I follow what he’s looking at and wave a hand in the air at his fingerprints on my thighs. “Do I look hurt?”
He falls next to me, nuzzles his face into my shoulder, and throws an arm over my belly. “You look beautiful.”
“Sure, I do.”
“You do. You always do.”
“Whatever.” I run my fingers through his wet hair and my stomach grumbles.
“Did you eat anything?”
“Umm, I had a banana this morning.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
He pushes up on his elbow and tilts his head to rest on his hand. “Aren’t you hungry?”
“I am now, but my stomach hurt earlier,” I admit. I’ve been a huge bundle of nerves the past couple of days. Not in a bad way, but more nervous anticipation.
He contemplates me for a second, his eyes roaming over my face, pausing on my lips. “What sounds good?”
“Anything that doesn’t require me to leave the house. Pizza, Chinese, something like that.”
A wide grin spreads on his lips. “Excellent.”
“Sweet!” I use his chest for leverage and hop off the bed to grab my clothes. “Order something and I’ll take a quick shower.”
One of the perks of having short hair is it dries quickly, so I wash it again, do a fast but thorough job of cleaning my sweaty body, and am out in less than five minutes. “Bet that was faster than you,” I yell through the crack in the door.
“It’s been seven minutes, and I was done in four. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Whatever. That’s still fast for a girl.”
“One of the million reasons I love you. Hey?”
“Yeah?”
“I ordered Chinese. Figure we can go grab a pizza for lunch tomorrow.”
I emerge from the bathroom dressed again and sit on the couch next to him. “Sounds good. I took the weekend off, so I don’t go back ‘til Tuesday.”
I snuggle into his side and we scroll through the channels and spend the night watching old movies and eating sesame chicken and popcorn. Every once in a while, one of us catches the other staring, and we’ll laugh and kiss and act the way we used to. It’s just as I’d hoped. What I thought was too good to be true.
His phone rings and he answers it and mouths that he has to take it. He disappears into the kitchen and though muffled, he sounds happy, excited almost. A minute later, he comes back and I can tell he’s trying to fight back a smile.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, what’s the dopey grin for?”
“I have a surprise for you.”
“Ohh, tell me more.” I rub my hands together.
“No way, then it wouldn’t be a surprise. We’ll go in the morning.”
“Where?”
“I’m not telling.”
“Oh, come on. That’s mean.” I change my tactic and give him a pouty face. “Please?”
“You’re adorable, but that’s not gonna work.” He pinches my nose and laughs. “Sorry.”
“You suck.” I feign a pout and plop back on the couch.
“Aww, is the princess upset?” He kneels on the floor and spreads my legs apart.
“Yes. She’s very upset.”
“Hmm.” He uses the very tips of his fingers to trace up my legs and back down again. Then they continue their journey up my arms, across my collarbone, up back and forth across my lips, down between my breasts, and finally stop at the button of my jeans. “Do you think there’s any way I can get forgiveness until tomorrow? I promise to make it worthwhile.”
“I suppose you could try.”
Chapter 21
Liam
I DON’T CONSIDER MYSELF
a creeper watching my girl sleep. I mean, I’ve missed so much of this that I forgot how fucking cute she is. The way her nose scrunches every now and then, and how she sighs deeply and snuggles her head deeper into the pillow. Lucky isn’t the word I’d use to describe myself right now; it’s more like undeservingly blessed. I wasn’t sure what exactly to expect when I walked into her apartment, but what’s happened the past twelve hours has been better than I could have ever imagined.
The recent months have been a roller coaster filled with corkscrews. While everything with my personal life is going perfect, my relationship with the band has suffered. They support me, I know they do, but I still had to sit around and listen to them talk about the future of the band without me. What they were going to do. Whether they were going to take a break until they found a replacement. They decided it would be best to continue with a new drummer, so as of right now, Jordan Wright is the new drummer of Reason to Ruin.
I tried to take it like a man but failed miserably when I was on my own. Out of respect for me, the guys took all the alcohol off the bus, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t tempted. That I didn’t have the thought. But all I needed to do was think about what was waiting for me back home, and the desire for alcohol was replaced with a desire for something else.
