Relinquishing Liberty (40 page)

Five days later, my father came home from the hospital, and he was doing much better than anyone expected. The doctors said he would be up and running in no time, but he still had to take things slow for the time being, so my mother and I took turns waiting on him hand and foot. My father was really milking it for all it’s worth and even made me pick up a pair of walkie-talkies so he wouldn’t have to shout for us throughout the house whenever he needed anything. Really, I think he just wanted them for fun, but I was happy to appease him. I hadn’t seen him this happy in years, and his new jovial attitude warmed my heart. My mother attributed it to me finally being home, but I couldn’t take all of the credit for it. I think my father’s heart attack was an eye-opener for all of us.

I finally caught a break one afternoon when my father decided to take a nap and my mother was holed up in the kitchen baking up a storm. I stood there in the doorway of the kitchen and watched as she skillfully rolled the dough out across the floured surface of the counter. She was making her famous frosted sugar cookies, and the batch she already had baking in the oven smelled out of this world.

I closed my eyes, breathing in the delicious aroma and was immediately brought back to a memory of AJ and me helping my mom bake cookies. She would always give us our own little ball of dough so we could mold and shape our cookie however we wanted. More often than not, AJ would make his cookie resemble something close to a T-Rex, and I would shape mine into a dolphin. They never quite came out right after they were done baking, but we didn’t care because they were yummy nonetheless.

I opened my eyes and Mom was looking back at me with a warm, contented smile. “Did you want to help me, sweetie?”

“Actually, Mom, I was wondering if it would be all right if I borrowed the car for a little while.” I leaned over the counter and grabbed a cookie off of the cooling rack, popping the scrumptious, little morsel in my mouth.
God, they were just as good as I remembered.

“Oh. Did you need me to pick something up from the store for you? I’m sorry I forgot to ask if there was anything you wanted to add to the list before I went shopping.”

“No. No, I just wanted to go for a drive to clear my head. I might stop and visit with someone I haven’t seen in a while.”

“Oh that sounds nice, sweetie. I’m sure your friends have missed seeing you around. The keys should be next to my purse by the door. Have fun and be careful.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I started to walk towards the front door to grab the keys, but before I did, I turned back to my mother and wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. “I love you, Mom.”

At first I felt her tense up, like she was caught off guard by the simple act of affection, but soon her body relaxed into mine, and she returned the hug. “I love you too, sweetie. Now you better get going before I completely cover you in flour.” She laughed as she brushed away a few light patches that had transferred onto me from her apron, but I didn’t miss the hint of tears that were glistening in her eyes before she turned and went back to rolling out the cookie dough in front of her.

I grabbed the keys and headed out, climbing in the rusty, old station wagon parked in the garage. I hadn’t driven that beat-up old junker since high school, when AJ tried to give me driving lessons, and we somehow ended up a ditch not even five minutes away from our house. Dad was so pissed at us and had to call a tow truck to get us out. We spent the whole night in tears from laughing our asses off because we could never take Dad seriously when he was mad.

I backed out of the driveway and watched the familiar neighborhood pass by me in a blur. It was so strange being back here. It was home to me, but at the same time it wasn’t. I felt as though something or
someone
was missing.

Next thing I knew, I was pulling up to the gated entrance of Forest Lawn Cemetery. I was in such a daze the whole drive over that I didn’t even realize where my subconscious mind was taking me, but apparently this is exactly where it had led me.
Of all places, why did it have to take me here?

My heart was pounding so hard and so rapidly I thought it was going to beat right through my chest.
Fuck, I couldn’t handle this right now.
I never should have come here. That all too familiar twinge deep within me was threatening to split me clean open and make an unwanted reappearance.

