Pretending Hearts (13 page)

“What then?”

“I think his relationship with Autumn is his way to get revenge against me. He’s angry and he sought her out to hurt me.”

Autumn had never been a revenge fuck to Blake. He was certainly furious with my dad, but I couldn’t imagine him wanting to sleep with the girl my father had an affair with. How would that harm my father? Unless… I swallowed hard and dared a question I never asked before. “Do you still care about Autumn? I mean… after all that she did, you don’t have
feelings
for her?”

I hated his hesitation. I hated that he even had to think on the question. “Of course not, sweetie. I never loved Autumn. And I had a lot of anger towards her after she accused me of attacking her. But in the end, I had to take responsibility for leading her on. I’m just worried about the type of girl your brother has chosen to align himself with.”

I thought about telling him I had called her the night before. And that the more I got to know Autumn, the more the image of a mentally disturbed teen seductress he painted was dissolving.

“I love your mother, Delia," he continued. "And maybe Blake doesn’t believe me, but I do love him. Blake never knew his father and I treated him like my own son. Losing them because of a moment of weakness will haunt me forever.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I can’t lose you too.”

“You won’t.” I felt the pressure on my chest become unbearable. “This is just another storm to weather. People have short memories and they’ll forget like they did before.”

“Thanks. I hope that’s the case.”

Forgetting sounded delightful. I’d love to wake up the next morning and be blissfully unaware. Instead, I had woken up with an ache that couldn’t be eased. I kept replaying the words Wyatt had said over and over in my brain. Trying to make sense of why I had stayed with him for as long as I had. Maybe I’d intentionally sabotaged our relationship by keeping secrets.

I made an excuse to my dad about needing to get ready for class and I promised to call soon. I didn’t want to prolong the conversation and have him figure out I wasn’t as
fine
as I said.

Wyatt’s cruelty had gotten me thinking about Levi’s kindness. I’d left the library with plans to never see him again. I was embarrassed by having Levi witness me at my lowest. I especially regretted acting snotty about his job. My mom and I had very little to live on while my dad was in prison. One particularly hard month, we had dined on ramen noodles and oyster crackers almost nightly.

My mom had taught me to be dazzled by money and I knew that was part of Wyatt’s appeal. I hadn’t considered myself shallow, but maybe my mom had wormed her way into my psyche and planted certain notions inside my brain.

The minutes passed slowly as I continued to wait for Levi. Finally, he came into view and I found my lips tilt upwards as I anticipated him coming closer. Autumn calling Levi good-looking was a vast understatement. He was sexy in a rugged way and carried himself with confidence. His features were attractive, but he didn’t have the “pretty” look like Wyatt. His nose was a little off-center and his lower lip jutted out a bit more than his upper lip, but they were insignificant imperfections compared to his incredibly expressive eyes and his easy smile. His facial hair had grown in over the past couple of days and the scruff added to his sex appeal.

Sex was the farthest thing from my mind after the demise of my relationship with Wyatt. I wasn’t sure my vagina would ever recover from Wyatt’s mistreatment of her. But
if
I had been thinking about sex, my thoughts would involve doing something filthy with the super-hot janitor.

“Hey, were you waiting for me?” Levi sounded surprised, but not bothered by my presence. I wasn’t sure how he would feel about seeing me again.

I nodded. I dug into my purse and frowned as I dug out the plastic-wrapped sandwich. “This looked a lot more appetizing at the cafeteria.” The cheese had congealed against the wrapper and the mayonnaise had made the bread feel soggy. “I figured I owed you a sandwich.”

Levi’s eyebrows lifted. I held the sandwich out like an offering and Levi smiled as he took it from me. “Thanks. You didn’t need to do that.”

“It’s really nothing. Actually, your mom’s sandwich puts it to shame. I would’ve made you something myself, but I don’t know how to cook and I have no idea where’s a good sandwich shop around here.”

“I forgot to bring something to eat, so this works out perfect.” He pulled his eyebrows together. “How have you been?”

The word fine was on the tip of my tongue, but for some reason I couldn’t say my catch phrase to Levi. I’d been brutally honest from the second we met and there was no good reason I shouldn’t continue the trend. “Classes have kept me busy, but I still feel unsettled. Like the entire campus is talking about the scandal.”

Levi pulled a sympathetic face. “Don’t let it bother you. People who gossip about you aren’t worth wasting your time on.” He added, “The girl who picked you up was your brother’s fiancée.”

He didn’t phrase the words like a question, but I nodded anyway. “How did you figure it out?”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. He admitted, “I read the story the next day. I made the connection after I saw her picture.”

“Sadly, she was the only person I could call to pick me up. She gave me the keys to my brother’s old car and his apartment. I’m going to stay off campus for now,” I said, not meeting his eyes.

“You should move back into the dorms if that’s what you want. If your roommate has a problem with you, tell her she should be the one to go,” he said.

“I think I’m better off living by myself,” I asserted.

“Don’t let your roommate and ex ruin your first year away at college. You just started—"

“They’re not ruining anything,” I interrupted him. “I came to Cook because I want to figure out a career and earn a degree. Wyatt just temporarily sidetracked me. I don’t need any distractions. I promise, I’m better off living alone.”

Levi appeared torn over whether to comment further. “I don’t know you that well, so stop me if I’m crossing any lines, but doesn’t that sound extreme? You meet a couple of preppy pricks and now you’ve created your own Fortress of Solitude?”

“A fortress of what?”

“From Superman?” When I gave him a blank look, he added, “My point is not everyone at Cook is like them. If you isolate yourself, you may prevent yourself from making new friends.”

His words were resonating and I found myself being charmed by Levi. He was the polar opposite of any guy I was involved with before. He was sexy, for sure, but I also picked up on a sweet and sensitive side of him.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” He broke into my thoughts. I shook my head. “I’m in a band and we’re playing at a bar tomorrow in Fairfort. Would you like to come by?”

