My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel (15 page)

“Are you sure about this?” Callie asked as I drove the three of us to my parents’. Her knee bounced even though there was no music playing in the car.

I put my hand on it. I recognized the bouncing from when we were kids. Every time she thought she was going to be busted for something she’d done, her knee had this fascinating habit of bouncing. The more nervous she was, the faster it bounced. Right now it was moving faster than a freaked-out turkey on Thanksgiving morning.

“It’s going to be fine,” I told her.

“Do they know?”

“No, not yet. I told them about your parents and Alexis. But I wanted to introduce him to my parents first before I said anything else. And I wanted to introduce him to Emma.”

“Emma?”

“My fourteen-month-old niece.”

As we pulled down the side street where Callie and I used to live, she let out a small gasp. “What happened to Mr. Lewis’s porch? Someone fixed the swing. It’s no longer tilted.”

I chuckled at the memory of us swinging on it when we were kids. The old house was squeezed between where she used to live and where my parents still lived. We had been sitting on it while I helped Callie with her ninth-grade math assignment. Math had never been her favorite subject. In a fit of frustration, she threw her body back on the swing. It hadn’t been quite the same after that. But even though we’d offered to repair it, Mr. Lewis told us he was fine with it the way it was. “Dad and I replaced it while he was in the hospital two years ago.”

“Hospital? What happened to him?”

“He broke his hip.”

“Oh my God. Is he okay?”

“He’s fine now. He’s still making those stone carvings of his.” A few of his newest forest animals had taken up residence in his garden—including a rabbit that Emma thought was real.

Craig’s SUV was already parked in the driveway when we arrived at my parents’ house. Callie helped Logan out of his car seat. He jumped down, clutching the palm-sized stuffed Pooh he’d gotten at Disneyland yesterday.

Biting her lip, Callie looked up at the house. She had always gotten on well with my parents, so I couldn’t figure out why she was nervous. I should’ve been the one who was nervous. They were about to meet their grandson—the grandson they didn’t know existed.

I lifted Logan so he could ring the doorbell. A moment later, the door opened. Kristen was holding Emma in her arms. “Oh, good. You’re just in time.” She held her daughter out to me.

“Just in time for what?”

“Your niece pooped her diaper and I thought you could use practice changing one before you have your own kids.” She grinned at Callie, mischief in her eyes. “Diapers are in the bathroom.”

With a sigh, I took my niece and was rewarded with an unpleasant smell. “Phew, what on earth do you feed this kid?”

All Kristen did was cackle.

“So, Logan,” I said, “you wanna help me change a diaper?”

Frantically shaking his head, he grabbed hold of Callie’s leg. You’d have thought, based on his reaction, that I had asked him to deal with toxic waste.

Or maybe I had.

Seriously, what did my sister feed her daughter?

Mom rushed out of the kitchen. Before anyone could say anything, she had Callie in a tight embrace…like Callie was her own child. A child who needed comforting after losing someone she loved. “I’m so sorry about your parents and Alexis. I wish we had known.” She released my girl from the hug, worry still on Mom’s face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was just so overwhelmed at the time and in shock, I didn’t think to tell you. I didn’t think to tell most people.”

Once again regret powered through me at how different things could’ve been if I had remained in contact with her after she and her family had moved away. At how different things could’ve been if not for the lie between us about Logan. I could have been there for her. My family could have been there for her. She wouldn’t have been forced to go through everything alone.

Mom smiled at her, her love for Callie undeniable. “Well, I’m glad to have you back with us again.” She then squatted in front of Logan. “And who is this big boy?”

Still clutching Callie’s leg, Logan moved to hide behind it. “He gets shy around strangers,” Callie explained, “but he gets over it quickly. Logan, this is Jared’s mom and his sister, Kristen. They’re really nice. His mom used to bake the yummiest chocolate-chip cookies when I was a kid.”

