My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel (14 page)

With the exception of the one time when Alexis, my parents, and Logan had been driving to San Francisco, Logan had never left L.A. You’d have thought we were driving to a foreign country based on his excitement on the way down.

Then again, we
were
talking about Disneyland.

Because we couldn’t play music, I sat in the backseat with Logan so it was easier for him to hear me. Fortunately, he never brought up the kissing incident again.

And neither did Jared.

In fact, Jared acted as if we hadn’t kissed at all.

Pathetic
. The word twisted around my heart, its barbs digging in. When would I learn? I wasn’t special to Jared. He wasn’t falling in love with me the way I was falling for him. I needed to get over him and move on.

If only it was as simple as that.

“Look. There’s Disneyland.” I pointed to the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster, needing a distraction from the pain. With a name like California Screaming, I could guarantee that roller coaster was a ride I wouldn’t be going on. Although, the way I felt right now, at least I’d have a legit reason for screaming that wouldn’t have caused raised eyebrows.

“Do you remember coming here when we were kids?” Jared asked me.

“I remember you were madly in love with Cinderella.” To Logan I said, “He wanted to get her autograph so badly, he dragged our families around, searching for her.”

“Did you see her?” Logan asked. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed or not that Jared had at one point crushed over a Disney Princess.

I giggled. “No. It was Cinderella’s day off.”

“Did you get any autographs?”

“Yes. But only from Winnie-the-Pooh and his friends.”

Logan’s face lit up at the mention of Pooh.

Jared found a parking spot on the grounds. Holding Logan’s hands, we walked through Downtown Disney, with its restaurants and Disney-themed stores, to the main entrance. Because it was spring break, the lines through both security and the main park gate were long. Once we were through them both, Jared loaded Logan onto his shoulders.

“Where to first?” I asked Logan. “You want to visit Winnie-the-Pooh and go on his ride?”

“Yes, Pooh!” Logan bounced on his father’s shoulders.

I smirked at Jared. “I guess you’re not moving fast enough.”

“What’s that?” Logan asked, pointing to a white and gray building that resembled a small Louisiana plantation, complete with four white pillars extending to the roof above the second floor. A graveyard on the grounds in front and to the side of the building added to the haunted feel of the place.

“It’s the Haunted Mansion,” I said. I didn’t get to finish what else I was going to say, because—

“Oh. My.
God!
” a female voice shrieked. A cluster of twenty-year-old females rushed in front of us and suddenly stopped. I swear they were bouncing as much as Logan had been on Jared’s shoulders.

“Oh. My. God,” the shrieker repeated. “You’re Jared Leigh. Guitarist for Pushing Limits.”

Her sidekicks squirmed their way between me and Jared, effectively pushing me out of the way. Nice.

I rolled my eyes and signed to Logan to check he was okay.

“Oh God, he’s sooooo adorable,” the shrieker said. At first I thought she was talking about Jared, because he certainly was adorable, especially with his son on his shoulders. But then I realized she meant Logan.

“You guys look like you could be brothers.” She raised her smartphone to take a photo.

A bad feeling rushed me at the realization that it wasn’t only Jared’s face she was planning to shoot a picture of. I stepped in front of her, blocking her view of Logan.

“What the fuck?” she said.

“Language.” I scowled at her.

“That’s a dollar,” Logan said, holding out his hand.

Jared chuckled and patted his son’s leg. “Sorry, buddy, but that only applies to Mason.”

“No pictures,” I said, pointing to Logan. “I don’t want his picture to end up on the Internet.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like it isn’t already up there. You post it on Facebook, right?”

What, was she studying pre-law? “No, I don’t. My son’s safety is my number one priority.”

She mumbled something that could have been sorry.

“You’re more than welcome to take photos of Jared.” Because that was part of his job, even if this was his day off.

Jared removed Logan from his shoulders and posed with each girl separately. I even took a group shot of them with the girl’s phone, with Logan holding my leg so he didn’t inadvertently wander off.

While Jared signed their Disney books, Logan and I joined the long line for the Haunted Mansion. He had decided he wanted to go there before seeing Winnie-the-Pooh. Jared sidled up to us five minutes later.

“Are monsters in there?” Logan asked his father, eyes wide.

“No. But don’t worry—if there are, your mom will protect you.” Jared winked at me.

This time it was
my
eyes that widened, but for a different reason: Jared was still calling me Logan’s mom. But then, what did I expect? He would hardly call me Logan’s mom one day and then suddenly refer to me as just Callie or Aunt Callie the next. But eventually that day would come. I’d been Logan’s mom for so long that once he stopped calling me that, it would feel like hot iron stakes being hammered into every inch of my body.

“You better believe it,” I said. “It’s in my job description to tickle all monsters until they surrender.” I tickled Logan. He giggled and squirmed. Jared grinned at us, as did the much older couple behind him.

“What an adorable family,” the woman murmured to her husband. My face heated and I turned away.

While we waited, Jared quizzed us on different ASL signs, inspired by the graveyard-themed decorations. Ghost. Monster. Grave. You know, all those useful terms for everyday conversation. Jared had to Google some of them. Then he invented a game where we told a story with them, each of us saying a sentence before it was the next person’s turn.

