Perfect Princess (9 page)

Known to most as She-Ra, Princess of Power, Adora resides in the fictional world of Etheria. She-Ra, as everyone knows, is the sister of He-Man, who lives in a place called Eternia. It is typical that the creators of this animated classic, who were likely male, used the Latin root eth, as in “ethereal, or dreamlike and unreal,” for their female protagonist's planet, while the male protagonist got to live in a place that sounds like eternal, or eternity—“going on forever.”

But why quibble? She-Ra was still a pretty cool heroine, fighting to protect the magical Crystal Castle against her evil foes. Whenever her services were needed, the princess would raise her “Sword of Protection” in the air and shout, “For the honor of Grayskull!” Obvious phallic representation aside, this is still rather inspiring.

Even though She-Ra will be known throughout cartoon history as “He-Man's sister,” she was a strong female in her own right, able to succeed without the help of any male authority figures. Still, the poor thing doubtlessly suffered from the severest form of sibling rivalry, as who would not envy the popularity of her brother He-Man, particularly among pre-adolescent boys?

 

Mia's Random Act of Princess:

Be like She-Ra: Invent your own magical kingdom. Before you go to sleep at night, imagine what it looks like and who else lives there. Make sure one of its inhabitants is a hot guy who totally adores you and lives to do your bidding. Whenever you feel down, pretend this guy is sitting next to you, telling you how cool he thinks you are. (P.S. If a real boy asks you out, don't say no just because he isn't as hot as your make-believe boyfriend. That would just be stupid.)

by Michael Moscovitz, Boyfriend/Royal Consort to Princess Mia Thermopolis

[with commentary by Princess Mia]

Things were rough in
A
.
D
. 61. The Romans were pretty much running the show, particularly in Great Britain, where they weren't too popular… especially when the Iceni King Prasutagus died, leaving his wealth and kingdom to his wife Boadicea and his two daughters, Princesses Camorra and Tosca, and the Romans refused to recognize the Celtic law that allowed females to inherit.

Big mistake. When the local Romans attempted to take over Iceni property, Boadicea and her daughters joined another Celtic tribe and marched on London, burning down the entire city and killing 20,000 Roman soldiers along the way.

By the time the Romans finally sent enough reinforcements to beat Boadicea, her army stood at 80,000 strong. Boadicea, rather than admit defeat, took poison. But monuments to her bravery exist in England to this day. A modern representation of her famous scythe-wheeled chariot (shades of James Bond's tricked-out Aston Martin here?) can be seen at the end of Westminster Bridge, and Boadicea herself is said to be buried beneath what is now Platform 10 of King's Cross Railroad Station.

 

Michael's Random Act of Princess:

Be like Boadicea: Don't stand by and let the unpopular kids in your school get picked on. Take a stand and defend them. You'll not only make new friends, but you might also find yourself elected to a position in student government.

Perhaps one of the least known of the English monarchs, Matilda, empress of Germany, reigned over England as Domina, or Lady of the English, for six months during the year 1141. Due to a disagreement with her cousin Stephen over just who, exactly, had the right to the throne, a civil war broke out, with half of Europe backing Matilda, and the other half backing her cousin. The war got so bad, people went around saying that all the saints and angels must be sleeping, and that's why they didn't lift a finger to stop the two warring royals.

When Stephen finally captured his cousin and locked her in Oxford Castle, Matilda didn't just meekly accept it. Instead, she waited until the dead of night, then, dressed entirely in white, climbed down a rope from one of the castle's windows and fled across the frozen river Isis, undetectable in her robes, which matched the color of the snow. Stephen won the war and went on to rule England for a dozen more years, but Matilda got the last laugh, outliving him by more than a decade.

[If my wastrel cousin Prince René ever tried to snake the Genovian throne out from under me, you can bet I'd fight him too. For one thing, I wouldn't want to see Genovia turned into a giant party town, like New Orleans. And for another, he has absolutely no concern for the marine life in the port.]

Mia's Random Act of Princess:

Be like Matilda: A bit of white by the face can brighten any complexion (just ask Judge Judy). Throw on a white turtleneck or scarf then sit back and wait for the compliments.

Xena's history is a sad and complicated one. She started out as a warlord, killing all who stood in the way of her quest for total world domination. Eventually she saw the error of her ways, but by that time she had cut a swathe of terror across the land. Many would tremble at the mere mention of her name (kind of the way Pavlov trembles when he hears the voice of my sister, Lilly, only for different reasons).*

However, Xena was truly sorry for the horrific acts she'd done (unlike my sister), and reformed herself, starting to fight instead for the rights of the less fortunate, vanquishing those who preyed upon the weak, and using sometimes gravity-defying martial arts maneuvers while doing so. Xena and her sidekick, Gabrielle, ride around, seeking out injustice so they can right it, while wearing… well, not a lot of clothes. It is just wrong that this fine, fine show was canceled.

 

Michael's Random Act of Princess:

Be like Xena: Do something nice for your best friend, or royal consort, such as agree to see the lame romantic comedy she's been dying to go to, instead of insisting on seeing the cool action flick you've been waiting for. She'll appreciate you all the more, and you'll be filled with a warm, fuzzy feeling because you were so selfless.