Pink & Patent Leather (12 page)

Without missing a beat, he said,
“That’s one of the things that I love about you.”

We looked at each other for only a moment, and then both of us looked down and away. As if that word love should
’ve never been uttered between us.

Like I always said, at another time, in another place, Xavi
er would’ve been the one.

Still, I was having such a good time with him, until he asked, “
So, did you work all of that stuff out with Pastor?”

At the mention of Malik, the memories flipped through my mind like flash cards. Again, I lowered my eyes. There
was no way I wanted Xavier to see into the mirrors of my soul.

But I couldn
’t look down forever. And when I raised my head, Xavier was shaking his. “You know,” he began, “I once thought that you had the prettiest eyes I’d ever seen. But now...”

I narrowed
my eyes and glared at him. “What does that mean?”

“
You’re so lost,” he said, without missing a beat. “And for the life of me, I can’t figure out how it happened.”

My stomach growled again, but this time it wasn
’t from anxiety. What gave him the right to judge me like this?

“
How did you get to this place?” Xavier asked me, softly. “How did this happen?”

“
I’ve already told you but I guess you need to hear it again.”

“
No, I don’t. I just don’t understand why you’re so confused.”

I folded my arms across my c
hest.

He continued, “
I’m not trying to be mean, and after we made up on Monday, I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t get into this with you again. But when you didn’t show up to Bible Study...”

“
What’s the big deal about that?”

He shook his head. “
I just knew that something wasn’t right. I almost called you when I left church, but I fought it. And, I fought it yesterday and this morning.  And even when I called you to go to lunch, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to say a word. I was just going to get together, check on you, and I was going to leave it at that.

“
But seeing you now, and like this...I can feel it, Pink,” he said with such pity in his voice. “Something terrible is going to come from this.”

Then, he leaned across and when he placed his hand
over mine, I snatched it away. But that didn’t seem to upset him.

“
Pray, baby.”

“
I pray every day,” I said. “You know that. I pray every morning as soon as I wake up.”

But it was as if I hadn
’t said a word. “God wants you back,” Xavier told me. “He will forgive you, and you can start again.”

Oh, my God! For a moment, I wondered what Xavier knew. Had Malik told him? No! He would never do that. This was just conjecture on X
’s part.

But, I couldn
’t sit there and let him think that he was right. “What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything that I need to be forgiven for.”

“
We all need forgiveness, baby,” Xavier said, standing up. “We all need prayer.”

I stood with him because now, I was so ready to go. We walked out of the restaurant, but it was tota
lly different from the way we’d come in. Now, we didn’t talk, we didn’t touch. Both of us were locked in our own thoughts.

I knew Xavier was thinking about what he
’d told me. He thought he knew what was going on. But he didn’t know anything. Not unless God had told him. And if X had heard from God, he would know that what I was doing was right, what I was doing was the truth.

In front of my building, Xavier stopped and finally spoke. “
I only talk to you this way because I care, not because I want to get caught up in your business.”

“
And I appreciate that you care about me. But you have to know that if I’m doing what God told me to do, if I’m doing what God placed on my heart, then He will take care of me.”

He moved his head from side to side and in his eyes
I could see that he felt so sorry for me. Right then, I knew this was the end with Xavier.

He said, “
You know, today, for the first time, I really think you believe what you’ve told me.”

Was he kidding me? Did he think that I
’d made all of this up before?

He stood still, as if he was waiting for me to say more and when I didn
’t, he pressed his lips against my cheek with a kiss that told me I was right. Whatever we had between us was over. Then, he turned and walked away.

I was glad that he was gone. Ther
e really wasn’t room for him in my life.

So, if that
’s how I really felt, then why did I feel so empty and alone as I watched him walk away?

I was beginning to have
my doubts. For the first time, I began to doubt what God said to me. Maybe doubt wasn’t the right word. Maybe the right word was wonder. Because after being with Xavier, that’s what I began doing. I began to wonder if I’d been wrong?

I was determined not
to let confusion take over me, but when I got back to my office, I did feel the need to pray. So, sitting behind my desk, I closed my eyes and clasped my hands together.

“
Dear, God,” I began. And then nothing. I didn’t know what else to say. After a few moments, some more words came to me. “Am I doing the right thing?”

Then, I just sat there because I knew that the Bible said we needed to be still if we really wanted to hear from God. So I sat at that desk, doing nothing but keeping my hands clasped and waiting. I knew God would give me something, at least some kind of
feeling. But even after an hour I didn’t feel any different. All I heard were Xavier’s words echoing in my head. Now, I was mixed up—all because of X.