At the words “chocolate-chip cookies,” a huge dimpled grin broke out on Logan’s face. Mom gasped and looked at me, but at least she had the foresight not to say anything.

“I’ll tell you later” was all I said.

“Would you like a cookie?” Mom asked her grandson, not missing a beat.

He nodded, and she led Logan and Callie into the kitchen with Kristen while I changed Emma’s diaper.

When I returned, thanking God that Logan was already potty-trained, I introduced Emma to Logan and Callie.

“Did Uncle Jared give you a clean bum?” Kristen asked her daughter.

“She’s good to go, but next time you do your own dirty work.” I smirked at my sister. As I handed Emma to Mom, I added to Callie with a wink, “Don’t worry—Emma got her sparkling personality from me and not my sister.”

Callie giggled. “I see things haven’t changed between you two.”

“You’d think with him away touring all the time that I’d miss him, wouldn’t you?” Kristen said, chuckling.

Mom sat at the kitchen table and deposited Emma on her lap. Logan showed his cousin his stuffed Pooh. She reached out, possibly wanting to chew on it.

“So how old are you, Logan?” Mom asked him.

Logan held up his fingers to show his age. “Four!”

“Wow, you’re a big boy.” Mom bounced Emma on her lap, getting a giggle out of her. Logan poked her gently in the stomach, which made her giggle more. Mom glanced at Callie. “He’s hearing-impaired?”

“No, he’s deaf, but he has a cochlear implant.”

Craig entered the kitchen through the back door. “Sam sent me in for the chicken.”

“Dada,” Emma said, holding her arms up to her father. Mom passed her granddaughter off to him, like Emma was a football.

“Why don’t we go outside?” Mom didn’t wait for a reply. She grabbed the casserole dish with the chicken pieces from the counter and hustled us out the back door.

Outside, I placed my hand on Callie’s lower back and let my thumb brush against the skin under her T-shirt, as much for support as for contact. I would have kept it there if we’d been alone. If we hadn’t been in front of all these people—especially Logan—I would’ve kissed her deeply. I hadn’t kissed her lips since Friday night, and the memory of her taste and the feel of her soft lips against mine had been playing overtime in my head.

I was royally screwed.

Even after dropping her and Logan off the previous evening following our trip to Disneyland, I hadn’t gotten a chance to kiss her. The guys had been waiting for me, and Callie needed to get the very sleepy Logan to bed. All I’d had time to do was give her a quick kiss on the cheek—not the kind of kiss I was aching to give her.

And I couldn’t do that now either. I could only sneak in subtle touches of her body—until I could get her alone tonight.

Logan spotted the old tree house in the backyard and scurried over to the thick trunk. In awe he gazed up at the large, finely crafted wooden structure, complete with a balcony.

“Wow, your parents still have it?” Callie said, grinning.

“They saved it in case Kristen and I gave them grandkids one day.” The structure was still solid, and Dad had recoated it with stain the previous summer.

“Is it safe?”

“Absolutely.”

Callie helped Logan up the steps. A moment later they disappeared inside the wooden structure.

I was about to join them when Kristen sidled up to me. “I didn’t know you were dating Callie.”

“We’re just friends.”

Kristen rolled her eyes. “You just keep telling yourself that.” Snickering, she left to play catch with Emma. A few minutes later, Logan and Callie emerged from the tree house, and before I knew it, the three of us, along with Kristen, Craig, and Emma, were running around the backyard, kicking a beach ball like it was an oversized soccer ball. Mom and Dad cheered from the sidelines. Logan and Emma giggled the entire time as they attempted to kick the ball around.

And damn, it did my heart proud seeing Logan enjoying himself like this. With his family.

After we were finished eating dinner, Mom stood up and started gathering the plates. “Jared, can you help me with the dishes?” she asked, even though I already was. It was her hint that she wanted to talk to me—alone. Callie offered to help, but Mom waved her off and told her to take it easy. She already knew Callie worked full-time and took online classes part-time. It was clear to her that Callie was exhausted.