I was about to turn around just before another car began to pull in behind me
. Great.
I slowly made my way through the narrow roads winding around the cemetery, eventually pulling over to the side to let other cars pass by. I stepped out and leaned against the car, bending over with my head between my knees, desperately gasping for air as I felt a panic attack begin to ensue. I broke out in a cold sweat and my chest continued to frantically rise and fall. This is exactly why I never came here. It was just too painful and…
real
. I guess that was the best word to describe it. When the reality of my brother’s death set in, that was when I completely fell apart. I didn’t want it to be real; I didn’t want to let him go. But deep down I knew I had to…

After a few long, drawn out breaths, I stood up and made my way over to a bench that was seated beside a small pond. The ducks were splashing around and fussing over a small child that was throwing chunks of bread into the water. I watched in awe as she giggled every time the ducks fought over a tiny scrap of bread. How was it that a child could find so much happiness in such a sad, dismal place?

The sun filtered through the trees and slight breeze cast a wave of shadows over the headstones surrounding me. I began walking through the rows, noticing the names and dates engraved in the beautiful stone markers. It tugged at my heart to see so many lives taken before their time, but at the same time, I was happy that they had such a beautiful resting place, where people like the little girl tossing bread to the ducks could enjoy the time they spent with their deceased loved ones.

I paused and smiled at the comforting thought before looking down to find myself standing before my brother’s grave. I think my heart stopped for a split second before jolting back to life. I crouched down to my knees and traced my slender fingers over his name etched into the smooth stone. “Austin Jameson Davis. Beloved son and brother. May you find comfort in the arms of the angels.” I ran my hands through the fresh cut grass, just over where my brother lay six feet below.

“Hey, AJ.” Tears filled my eyes just hearing his name pass through my lips.

“I’m so s-sorry. I know I haven’t come to visit you, and you probably hate me but I…I just c-couldn’t.” I choked back a sob, trying to push through the pain. “God, I miss you so much. Everything’s gone to shit since you left us.” This was so much harder than I thought it would be. The tears were flowing, and my lips quivered as I tried to produce the words that I never had a chance to say, but I think what I was really looking for was his permission to finally let go.

“I wish I could have helped you. Wish I could have seen that you were hurting. I still don’t understand why you did it, but I’m glad you’re not suffering anymore. You know you’ll always be my favorite big brother, right?” I let a soft laugh slip past lips. I always used to tell him he was my favorite big brother, and he would shoot right back that it was because he was my only brother.

“I love you, AJ. I always will.” I slipped off the necklace where his championship ring hung, and set it beside his headstone. It was the last step for me to finally let him go. Placing a kiss against the cool stone where his name lie permanently engraved, I stood and turned to find an unexpected visitor. When my eyes met his sparkling emerald stare, I just about fell over.

“Shayne,” I whispered. Was he really here or was he just a figment of my imagination? “Wha…what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?”

His beautiful smile shined back at me, displaying his adorably addictive dimples.
God, I missed those dimples.
I was so afraid I’d never get to see them again.

“Liberty.” My name slipped off his tongue like a sweet symphony. “I uh…I stopped by your house earlier. Your mom had a hunch that you might stop by here.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was so surprised that he was even here that I couldn’t even form a coherent thought.

“I was sorry to hear about your dad, but I’m glad to see he’s doing better.”

“Wait. You…you saw my dad?”

“Yeah. I got a chance to talk to him for a little while before I came here.” He nervously rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “He’s a pretty cool guy actually.”

My dad? Cool? Had I slipped into an alternate universe?

“You still didn’t answer my first question. What are you doing here?”

He took a deep breath and licked his lips before he spoke. “Sweetheart, I couldn’t leave things the way they were. This whole thing has been slowly eating away at my heart since the moment you walked away. I never meant to hurt you, and I know I should have told you that I’d slept with Maddie from the very beginning. But you have to understand that whatever happened in my past meant nothing to me.
Nothing.
That was a stupid, reckless time in my life that I would rather forget.”

“Well, what about the baby? How could you do that to Maddie?”

“Do that to
her
? Did you not hear a word I said to you at Brett’s apartment? Sweetheart, I never knew about the baby. Maddie never told me.”

