Remember Love (22 page)

CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO

After Rachel
left, Katrina cleaned the kitchen and then headed to her own house. What was
the procedure to follow after a fire? She had no clue.

She set her purse
on the counter next to her glasses. Had she forgotten them last night? She
paused. When was the last time she’d worn them? She couldn’t remember.

She was changing.
What had Alec said, that she hid behind her glasses? He was right.
Subconsciously, she felt protected by those meager frames of metal and glass.

She moved into
the living room, phone in hand, and listened to her messages, distracted.

Alec wanted to
marry her. Could she trust him? Marriage was a huge step, but she’d been
willing, once. She crinkled her nose. Kind of willing. But in the end she’d
backed out. The reasons didn’t matter now. Commitment, trust, communication,
those were the things that had been missing ten years ago.

But now? She
thought of the way Alec smiled, warm and spontaneous. She thought of how his
face froze into a mask when he tried to hide his emotions.

And he was so
good with kids. She remembered Julie, clinging to Alec, begging to go to the
park and Alec turning Julie’s need into an adventure.

Katrina smiled.
She trusted Alec. She could commit to him. And her communication skills had
definitely improved.

Kat’s Korner was
gone. Perhaps holding on to it had been like her glasses. Security. Protection.
Maybe it was time to spread her wings a little and see what God had in store
for her.

Maybe.

Grant Harkness’s
low timbre started the next message, catching her attention. Katrina stilled as
one word filled her with dread.

Arson.

The word
slithered through her consciousness. It was what they’d expected but to have it
confirmed made goose bumps pop up on her arms. Too much.

Staggering to the
couch, she fell against the cushions as realization rushed through her. She
needed God. Now. Not when things were perfect, but now, when circumstances were
shaky. She’d been a fool to leave Him behind. Bending forward, she searched
beneath the coffee table and pulled out the Bible she use to keep on top of the
table.

Dust had settled
into the grooves of the leather cover. She wiped it with her palm, a twinge in
her chest. Nerves clenched her stomach. So long since she’d read His word. Only
on Sundays, only to appear to others as though she were the same Katrina she’d
been before Joey died.

But she wasn’t.
Now she was doubly wounded, doubly afraid. Throat tight with anxiety, she
flipped the Bible open to Psalms. To combat the twist of her stomach and erratic
pace of her thoughts, she settled into the cushions and read Psalm 91.

A few of the
verses struck her deep, and she closed her eyes to concentrate on them.

I will say of
the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust."

There’d been a
time that verse had been engraved on her heart. Maybe, like the cover of this
worn Bible, the words still lived inside of her. Covered with layers of dust,
obscured by multitudes of worries, but there, nonetheless.

She clutched the
Bible to her chest before closing it. When she set it on the coffee table, she
noticed Ms. Lincoln’s faded Cadillac ambling down the street and pulling into
the driveway next door.

Katrina moved to
the window and pursed her lips when Ms. Douglas and Ms. Lincoln began hauling
groceries from the car and hobbling up Ms. Lincoln’s walkway. There was no
reason they should do that on their own. She scooted out her front door.

"Here, let
me help," she called.

Ms. Douglas was
just coming out of the house and her eyes widened when she saw Katrina. "Oh,
hello dear! I loved those Dekker books. Have you any new ones in?"

So she hadn’t
heard about the fire.

"He doesn’t
have any new ones out yet." Katrina hauled open the Cadillac’s back door
and grabbed the rest of the grocery bags. "I’ve got these."

Ms. Douglas
closed the door behind her and followed her up the walkway, chirping the whole
time about Ted Dekker being the world’s next literary genius.

Katrina entered
Ms. Lincoln’s kitchen and plopped the bags on the counter. Ms. Lincoln sat at
the table, cradling a Coke between her hands.

"Hi Ms.
Lincoln. It’s Katrina." She didn’t want to startle the elderly woman.

Ms. Douglas
bustled past and disappeared into the living room.

A smile stretched
Ms. Lincoln’s mouth wide. "How are you, dear?"

"I’m okay.
Where would you like me to put the dry goods?" Katrina wrestled a bag of
flour out of a bag and waited.

"In the
pantry, second shelf." Ms. Lincoln cleared her throat. "How are you
and Alec?"

Katrina almost
dropped the flour. "Um, we’re fine, I guess."

"That’s
excellent." She beamed as though she had a personal stake in the success
of their relationship.

"Have you
spoken to Alec?"

"Only
recently. The dear boy hired someone to come out for a year and mow my yard.
Not that I’ll need it during winter."

"I never mow
in the winter either."

