Pink & Patent Leather (20 page)

My answer and my performance satisfied my mother. “
That makes sense,” she said.  “Well, your father and I hope you’ll come over for dinner this week.”

“
I’ll try,” I lied, “but this is a busy time.”

“
Oh, I guess so,” my mother said. “Because of the holidays, right?”

I didn
’t tell my mother that the holiday issue of the magazine had been put to rest months ago. We worked four months in advance. But if she thought that Thanksgiving, which was just a week away, and Christmas would keep me busy at work, I would let her think that. It would be a convenient excuse that I’d be able to use for the next six, seven weeks.

When I hung up the phone from my mother, I went back to staring at the phone. Waiting for that call. I moved only to go to the bathroom, and even then, I took the phone with me.

But the call never came.

So what was I supp
osed to do? Here I was, pregnant, and not only didn’t Malik want me, he was going to deny me and our baby. I would be a complete embarrassment to my parents.

The thought of that brought fresh tears to my eyes and I cried until I fell asleep. But when Tuesd
ay rolled around, I knew there was no way I could stay in bed again. If I didn’t show up to work, either Amber was going to show up over here, or my parents would start receiving calls.

So, I dragged myself out of bed, took a thirty-second shower, brushed
my hair back into a ponytail and put on a black pants suit. My legs weren’t steady as I moved about, finally grabbing my keys. As I stepped out of my apartment, I leaned against the door, wishing so much that I could just stay home. I didn’t have the strength to walk, let alone think. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten, but the thought of food made me want to throw up. Somewhere deep inside, I found the energy to keep on and in less than a half an hour, I stumbled into
Power Play
’s offices.

My hope
was that I wouldn’t see Amber for a week or two, as if it was possible to keep her away for even two minutes. The moment I passed her cubicle, she was up and right behind me.

“
Girl, where have you been?”

What I wanted to do was to tell her to leave me alo
ne. But since that fight would take a lot more energy than I had, I just motioned for her to close the door.

“
Are you all right?” she asked.

I placed my briefcase down and flopped into my chair behind my desk. I had never been one to share my life with an
ybody, but right now, I needed someone to talk to, someone who could listen to my pain. And the concern in Amber’s eyes, the worry lines that were etched in her forehead, made me want to spill it all out to her. “I’m in trouble,” I began.

Before I could sa
y anything else to her, she rushed to my side, knelt down, and held me in her arms.

There was no way I had any more tears inside. So, I was shocked when I started to cry.

“What is it, Sasha?”

I shook my head.

“Is it Xavier? Did the two of you break up?”

Ag
ain, I shook my head and let the words pour out of me. “First, you have to promise me that you won’t think bad of me. No matter what I tell you, please don’t judge me.”

She held both of my hands inside her own. “
I would never do that,” she said. “After all that you’ve done for me, I would never judge you in any way.”

I nodded, inhaled, then exhaled my story, “
I have been in a relationship, but not with Xavier. I’ve been involved with pastor.”

She frowned for a moment. “
Pastor Stroman?”

I nodded. Amber and h
er parents used to be members of Greater Tabernacle, but when her father’s job had transferred him to Denver, Amber had wanted to stay in D.C. to finish high school. Her parents let her live with her grandmother, but when that happened, Amber only came to church occasionally and by the time we graduated from high school, she had stopped going altogether.

“
So, you and Pastor...”

She stopped, so I could tell her more.

“We’ve been involved for months. I thought....” I paused wondering how crazy I would sound if I told Amber the whole story. But sounding crazy was the least of my problems right now. I’d acted crazy, and these were the consequences. So, I told Amber the whole story, from the purity ceremony to Malik’s announcement on Sunday. I even told her about my relationship with Xavier, and how he had tried to save me from Malik and how I hadn’t listened.

Amber just sat and listened. And like she promised, there was no judgment inside of her at all, though, she gasped a little when I told her that I was pregn
ant. “He’s not going to accept my baby,” I said, resting my hand on my stomach. “And so, I’m pregnant and alone,” I sobbed.

“
You’re not alone,” Amber said, hugging me once again. “I can’t believe this happened. What kind of man is he?”

“
I can’t blame him,” I said. “I’ve had a lot of time to think and I went after him.”

“
I blame him, Sasha. You’re young. And not only is he the one who was married, not only is he older, but he’s the pastor for God’s sake! He could’ve stopped this if he wanted to.”

I shook my
head. “I just don’t understand. I’m telling you, Amber, I heard God. I didn’t make this up.”

She looked at me as if she had a lot of doubts, though she wasn
’t going to say that aloud. That didn’t bother me. I knew a lot of people didn’t believe Christians when they said they heard God speaking. I was fine with that; you had to have a special relationship with God for Him to speak to your heart. But I’d always had that kind of relationship, and I knew what I heard.

I said, “
God told me that the man of God had been chosen for me.”

She gave me a well-how-did-that-work-out-for-you look, then said, “
Well, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell your parents?”

I didn
’t even bother to answer that question, at least not with words. All I had to do was raise my eyebrows and Amber nodded.

