Past Heaven (31 page)

To Reynolds, You are a part of this family forever. You are always in our hearts.

We love you,

Liz, Griffin, Grayson, and Hayden

I spoke first. “We wanted to be with you this Christmas, but we understand why that wasn’t a good idea. We thought we would give you a picture of us so we could be with you in spirit.” I was nervous. Was this the right present for him? Was it too much? Did he want a reminder of who he wouldn’t let himself be around right now? Was I hurting him more?

He cleared his throat before speaking. “I love it. I love it so damn much. And I love you….So much it hurts. This fucking sucks…” He whispered the last part. I wanted to say back to him that I loved him, too, but I needed to look into his eyes when I did. I needed to touch him and convey my love with all of my heart.

I didn’t want to get off the phone, to be away from him, or to stop hearing his voice. I needed him to know what his dedication and courage meant to me. “Reyn, before you go.
I want to say one more thing. Thank you for opening up to me with your feelings. I’m getting there, I promise. Just please, please be patient with me.”

Reynolds was quiet again and when he talked his voice was raw with emotion. “One more day and I get to hold you. I need that like you wouldn't believe. I love you, Elizabeth Atwater.”

I laughed at his intensity. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reynolds Carter.”

I hung up the phone and wrapped my arms around myself in a hug. I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen with us, but I was tired of fearing it. A relationship with Reynolds would be one hell of a ride, but I was ready to get over my worry and enjoy it.

I POURED A cup of coffee—cream and a dash of sugar, just the way Liz did. I chuckled as I caught myself trying to connect and hold onto the little things that made our time so special. Sipping the coffee, I smiled. Not bad for a rookie. I flipped open my laptop on the counter with a yawn. I had tossed and turned all night like a kid on Christmas Eve. Liz would be arriving at Van Nuys Airport, via private jet in two hours, and I could hardly wait.

Walking into my bedroom, I slipped on jeans and a T-shirt. My picture of the Atwater family sat on my nightstand, right next to my pillow. I picked it up and looked at each of the four faces, and my heart warmed. I told her—against my better judgment—that I loved her. Twice. I didn’t want to push, but the emotions I worked so hard to control spilled over. The words slipped from my mouth. Shit, they came straight from my heart. I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

I set the picture down and pulled on a baseball cap. I shook my head as I made my way to the car. I couldn’t believe she was grateful for…my patience? She had this sparkle in her eye, and I was filled with hope. In that moment, I had believed she was in love with me, too.

So I said it again.

My driver beeped his horn, and I ran out to the car. “Eric, we’re going to Van Nuys Airport.”

“Yes, Mr. Carter. I already called ahead. The flight is on time and we’ve been cleared to pull up on the runway.”

Perfect. I couldn’t wait to see her. One of the many perks of flying privately was driving up on the runaway—no crowds, no gates, no waiting, and no paparazzi—but the best part was that I’d get Liz all to myself even sooner.

We drove through the streets of L.A. and I fidgeted in my seat with nervous energy. I didn’t know what my problem was. This was Liz. We’d spent so much time together, but right now, I felt like I was meeting her for the first time.

A flight attendant opened the door, and Liz appeared from behind her. I got out of the car, my heart leaping in my chest and a huge grin on my face.

She started down the steps and licked her lips when she saw me. I sucked in a breath. God she looked spectacular. I ran up the steps and scooped her up against my chest as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I almost didn’t recognize you, Reyn.” She laughed and tugged on my baseball cap and lifted my aviators to peer into my eyes. I had tried to be extra careful, just in case photographers were anywhere nearby. “But as soon as you picked me up, and I smelled you…” She stopped and buried her face in my chest. “Mmm, that’s my guy.”

My jaw dropped. She had never called me her guy. I grasped her hand tightly in mine. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her. Eric took her suitcase, and I helped her into the backseat.

“Whew, it’s warm.” She took off her scarf and blazer, leaving only a tight T-shirt. “I’m going to love L.A.” She winked.

I was going to love having her in L.A. and all to myself.

Liz reached over and took off my cap and glasses. She played with my hair and sighed. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Mr. Carter. You look fantastic.” She pinched my ribs and I growled, grabbing her hand to kiss her knuckles.

“Elizabeth, you have no idea. I don’t know where to start.” I shook my head and ran my fingers through my messy hair. “I’m so damn glad you’re here. Let’s get you to your hotel. You can shower and change, and we can get some dinner. Sound okay?” Just as the words left my mouth, I thought I saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes, but I wasn’t sure. She was gracious, as always.

“Of course. Is dinner casual?”

“Jeans are fine,” I said as we pulled up to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

I walked her into the hotel and past the registration desk. “You’re all set. Penthouse suite. I’ll be back in an hour. Enjoy. You deserve it.” She stood in the elevator with the key card in hand, looking at me with a perplexed expression. The doors began to close, and I fought the urge to stop them. Anticipation was the name of the game. I smiled and she tilted her head to the side, confused. A quick wave and I was off.