"Your mother
used to."

Perfectionism at
its worst. She grimaced. "Yes, she did."

"She used to
talk to me about you."

Katrina slid the
flour onto the second shelf and closed the door. "Really?" She turned
around and leaned against the counter, intrigued.

Ms. Lincoln
nodded, still grinning. "What a little hoyden you were. Climbing trees,
catching fish. But you never back-talked. Your mother told you to be in at a
certain time, you were. She was afraid you lacked spirit." She paused. "She
was afraid you’d be like her."

 "I’m not."
That was one thing Katrina knew. She lifted her chin.

Her elderly
neighbor chuckled. "No, you put more emotion in those two words than your
mother did in a lifetime of living. My point is, trust yourself. If you feel
love for Alec, go with it. Let God lead you."

"I’m trying
to."

"Posh.
Living is doing."

Ms. Douglas
hopped back into the kitchen, saving Katrina from having to reply.

That night, Ms.
Lincoln’s words weighted Katrina’s thoughts. It should have been the burden of
knowing someone deliberately started a fire in her building keeping her awake.
Arson investigators had concluded that the fire began in her store and then
spread to the pizza place.

That knowledge
should’ve perched heavy on her shoulders, but it didn’t.

She hadn’t called
Alec, even though she told him in the car the night before that she would.
Instead, she tossed in her bed, the sheet a cotton bond twisting around her
limbs.

To choose to
trust. It wasn’t something she’d considered. Yes, she was trying to trust Alec.
Despite her good intentions, however, she’d been relying heavily on her
feelings.

But to choose.

Wasn’t that how
her relationship with God began? A small step out, reaching and hoping that
despite the wounds, He cared for her and longed to heal her?

Would love be
different? Alec wanted her. She’d seen him kind, gentle, willing to forgive. At
least where Joey was concerned.

Oh, Lord, help
me figure out my path. Light the way for me. Please keep me from foolishness. I
love you, Jesus. You’ve been with me through so much. Thank you.

She closed her
eyes in the already darkened room and quieted her thoughts, hoping for once to
hear His gentle whisper.

*****

"You never
called me."

"I’m sorry."
Katrina avoided Alec’s scrutiny by focusing on the small weeds in her plant
bed.

"Your store
is in an ashy heap."

"Really?"

"Cut the
sarcasm. Yesterday I didn’t hear from you. Today I find you pulling imaginary
weeds when you should be making phone calls and getting stuff in order."

"Everything’s
done, Alec. You can go home and I’ll send you part of the insurance check."
She looked up.

And hated the
stillness of his face, because it meant he was trying to hide his feelings.
Whatever they might be.

"I’m just
about finished. Why don’t you start some tea to warm us up," she said.

With a curt nod,
he spun around and went into the house. Katrina shivered and glanced up at the
sky. Endless gray clouds hovered over the trees. Less than a month until
Christmas. Would she be alone again this year?

She stood,
brushed off the knees of her jeans and then went inside. She washed her hands
at the sink while the water heated in the microwave, then toweled them dry.
Alec had set a teabag on the counter.

"Thank you,"
she said.

He leaned against
the fridge, face unreadable.

The microwave
beeped and Katrina took a cup out, set it on the counter and dropped the bag
in. "You can help yourself to anything you want."

"I’m good."

Katrina felt his
eyes on her but didn’t face him. She swirled the teabag around, watching the
water change and glide.

"What are
you going to do about Kat’s Korner?"

"I don’t
know, Alec."

"You know,
but you’re not telling."

"Yeah, it’s
a big secret." She spun and locked eyes with him. "You’re my partner.
I’m not going to play mind games with you."

"Okay."
He held up a hand in surrender. "Just guessing."

Her tension
eased, replaced by heated cheeks. Being snappy wouldn’t help anyone. She pulled
the teabag out of her cup and tossed it in the garbage. She walked into the
living room, clutching her mug. He followed. She plunked down on the couch. "I’m
sorry for being short with you. What do you think I should do?"

Alec took the
recliner, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "Grant said
it’s arson. The force is looking for Steve as a prime suspect. I suggest you
reconsider renewing your lease."

"First I
have to wait and see if the owner of the building even wants to rebuild."

"Supposing
he does, do you really want to open a failing business?"

His question made
her teeth grind. He was right. As much as she loved Kat’s Korner, it had never
garnered the business it needed to succeed. And he was only saying what she'd
been considering herself.

"Once the
insurance check comes in," she said, "I’ll pay off my loans and any
bills, then decide."

"I don’t
want to pressure you. This needs to be your choice."