What I needed was my mother. I had always been able to speak to her about everything, though I had never s
hared
this
secret with her. But maybe now was the time. She knew my relationship with God. She was the one who’d taught me how to pray. She’d believe me and she’d give me advice on exactly what I needed to do to get Malik. Even though my father wore the pants in our family and he was clearly the head of his house, there was no doubt that my mother played her role, too. The reality of it was, my mother had my father eating out of the palm of her hand.

That
’s what I needed, Mother’s advice. As I rushed into the bathroom to freshen my makeup (because I could never show up to my parents’ home without looking like I’d stepped off the pages of a high-fashion magazine) I prayed that I would have a little time alone with her tonight.

But once I got into the car, my
thoughts shifted back to the summons and the reason why they wanted me home tonight. Xavier kidded about me feeling like a prisoner, but sometimes that’s how I felt. Not in a bad way. My daddy loved me. But, he was like a warden. His word was gospel. It was the beginning and the end. And if you ever did anything to make my father upset...I shook my head.

“
This is your daddy, Sasha,” I said to myself as I glanced in the rearview mirror. “You’re going to be fine. You don’t have a thing to be worried about.”

That was my mantra as I maneuvered through the winding curves of Rock Creek Park. But my own words did little to calm me. I truly felt like trouble was waiting for me in the hills of the Gold Coast.

The moment I put my
key into the lock and twisted it, I heard the grandfather clock that was in the grand foyer of my parents’ home chime seven times.

Stepping inside, I paused for a moment. “
Hello,” I said, though I said it so low, someone had to be standing right next to me to hear my voice

My
heels clicked against the marble floor as I moved toward the living room, but then, Mrs. Johnson came from around the corner behind the staircase.

“
Hello, Sasha,” she said, always so formal. Before I could even say hello to her, she said, “Your father would like you to meet him in his study.”

That was a bad freaking sign. His study? My parents always met me at the door; always so overjoyed to see me. And the few times they didn
’t do that, they were waiting for me in the living room. But his study? That meant that he knew that I’d broken into the church.

I was already trying to think of lies as I made my way to daddy
’s study. I almost felt like I was taking that last walk down the hall to Death Row. The door was partly open, but I still knocked. Not because I was being polite, but because I was trying to buy just a little more time.

When I stepped in, I put on the biggest smile I could fake. But I was the only one smiling. My mother sat in one of the chairs in front of my father
’s desk with her legs crossed at her ankles and her hands clasped in her lap. Even though her face was stiff and stern, my mother looked amazing, like a golden Queen. The sun in Fiji had tanned her caramel complexion to a toasted shade of nutmeg. It really stood out against the burnt orange sleeveless dress that she wore. But it was her shoes that really caught my attention. She was rocking a bad pair of snake skinned Louboutins.

If it weren
’t for the look on her face, if I weren’t so scared, I would’ve asked her where did she get those shoes? But instead, I just said, “Hi, Mother. Hi, Daddy,” and then kissed my mother on her cheek.

“
Hello, Dear,” my mother said, then patted the arm of the chair next to her.

I took the seat, doing as I was told. Turning my glance and my attention to my
father, I said, “Daddy, you look great.” I smiled, hoping that compliment would soften his stern expression as he stood behind his desk holding a glass of brandy. Then, I added, “You do, too, Mother.”

With just a little nod to me, my father slowly walked
around his desk until he stood directly in front of me. My heart was pounding, and then, my father leaned over and softly kissed my cheek.

That calmed me for a moment. Until my father glanced at my mother. When she nodded, I frowned. It was like my father
was asking my mother’s permission to talk to me. Something was up because this certainly wasn’t his style. 

Leaning back against his desk, Daddy said, “
Sasha, your mother received a disturbing phone call Tuesday evening. It was so upsetting that we packed our bags and caught the first flight we could get home.”

My thoughts were whirling. A phone call? From whom? Tuesday was the night I
’d been with Malik. Had he made that call?

I didn
’t know what to say.

But then, my mother explained, “
Sister Stroman called and she’s made some serious accusations against you.”

I breathed a little, feeling half-relieved. At least it wasn
’t Malik. But was Sister Stroman any better? What had Malik told his wife? Surely he wouldn’t have told her what I’d done?

My parents both stared at me as if they were waiting for my explanation, but I wasn
’t going to incriminate myself. I wasn’t going to say a word until I knew what they knew.

