Past Heaven (33 page)

I felt a flush begin at my toes and travel all the way to my hair. He was an incredible man.

Three hours later, I was lying on a lounge chair at the hotel pool in my new red bikini feeling like a brand new woman. I closed my eyes and let the warm California sunshine settle on my skin. Jack and I had never been to California. I wondered what he would have thought of this whole experience. Fancy hotels, spas, cars, and such never mattered to him, or me. They still didn’t. I would love Reynolds no matter what he did. But I had to admit after the hellish year I had been through, relaxing and being pampered felt pretty darn good.

My mind wandered to tonight. Would Reynolds and I make love? Would Jack approve of that? Would Jack approve of him? I thought he would. Jack and I had never had a conversation about moving on. I know, if it had been me, I would have wanted Jack to fall in love again. I would have wanted him to live his life as fully as possible. I thought Jack would have wanted me to find happiness with someone who truly cared about me, and Reynolds adored me. He made me feel loved and protected. I kept asking myself over and over again if this was okay. Was it right for me to move on and make a new life?

Jack had been the only man I had ever been with. He had been the only man to see me naked. His enthusiasm for life had carried into the bedroom, but toward the end, something had become different. We had both been so busy with life. We hadn’t had a particularly fervent relationship. I had always hoped we would turn that around as the boys got older and we had more time for ourselves. One of my biggest regrets when Jack died, was that I hadn’t shown him all the passion inside of me.

Now I had the chance to share that with Reynolds. I sat up in my chaise lounge and sipped my Diet Coke, looking around the hotel pool.

Insecurity flared briefly. Reynolds had slept with many women.

A twenty-something girl with long black hair walked slowly out of the pool in a barely there, sopping wet, white bikini. Pornographic-themed music played in my head, and a waiter walking by the goddess dropped his tray.

He’d slept with lots of younger women.

To my left were twenty-one year old twins. I knew that because they announced at the pool bar that today was their birthday. Every man with a dick had bought them a shot in minutes. The fact that they were knockouts didn’t hurt. Oh, and models.

Of course they were.

These were the kind of women Reynolds had previously been with. Could I ever be enough for him? Would he desire me in bed the way I wanted? Could I do what younger women would do for him? I wasn’t sure, but I wanted to try. I mean, I really, really wanted to try.

“Please God, let her be thinking about me with that smile on her face.”

I opened one eye and peeked to my right. Reynolds sat on the lounger next to me. He looked like sex on a stick in a tailored black suit with a grey button down shirt.

I closed my eyes again and smiled. “Actually, I was picturing you naked.” I rolled over on my side, opening my eyes to see Reynolds’ lips curled into a seductive grin.

“Elizabeth,” he growled, his eyes dancing with mischief. “What the hell are you doing to me? You’re wearing that sexy bikini and picturing me naked?
Fuck.”
He adjusted his legs, and appeared to be concentrating on breathing.

I laughed. “Come on.” I slipped on my cover-up and flip-flops. “I know we have a meeting in an hour. I’ll get dressed.” Reynolds followed me up the elevator, not speaking a word. Whenever I tried to meet his eye, he shook his head and closed his eyes again.

I squeezed his hand and led him into the suite. “Just a few minutes, and I’ll be set to go. Okay?”

Reynolds sat down on the couch with his head back and eyes closed. I stopped outside of the bathroom door. I wanted to walk over and straddle him in my bikini and continue where we ended the night before. He must have read my mind because he opened his eyes and looked at me with a dangerous expression.

“If you don’t stop looking at me and get yourself dressed in something that covers you up, so help me—” I cut him off with a laugh and ran into the bedroom.

A short while later, I was rinsed, dried, dressed, and was ready to meet with Bradley Goldman’s production team. Reynolds had done a lot of work meeting with many different producers, and these were the guys he thought would be best for us to work with. I was nervous to meet them. They were billionaires, and I was a stay-at-home mom from Baltimore. Yikes. I smoothed the skirt of my simple yellow sundress and grabbed my purse. When I came back out to the main room, Reynolds was standing by the window.

He reached out to hold my hand as I moved next to him. I loved how he was always touching me. It made me feel coveted. Even more, it made me feel connected.

“I’m sorry if I was rude before.” He turned to face me, pressing his chest against mine and squeezing my hips. “I was all psyched up for this meeting, but then I saw you lying by the pool. Now I only want to take you to bed. I’m very conflicted.” He ran his nose up my neck and lightly kissed under my ear. The man was not only confused; he was very aroused. The evidence was right in front of me.

“Meeting then bed?” I asked with a sassy grin. Who was this woman I was becoming? She was so much fun.

Reynolds nibbled my earlobe before whispering, “Don’t make promises unless you plan to keep them.”

A moan slipped out before I could stop it, and I took a deep, cleansing breath. We headed to the meeting that could potentially alter all of our lives. This story meant so much to me and Reynolds. Jack's legacy could be shared with the whole world. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I also knew tonight would change everything. I couldn’t go back once I made love with Reynolds. My heart would be wide open to him and vulnerable to being broken.

