“Of course it was Selena, the same woman that wants you. Of course she would say anything to break us up.”
“You don’t know Selena.”
“Oh I know that I don’t know her as well as you do.” I answered sarcastically.
“You are such an asshole. This is not all my fault!”
“Yes it is!” I retorted without hesitating
“Well, now you can be happy with your mistress. Make her your wife. I am leaving to start a new life on my own.”
“With Selena?”
She threw a shirt to the floor in anger.
“Maybe or maybe not, the point is it will not be with you!”
I was done. I could not believe she was doing this.
“That’s the way you want it?” I said grabbing the suitcase that she filled from the bed.
I carried it out of the room down the hall and to the staircase. I flung the suitcase down the stairs and watched all its contents spill out onto the floor.
Maria followed me and when I turned she looked mortified.
“Get the rest of your shit and get the hell out of my house.”
I pushed by her and walked back to the bedroom. I grabbed handfuls of her stuff and started throwing it in the hall.
“Get your shit and get out!”
She ran down the stairs grabbing her things and frantically putting them back into her suitcase.
“Michael, stop this!” She demanded. “You are being so childish.”
I walked back into the room and grabbed more stuff. She ran upstairs and tried to stop me but I pushed her off and continued to collect her stuff until every drawer was empty and her closet only contained hangers.
She ran back down stairs and started trying to get all of her things together. She was crying and frantically putting things into a pile.
“I hate you Michael!” She screamed.
“The feeling is fucking mutual!” I yelled trying to catch my breath.
I stood at the top of the stairs holding onto the railing.
“You married me and you knew. You knew you were a lesbian.”
She sat on the bottom step looking up at me.
“I don’t know what I am.” She insisted.
“I just know that I’m not happy being married to a man. I have had the chance to find myself and discover who I really am. I know you don’t understand this, but it was never about you.”
I wasn’t buying her sob story. She had plenty of opportunity to express her feelings to me.
“You had chance after chance after chance to say ‘Michael the reason I don’t want to fuck you is because I want to fuck Selena.’”
She started to cry.
“You just have to be so cruel.”
I sat down at the top of the stairs.
“If this is over than it is over. I just have to say this.”
I rubbed my hand over my eyes. I had a massive headache and I was finding it hard to focus. I really needed to calm down.
She stared at me intently actually seeming like she really was interested in what I had to say.
“I loved you Maria with all my heart. I would have done anything for you.”
“I know that Michael.” She interrupted.
“But, you really did play me like a fiddle. I hate your guts right now. You robbed me of a chance to be happy. I broke up with Maxine because I loved you and I ignored the fact that I loved her too.”
Just thinking of the last time I saw her made me angrier.
“Look Michael…”
I held up my hand.
“Let me finish. I love her and I was willing to sacrifice that for you because you are my wife and after all that we have been through, I owed you the world. It just kills me to think that after telling me you loved me, you can just walk away and not look back.”
She held her head down.
“It’s just easier this way. We are not happy together.”
I was angry and sympathetic at the same time. No matter what, I did not want to see her so upset. She is the mother of my children and nothing can take away 25 years of marriage, but I was so jealous that she found happiness and I just threw mine away.
Maxine will never forgive me.
I stood and turn towards the bedroom.
“Just get your things and leave Maria. I need you to go”
I walked into the bedroom and slammed the door.
Maxine
There was nothing else to think about in my little fucked up world. My mind focused solely on the two Salvatore men in my life. It’s been a couple of weeks since I last saw either of them.
I have been miserable.
In the dark of my bedroom, I think of Michael. I wonder what he is doing. Is he fucking his wife?
I doubted it.
Sigh.
I wished he was here fucking me.
I just knew this was a joke. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. I fell for him. He didn’t call which bothered me at first.
Right after he dumped me however, roses started to appear with cards from Michael saying, “he never wanted to hurt me”.
He apologized so many times.
I hated him!
My living room is covered in roses.
I hated him so much!
I’m in bed thinking about the last time we made love. I’ve never had a man touch me the way he did. My mind was swimming at the memory. His body against my body and the soft feel of his lips on mine.
Love is a crazy thing. It is a very crazy emotion. I loved Timothy and look where that got me.
