Remember Love (16 page)

"It had a
lot to do with why I left him at the altar."

"So it’s my
fault?"

"Not at all."
She rushed to reassure Maggie as Rachel snorted beside her. "Please, for
my peace of mind, I need to know if I was wrong." She searched for some
glimmer of understanding in Maggie’s eyes, but they were too dark to read.

Maggie looked
away, and for a moment Katrina thought she wouldn’t answer. Then she turned and
her voice was sad when she spoke. "You were wrong. He pushed me away and
said you were all he needed."

Nausea rushed
through Katrina. Maggie stood and began to saunter away, hips swinging. Some
inner urging compelled Katrina to grab her crutches.

"Wait.
Maggie." She left Rachel sitting on the stool. Kissing a groom was really
a low thing to do. And yet, only she could be blamed for her lack of trust. And
Maggie needed to know that.

"Maggie."

She spun around
and Katrina was certain she saw something flicker in Maggie’s eyes before they
went flat.

"It wasn’t
your fault I left Alec." Katrina leaned onto her crutches. "But can
you forgive me for the way I treated you in school? I’m so sorry."

Maggie shrugged
thin shoulders and put her hands on her hips, just like Rachel would.

"Who you
blame is none of my business. But for the record, you can’t get a better man
than Alec Munroe." Her eyes shifted past Katrina and then re-focused on
her. "Tell my sis not to be so uptight."

Then she turned
and walked away.

Rachel drove her
home. They listened to music, both lost in their thoughts. Once Rachel was
gone, Katrina checked her cell and found the battery had died. Sighing, she
stuck the phone on the charger and then reached for the window shades. She
flipped them shut, darkening the room. One way to save on electricity until the
days cooled.

Her cell phone
beeped. She popped over to where she'd plugged it on the counter. Maybe Alec
had finally called. She fumbled with the phone, snapping it open.

Four missed calls
from Alec, two from yesterday that had just shown up. One vague text about
needing to talk.

Her shoulders relaxed.
She was so relieved the past wasn’t repeating itself that she felt almost
giddy, like a girl who’d just realized her crush liked her. The relief took the
sting out of knowing her cell phone service stunk. She snatched the house phone
off the charger. She’d call Alec, let him know what had happened at Kat’s
Korner. 

She walked to her
bedroom, absorbing the atmosphere. This was her place. Fresh flowers sat on her
dresser, bathed in a prism of light from the nearby window, filling the room
with the heady aroma of life. Tossed over her bed was the white lace coverlet
she’d inherited from her maternal grandmother. Satin pillows lay in haphazard
mounds across her sheets.

Her room was how
she liked it. Uncluttered and comfortable. She didn’t always make her bed or
pick her clothes up off the floor. Family pictures hung on the walls in
well-dusted frames.

She plopped down
on the bed, moving the Bible she never got around to reading, and dialed Alec’s
number. With bated breath, she waited for him to answer. It had only been a few
days and yet she missed the low, husky timbre of his voice.

"Hey,"
he answered.

"It’s me,
Katrina."  Empty space hung between them. She cleared her throat. "I
saw you called. I tried to call the other day and couldn’t reach you." Her
grip on the phone tightened.

She waited,
remembering the intimacy of their dinners in New York. The laughter they’d
shared at Broadway. The chilly night they’d walked around the city, sipping hot
cocoa and holding hands. 

"I’ll be in
town tomorrow and we’ll talk then." His voice was low, hesitant. He
sounded so remote.

"Okay."
She cleared her throat. "There’s something else you should know. The store
was broken into. Almost everything is ruined."

There was a
surprised intake of breath on the other end. "I’ll handle it when I get
there."

"There’s
nothing to handle. The police came and they’re looking into it but as for
anything else, I don’t know what you could do."

"Pay Steve a
visit."

"We don’t
know that he did this." She clutched a pillow, her fingers twisting in its
fringe.

"We’ll find
out." 

"I just
think we should let the police take care of things."

"You don’t
have to worry."

"I’m not
worried," she said, exacerbated. He was still trying to take over. "Please
don’t do anything until we talk."

"Look into
the insurance and warranties on all your stock." A pause. "I’ve got
to go. Tomorrow, Katrina."

The decisive
click on the line irritated her. She mashed the end button on her phone and
tossed it to the side. She knew to check on those things and the fact he told
her to do it rubbed her wrong.