"What
happened to the whole "we’re partners" thing?"

"Still
there. I’m just taking a different tactic." His face relaxed into a
crooked grin and Katrina felt her resolve melting away.

"I don’t
know what to do. Right now I’m trying to trust God to show me what to do. What
He wants for my life."

Alec’s head
cocked to the side, questioning. She fiddled with her cup, then shrugged.

"You were
right. I was mad at God. But I’m done now. It was silly to think He’d left me,
to be angry with Him over something someone else did."

"I’m not
sure it’s silly."

"Maybe
that’s the wrong word. Just, I don’t know. He’s always been there for me but I
stopped looking for Him. I wanted to hear Him speak, but I never listened for
His voice. Does that make any kind of sense?" She peered at him, hoping
she didn’t sound like a religious nutcase.

"That makes
perfect sense to me."

By the way he
said it, she could tell he was completely sincere. Relief lightened her
shoulders.

Alec jerked his
head toward the collection of wildlife photographs littering the surface of her
coffee table. "Whose photos?"

"Remember
Gladys from the ring toss at the Fall Festival? I was hoping to feature her
photography on the empty wall. Try to draw the tourists in."

His brows
lowered. "That’s not a bad idea."

"Well, it
won’t do any good now. She had agreed to let me use a few at first to see how
it goes. Probably nature scenes. The river, mostly, for tourists to take home."

"It might
work."

"Not without
a store."

"There’s a
reason I came back, Katrina."

She caught the
serious note in his voice and froze.

"I’ve been
meaning to speak to you about that." She leaned forward and set her mug
gently on the coffee table. She met his eyes, the solid gold of them and wet
her lower lip. "I know you want to marry me."

His brow lifted.

Her heart
thumped, afraid to hear the answer. "But what exactly do you feel for me?"

CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE

What was she
talking about? Alec debated how to answer her, aware of her silent scrutiny.
Hadn’t he told her how he felt?

He leaned back
into the recliner and sighed. "I want you to marry me. How much plainer
can my feelings get?"

A shadow crossed
her face. Annoyed, he steepled his fingers and frowned. "We need to talk
about the store first, then we can discuss feelings. If you featured art, you’d
probably draw in a lot more people. Is this woman reliable?"

"She’d only
do a few at first, to see if it worked." Katrina’s hands twisted in her
lap.

Alec’s frown
deepened. What was wrong with her? Kat’s Korner was gone, intentionally
sabotaged, but that didn’t explain the worried crease between her eyes.

If there was one
thing Alec hated, it was feeling helpless. His entire childhood had been spent
that way, but never again. He was in control.

No, son. I’m
in control.

 The quiet
reminder shook him. He took a deep breath and focused on Katrina, letting the
softness in his chest turn his voice tender. "What can I do, Kitty, to
make you smile?"

Her eyes widened.
"What do you mean? I’m fine. There’s just so many decisions to make, so
many unknowns."

"We like
life carefully ordered, don’t we?"

"We do."
A faint flash of humor lit her eyes before dying away.

"A righteous
man’s steps are ordered by the Lord," Alec quoted, surprised he remembered
the verse learned the only summer he’d attended vacation bible school.

"That’s
right." Katrina cocked her head, lips pursed. "You really are a
Christian, aren’t you?"

"Of course."
Resentment burned in his chest.

Katrina flushed
at his tone. "I’m sorry. All these months my emotions have been like a
seesaw. I haven’t known what to believe."

"You could
believe me for once."

"I could."
The soft flush on her cheeks deepened. Alec wanted to hold her and tell her
that everything would be all right. He wanted to beg her to marry him, to be
with him forever.

But twice was
enough. If she wanted him, she’d have to make the next move. He had to trust
God to order his steps this time, instead of bowing to his emotions. 

Katrina unclasped
her hands and smoothed a curl away from her eyes.

"When we
were kids," she said, "you had so much pride. And such a temper. You
believed in justice, even if you had to make it yourself. Some called it
revenge." She gave him a small half-smile. "Your mom left a lot to be
desired in the love department. At least mine physically cared for me."

"Where are
you going with this?" Alec swiped his hand through the air.

"I don’t
know. I’m just remembering how much I loved you."

"But now?"

"But
nothing. I still love you." She pressed her lips together and he saw the
way her fingers white-knuckled. "I want us to have a future together."

It was the last
thing he’d expected her to say. He schooled his features to carefully stay
blank. His pulse pounded against his eardrums. She loved him.

"You’ll
marry me?" He held his breath, surprised at how painful the waiting for
her answer was.