She rolls over and smiles at me. “I can feel you watching me.”
“So?”
“You’re a bit of a creeper, aren’t you?”
I tickle her sides and she pushes my hands away. “Stop! I have to pee!”
“Fine.” I kiss her soft lips and walk out in the hallway with her. “What do you want for breakfast?”
“Just a banana and maybe a granola bar or something.”
We eat and get ready within in an hour, and I drive us in her car to the destination. My heart hammers in my chest and sweat begins to form under my hat. This may be too fast, but it might not. I just don’t know. We get to a subdivision, and I drive through it and past Charlotte and Travis’ house and take a right at the very end of the street.
“Why are we here?”
“Just a minute and you’ll see.”
I go down a little hill, turn down a secluded street, and stop in front of it.
“Lee?” She questions.
“What do you think?”
“Liam, what is this?”
I shut the car off and walk around to open her door. She’s a little shocked, so I lean down and grab her hand to pull her out.
“You see—I fucked up your dream house. If it weren't for me, you would have been in that farm house already.”
“What did you do?” We walk a couple of feet into the yard and look up at it. “Oh, my God, Lee. What did you do?”
“I tried to get it, but it was already sold. So I did the next best thing. I had this built. It’s not an exact replica, but James did the best he could. If you look at pictures, there isn’t much difference. This porch is bigger, but we have less land here and no fruit trees, sorry.” Her mouth is hanging open and she just stares, unblinking, at the house. “The bones are done. The yard is done. But the inside needs to be finished. We decided it’d be best to let you pick out colors and all that girly shit.” I nervously shuffle my feet waiting for her reaction. “Well …”
She shakes her head slowly then turns and jumps up into my arms and kisses me hard and fast. “I love it. Oh, my God. I can’t believe you did this! It’s awesome!”
I grab her a little tighter, just because I can. Because feeling my arms wrapped around her is the only thing that matters. “It’s the least I could do. I’m just sorry you didn’t get the one you wanted.”
“Are you freaking kidding me? A new house is so much better!” Her feet are light when they fall back on the ground. “I wanna see it all, show me!”
Once we arrive in the backyard, she gasps at the view. “This is why we’re so far away from everyone.”
I told James what I wanted and he knew the exact place. We have a remarkable view of the lake and surrounding evergreens. “You’re close to Char and a neighborhood, so we’re not so secluded, but I think it’s perfectly private. Plus, I’ll be getting a security gate.”
She jumps up and down clapping. “It’s perfect. Holy shit, I love it! Let me see the rest.”
We walk to the back door and I pull a key out of my back pocket. Once the door is unlocked, I pick her up bridal style and she laughs. “God, you’re so corny.”
“We’re crossing the threshold. Shut up.” I carry her inside, and she slowly slides out of my arms. She runs her fingers along the kitchen island and stops to do a full three sixty turn. I follow her through the living room, past the dining room, and up the stairs. She turns to look back at me, and I raise my eyebrows in question since she hasn’t said anything.
“How can you have any doubt? It’s amazing, babe.”
The rush of air that leaves my lungs makes her hair blow. “Thank God.”
She stops a couple of steps above me and leans down to kiss me again. Then she turns and jogs up the rest of the steps. We walk in and out of each room; there are five in total. She rolls her eyes at the oversized whirlpool tub in our bathroom. “I don’t even take baths. Have you picked up a new bathing routine I don’t know about?”
“Hell no, but I just thought it’d be nice to have if we ever wanted to. That,” I point at the shower, “is what I’m stoked about.”
“I can see why. I mean, I wonder what one could do with a bench and those handles? Makes it pretty easy to get some. That must have been your request, no?”
“Hmm, well. The bench, I’m planning to get old here, so I figure when we’re all brittle we’ll need to sit, and the handles are merely a safety precaution. I was more excited about the dual showerheads and heated floor. But if all you can think about is shower sex, I mean, I won’t stop you.”
“Well, if you weren’t so sexy, I wouldn’t think about sex all the time.”
“Fine!” I toss my hands in the air. “I’ll stop shaving and running. And while I’m at it, I’ll start eating donuts for breakfast and hell … why use deodorant?”