The time had come for me to live with a heart that did not just hurt but also fully loved.

GOLDMAN & SONS WAS A top-tier production company. I met them previously after they read the screenplay, but now it was time for them to meet Liz. We were escorted into a huge, glass enclosed conference room with views of the Hollywood Hills, seated in large leather chairs, and offered the typical L.A. fare: free-trade coffee, purified mineral water, a few bites of fresh fruit; not a complex carbohydrate to be found. The room was packed with writers, producers, directors, and editors.

After introductions, Gary Goldman, the older brother in the company, began. “Mr. Carter and Mrs. Atwater, thank you for meeting with us and sharing your story. We love it and want to develop it here at Goldman & Sons. We have an itinerary filled with our comments, questions, and suggestions. Shall we start at the top?”

Liz and I sat with the team for the next hour going through concept ideas, questions on topics and themes, and addressing our wishes for particular elements in the movie. When they got to potential actors and actresses, Liz spoke up.

“I’ve given this a great deal of thought and I’d like Reynolds to play Jack.” She looked at me hopefully, while I’m sure the whole room could tell my shock.

I leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “Liz…wait. That won’t be too hard for you? I don’t know if I can do that.”

Bradley Goldman, the younger brother, straightened up in his chair and shifted papers. “Are you sure, Liz? We had the same thought, but we weren’t sure if you two would go for it.”

Liz nodded as he spoke and then looked at me as she answered. “No other actor could possibly know the essence of Jack like Reynolds does. He has taken the time to study him. It will be flawless.”

I smiled at her nervously and noticed Bradley and Gary grinning.

“Fabulous. It’s settled. Now let’s continue. Any thoughts on who should play Liz?” Bradley asked the question to the room, and one of the assistants held up a file.

“Here are the actresses whose agents have already submitted them for the role. The biggest name we have is…Kylie Ford,” an assistant announced as she avoided my eye.

“No.” I knew I sounded curt, but hell no. Why would she even submit her resume? Did she think I would choose her? That I would work with her ever again?

Liz stayed quiet as Bradley and Gary turned to me. “Is this a non-negotiable for you?”

“Absolutely. We’ll go with another company if you ask her to read for the role. I won’t work with her on this project.” I stared them both down, urging them to feel my insistence on this matter.

Gary leaned over and took the file from his assistant. Thumbing through the papers, he pulled one out and laid it on the table. “Okay. Our next best choice is Madeline Montgomery.” Murmurs circulated around the room as people envisioned Madeline in this role. I was hesitant about her, but I couldn’t say anything to keep her from the part. She was a great actress, but a total bitch.

The team continued on through the itinerary. Liz rubbed her temples, and her face paled. This had to be emotional for her. She was discussing every detail of her life with these people, who were treating it like it was business. For them, it was. They weren’t intentionally being cruel. It was just their way. They got to the point so they could get it on set and move on to the next meeting. But for Liz, discussing whether someone with actual disabilities would act in the movie versus an actor who would play someone with disabilities was a big deal. We were both thrilled when everyone was in agreement that trained actors with disabilities would be hired for those roles.

As we got to the final question, Liz’s body tensed. One of the female editors began. “Our last question for this meeting has to do with the end of the movie. We’ve been working with the screenplay and right now you have it ending with Jack’s murder. Reynolds, you know from the business that we’ll need to end it in another way. People want to leave the theater liberated and with closure. We need to find our happy ending. What happens to everyone after Jack dies? The institution still closes, so our happy ending can focus on those people leaving that hell-hole, but we need more of a punch at the end. People will fall in love with Liz and the boys, what can we do with them? How can we wrap their story up and make viewers leave, knowing they’re okay?”

Liz took a deep breath and stood. “I’m sorry, can you continue without me? Whatever you decide is fine. I need to take a quick break.” Her lower lip trembled as she spoke.

She excused herself, and I stood up to address the room. “I’m going to head out, too. Why don’t you all brainstorm some possible endings and we can schedule a meeting next week?” I gathered my papers into a pile and placed them in a folder.

“We’ll call you tomorrow to set it up.” Bradley shook my hand, and I reached across the table to shake Gary’s as well.

I hurried into the hallway, looking for Liz. I found her by the restroom, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. I grabbed her arms and pulled her close to me.

“Talk to me. What are you thinking right now?” I kissed her forehead and rubbed her arms. She opened her eyes which were red with tears, and she sobbed as I held her.

“Reynolds, she’s right. I was listening to her and thinking, what is my happy ending? Will my true story end happily? It was hard to hear because it’s my greatest fear.”

I kissed her salty, tear-stained lips and then looked into her eyes. “Liz, I love you with all of my soul. Let me be your happy ending. Please, let
us
be your happy ending. I promise I’ll spend every day trying to make you the happiest woman on earth.”