“I’m not twenty-one.”

“You can still come. The bouncer will give you a bracelet to wear so you don’t get served.”

“Okay. I’ll give you my number and you can text me the details.” I was excited and I embraced the emotion. Levi intrigued me because I was interacting with him in a way I wasn’t accustomed to. I didn’t track guys down. I was the one who was chased. Unfortunately, once I was caught, the men had a tendency to let me go.

“Easiest ploy to get a girl’s number. Just invite her to see my band,” he said with a satisfied smile.

I playfully tapped his arm. “How do you know I’m giving you my real number?” I asked teasingly. “So what do you do in this so-called band?”

“I’m the drummer.” He mimed playing the drums in the air. He was so freaking adorable, I was beginning to regret my self-imposed no dating rule. “My best friend is the singer and my brothers play guitar and bass.”

“What kind of music do you play?”

“We cover nineties metal songs. They’re slowed down versions, so we try to put our own spin on them. I’ve been trying to write my own lyrics, but most of them come out sounding something along the lines of,
Mario is red, Sonic is blue, will you be my player number two?
”

I laughed suddenly, louder than I intended. “That’s terrible. You might want to look outside the ‘Roses are Red’ poem for inspiration.”

He laughed along with me. “I know. Maybe I’m still searching for my inspiration.”

My laughter trailed off as he gave me a meaningful look. He looked ready to say more, but grimaced as he checked his watch. “I have to clock in or I’ll be late.” He held up his sandwich. “This was nice. And I really hope you make it tomorrow night.”

“I’ll be there.”

We exchanged numbers and when I left the library, I had a skip in my step. There was a spark between Levi and me, and I was glad I decided to see him again. Jumping from one relationship into another would leave me feeling fickle, but I honestly wanted him as a friend. The only challenge was to figure out how to have a friendship with a guy that didn’t include kissing.

“A club? Who are you going to a club with?” Blake’s voice was edgy over the phone. Seconds earlier, I had pulled up to the address Levi texted me the day before.

Fairfort was in rural Pennsylvania, so the bar had a laidback feel from the outside. I looked down at my leather skirt and kitten heels and worried I was overdressed. My mom had run up her credit cards to buy me a ridiculous amount of clothes for my derailed modeling career. She had wanted me to wear the clothes for my portfolio photos and for when I attended casting calls. By the look of the clientele heading into the bar, I should’ve stuck to jeans and a t-shirt.

“Just a friend from school. I’m not going to drink, I just came to see the band.”

Blake snorted. “Do you think that line is going to work on me?”

“I was hoping it would,” I teased. “Now, stop giving me a hard time and tell me how you’ve been.”

“I’m okay besides having to change my number because of a few asshole reporters. The team has been supportive and the coaches tell me to keep concentrating on the game. But I can’t focus. I just keep thinking about Autumn and what this must be doing to her.”

I felt stung he hadn’t included me in the sentiment. “I saw Autumn and she’s doing fine.”

“She told me. Del, I’m glad you called her. I know you haven’t been a fan of my relationship with her, so it means a lot.” He paused. “It’s probably selfish, but I feel a little better to think of the two of you there for each other.”

“I’m watching your game with her on Sunday,” I piped up.

“I’ll try not to suck ass then,” he joked. His voice turned serious. “Autumn’s coming to see me next weekend and I really hope some of the frenzy over the story dies down by then.”

I could hear the worry in his tone. “You’re scared. What’s going on, Blake?”

I was met by silence. My brother would forever be the type to never want to weigh anyone down by his problems. “Blake, is something going on with you and Autumn?” I prompted.

“No, we’re great,” he said quickly. He amended, “I mean I miss her like crazy. But we both know being apart is just temporary.”

“Then, why do you sound like someone just beat you up and stole your lunch money?”

“Because what if she realizes this is too much to deal with? She’s been through so much and she’s forgiven me for every stupid mistake I’ve ever made. What if she decides she’s tired of always going to war for our relationship?”

I was tempted to tell him he should’ve known his fight for love would leave scars, but I held my tongue. “She’ll never walk away from you, Blake. She loves you. And a tabloid rag is not going to change her mind about marrying you.”

I could hear his long exhale over the line. “Thanks, Del.” He continued, “And be careful tonight. Don’t take any drinks from anyone. And stick with your friends.”

“I will. I’ll call you soon.”

I hung up and tossed my phone in the purse on my lap. Drumming my fingers against the steering wheel, I gathered my nerve to enter the bar. If I hadn’t spent over an hour getting ready, I would’ve probably cut my losses and peeled out of the parking lot. But I had told Levi I’d come and there was no good reason for backing out over a combination of anxiety and non-sensible footwear.

I checked the sign again to make sure I was heading into the right bar. Maloney’s was in the dead-center of a strip mall between a deli and a fried chicken restaurant that had likely closed hours ago. Levi had said his band would go on at eleven and I had planned my arrival for a quarter after in hopes he’d take a break between sets and we could talk.

My ID was checked at the door and I was outfitted with a bright yellow bracelet. I pushed through the doors and I breathed in the scent of alcohol and heavily perfumed bodies. The bar was small, but there was enough room for a dance floor, stage and a small dining room to the left of the stage area. The actual bar was to the far right of the room. The room was filled to almost capacity and I had to steer around the bodies to get closer to the stage.

Although most of the crowd was dressed casually, I felt a smidgen of relief over seeing a group of girls near the stage dressed in short skirts and transparent tops. I smiled at the thought of them being band groupies. As I peeked down at my outfit, I assessed I was a total groupie. I never heard Levi and his band play, but he was cute enough to definitely warrant having a slew of female fans.