She pushes past me and walks through the bedroom into the hallway, and I follow her. “I might do the same, too. I do love donuts, and I hate when I put deodorant on, and even though it says clear, it still gets white spots all over your …” I bump into her from behind when she suddenly stops. “Clothes.”
“Meara?”
“What is this?” She points at the room I had decorated as a nursery.
“Shit, they were supposed to shut the door.” My plan was to surprise her, but that’s all fucked up now. This was supposed to be the cherry on top, the icing on the cake. I wanted this to be the ultimate gift to show her how serious I am about our future. “I talked to the realtor a lot, and we went over everything you guys discussed looking at houses. Everything you liked, disliked, things you loved, and she told me how excited you got when you saw the room that was a nursery.”
I step around her and a lump forms in my throat when I see tears in her eyes. “If this is too much, we can take it down and—”
“No. No, it’s beautiful.”
She takes in the soft tan colored walls and crib. Her hands open and close the dresser drawers and she sits in the rocking chair in the corner. Tears roll out of her eyes and I kneel before her. “Talk to me.”
“It’s just, I’m happy, I really am.” She laughs humorlessly and wipes her eyes. “I wasn’t expecting this, that’s all.”
“So they’re good tears then?”
“Yes. Very good.”
* * *
“I can’t believe how fast James worked. It’s only been two weeks!” Meara does her little happy dance and spins in a circle.
“Yeah, he’s pretty awesome. You sure you’re ready to do this? I don’t want to rush you.”
“It couldn’t happen fast enough if you ask me.”
The past couple of weeks has been great. Meara and I picked up where we left off, and I’ve never felt better. I’ve been taking some classes with Pierce and found that Tae Kwon Do really helps to center me. I can see how the martial arts take up so much of his time. Meara has been busy with the pub, so we’re packing her apartment today and plan on moving into the house tonight. James really pulled through for me. His team has been awesome and got everything done perfectly. The house looks great, and I hope that Meara will be happy in her new home.
Nobody has brought up what happened in Chicago, and I’m glad about it. I don’t think anyone wants everyone to air their dirty laundry and point out their faults. I asked Meara what she said to everyone. She told them about the drugs, that I was using again, and it was a deal breaker for her.
“What do you want me to go pack?” I ask.
“How about my clothes. The ones from the dresser.”
“Sure.”
She continues going through her desk drawer in the living room and I grab a couple of boxes and head to the bedroom. I fill one box to the top and rip some tape across the flaps. When I open her sock drawer, I throw them in a smaller box and reach in for a piece of paper that’s in the back. Some kind of black and white picture. A glossy one. With her name on it. And a date … about six months ago. It shakes in my hand, and I grip it harder, causing a wrinkle on the corner.
She smiles at me when she notices me standing in the middle of the living room, but it quickly fades and morphs into panic when she looks down at my hand.
“What is this?”
She reaches for it, but I raise it above my head.
“Give it to me. It’s kind of personal.”
“What the fuck is this, Meara?”
“Please,” she whispers, backing away from me.
“Please what? Because if this is what I think it fucking is, you have a lot of fucking explaining to do.” My blood is boiling right now. I have no clue what the hell this means, and it pisses me off that she’s hiding whatever happened from me.
“You know what it is.” Her knees give out and she falls onto the couch, her body limp and face emotionless.
“I want to hear you say it.”
When she doesn’t answer, I ask again, louder. “What the fuck is this?”
“An ultrasound.”
“Whose?”
“Mine.”
“Obviously, since it has your name on it. You know what I mean.”
That gets her attention and the fire returns to her eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare ask me that question.”
“Then talk to me!”
“Stop yelling at me.”
I take a deep breath and nod. “Talk to me, Meara.”
“I was going to tell you that night at the concert. And then I decided not to. Things happened, you left. I went to my first appointment and discovered I’d miscarried.”
“Oh, my God, baby. Why didn’t you tell me? Jesus fuck.” How could she have gone through this alone?
“Char took me to the appointment after I found out, the one to remove … I didn’t want anyone else to know.” She swallows and looks up at me nervously. “I didn’t want it to interfere with your … progress, so I didn’t tell you. I was going to, I swear, it just never seemed like the right time.”