jeremy, Chelsea, or Drew—but I couldn’t avoid school forever.

CHAPTER 21

My mom allowed me to stay home the next day, and I ignored all phone calls from Chelsea and Hannah. Even Keelie surprised me by calling once. Sick of hearing my cell ring every hour, I turned it off to stop it from reminding me everything that had happened.

The day after that my mom wasn’t as forgiving, telling me I had sulked enough and had to go to school. Jeremy wouldn’t be driving me that morning—or any morning ever again—so I rolled out of bed and made it outside to my bright blue Toyota RAV4. I drove as slowly as the speed limit allowed, not wanting to arrive any earlier than necessary.

Everyone stared at me when I entered the classroom—or at least that’s what it felt like. I sat as close to the door as possible, trying not to look at anyone as I took out my books and placed them on the table. My eyes flickered to Drew’s and instantly lowered, ashamed after what he’d said to me in the music room.

My throat constricted at the memory, and I felt like I was about to cry in front of the whole class, but I somehow managed to hold back the tears by concentrating my feelings to a pounding in my chest that was invisible to everyone else. It hurt so badly, and all I wanted was to close my eyes and disappear from the room and the questioning glances of everyone inside.

I caught Chelsea’s eyes next, surprised to see the scowl and flash of anger on her face before she looked away. I shouldn’t have been surprised. She was probably mad that I hadn’t talked with her before breaking up with Jeremy. But I could never let her know the true reasons behind my actions, so I couldn’t discuss the breakup with her.

I couldn’t discuss it with anyone. 

Focusing proved impossible, but since I was a naturally good student in European History, it didn’t matter that I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have. I spent the entire time looking down at my desk so I wouldn’t catch Drew’s eyes, attempting to lower the pounding pain in my chest to a dull roar. It felt like he was staring at me—even though he probably wasn’t—and the only thing I could think about was that he was somehow aware of how hard it was for me to stop my eyes from wandering in his direction. Trying to be extra careful to not look at him only made me more aware of his presence, and after the bell rang I rushed out of the classroom. 

I recognized Chelsea’s quick steps behind me before hearing her speak. “Way to not tell me about breaking up with Jeremy,” she said as she caught up with me.

I looked at her, cringing at her words. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, fighting back another round of tears. “I didn’t plan it—it just kind of happened. He barely talks to me anymore, and when he does, it’s either to brag about soccer or to criticize something I did. We couldn’t stay together.”

“You could have at least talked with me about it first.” The anger didn’t leave her tone. “You’re
supposed
to be my best friend. I could have helped you make your decision before you went out and did something without thinking.” She slowed down and lowered her voice. “He’s upset, Lizzie. I’ve never seen him like this before. It’s like he’s pretending the breakup didn’t happen. You should at least talk to him about it.”

I looked away, not wanting to think about how much I’d upset Jeremy. “You’re right,” I said for her benefit. “Of course I’ll talk to him. But I don’t think it’s something we can fix.”

“Whatever, Lizzie.” Chelsea shrugged off my words. “I’m going to Spanish. I’ll see you later.” 

She turned and walked to her classroom before I could reply, leaving me standing in the hallway in a complete daze. 

Drew didn’t look my way once during French, and Jeremy sat in the back pretending to laugh and joke around with some friends. To anyone else he would have appeared unaffected by the breakup, but I could tell that every one of his movements was forced and robotic.

I drew in the margins of my notes through the entire class period, creating various intertwining circles, squares, and triangles. It helped me ignore the escalating pain in my head from sitting so close to Drew. When the bell rang I threw my pen and notebook into my bag, zipping it shut in preparation to dash out of there as fast as I could.

“Liz,” Jeremy called from the back of the room, rushing to my desk before I could leave. “I need to talk to you.”

I glanced at the other students packing up their stuff, knowing I couldn’t walk away from him without everyone listening and thinking what a horrible person I was. “Okay.” I nodded, watching as Mrs. Evans walked out of the room with a stack of papers. “But I have to get to genetics early to set up for a lab. We’ll talk during lunch.”

He stood in front of me, blocking my path to the door. “Let’s talk now,” he said. “Just for a second.”

My hands started to shake, and I held the back of the chair for support. “I don’t think this is the best time,” I answered, my voice wavering. I tried not to look over at Drew, who was taking his time gathering his books in his seat next to me. I wondered if he was finding it entertaining to listen to our conversation. After what he’d said in the music room, I wouldn’t put it past him.

Jeremy grabbed my wrist as I went to pick up my bag, stopping me from leaving. “I don’t know what was up with you on Monday, but obviously you weren’t thinking clearly,” he said, looking down at me so intensely that it felt like he was trying to drill the words into my head. “We need to forget that conversation in the car ever happened.”

“No, Jere.” I tried pulling my wrist away, but he tightened his grip. “I can’t forget what happened, because I meant what I said.” I glanced around the room, embarrassed by the blatant stares from a few girls as they paused in front of the door. “You had to have noticed, too. It isn’t working anymore.” I barely managed to get the last words out, my voice catching in my throat.