“
You’re right. Your father will hit the roof.”

“
And if he gets into any kind of altercation with Malik, Malik destroy my father.”

“
Do you really think he can do that?”

“
I don’t know, but I can’t take that chance. At the very least, he’ll find a way to humiliate my parents with news of my baby and I can’t let my parents suffer in any kind of way for my mistakes.”

“
I get that. So....” She paused and I was sure that I knew what she was going to ask next. It was the question that had been in the back of my mind since I’d walked out of Malik’s office on Sunday.

She asked the question, “
Have you thought about an abortion?”

I nodded. “
I have. But, I can’t do that,” I said, unconsciously rubbing my belly. “It’s more than believing that abortions are wrong; this baby...he or she is already a part of me. I was so happy to be pregnant when I found out last week, so happy that I was going to be a mom. So, how can I kill someone that I was so happy about just two days ago? How can I kill someone that I already love?”

“
That’s deep,” she said.

“
An abortion would be the easiest thing,” I continued, “but this baby, my baby has nothing to do with the decisions and choices I made.”

She nodded as if she understood, even though I knew she didn
’t. “So, what are you going to do?”

I shook my head. She kept asking that question, but I had no answer for her.

“Do you think you can call Xavier? Maybe he can help.”

“
Help me do what, Amber? Should I call him now, after he tried to warn me and I didn’t listen? After I believed that he stole money from the church?”

“
You don’t believe he did that, do you?”

“
No!” I exclaimed. “I never believed that. I was just going along with Malik because I was going to be his wife.”

Saying that out loud sounded so stupid now. Why
hadn’t it sounded crazy before?

I sighed. “
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but calling Xavier is not one of my options.”

“
Okay,” she said. “I get that. So, let’s put together a plan. The first thing is, you’re going home.”

“
I can’t do that. I missed work yesterday and that was already the third time. I just got this job.”

“
And you’re going to still have this job. You really are sick, Sasha. All any of these people have to do is take one look at you and they’ll see that something’s wrong. Your eyes are all swollen, your skin is blotchy, you look like you’re going to fall over at any moment. You have to go home and get your strength up.” She paused and then added, “For you and your baby.”

Going home, and getting in bed, even for just one more day, sounded
so good to me.

“
And, I’m going to go home, too,” she said.

“
We can’t both be out of work!”

“
I’m not worried,” she said, waving her hand. “I’m going to go home, pack a bag, then come over to you and cook you something to eat.”

The thought of that made me want to puke.

“Don’t worry,” she said, as if she could see my face turning green. “Together, we’ll figure out something that you can live with. I promise. So, this is what you need to do...call Bob, or go down to his office if you have the strength. Tell him that you’re really sick and need a couple of days. Tell him that you’ll work from home. You’re the best junior editor they have, he’ll be cool.”

Then, Amber rushed out of my office to gather work for me to take home. I did wh
at she told me, spoke to Bob, and he told me to take as much time as I needed—as long as I was working from home. We arranged for me to call in to the mid-week staff meeting tomorrow, and I told him that I would check in with him then, and let him know how I was coming along.

By the time I was back in my car, I had to admit, I was feeling a little better. Just talking to Amber had given me so much clarity, and I hoped that now, my thoughts would be clearer.

Amber was right. I needed to be stronger and I needed to be in my right mind. Because I had some serious decisions to make. Decisions that I knew were going to change the lives of everyone that I loved.

And, I dreaded it all.

Amber did not disappoint. By
noon, not only was she at my house, but she had settled in, made the bomb chicken soup, made me eat some crackers with it, and I didn’t feel sick at all. At least, I wasn’t sick to my stomach. But my heart, that was a different story. Now, I was eating and crying and eating and crying.

“
I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I kept saying over and over again.

Every time I said that, Amber had an answer. “
We’re going to figure something out.”

“
But what?”

She just kept shaking her head.

After a couple of hours, she asked, “Are you sure you can’t tell your parents.”

“
No!”

“
And are you sure about...”

I didn
’t even let her finish. “I’m not having an abortion.”

“
So, if you’re not going to tell your parents and you’re not going to have an abortion, what are you going to do? Move away and have the baby?”

When she asked that, we both got quiet for a couple of seconds.

Then, she repeated it, but this time, it wasn’t just a question off the top of her head. This time, she stated it, “Move away and have the baby!”

In theory, that sounded like a great idea, but it would never work. First of all, where would I move? And how would I move away from my parents? If I ever tried to leave in secret, they would come looking for me
. Seriously, they would hunt me down until they found me and that’s what I told Amber.

“
That’s true, but what about if we just disappear?” she asked.

“
And how are we going to do that?”

“
I don’t know. I just came up with the idea,” she said. “Give me a minute.” She chuckled.

I shook my head. “
I wouldn’t want to do that to my parents. They would be so worried, and so sad.” I paused. “No, I can’t do that to them.”

“
Well, what about if you came up with a good lie.”

I reared back a little. “
I would never lie to my parents.”

Amber crossed her arms, and looked over at me, like I
’d just told the biggest lie ever.