I was sick about this. My plan was to have this all worked out by the time my p
arents got back. The news would’ve been a shocker to my family, but once they saw me and Malik together, and once I explained God’s plan, my parents would have understood.

But here I was in the middle of the plan and so I didn
’t know what to say.

I guess m
y mother got tired of waiting for me because then she added, “Sister Stroman said that you’ve been flirting with Pastor and that you’ve made her and Pastor and everyone around uncomfortable.”

Flirting?
Okay, that was good. I mean, not good, but better than the truth. Still, I just sat there, silent and stiff.

“
I’m sure most of what she’s said was not true,” my mother said as she waved her hand in the air like Sister Stroman’s words were a lie. “Because I just cannot imagine you behaving the way she said. But she did call us for advice, so we need to know what’s going on?”

When I still didn
’t say anything, my father added, “We need some answers, sweetheart. The things that Sister Stroman said...” He shook his head before he continued. “She actually insinuated that you’ve made very inappropriate advances toward Pastor Stroman.”

“
Yes,” my mother picked up, “she made it sound as if you were practically throwing yourself at Pastor.” My mother held her hand against her chest as if she just couldn’t fathom such a thing.

I looked from my mother to my father and at that moment, all I wanted to do was cry. My parents had so much faith in me, they always had. And all my life, I
’d try to give them every reason to have that faith. From my youngest days, I always wanted to be the best daughter, the perfect daughter, with perfect grades and perfect plans. No matter what my mother wanted me to do, I did it—piano lessons, dance classes, charm school. And then, there was church. I was in every church play, sang in the choir, and even helped out in the Children’s Church.

I
’d done it all, and I’d done it well. So, why did I feel so small, and like a child right now?

I guess it was because for the first time, I had to face the fact that I was bringing shame on my parents. Sitting he
re, right now with what I’d done, maybe I wasn’t the great daughter. And even though I hadn’t technically had sex with Malik—yet—I could be considered an adulteress, something I knew my parents would never be able to imagine.

“
So,” my mother said, “is any of this true?”

There was a part of me that just wanted to lie, that just wanted to keep up the facade of the good daughter. It would
’ve been so much easier. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to keep this secret anymore. I needed to explain it all to my parents. And maybe they would do what no one else had done. Maybe they would believe me.

So, I whispered, “
Yes.”

“
Yes?” my parents said together.

“
Yes!” I said, almost shouting it this time. “Yes!”

The way my mother clutched her chest, I thought she was goi
ng to have a heart attack. The way my father just stood there with his mouth open, I thought he was going to faint.

“
Oh, my God! What are you thinking?” my mother said.

I jumped up. “
It’s true,” I cried. “I love Malik. I have always loved him.”

“
You can’t love him!” my mother shouted. “He’s married and you weren’t raised that way.”

My father added, “
And he’s your pastor. He’s older.”

“
None of that matters to me. None of that matters to God.”

“
Sasha,” my mother said. “Listen to yourself. It doesn’t make sense.”

Ugh! Here was another person calling me crazy. That was when I snapped. “
I don’t care what you say,” I sneered at my mother. “I love him and I’m going to be with him. So everybody better just get used to it.”

My mother moved so fast, I didn
’t see it coming. She jumped up and in the same move whipped her hand across my face, stinging my cheek. Stunned, I just stared at her, too hurt to move, too hurt to cry.

“
As long as you live,” my mother said in a voice that was low and deep, “don’t you ever forget who I am. I am your mother and you are never to speak to me or your father like this ever again! Do you understand me?”

I just sat there, holding my cheek, hoping that all my teeth were still in place.

“Do you understand me?” my mother repeated.

I
was afraid that she was going to take another swing at me, so this time, I spoke up. “Yes, Mother,” I said being extra careful to be extra polite.

Then, my mother stood up straight, and continued as if she hadn
’t just about knocked the hell out of me. “Now as I was saying, Pastor Stroman is married. He loves his wife, he doesn’t want you and we are not going to let you make a fool of yourself. All of this craziness is going to stop right now, do you understand me?”

Slowly, I nodded. What else was I suppose
d to do? My mother being against me was like the final blow. 

My mother kept talking as if I hadn
’t heard her, as if I didn’t feel small enough, “You have been raised to be respectable, honest, and trustworthy. Throwing yourself at a married man is not on that list, do you understand?”

I nodded. The tears finally came, filling up my eyes, though I blinked to keep them back.

“There are plenty of young men in the church who would love to go out with you.” I turned my head slightly to face my father. I’d practically forgotten that he was here. After my mother slapped me, my whole world had become blurry.