Battered and bruised.
After him, I told myself I was done with relationships. I didn’t need a man other than to fuck me. I was never going to be committed to anyone.
Mikey helped me get through that difficult time. It was hard to think he may never be in my life again. The thought killed me inside. We have not spoken since our little pizza date. I thought I was sacrificing our friendship for love.
Boy was I wrong.
Now, I’m alone again and I have lost everyone I love and anyone left that loved me.
Julia found out what was going on and decided she wasn’t speaking to me. She didn’t come right out and say it; she has just stopped calling me or returning any of my calls.
I’m screwed up! My life is screwed up, but I can’t break this feeling. Break away from the emotions that grip me and threaten to drive me insane.
My heart hurts.
Through all of this I still thought about Michael.
I wanted to call him. I wanted to call him and tell him he should leave her. He should be here with me. I wanted him to take my mind, body and soul and have his way. I was begging, crying for release.
All of these thoughts made it difficult to sleep. I slid out of the bed and watched as my feet toke turns hitting the soft beige carpet.
I left my bedroom and made my way into the kitchen. I hit the switch and the bright light stings my eyes. I walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a 2-liter of diet cola and poured myself a glass.
I didn’t think I was going to get any sleep as I made my way to the living room and plopped down on the khaki colored arm chair. I sat like that for a while, drinking my soda.
Before I knew it I was fast asleep.
I awake to the sound of loud banging. The knocking startled me. Dazed, it took me a while to realize that the loud bangs came from my front door. I gathered myself and followed the sound.
I looked into the peephole and saw Mikey. I grabbed the knob and yanked the door open.
He walked right by me, without speaking, into my tiny apartment.
“Well good morning to you too!” I said wiping the sleep out of my eyes and closing the door.
I was very surprised to see him. After our last conversation, I assumed he wanted nothing to do with me. I must say, however, I was very happy he came. I really needed a friend.
He looked at me. I could tell he saw my pain. I was a mess and my physical appearance showed it. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair and clothing were so unappealing. I gave the impression that I had not showered in days.
He continued to stare at me making me feel uneasy. I already felt exposed and helpless. His staring only made me feel worse.
“What?” I asked making my way passed him and heading for the couch.
I plopped down.
He looked so sorry for me.
I could see the pity in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to speak but was not sure what he should say. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat that had recently formed and dropped my head. I could not hold back the tears.
I just could not stop myself from falling in love with the wrong men. I hung my head and just let the tears flow down my face. I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt him sit down next to me. I looked into his eyes.
“Mikey, I am so sorry all this happened. It wasn’t supposed to.”
I couldn’t stop crying. This was all too much. I felt Mikey put his arm around me. He leaned over and I placed my head on his shoulder.
“I didn’t come here to upset you.” He said.
I leaned into him and he kissed me on my head.
“I came here to see if you were ok. I have missed you.”
“I thought I lost you.” I said wiping tears from my face
He smiled.
“No matter how angry I get, I do not think there is anything you could do to make me stop loving you.” He said caressing my arm.
“I tried Mikey, I really did. I wanted to end the affair, but I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with him.”
My tears had started to subside and he wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
“I know, honey.”
He pushed me off his shoulder and gazed at me.
“I know you would never purposely hurt anyone. That is why I love you so much.”
Maybe it was the moment or maybe I was still tired. Whatever the cause may be, I could not shake these crying fits. He held me in his arms and let me cry. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I just sat there quietly thinking.
Mikey acted as the dependable friend and just let me cry.
“I am a mess Mikey. How does this always happen to me.” I cried wiping the tears and snot from my face with the back of my long sleeve pajama shirt.
He didn’t say anything. He knew better.
“I’m just so ashamed of myself. You were so right. I should have listened to you. Instead, I let my lust cloud my judgment…”
He sighed.
“Maxi you will be alright.”
“No, it’s not alright. I almost lost you as a friend and Julia won’t even talk to me anymore. I fucked up so bad.”
I could tell that Mikey was getting tired of my pity party and a little uncomfortable with my whining because he abruptly interrupted me.
“Hey, have you had breakfast yet?” He asked jumping up and heading for the kitchen.