Two cold showers and a strong drink later, I knocked on her door.

She welcomed me with a huge smile and a champagne glass in hand. “I couldn’t wait. The champagne is delicious as are the strawberries.” She stood aside, giving me permission to come in.

I swept by her, making sure to graze her cheek with a kiss.

“May I pour you a glass?”

I nodded and took in her luscious figure as she poured my drink. In a matter of moments, I had gone from a fucking Hollywood star to a ninth grade geek, gawking at the hot girl in science class.
Fuck
, she looked sexy and I noticed she even wore bright blue heels. I had to pull myself together. Liz Atwater deserved more than a bumbling idiot who was lost in her presence.

“Nice shoes.” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“I know, right?” She lifted her leg, modeling her shoe for me. Her eyes lit up watching her foot turn. “I never wear heels. Not exactly part of the mommy uniform, but I thought they would be fun for tonight.”

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her back against my chest. Pressing my mouth to the skin on her shoulder, I felt her sharp intake of breath. “You look perfect.” She relaxed and leaned her head back on me.

“Reyn, the suite…it’s too much. First flying privately, and now this. I’ve never experienced these sorts of amenities. You didn’t need to do any of this for me.”

I bent my head and rested my chin on her shoulder. We watched the sun setting as I held her. “You deserve so much more. I’ve waited a long time to be alone with you. I want you to feel special, because you are.”

Liz turned around and looked at me with a serious expression. “You make me feel like the most special woman in the world. Never worry about that.”

I touched my forehead to hers and tried to get my carnal urges and raging hard-on under control. If it got to that point tonight, I was determined to take this slow with her. I would not rush her. “Dinner. Let’s go to dinner while I can still control myself.” I pulled away, and she pouted.

“Fine. Okay, let’s go eat.” Her irritation was adorable.

I took her to one of my favorite sushi restaurants. Tonight, I made sure we had a private room. Liz sipped her sake, and her face flushed with pleasure when she caught me staring at her. She rubbed her ankle against mine under the table. I closed my eyes for only a second, thinking of how far we had come.

Liz moaned softly in pleasure as she ate. My brain raced with images of her sounding like that in my bed. I cleared my throat, and Liz gave me a slow smile. We continued to eat and drink, filling each other in on everything we missed during our time apart.

“Oh my god.” Liz sat back in her chair with a satisfied smile. “That was the best sushi ever. Not fair. How can I ever eat the regular stuff at home again?”

Leaning over, I took her hand in mine. “You’re so beautiful. Do you have any idea how hard it was to leave you?” Her lips parted, and my pulse raced as I threaded our fingers together. “How much I’ve missed being close to you, touching you, like this?” Liz brought her other hand to her neck and looked at me with hooded eyes.

I smiled at our entwined hands, but stopped with a sudden jerk, taking in what was missing.

I tipped my head to the side, my mouth open, as I stared into hers. “Liz?”

“It was time.” Liz’s face was soft and peaceful. “I took off my wedding rings the day Grayson got in trouble at school. The same day I talked to the boys about dating you.” Liz looked down at our hands with a frown. “I took them off right before you left.”

I leaned closer and took her other hand in mine. “I didn’t notice then. I was too upset about what happened to you and the boys.” I shook my head. I was a fool. The woman I loved made a huge step, and I was too preoccupied to see it.

“I know that. Of course, I know that.” Liz released our hands and scooted her chair closer to mine. She ran her fingers along my jaw line, teasing the stubbly skin. “You make me feel things I never expected to feel again.” Liz whispered and looked down at the table. Then she raised her head, a fierceness shining in her eyes. “But I couldn’t be with you the way I wanted to, until I put this part of me and Jack away.”

Her cheeks were pink and her eyes glistened. I wanted to pick her up and hold her close to me, to protect her from her pain, and to help her to only think about what we could have together.

She took my hand and threaded our fingers back together. “Reyn, do you want to come back to the hotel with me?” Her voice was quiet, but strong. She wanted this. She wanted me.

Finally.

I inhaled deeply and paused. I didn’t want to growl or sound like a rabid beast. “I think about making love to you all the time, but I promised myself we would go very slowly. This is our first date. I want to take you to hear one of my favorite bands. Then I’ll bring you back to your hotel room and kiss you goodnight. As hard as it is for me, we need to do this right. You’re too important to me. But hell yes, I want it more than anything.”

Liz kissed my hand and then released it from hers. “You know me better than I know myself, it seems.” Her eyes traveled from my face all the way down to my shoes, lingering just for a second, at the ever-increasing bulge in my pants. I wanted to take back my words, to tell her that I changed my mind and that I wanted to go to the hotel right now. She blew out a steadying breath and stood up. “Slowly. I can handle that.” Holding her hand out to me, she smirked. “Can you?”