But this had been
a tense day. Seeing Maggie, talking to her, brought back the horror of her
wedding day, the pain that had wrapped itself around her throat and quietly
strangled her for so many years. 

And to know now
that the kiss had been nothing to Alec, something he’d dodged and still paid
the price for. She pressed her hand against her mouth as tears stung her eyes.
She should’ve asked. She should have asked instead of playing judge and jury.

After Alec left town,
when she realized he had no intention of answering her calls or e-mails, she’d
felt as though her heart had been ripped to pieces. When she began throwing up
every morning and discovered her pregnancy, rage took hold and it wasn’t until
Joey turned one that she’d come to her senses. The only person missing at his
party had been his father.

But she hadn’t
tried hard enough to find Alec.

In New York, he
claimed to want her but when he came home, would it be different? This place,
with its painful memories, could make a difference. She wouldn’t blame him if
he changed his mind about marrying her.

Wouldn’t blame
him a bit.

CHAPTER
FIFTEEN

The next afternoon Katrina pulled
weeds with a vengeance. She yanked them up until the muscles in her back burned
and her fingers cramped. After a full day of cleaning up Kat’s Korner,
contacting insurers and dealing with a hostile Officer Grant Harkness, she
needed the break.

Widow Carmichael’s persistent
calls regarding the books had added to the pandemonium of the day.  

Thank goodness
for dirt and a fenced-in yard. A stiff breeze brushed her cheek as she dug out
weeds. The air had cooled with the onset of November but gardening warmed her
tension-laden muscles. Shouts of laughter at a nearby park filled the silence
and gave her something to smile about.

Joey had loved
this time of year. Fall ball, Thanksgiving, and fishing.

He should’ve had
a chance to fish with his father. To hold a squirming bass and watch his daddy
take out the hook. If only she’d tried harder to reach Alec. Trusted God instead
of taking things into her own hands.

Alec would be in
town by now. Was he staying at the same hotel, and would he call her? Would he be
as abrupt and cold as he’d been on the phone yesterday?

She kneaded the
dark dirt, relishing the cool dryness that crumbled around her fingertips.

 The back door
whooshed open. She jumped, dropping the weeds she’d just pulled. The door
slammed shut.

"I thought
you said it was an accident." Alec’s shadow loomed over her, blocking out the
evening sun.

Katrina let out a
shaky breath as her heart rate decelerated. She pinched another weed and
yanked. "What are you talking about?"

"Joey’s
death."

"It was."
Frowning, she pulled on a pesky weed that refused to budge from beneath her pepper
plant. After their dinners in New York, she felt surprisingly shy and the plant
gave her something besides him to focus on.

"Not
according to my secretary." He shoved a stack of papers in front of her
face and, sighing loudly, she released the stubborn weed. She leaned back on
one heel, shifting so that her weight stayed off her tender ankle. Sweat
trickled down her forehead. She swiped at the moisture as she faced Alec’s
silhouette. Despite the fading day, she couldn’t ignore the harsh set of his
jaw and the fierce glitter in his eyes.

"Murder."
His voice rasped, gritty as sandpaper. "They were murdered."

Taken aback, she
gaped at him. Murder? It had been so long since she thought of the accident
that way. Her throat tightened. Maybe subconsciously she’d known he would take
it as such and so she’d not thought to say anything.

His stone-hard
stance told her this would have to be handled delicately.

He reminded her
of a coiled snake, ready to strike. She rose slowly and, with cautious fingers,
took his hand.

Alec’s jaw
clenched. He didn’t like the way he felt. When Katrina slipped her slender hand
into his, he wanted to drag her to him and shake her. Instead, he pulled away.

"In the
house," he managed to grit out and then stalked inside.

It took her a few
moments to follow and when she stepped into the living room, he saw why. His
stomach tightened and he suppressed the sudden worry spiking through him. "What
happened?"

"I fell.
It’s just twisted." She gave him a tentative smile and the sight gripped
his chest in an oxygen-sucking vise.The timidity on her face made him want to
smash all the fancy knick knacks stashed around the small living room.

After brooding on
the newspaper article for days, he’d finally decided to talk to her about it.
But he hadn’t expected the anger at the senselessness of it all. He hadn’t
expected his empathy for her. Because he felt so strongly, he checked himself.
With restraint, he watched her sink onto the couch. He couldn’t sit. His legs itched
to move.