Mom and I finished gathering the dishes and carried them into the house. “Logan’s the reason you came over last week to check out the old photos, isn’t he?”

“Maybe I was just interested to see what I looked like when I was four.” I placed my stack of dishes on the counter and leaned back against it, then toyed with my lucky guitar pick as I waited for the Q&A to begin.

“Right. So it’s just a coincidence he looks a lot like you did when you were the same age? I just never realized you and Callie had been dating.”

“We weren’t…and we’re still not. He’s not Callie’s. He was Alexis’s son.” I told her the entire story of what had happened. Mom didn’t say anything while I spoke. She just listened, her face not betraying her thoughts.

“The poor girl,” she said, after I explained how Logan had ended up deaf. “Callie had to go through all of that on her own? She never should’ve been thrown into that situation.”

I had no clue which situation she meant: Callie being a single mom to her nephew, the meningitis and subsequent deafness, or both.

“So what are you going to do about my grandson?” She stressed the last two words, making it clear she had no intention of not being a part of his life. But this didn’t come as a surprise. Mom would never turn her back on a grandchild, no matter what the situation surrounding him.

“Callie and I haven’t told Logan the truth yet. I’m spending time with him first, letting him get to know me better before we finally tell him.”

“But you’re planning to have joint custody with Callie, right?”

“I have no idea what I plan to do.” It was true. I knew my options. Cameron had discussed them with me at length.

“I can imagine there’s a lot to consider. It’s obvious Callie loves Logan as much as if he were her own biological son. I can imagine it would devastate her if she lost him. But you also have to consider what will happen if you marry another woman. If you and Callie have joint custody of Logan, it means he would be shipped back and forth between you two, never feeling like he truly belongs anywhere, especially if you and your wife have children of your own. And then there’s the touring you need to consider. How often will you be in Logan’s life while you’re on the road?”

None of this was news to me. God only knew how many times over the last few days I had considered leaving the band just so I could be there for Logan. “You think I should give Callie full rights to Logan and walk away as his father?”

“Heavens, no. I just want you to make sure you’re doing what’s right for everyone, but especially for your son. If you decide to be his sole parent and not share custody with Callie, we would definitely take care of him while you’re touring. He would be treated no differently from Emma or any other grandchild.”

“Even if you’d have to drive him to the special preschool he goes to for his deafness?”

“Yes, even then.” She closed the dishwasher. “Can I ask you something? If it’s none of my business, just tell me so.”

“Sure.”

“What’s going on with you and Callie?”

I cringed inwardly. “What do you mean?”

Mom peered out the kitchen window toward the gazebo where Dad and Craig sat. Logan was running around the massive tree trunk, with Emma toddling after him, while Kristen talked to Callie.

“I’ve seen how you look at Callie,” Mom said. “You admire her, respect her. But there’s also something more. I guess I just want you to be careful. She’s been through a lot in the last few years. Don’t add to her pain more than you have to.”

The back door suddenly opened, and Callie and Logan stepped inside the kitchen.

“He needs to go to the bathroom,” Callie said, walking past.

Mom grabbed the cake from the fridge and went outside, leaving me to think about what she had said.

Was I making a mistake when it came to Callie? She had been avoiding relationships in the past out of fear of being hurt. I had no intention of hurting her, but if Mom was right, it might be impossible to avoid doing just that if things didn’t work out between Callie and me, at least when it came to Logan.

But as much as I knew I should walk away before things became even more complicated, I couldn’t. Not when all I could think about was kissing her. Not when all I could think about was being inside her.

I was seriously fucked.

Once Logan was finished in the bathroom, he opened the back door to the yard and rushed out to the gazebo, where Jared sat with his family. Unlike Logan, I didn’t rush to join them. I stood in the doorway, watching everyone. Jared’s mom was exactly as I remembered: friendly, kind, generous. She would do anything for her kids—and grandchildren. I had no doubts that she, Jared’s dad, and Kristen would welcome Logan into the family without question.