Katrina nodded.
Panic flooded her, drowning out her earlier confidence that God wanted her with
Alec. A lifetime commitment. No backing out.

"Yes,"
she said, fear numbing her lips even as she spoke.

"Good then."
Alec’s shoulders dropped as though a burden had been lifted from them. A grin
spread across his face. "We’ll make plans after we deal with the store."
Alec began to launch a plan for saving Kat’s Korner.

"No, wait!"
She ignored the surprise on his face when she interrupted his verbal outline. "I
don’t want to renew my lease." The spontaneous admission rang with
sincerity. She sank back, surprised at the truth.

"You don’t
want Kat’s Korner." Disbelief etched lines across his features.

"No. I’ll
move to New York with you."

"You’re
sure?"

"Yes."

"You’ve been
through a lot." His fingers threaded through his hair. "Agreeing to
marry me, well, that’s more than I’d hoped for. But don’t you want to wait a
few days before making another big decision?"

"No, I've
been thinking about things for a while now." She stood and crossed her
arms. "It’s time for a change."

Alec rose and
walked to her. He towered above her, strong and firm. His eyes were clear as
they looked down at her. "If this is what you want. . ."

"It is."
Lifting her chin, she waited.

Something close
to concern flickered across his face. "Call me later. I need to settle
some things in New York."

He headed to the
front door and she followed, feet leaden, the enormity of her decisions dragging
her in their wake. "You’re leaving?"

"I have to.
I’ll be back, Katrina."

Was she doing the
right thing now? Suddenly, she realized he hadn’t said anything about love
earlier. Her stomach felt like it hit the floor. Her pulse picked up. Hooking
her arms over her chest, she stood near the wall beside the door, scared.

His hand found
the door knob.

Tongue frozen,
she made a move forward, then stopped. She swallowed. "When will you be
back from New York?"

"New York?"
Confusion shadowed his face for a moment, then was replaced with amusement. "Ahh,
Kitty, I meant I’m going to the hotel to finalize a few contracts." He
reached out and smoothed her hair behind her ear. "I’m glad you’re going
to trust me. Try not to look miserable about it."

He leaned down,
his lips closing over hers, his hands pressing into her back, drawing her close
until heat and longing pulsed through her. The kiss deepened and she lost track
of time, of anything but the feel of him against her, all fire and strength and
possession.

If she'd had
doubts of his love, she didn't now. Not with her head swirling beneath the
heady rush of his kiss. Not with her heart pressed against his, their lips
fused and her thinking incoherent beneath the onslaught of passion.

When he
reluctantly drew away, her lips were tingling and her knees unsteady. Body
throbbing, she met his gaze. A crooked smile tilted his lips.

He cupped her
cheeks. "You are so very beautiful. Try not to worry, okay?"

With one last,
soft kiss against her tender lips, he turned and left. Katrina closed the door,
hand against her stomach. His kiss had robbed her of thought, but now her
worries rushed back to taunt her.

She didn't want
to be miserable-looking. If Alec would say he loved her then she could believe
she was doing the right thing. But maybe that was asking too much?

God had turned
her heart from bitterness and brought her to a place of rest where Joey was
concerned. He gave her peace in the loss of her store. And now, surely God was
calling her to a higher place, a place of unconditional love. And part of that
meant trusting the man who’d left her years ago.

Marriage was such
a huge thing, a precious promise of forever love. Could she forge that kind of
bond with a man who couldn’t say three little words?

Her gaze fell
upon a picture of Joey when he was two. His lips curled into a smile, his eyes
twinkled, and a dark lock of hair fell over his eye. Just like his father’s.

He’d been a late
talker. She used to worry about it. Her mother would shush her and tell her to
be patient, that he was just waiting until he could say things right. Sure enough,
halfway through the twos he started talking clear as a bell. Before he reached
three, he turned to her one day and said, "I love you."

But he’d loved her
long before he could form the words on untried lips.

And so it would
be with Alec. His actions showed love. She could wait for him to find the words
to say what he showed so easily.

*****

"You what?"
Rachel threw her hands in the air and stomped across Katrina’s living room. The
windows were open and a twilight breeze fluttered softly through the room.

"Keep it
down." Katrina glanced out the window. "Yes, I’m going to marry him.
It’s nothing worth screaming about."

Rachel came back
to the couch and plunked down beside her. "I ignored my instincts and
decided to wait to tell you something, and now look what’s happened."

"I never
stopped loving him. You don’t like him. I get it. But that’s not going to stop
me."