It didn’t help to
walk into her house and see pictures of a life he could have had. It didn’t
help to walk into the backyard and hear her humming, to see her nurturing
plants when the son she should’ve been taking care of was dead.

 Joey’s death
could have been so easily avoided.

And it didn’t
help that she was beautiful. Her hair, pulled into a ponytail, shone with
health. Her unpainted face looked fresh and untouched. The pale shadows that
had stained the skin beneath her eyes only a few weeks ago were gone. Innocent
and wary, she sat patiently on her cheap couch.

Rage, grief,
something violent, twisted within.

"He was
murdered," he spit out. "Run down and left for dead."

"He wasn’t
left for dead."

"The driver ran.
They didn’t even put his name in the papers. Joey deserves justice." Alec
threw the papers clenched in his hand to the floor. "You could’ve told me.
It’s hard enough knowing I had a child I’ll never meet. You could’ve told me it
was a drunk’s fault."

"The driver
was a kid. He never meant to hurt anyone."

"He was old
enough to drink." His gaze narrowed on her face. She sounded a little too
forgiving. "You know who it is."

"I do,"
she said quietly.

He hated the way
she had her hands folded in her lap. So peaceful, so serene. He wanted her as
shaken as he felt. With long strides, he crossed the living room floor and
hauled her off the couch, barely noticing the worry that flashed across her
face.

"Did he go
to jail? Is Joey’s murderer being punished for his crime?"

"Yes."
She cringed.

It was that
involuntary gesture that propelled Alec to a place he had not been before. A
place of lost control. His arms tightened around her and he kissed her with all
the loneliness, the regret, of the last ten years. His lips pressed against
hers, hard, unyielding. When she moved, he loosened his hold.

Shame flooded
him, hot and strong.

But she wasn’t
fighting him. Instead, her arms circled around his neck and she kissed him
back, tenderly, with compassion and softness.

Her hair floated
through his fingers, silken and smooth. She smelled of vanilla and sunlight,
fresh earth and purity.

It broke him.

He tore his lips
from her upturned face and buried his head in her neck, taking the comfort she
so readily gave, unaware the wetness on her shirt came from him.

*****

Katrina made Alec
a turkey sandwich for dinner and hoped he still liked them with mayonnaise and
lots of mustard.

Her lips tingled
from his kiss. When he’d pulled away from their embrace, he’d asked for the
documents about the accident. She dug them out, and while she puttered around the
house to give him privacy, he pored over autopsy and police reports, as well as
pictures and news accounts.

He never looked
up from the table. And so she’d made him dinner.

His tears had
shaken her. She’d never seen him cry before, let alone weep. Not when, as
children, they’d gone fishing and she’d seen the bruises on his back put there
by his mother. Not even when she’d left him at the altar. She ached for him,
for herself, more than she’d thought she could.

She was glad Alec
had released his anger and sorrow, even if in an unexpected way.

There was still
the possibility he would distrust her even more for not telling him the cause
of the crash.

She set the
sandwich in front of him and sat down. He looked up from the items scattered
across the table. His eyes were dull, his features haggard. "This is
everything?"

She nodded.

"Man,"
he rubbed his hands over his face. "I feel like I’ve been socked in the
gut."

"I just
assumed you knew, that you’d look it up right away."

"Marta did,
my secretary. But I forgot, with everything going on. A car accident. It seemed
simple enough."

"I’m sorry,
Alec." A paper napkin moved in front of her, gusted by the air
conditioner, and she pressed her finger against the rough fabric to still its
flight.

"How did you
get through this, Kitty?"

The question was
a poke to the bruise she’d tried to ignore. The Bible said God stored his
people’s tears in a bottle. Hers had overrun long ago.

She fumbled for
an answer. "I guess you could say I’m not through it. You saw me only a few
weeks ago." His eyes were on her and Katrina tried to think of the best
way to explain. "As time passes it gets easier. The pain quieter, somehow."

"You
mentioned Jesus once, out by the car."

She let the
napkin go, watched as the tiniest breeze from the vents swept it across the
table. Uncontrolled. Nothing to hold it in place but her. "I know."

"Has He
really helped you?" Alec leaned forward, over the paperwork and closer to
her. "I mean really. Not just in a religious way, but so that you could
feel it."