Logan climbed onto Jared’s lap, completing the picture I didn’t belong in. They were the happy family I had long since lost and would never have again.

But while sadness clung to me like a child’s blanket, another emotion, one that provided a different kind of warmth, filled me. This was exactly what Logan deserved. I might not have a family, but at least Logan would finally have one to replace the family we had both lost. I couldn’t have wanted more for him than that.

I went outside and sat next to Jared on the gazebo bench. His hand shifted from Logan’s leg to my lower back. A tingling sensation warmed my skin at his touch. I greedily leaned into his hand.

“Who wants cake?” Jared’s mom asked, pointedly looking at Logan.

He bounced on his father’s lap, yelling, “Me, me, me.”

Everyone laughed. The nervousness I had felt on the way here eased. Alexis had told me once that she feared his family wouldn’t be so accepting of her baby. It was another reason she hadn’t told Jared she had decided to keep their child. I’d argued that she was wrong, because I knew his family better than she did.
See, Alexis, I told you they’d love him as much as Mom and Dad did.

Jared’s mom finished serving the cake. “So what are you up to these days, Callie?” she asked before I could stuff a piece of homemade cake in my mouth. I had missed her cakes and cookies. The store-bought stuff wasn’t the same.

“Weren’t you planning to study something to do with drawing cartoons?” Kristen asked.

“Animation,” I corrected. “I decided to become a graphic designer instead.” I shoved a forkful of cake into my mouth. Unlike before, it felt like I was choking down a piece of chalk.

“How come?”

“More job opportunities.”

“I guess that’s true,” Jared’s mom said. “But it’s sad you had to give up your art. You’re so talented.”

“I still do it, just not as much as I used to.” I didn’t have time for it with everything else going on in my life.

“I love Mommy’s pictures,” Logan said, now that he’d finished his slice of cake. “They look like the ones in my books.”

“You mean picture books?” his grandmother asked.

He enthusiastically nodded.

“How come I haven’t seen them, other than those on your walls?” Jared asked.

I shrugged. “I tend not to show them to anyone.” Because then they would know I was a failure. I had done nothing toward achieving my dreams.

“I would love to see them,” his mother said, smiling. “You have to bring them with you next weekend when you come for dinner.”

“I will. Thanks.”

After we finished with dessert, Jared drove us home. It was already past Logan’s bedtime when we arrived. As was the usual routine now, we both got him ready for bed, and Jared read him three picture books.

“So when are you going to show me the pictures that Logan mentioned?” Jared asked, after we tucked him into bed and left his room.

“You really want to see them?” The tension between us was thick. I was practically bursting at the seams to touch him, but I was also curious to see what he would think about my artwork. Nervous but curious.

“Of course. I agree with my mom. You’re a talented artist, Callie. I’d hate for you to give that up.”

Easy for him to say. Would things with the band still have been as they were for him if Alexis hadn’t lied about the abortion? Would he still have had time to write songs and perform? Or would he only have been able to just play around with the guitar from time to time?

“They’re in my bedroom.”

Jared followed me into the room. I indicated for him to sit on the bed, then retrieved the stack of printed digital artwork from my closet. I had created them after my parents and Alexis died. Logan was the only person who had seen them.

Some were pictures of kittens, puppies, chubby birds and owls, rabbits, and mice. The animals in the earlier pictures had large, sorrowful eyes. The later ones were of animal families doing fun activities together, like having a picnic or paddling a rowboat—stuff I used to do with my family. Those were Logan’s favorite.

Jared leafed through the thick stack of paper. “Wow, these are amazing. Logan’s right. They do look like they could be from a picture book.”

“Thanks.”

“Have you considered doing this professionally?”

“I don’t think there’s a huge demand for it.” Not unless I wanted to be a starving artist. Eventually my parents’ life insurance money, their savings, and the money I got when I sold their house would run out. The rent on this apartment and Logan’s preschool and medical expenses weren’t exactly cheap.