"I’m not
trying to stop you. He’s sneaky." Rachel plunged forward, elbows on knees.
"Katrina, listen. He came to Manatee Bay for a reason and it wasn’t to see
you again."

"We had a
reunion."

"You don’t
believe that."

No, she didn’t,
and she wished Rachel didn’t know her so well. She wet her lips. This scene was
so similar to the one ten years ago. Rachel freaking out and babbling that Alec
had kissed Maggie.

Please Lord,
don’t let it be like that again
. She wiggled her shoulders and sank farther
into the couch, willing the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach to go away.

"Why did he
come back?" she asked, voice low.

Rachel’s eyes
widened and her face rounded like a puffer fish. Then she seemed to deflate and
she grabbed Katrina’s hands. "We should close the windows. Your hands are
cold."

"Just say it."

"I spoke
with his secretary. He bought your store."

"I sold him
a part of it."

"I know."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I mean the building. He owns the building that
you lease Kat’s Korner out of."

Katrina carefully
kept the shock from her face. Tingles raced through her fingertips. "And
that’s why he came home?"

"Probably.
She said he’s planning on using this "prime property" to open a
coffee place. Like a Starbucks or something."

Katrina glanced
out the window near the couch. Jake and Sam from down the street rode their
bikes in zigzags across the road. She wanted to shout stop, get on the
sidewalk. But her neighborhood was quiet and safe. They would be fine.

Would she? She’d
felt secure in her life until Alec came home. Things hadn’t been calm since.
What else was he hiding from her? Why would he ask for ownership of Kat’s
Korner if he’d already purchased the building?

She turned back
to Rachel. "Thanks for telling me."

"Are you
mad?"

"No."

"You’re
lying."

Katrina did her
own eye roll. "Rachel, he owns the building. What does that have to do
with us getting married?"

"He lied to
you." Rachel sat stiffly, jaw set.

Katrina sighed.
She knew that look of bulldog stubbornness. The thing was, Rachel had no case.
Even with the shock still sharp, Katrina could see that. "He never lied to
me."

"Doesn’t it
bother you that he never said a word?"

"Rachel,
it’s his business."

"But you’re
getting married! That makes it
your
business."

Katrina could
feel her teeth grinding together and forced her jaw to relax. "Thank you for
trying to look out for me. But I’ve prayed about this, worried about this, and
I’m convinced that I want to spend the rest of my life with Alec Munroe."
Even if he’d been less than forthcoming about his business in Manatee Bay.

Rachel looked
shocked.

"And I want
you to examine why you’re so against me loving him."

Rachel’s brows
drew together and she frowned. "You mean, like I’m jealous?"

"No."
Katrina gave Rachel a hug because she could tell her friend didn’t know whether
to explode or cry. "I just mean that maybe when Scott used you to get
close to Maggie, your man judgment might’ve got clouded." The youth pastor
had done more than just use Rachel, he’d broken her heart.

She let go of
Rachel and leaned back into the couch.

"Fine,"
Rachel snapped, standing and reaching for her purse. "I’ll examine my
heart but Alec better not hurt you again."

"I’m the one
who hurt him."

"No one
believes that." She whooshed out the front door and Katrina watched from
the window as she marched to her car, flung the door open, and screeched out of
the driveway.

That was the
trouble, Katrina thought. No one could see how deeply Alec had been hurt. So
deeply it took him ten years to come home.

But as much as
she wanted to deny it, hiding his motives behind his return did bother her.
Maybe some little part of her had hoped he missed her, that he didn’t want to
spend the rest of his life without her. She would just have to confront him.
Stiffen her backbone and demand an answer from her reticent fiancé. The thought
of a confrontation depressed her even more.

Now that Kat’s
Korner had burned down, she was ready to leave this place. The fire had shown
her that losing the store wasn’t as painful as she’d thought it would be.

Sitting in the
car with Alec, numb from the shock, she’d begun to realize that shock was all
there was. Rebuilding held no enthusiasm for her. Now she understood that it
was time to let go of the security blanket.

It occurred to
her that during their time in the car, Alec had never even hinted that he owned
the building.

Her jaw dropped.
She snapped it closed.

What if he
was
planning some kind of twisted revenge?

Evening shadows
crawled across the corners of the couch, adding to her mood. She shouldn’t jump
to conclusions. She couldn’t do what she’d done before. He would explain.
Hadn’t he denied any vengeful feelings in her kitchen? Who went around looking
for revenge anyways? Rachel was just being her normal suspicious self.

Surely Alec had
legitimate reasons for not mentioning his ownership when the opportunity
presented itself.

And surely his
persistence in telling her to sell the store had nothing to do with the
building.