On Dry Land (Swimming Upstream #3) (18 page)

“Yes, ma’am.” Ava agreed as she moved slowly towards the shower, clinging to the wall as she walked. She didn’t trust her feet beneath her. They felt shaky and unstable. “Amanda!” she called out to her retreating friend.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget the vegemite!”

“Never.”

If Ava thought a shower would make her feel any better, then she was sadly mistaken. If anything it made her felt worse. She was regretting the wine on an empty stomach, as her head began to pound. Pulling on her favourite flannelette pyjamas, Ava brushed her teeth and headed out to the kitchen.

“Wow! I didn’t think it was possible, but fuck Ava, you look worse!”

“Gee thanks. You’re great for my self esteem!”

“Sorry, but shit! How much did you drink?”

“I don’t know. But right now I need sleep.”

“It’s not even eight,” Amanda protested as she shook out two small white pills into Ava’s awaiting palm.

“I know. I’m sorry I’m such a shitty friend. Right now, I’m a mess. A huge fucking mess. But I’m not your mess to clean up.”

“Don’t! Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Push people away. People who are trying to help you. People who love you.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You always do. So stop. For once, just stop. Let someone take care of you.”

“Okay,” Ava conceded as she wobbled down the hall into her bedroom.

A moment later she was settled under the covers, a bottle of water on the bedside table and her best friend sitting on the edge of the bed. Looking up at Amanda, Ava’s already broken heart hurt just a little more. There was pity in her eyes and a sadness surrounding her.

“You know he didn’t mean it, don’t you?”

Ava sniffed. The tears were threatening again. She didn’t think she had any left in her anymore. Surely she’d used this month’s allocation already. “He seemed pretty damn adamant.”

“Have you heard from him since…?”

Gulping, Ava managed to speak. “No.” As the word passed her lips, the flood gates opened. Painful, gut-wrenching, harrowing cries ripped directly from her soul consumed her. Without a word, Amanda curled up on the bed behind her and spooned her, stroking her hair as she held on tight. When the crying subsided, Ava felt Amanda’s arms loosen.

Leaving a soft kiss in her still damp hair, Ava heard Amanda’s muffled farewell, “Get some rest, Ava. Everything will look better in the morning.”

“Mmmm,” she answered sleepily before she slipped away.

Chapter 33

Tyler

Every muscle in his body burned. His stomach churned and his chest hurt. It felt like a steel band had been wrapped around him and was slowly squeezing the life out of him. Tyler wasn’t stupid. He was taking things too far. Pushing too hard. But he couldn’t stop. He didn’t know how to. The physical pain, the exhaustion made it easier to forget about the emotional shit fight that was his life. Right now though, he didn’t have time to deal. Right now his focus, his only focus, had to be making the Olympic team. Again. He had a future to redesign. Step one was getting on that plane to Rio.

With his sweat covered clothes clinging to him like a second skin, he peeled off his shirt and tossed it in the washer before stripping off completely. Walking through the apartment in his birthday suit felt liberating but not satisfying. Grabbing a bottle of some disgusting tasting, electrolyte filled drink, he gulped it down in one long swallow. After tossing a pre-prepared meal in the oven, Tyler headed for a shower.

It was almost nine-thirty when he sat down to eat and opened up his Facebook account. He didn’t know the last time he’d logged in but the moment he opened the app he regretted it. He’d been so stupidly infatuated with Ava and so hell bent on making their relationship public knowledge he’d updated his status to ‘In a relationship’ and changed his profile picture to be the one he’d snapped of them smiling together over breakfast.

“Fuck it!” he growled, closing down the screen.

For normal people, changing their relationship status meant nothing. Maybe a few enquiring texts or heartfelt condolences, but Tyler didn’t live in the real world. He lived in a world where the moment he changed it, reporters would swarm, and more than likely after Ava too. He should never have done it, but it was too late now.