“I was thinking more like an illustrator for children’s books,” Jared said.

“I don’t know….”

He studied my favorite picture. In it, a boy fox and a girl rabbit were hanging out in their tree house. The corners of Jared’s mouth curled up, and for a moment all I could think about was tasting those perfect lips.

“Do you enjoy doing them?” he asked, snapping me out of my lust-filled moment.

“Yes.” That was an understatement.

“More than being a graphic designer?”

I nodded. I didn’t mind graphic design, but it wasn’t where my heart lay. It didn’t mean the same to me as music meant to Jared, or as my artwork meant to me.

“I’m not saying you have to give up your plans to be a graphic designer. Not unless you want to work in the diner for the rest of your life. But I think you should at least give being an illustrator for kids’ books a chance.” He placed the pictures on the bed. “You’re too talented an artist to abandon your dreams,” he murmured, his breath warm against the shell of my ear. “You just need to adapt them to make the most of what you have.”

The tip of his tongue traced the outer edge of my ear, and I groaned. It had been three years—three
very
long years—since I’d last had sex. The closest thing to sex that I’d enjoyed during that time was the erotic romance novels my friends in San Francisco had introduced me to. And let me tell you now, they weren’t all that satisfying. It was like showing a delicious cake, complete with mounds of whipped cream and chocolate, to someone on a diet, and telling her she couldn’t have any. Not even a bite.

Jared’s lips trailed a hot path along my jaw, then gently pressed against my mouth. He pulled back slightly and tenderly grabbed my lower lip between his teeth.

I moaned and parted my lips, begging for his tongue to invade my mouth. Understanding my silent pleas, he stroked his tongue against mine. Warmth spread through my body, aiming for the spot between my legs that had threatened a lifelong strike if a man didn’t touch me there soon.

I threaded my fingers into his hair, keeping him close. I knew what I desired, but what about Jared? Sure, guys loved sex, but if we went there, it would only further complicate our situation.

Or would it?

Jared had wanted to see if we could make things work when it came to our relationship with Logan, and he wanted to see where that might take us. Did that include sex?

“Do you know the last time I fucked someone?” I blurted out.
Really smooth, Callie.

Jared blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Three years. Not that I’m counting or anything.” Because I was. “I mean, I should’ve been able to,” I rambled on, like a train that hadn’t been maintained in God knows how long. If I didn’t stop now, I’d be facing a train wreck instead of great sex. “It wasn’t like Logan could have heard anything.” I giggled nervously. And because this train wreck wasn’t happening fast enough, I had to add, “Do you have any condoms with you?”

He took a step back, possibly ready to make a break for it. “Wait a second. What are you talking about?”

“Sex.”

“Yeah, I got that. But why?”

“Because I want sex.” While I could still get it. “It’s been a while and I figured you’d want it too, now that we’re seeing where things go between us.” Wasn’t that part of the package deal? I really should have checked the fine print.

“Hey, what’s really going on, Callie?”

Idiot
. The word impaled me like a two-by-four caught up in a tornado-strength wind. Suddenly the gray carpet in front of my feet was the most fascinating item in the room.

Too bad Jared didn’t agree with me. He hooked his finger under my chin and forced me to look at him. “I didn’t come into your room because I want to have sex with you.”

“You don’t want to have sex with me?”
Someone hit me with that two-by-four, please
.

“That’s not what I said.”

“So you
do
want to have sex with me?”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“Right.” I started for the doorway.

Jared blocked my escape. “Trust me, Callie, there’s nothing I want more than to be inside you, but are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Definitely,” I whispered, the image of Jared being inside me doing weird things to my voice.

Jared cupped my cheek with his hand and leaned in to kiss me. It had only been a few minutes, but I missed those soft sexy lips. The scent that was all man, all Jared, snuggled up to me. I wanted him. I wanted him now.