She…she never told him?
Wow. I didn’t know what to say. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I had only heard what I wanted to hear. I guess this was my chance to actually hear him out.

“So you’re telling me that you were left completely in the dark about her pregnancy? You never encouraged her to get the abortion?”

“God, no! I would never…” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “Baby, that was my kid, too. I would never knowingly let someone take that away from me. You have no idea how much it killed me to hear that she did that.” His voice cracked, and I could feel the anguish that laced his heartbroken words.
I am such an idiot.
How could I have possibly thought that this man…this beautiful, kind, loving, selfless man…would ever do such a thing?

“I’m sorry. I just…when she said that the father never stepped up to the plate, I assumed it was because you didn’t want the baby. That you talked her into going through with it.”

Shayne apprehensively took a step forward, like he was testing the waters to see how I would react to his close proximity. “Never. Sweetheart, you know how badly I want to have kids one day.” He slid his hand over my stomach, just like he had that day when we visited his mother’s grave. Ironic that this should happen again in such a place. “Even though it might not have been with the right person, I would have loved my kid unconditionally.”

“I know, Shayne.” I reached up to cup his cheek and wiped away the lone tear that trickled down his face. “You would have been a great dad, and one day you will be.”

A few minutes passed by as we stood there in each other’s arms, basking in the warmth and love we shared for one another. That strange feeling I had earlier, like I wasn’t entirely home, gradually faded away. Because
home
had come to me. Shayne would always be home to me, and this time I wasn’t letting him slip away.

“So what happens now?” I leaned back to look into his eyes, and I could see the worry lines forming across his brow.

“Well, I was hoping you would come home with me, but I understand if you want to stay close to your parents.” A few stray hairs blew in front of my face, and he gently placed them behind my ear, his hand lingering as he brushed his thumb across my jaw.

“Yeah, it might take some convincing to get me to come back to Savannah.”

The corners of his mouth curled up revealing a huge grin, telling me he had planned for that response. He reached in his back pocket and revealed a sealed envelope, depositing in my hand. I read the return address that said Savannah State University.
What the…

“Now before you start freak out and start cursing me to the heavens, hear me out,” he said, beaming his crooked smile.

My mouth hung open, and all I could do was nod back at him.

“Okay. So, you remember that day on the boat, when you mentioned to my dad that you might be interested in going back to school for Marine Biology?”

I nodded again.

“Well…I kinda, sorta, maybe applied to the Savannah State University Marine Science program for you.” He chewed his bottom lip anxiously. It was so cute, but at the same time I was royally pissed that he went behind my back and did this.

“What!?”

“I know, I know. I should have talked to you about it first, but I went out on a limb and applied, anyway. I didn’t open it though, so I’m not sure if you got accepted. I wanted you to have the honors.”

I looked down at the envelope, and it was practically burning a hole though my hand.

“Go on. Open it.”

I slid my finger between the crease, tearing it open at a painstakingly slow pace. I could tell the anticipation was killing him, and as I read the first few words I gasped and the letter slipped through my fingers and floated to the ground. Shayne’s smile diminished as he bent down to pick it up.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I never should have… Wait, did you read this right? Liberty, it says you got in!” He swept me up and spun me around.

“I know,” I whispered as a smile finally cracked through the flabbergasted expression plastered on my face. I couldn’t believe I actually got in.

“I knew you would.” He pressed his soft lips against mine, and I melted into his kiss. “So…is that enough to convince you to come home with me?”

I didn’t really need any convincing in the first place. Shayne was my heart, my soul, my whole world. I knew that wherever we ended up, as long as we were together that would be home to me, and this letter just sealed the deal that our home was in Savannah.

But of course, the devilish side of me had to let him squirm.

“Well, I dunno, lover-boy. Got any other tricks up your sleeve?” I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a sly grin, waiting to see what he would come up with.
Oh, this was gonna be good.