Throwing his plate in the dishwasher, Tyler yawned loudly. He didn’t know how long he could keep this pace up. For once Jonathan had listened to his diva like demands and cancelled everything. His schedule had been cleared. So Tyler had filled the gaps. Extra weight sessions. More cardio. More flexibility. Even additional pool sessions. The worried glances hadn’t gone unnoticed, but Tyler didn’t pause to pay them any attention. He was on a mission. A mission that had to succeed. He had no other choice. All his other dreams had just gone up in smoke, so he was clinging to the only thing he had left. He had to add another gold medal to his collection. Losing was not an option.

Moments later, he’d stripped off and slipped under the sheets. Grabbing the pillow that was Ava’s he pathetically breathed in her scent that still clung to the fabric. It was fading and Tyler knew the day was fast approaching when it would be gone completely. Until then he’d take comfort in her smell. That’s all he had left of that dream.

Flicking off the lamp, Tyler settled back and willed his mind to stop. Every night since he’d left Ava crying in a heap on the floor, in the moments right before sleep engulfed him, the image of her broken and alone haunted him. He’d never wanted that. If anything, that’s what he was trying to spare her from. Even though it hurt like a bitch, it was better to have done it now than let the years pass and then drop a bombshell.

When his phone lit up, Tyler jumped, startled.

Amanda: U broke her.

Huffing, Tyler already knew that. He didn’t need to be reminded. It was something he’d regret forever. Something he’d always be sorry for. Something he’d never forget.

Tyler: I’m sorry.

He didn’t know what else to say. How did he make her understand? How did he make it better? There was no answer to this problem. It wasn’t like flowers could fix it. Diamonds wouldn’t help. Not even chocolate could solve this. Time was the only thing he could give her. Time would heal her wounds. At least it was what Tyler was praying for.

Amanda: She told me. I’m sorry too.

Amanda: Surely there’s another answer though?

Tyler wanted to hate Ava for blabbing but he knew that’s not what happened. In the months they’d been together, not once did Ava open her mouth to anyone—his annoying sister being the exception. She’d never divulged anything he didn’t want the world to know. He had no reason to doubt her now. He believed she’d only confessed to Amanda to help her. If that’s what she needed to do to get through this mess, then that was more than okay with him.

Tyler: There’s not.

Amanda: There has to be. Tyler, she’s miserable.

Tyler: She’s not the only one.

As soon he’d hit send he wanted to recall it. But it was gone now and there was no retracting it.

Amanda: Fix it. You 2 have been thru so much already surely there’s another option.

Tyler: I don’t know.

Amanda: You probably don’t want to know this & I probably shouldn’t be telling you, but she’s not doing well at all. She is miserable & sick.

Tyler: Sick?

Amanda: Not eating, not sleeping, not looking after herself.

Tyler: Fuck!

Tyler: I never wanted to hurt her. I thought it was better if I left now.

Amanda: It’s not.

Tyler waited with both hands on his phone for Amanda to add more, but it never came. Her words knocked the wind out of him. He felt like shit before he received Amanda’s message but now, now the pain was unbearable. Letting out a howl like a demon possessed didn’t alleviate it either. What made everything worse was he was now wide awake.

As the hours passed, Tyler continued to stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out another way. The easy option was to just get in his car and drive over there, pull Ava into his arms, and never let go. But their problems would still be there. He still couldn’t give her the life she wanted. The life she deserved. Glancing at the clock, it was almost two-thirty. He had to be up for training in a little over two hours. It was not going to be pretty. Angry at himself and the world, Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to sleep.

The alarm went off and with a heavy uncoordinated arm, Tyler reached out and swiped it from the table so it landed on the floor with a thud. “Too early,” Tyler grumbled to himself as he stretched his arms above his head, hearing the creaks and cracks with every movement. Right now his body hated him and that was okay. He hated him too.

After a quick, cold shower to wake him up, he grabbed his bag and a banana and headed for the door before turning and running back to his bedroom. He needed his phone. But the moment he picked it up he almost wished he’d hadn’t. Sitting on the screen staring back at him was one single message. Not from Amanda once again pointing out what an arse he’d been. Not from Katie reminding him to put on his big girl panties and get the results once and for all. Not from Jonathan begging him to do just one interview. No. Ava’s name was there. She’d texted him while he’d been sleeping and he’d missed it. Dropping the bag, he slumped back on the bed, bit his lip nervously, and opened her message.