"Yes."
The napkin fluttered down, landing somewhere past her sight. Sighing, she met
Alec’s gaze. "No. I haven’t talked much to Him since…"

"I see."
And he leaned back, head cocked and eyes looking as though they saw right through
her skin, straight to her core.

"He doesn’t
talk back," she blurted out, feeling heat rise to her chest, pulsing through
her in red tides. "Ever. I ask and hear nothing from Him. Joe lied. They
all lie. God doesn’t care what happens to us."

"You’re
wrong."

"Am I?"
The question ripped out of her strangled vocal chords, odd in the quiet
kitchen. "Then why doesn’t He answer me?"

"I don’t
know."

Fingers gripping
each other in a painful clasp, she looked away. Deep breaths. Once she felt in
control and able to speak, she looked at the man across from her. Found his
eyes and held them. "I believe in Jesus. That he loves me, died for me,
forgives me. That He won’t let me break. But I don’t believe He cares about
every little detail of my life."

"I’m sorry,
Kitty. I should have been here." Alec’s gaze slammed into her, leveled her
with its intensity.  

"Why?"
she asked bitterly.

"You feel
like God abandoned you. You’re mad at Him."

She shook her
head, even as the truth of his words pierced her soul. Was it true? Did she
really believe He didn’t care, or was she blaming Him and trying to disguise
her anger? When was the last time she’d talked to God, really asked him for
anything?

In the
hospital
.

Alec shifted
forward. "What?"

She’d spoken her
thoughts out loud. "The last time I prayed I was in the hospital. Joey
died hours after the crash from internal hemorrhaging. Mom was on life support
for two days before getting a staph infection and dying." She shook her
head. "I begged God to let mom live. To leave me one person. But He took
them both and left me alone."

An old memory
soaked into her, a flat-lined monitor and the fluttering breath of her faith
dying with her mother’s heart.

And so she’d left
God and acted like He’d abandoned her. But she ran from Him. One more fault on
a list longer than a river.

"I’m sorry I
didn’t tell you it was a drunk driver." She looked away to work up the
courage to meet his eyes. "There’s so many things I’ve done wrong." Like
leaving the God who’d saved her, who’d given her Joey. A pure gift in the midst
of sinful consequences. She let out a quivery breath. "I talked to Maggie
today. She told me what happened. I’m sorry, Alec." Humble pie, but she gulped
it down anyway.

"For what?
Believing I’d kiss another woman?"

She nodded.
Alec’s face was set, his eyes unwavering. "That’s in the past. God didn’t
abandon you, Kitty. And everything isn’t your fault." His brow lowered. "It
wasn’t your fault a drunk got behind the wheel."

A tenseness
passed over his face and she wondered if he was thinking of his mother.

Her palms
prickled. She lowered her gaze. "It’s funny." She wet her lips. "I’ve
gone to MADD meetings and they’re filled with people from all walks of life,
different values and religions. But one thing helps us all." She paused. "Those
who forgive are better off than those who don’t."

"Is there a
lesson in that, Katrina?"

"I just
don’t think holding onto anger against the driver will help you feel better."

Alec set the
half-eaten sandwich on his plate and leaned back, thoughtful. "You know,"
he said, eyes heavy-lidded, "as much as it goes against the grain, I agree
with you."

Katrina hugged
herself. She didn’t want to be preachy, but she didn’t want to see him eaten up
with bitterness either. "You do?"

"Vengeance
is the Lord’s and He will repay."

"You know
that verse?"

"Don’t look
so shocked. Just because I want justice doesn’t mean I can’t forgive. What is
it about me that makes you assume the worst?"

His face was
implacable, but Katrina thought she detected hurt in his tone. Her lower lip
caught between her teeth. "I just thought you were a new Christian."

"And you
thought I was the same guy you knew ten years ago." He stood and rounded
the table. "Despite your words, you still label me a selfish, vengeful
man."

"No."
Her heart thumped painfully against her chest as his face came close, so close she
could see the little specks of green in his golden eyes. Heartache skewered
through her, for him, for herself. For all that they’d lost.

"I want you
in my life, Kitty. I need to see what we can salvage from this mess."

His head lowered
and she didn’t pull away. How could she? His lips brushed against hers, soft
this time, gentle, and she trembled. She hated the fear twisting her insides,
the longing that overwhelmed her.

Was God giving
them a second chance? She wished she knew.