His hand left my cheek and trailed down my throat to my breast, hidden under my bra and T-shirt. His thumb brushed against my nipple. I sucked in a sharp breath. The thumb then teased said nipple into a hard peak, straining against the cotton of my bra.

My entire body went on high alert, hoping this was the real thing and not a drill. I didn’t know what I would do if he changed his mind. Possibly knee him in the nuts. That sounded fair.

“And yes, I do have a condom with me,” Jared said against my mouth.

“Good,” I whispered back.

“Maybe we should remove your pictures from the bed first.”

“That might be a good idea.” I quickly gathered them up, my hands shaking, and placed the stack on my desk.

From behind me, Jared wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. His hardening length pressed into the curve of my lower back. “Are you nervous?” He tenderly kissed my neck.

I shook my head. “It’s just been a while.” And there might’ve been a place, deep down, where I realized this was a mistake. I was falling in love with Jared, but he wasn’t in the same place as me. For him this was just sex.

I removed my T-shirt. It landed somewhere by my feet. I reached behind me to unhook my bra.

“What are you doing?” Jared asked.

“Er, removing my clothes? Unless you want to have sex with them on.” Maybe he didn’t want to see my body naked. I didn’t exactly have a supermodel body like his ex-girlfriend. My body came with extra padding.

I crossed my arms in front of me. I’d never been self-conscious about my body until now. Before becoming Logan’s mom, I’d run daily. My body had been toned and, according to my ex, incredibly sexy. Now the only exercise I got was walking to and from the diner (if you didn’t count the running around I did at work).

Jared unfolded my arms. “No, I want to see you naked.” He then murmured against my ear, “But I want to be the one to get you naked.” His hand skimmed up my arm and I shivered in anticipation.

The white cotton fabric against my girls loosened, and a second later my bra joined my T-shirt on the floor. My heart hammered a frantic beat in my rib cage, eager to get this party started.

Before I had a chance to take my turn in our stripping game and remove Jared’s T-shirt, he took my nipple into his mouth. He alternated between sucking it and flicking it with his tongue. I moaned, this time louder than before.

Jared chuckled against my breast, and my knees came close to buckling under me at the delicious sensation.

He stood up, a satisfied smirk on his face. I grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and yanked him back toward me. He lips met mine again.

While he kissed me senseless, I inched his T-shirt up his hard abs and chest. Although Jared had never been into team sports growing up, other than tossing the ball around with his buddies, he had definitely been busy when it came to keeping in shape. With my lips against his, I couldn’t tell how many packs he had on that stomach of his, but it was definitely up there in number.

“You’ve been working out?” I managed to say, my breath ragged.

“It’s great for relieving stress,” he murmured.

“So is sex.”

“I know, but I tend to avoid the groupie thing. Which means I have to find another way to relieve the stress. So I run, and when I can, I hit the gym and lift weights.”

His words repeated in my head as I searched for some hidden message I missed the first time. “Are you telling me you don’t have sex with groupies?”

“No, but I
am
telling you I don’t do it all that often. Groupies can cause nothing but trouble if you screw the wrong one.” I couldn’t tell if he knew this from experience, and I had a feeling I didn’t want to know. Especially not now.

There was only one thing I was interested in doing, and he was standing in front of me.

I drew the edge of Jared’s T-shirt up his body. A moment later, it joined the party of clothes on the floor. As did our jeans. Our underwear were the last items remaining on our bodies, and it was tough to miss the hard length straining against the black fabric of Jared’s boxer briefs.

A shy smile crept onto my face. “Does this mean you want to have sex with me?” I glanced meaningfully at his cock.

He grunted, then his mouth was on mine again, the only answer I needed.

He walked me backward until the mattress pressed against the back of my legs. I sat down hard. His mouth still attached to mine, Jared kneeled onto the bed and guided me until I lay back, my legs dangling over the side. He shifted his body and his cock pressed against my core, then he rocked against me.