“That’s just what happens in relationships,” he said. “Things change. I thought everything was going fine—obviously you’re the one with the problem. But it’s okay, because I’ll help you fix it. We can be good again Liz, I know it.”

I tried pulling my wrist out of his grip again. “You have to let me go, Jere,” I said, wincing as his fingers tightened even more, threatening to cause bruises on my skin.

Another hand came out of nowhere, peeling Jeremy’s fingers off my wrist and pushing him into the desk behind me. My mouth nearly dropped open in surprise when I saw Drew standing to the side, looking at Jeremy like he was challenging him to a duel. His dark eyes blazed with anger, daring him to retaliate.

“What was that for?” Jeremy demanded, leaning forward and clenching his fists.

“You were hurting her,” Drew said with a surprising air of calmness, enunciating each word as he spoke. “I know she broke up with you—the entire school knows she broke up with you—but you don’t have to give her a hard time in the middle of the classroom.”

Before Jeremy could think of a response, Drew turned around and left the room to go to his next class. Jeremy’s mouth was open in shock, surprised that anyone had the nerve to intrude on our conversation. I also stared at the area where Drew just stood, wondering why he involved himself with the fight between Jeremy and me after everything that he’d said to me in the music room the other day. None of it made sense. I had to remind myself to breathe so I didn’t pass out in the middle of the classroom. Jeremy took a step towards me, and I snapped my head to look at him, grabbing my bag and backing away.

“I have to get to my next class,” I told him before we could continue the conversation.

“Do me a favor and think about getting back together,” he said, looking at the door and then back at me. “It’s what’s best for us. I know it, and I’m sure you do, too.”

I shivered at the strength of the statement. “I can’t promise anything,” I said, unable to meet his gaze. “But I’ll think about it.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” he said, his tone warming. “I’ll see you at lunch then.” He strolled out the door, leaving me standing by myself. I didn’t even tell him yes, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that in his mind, he had won the conversation. 

I turned to head in the direction of the science wing, but each step felt heavy, like I was dragging chains behind me when I walked. It was like I was stuck in a nightmare and couldn’t wake up. My head felt like it was filled with cotton clouding my thoughts, and I knew that I couldn’t stay in school any longer. I contemplated what would happen if I just left, and the idea of skipping reminded me of Drew’s offer from earlier in the year. I hesitated then, but if he asked now, I would say yes in an instant.

The school wasn’t strict on keeping tabs on the students, giving us the freedom to come and go as we pleased, assuming we had enough self-discipline to know not to skip class. So no one noticed as I went to my locker, grabbed my belongings, and strolled out the front doors right before the late bell for third period rang through the halls.

* * *

My car came to life when I turned on the ignition, and I jumped back in my seat as the vents spewed icy air into my face, making it colder inside the car than outside. The thermostat read 47 degrees Fahrenheit, which didn’t sound too bad, but the wind made it feel much colder. I moved the gearshift into reverse, but left my foot on the brake when catching sight of the kindergarten students running off the playground and toward the preschool building to go inside after recess. A blonde girl fell from a swing while getting off, and a taller girl with long, dark hair knelt to help her up. It reminded me of Chelsea and myself when we were that age, and the two of them ran inside, catching up with the rest of their class just outside the door.

The wooden playset was empty, and the four swings came to a stop, appearing to be frozen in time. I loved those swings when I was younger, always rushing outside to make sure I got one before anyone else. I could have swung forever if recess didn’t have a time limit.

It would have been easy to leave school for the day, but I didn’t know where I would go. I couldn’t go home, and driving aimlessly didn’t seem appealing. My thoughts were all over the place, and I feared losing concentration on the road and getting into an accident. So I pushed the gearshift back into park and pulled my keys out of the ignition.

Another gust of wind blew through the air, and I looked back at the empty swings as they swayed back and forth. Without a second thought, I stepped out of my car and ran down the hill towards the playground, going so fast that it felt like I was flying. Finally I reached the bottom and wrapped my hands around the cold metal chains of one of the swings, bringing it to a stop and sitting down on the flimsy rubber seat.

I pushed off the ground with my feet, lifting into the air and going so high that it felt like the swing would fly over the top of the set. The effort of staying in momentum kept me warm, and I don’t know how long I swung back and forth thinking about everything that had happened since the beginning of junior year. My head felt like it was going to explode from confusion, and the back-and-forth motion of the swing proved soothing and calming. It was like the outside world disappeared and I was flying through the open air, leaving all of my worries behind. I leaned my head back and let my hair fly behind me, oblivious to anything but the crisp air and the cold wind on my face.

I could have stayed lost in my private world forever, but the sound of footsteps crunching from behind brought me back into reality. Hopefully it wasn’t a teacher coming to get me in trouble for skipping third period.

I turned around, slamming my feet to the ground and forcing the swing to a stop when I saw who it was.