Ava: I miss you.

There is was. Three simple little words that caved his world in. They were the same words he’d sent her when he was in Switzerland. The same words that had brought him home. The same words that were now propelling him out the door, training long forgotten.

Minutes later he was navigating the dark, empty streets like a mad man. Thankfully there was barely anyone else on the road at this ridiculous hour, leaving them free for him. After running two red lights and taking too many corners too fast, he pulled up out the front of Ava’s apartment complex. With the exception of the lights outside illuminating the walkways, the whole place was covered by darkness. Looking up at Ava’s windows, there was no sign of life. Tyler didn’t care. It had taken him days to get to this point. The early hour wasn’t going to deter him now. Nothing would.

Jogging up the stairs, Tyler regretted the squats he’d done yesterday as his muscles screamed in agony. Tyler just ignored them and kept going. Reaching Ava’s door, he had second thoughts. And third. And fourth. He was about to wake her, he knew that, but he had to see her. And it had to be now.

Knocking softly, Tyler held his breath and waited. She never answered.

Trying again, this time a little harder, Tyler knocked before wiping his clammy hands on the seat of his pants. Just as he was regretting not taking the time to change or shave before he’d left, the door swung open, revealing a sight that stopped his aching heart. Ava.

“Tyler!” she gasped as she blinked quickly.

Tyler smiled widely, suddenly feeling like he could fly. Her hair was everywhere, her voice husky, her eyes thick with sleep and her too big pyjamas did nothing for her figure, but none of that mattered. Tyler’s heart soared.

“I missed you too,” he answered, stepping into the doorway without waiting for an invitation.

He watched nervously as she shut the door behind him before turning her attention back to Tyler. As she wiped at her eyes and tried to tame her hair, Tyler couldn’t help the smirk that settled on his face. He was exactly where he wanted to be. Reaching out to stop her fussing and fidgeting, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

Ava looked up at him with wide eyes, she was suddenly very awake. “What…what are you doing here?”

“This is where I belong,” he answered honestly before crushing Ava to his chest. For a moment she just stood there with her arms dangling by her side and Tyler was terrified that everything they’d felt was gone. Everything they’d shared was ruined. And it was all his fault. But when Ava’s tiny, cold hands found his shoulders, Tyler sighed. Nothing else mattered now. Even though he didn’t have a clue how this would work, he knew he had to try. Living his life without her wasn’t an option.

“Okay,” she mumbled against his chest as she tried to stifle a yawn.

“Come on, Short Stack, let’s get you back to bed. From what I hear, you need someone to take care of you,” Tyler explained as he pulled back slightly and looked down into her tired eyes.

As relief flooded him, Tyler looked down at the woman in his arms and saw how far she’d fallen. She was a disaster. Her wide, tired eyes were sunken and tiny stress pimples dotted her face. It took everything he had not to bend down and kiss her cracked, chapped lips and leave a smile there. He knew with one look that Amanda hadn’t been exaggerating. Ava hadn’t been looking after herself. Not at all. But that was all about to change, starting right now.

“If that’s why you’re here—”

“It’s not!” Tyler cut her off quickly. That was the last thing he needed her thinking—that he was only here out of pity or guilt. It couldn’t have been further from the truth. Tucking her under his arm, Tyler dropped a kiss on her forehead and Ava looked up at him with adoring eyes. “Let’s get some rest, we can talk more in the morning.”

“It’s morning now…”

“No, it’s not. It’s still the middle of the night. And right now all I want to do, Ms. Jacobs, is curl up with you in bed and sleep. What do you say?”

“Sounds perfect,” Ava agreed before leading him through the house, turning lights off as they went.

Barely a moment later, Tyler had stripped off his shirt and sweat pants and laid in Ava’s bed in only his black boxer briefs with Ava tucked against him. It was the calmest he’d felt in days. Weeks, if he were being honest. Somehow, being there, with no secrets between them, was the only place in the world he wanted to be. Feeling Ava’s shallow breaths on his bare chest calmed his racing heart, so when his heavy eyes closed, Tyler fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.