Authors: Meg Cabot
Perfect Princess (12 page)
A Note from
Her Royal Highness Princess Mia
Let's face it: there are a lot of princesses out there. It can get confusing sometimes, trying to figure out who is really a princess versus who just acts like one. Hopefully, this little chart will help clear things up.
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Gwyneth Paltrow | Looks like a princess, dresses like a princess, has possibly played princesses in movies, and has even dated a prince, but Gwyneth is not, as of this writing, technically a princess. |
Britney Spears | Frequently referred to as a pop princess, Britney did briefly exchange e-mails with Prince William, but that does not make her a princess. |
Christina Aguilera | Ditto, minus the Prince William part. |
Barbie | A lot of people think Barbie is a princess, but the truth is, Barbie only DRESSES like a princess. She is not actually the ruler of Mattel any more than she is actually a flight attendant, Olympic figure skater, veterinarian, nurse, schoolteacher, lawyer, doctor, space-shuttle pilot, dog groomer, or cheerleader. Although she does have some of the best princess clothes I have ever seen. |
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Alice Roosevelt Longworth | Dubbed Princess Alice by the press, the daughter of President Theodore Roosevelt was not, in fact, a princess. Still, you have to give her props for having her own car at a time when most people in America were still driving horses and buggies. |
Mulan | Listed by Disney as one of their many princesses, Mulan is, in fact, a commoner, and remained one even after marriage, since that hot soldier dude she marries isn't royal, either. Sorry. |
Sara Crewe of A Little Princess | She acts with the nobility and grace of a royal, but Sara Crewe never actually became a princess through the whole of the Frances Hodgson Burnett book about her. Still very much worth reading, though. |
Smurfette | Even though Smurfette was the only female Smurf in the kingdom, she was not its princess. Smurfs appeared to have formed an early democratic society, over which Papa Smurf, in all of his wisdom, presided. |
Grandmère's sisters, Tante Simone and Tante Jean-Marie | Much as they might like us to believe the contrary, Grandmère's sisters are not actually princesses. They are in fact distant cousinsâas is Grandmèreâto the royal family of Monaco. However, they certainly act like princesses, particularly in the whining category. |
Strawberry Shortcake | Not a princess. Okay? |
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A Note from
Her Royal Highness Princess Mia
There are any number of people in this world who, through some trick of fate, ended up not being princesses, when, by rights, they really should have been. If we could elect our princesses, instead of them having to be born or marry into the title, I would nominate the following women, for their joie de vivre, their chutzpah, and their generally princesslike behavior.
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Gwen Stefani | For writing the song “I'm Just a Girl,” which so plaintively points out the pitfalls of being born female in American society today, and for being such a good role model to aspiring teen rockers everywhere, and also for looking so pretty at her wedding. |
Elizabeth Taylor | For her work on behalf of people living with AIDSânot to mention her excellent work in the film National VelvetâElizabeth Taylor truly deserves to be an HRH. |
Buffy the Vampire Slayer | She kills vampires. Need I say more? Okay, well, she guarded the Hellmouth in Sunnydale, CA, keeping the world from apocalypse, totally sacrificing any hope of a social life. Once she even had to kill her own boyfriend because he'd turned evil and was going to unleash hell on earth. If that is not worthy of princessdom, I don't know what is. |
Julie Andrews | Julie Andrews isn't a princess, although she has played them in movies (well, okay, a queen anyway). She's entertained us for many years with her portrayals of magical nannies, musical governesses, and cockney flower sellers. Ever gracious and good-humored, Ms. Andrews truly deserves to be addressed as Her Royal Highness. We already know she looks good in a crown. |
Lisa Simpson | The voice of reason in the Simpson family, Lisa is the smartest second grader on the planet. Maybe she isn't the most popular girl in her school, but she is definitely who I'd want to be trapped on a desert island with, because she'd figure out a way to get off in no time. Plus she loves animals and the environmentâperfect princess material! And with her spiky hair, it already looks like she's got a built-in tiara anyway. |
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Powerpuff Girls | The Powerpuff GirlsâBlossom, Buttercup, and Bubblesâwere made by accident in a laboratory. On the outside they look like ordinary little girls, but inside, they have special powers that give them superhuman strength and enable them to fly. They use their powers for good, not evil, and should be named honorary princesses, if anyone should. |
Lara Croft | Um, hello, the whole bungee-cord thing. Not to mention her accent. Come on. This is prime princess stuff. |
Chelsea Clinton | She grew up in the White House; was First Daughter throughout her formative teen years; never got arrested or made any other embarrassing social gaffes; never stopped speaking to her parents even when they might have deserved it; and hangs out with Madonna. This girl already IS a princess. |
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YOU | Because who deserves it more? I mean, you know now that all it takes to be a princess (besides a country to rule) is kindness, confidence, observation of proper hygiene, generosity with your time, and consciousness of the environment⦠everything, really, that makes a model human being. Because in the end, that's all princesses really are: human beings, just like you. Only they happen to come with a crown. |