“The ghost was hungry,” Logan said, signing the sentence. Jared only had to sign the words he knew, which was more than I realized. The man had been practicing.

A newfound warmth directed at him bubbled inside me, but his actions shouldn’t have surprised me. This was the Jared I’d always known and looked up to.

Jared leaned toward me. “Ghosts can get hungry?”

I giggled. “Apparently so.”

“The ghost wandered through the house, searching for marshmallows.” Jared signed “ghost” and “house.”

“Ghosts eat marshmallows?” I asked, somewhat doubtful of this unknown fact.

With a straight face, Jared replied, “Of course they do. Why do you think ghosts are white?”

“Ghosts eat lots and lots of marshmallows,” Logan said, giggling.

Jared gestured at his son. “See?”

Once we entered the gathering room inside the mansion, Jared picked up Logan so he could see and hear. And so he wouldn’t be scared within the crowded space.

“Whoa,” Logan said, as the walls started stretching upward, and we sank into the depths of the mansion. A short time later, we were sitting in a black buggy, listening to the recorded tour. Logan sat between us, his face with a continual expression of wonderment.

The rest of the morning went the same way. We laughed and joked with Logan, but not once did Jared give me any indication of what last night had meant to him. The kiss had been an accident, like the other time. But this time we had only kissed because of the horror movie.

I kept telling myself this as we waited in line for the Winnie-the-Pooh ride and then for the Pirates of the Caribbean. It was easier believing that than to face the truth: the kiss had been purely one-sided.

But what did I expect? The man had tons of groupies. It wasn’t like he’d spent the entire tour depriving the female population of those lips. If he had, riots would’ve occurred. That much I was positive of. Many girls had no doubt sampled those lips. I was just one of them.

We were standing near the lagoon, watching Peter Pan’s ship sail by and eating soft pretzels, when a girl my age stepped up to Jared. She could’ve been a model for a sports magazine, with her long blond hair, tight athletic body, and tan. Think beach volleyball, but instead of a skimpy bikini, she wore jeans and a fitted cotton-candy-pink T-shirt.

She smiled sweetly at him and kissed him on the cheek.

With a sigh, I grabbed Logan’s hand and walked off. I had no idea where we were going and I didn’t care. I just needed to get away. As it was, Jared had already been asked, while we were wandering around the grounds, to sign the breasts of another groupie. I knew his fans were important both to him and to the success of the band, but it would’ve been nice to spend one day without them always being in our face. Alexis had feared that this would happen, and more than ever now, I got why she had felt that way. How many pictures had already been taken of Jared and Logan together without us knowing about them? How many would show up on the Internet soon, with everyone speculating who Logan was?

“Do you want to go on a roller coaster?” I asked him.

“Big big roller coaster?”

“No, that one’s in the other park.” And Logan would be too small for it. “There’s one in Toon Town.”

Logan dragged me forward, even though he had no idea where Toon Town was located. “Is Jared coming?” he asked.

“I’m sure he’ll catch up with us.” Once he’d finished socializing with the fan.

A moment later, my phone pinged and I read Jared’s text, asking me where we were. I didn’t respond. I had no idea why I was so pissed at what had happened. Jared didn’t owe me anything. He and I had kissed, end of story.

A guy with messy blond hair and nerdy glasses, which made him look even hotter, checked me out. A shy smile slid onto his face. Logan was at the entrance of the nearby gift store, inspecting a toy, oblivious to the stranger.

The guy spoke briefly to his friends then walked toward me. It had felt like so long since a guy even noticed me, and vice versa, that my pulse fluttered in my veins. Maybe this was just the kind of distraction I needed right now.

One minute I was watching the Peter Pan ship in the lagoon, the next some woman’s lips were pressed against my cheek. That wasn’t to say this had never happened before. It was a hazard of the job. People assumed that because you were a “celebrity,” fans had the right to push the boundaries when it came to acceptable behavior. If you saw a stranger on the street, you wouldn’t go up and kiss them. Right?

I backed away from the mystery kisser.

“I’m a huge fan of yours,” she said. “I’ve been learning to play on the guitar some of your songs from the first album. I’m not great at it. Nothing like you. I also sing and I’m hoping one day to land a record deal. Did I mention I also write my own songs?” She spoke so fast, I barely caught most of what she said.

“Nice to meet you.”
Where the fuck did Callie and Logan go?
They’d been right next to me a moment ago.

“Do you have any advice about getting into the industry?” she asked. Before I could reply, she squealed. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m actually talking to
the
Jared Leigh.”

I scanned the crowded area for Callie and Logan while the girl continued talking nonstop. I don’t think she realized I was no longer listening.

“Sorry, I have to go,” I said, inching away. “It was nice meeting you.”

She grabbed my arm. “Could…could I have your autograph? It would mean so much to me.” Without waiting for a response, she whipped out a notebook from her purse and shoved it at me. “When’s the band’s next album coming out? I can’t wait to hear it.”

I took the book and pen from her. “The first single releases April fifth. The album is due out April twelfth,” I said, signing her book. I handed it back to her, and before she could launch into a new line of questioning, I said “bye” and walked off.

I wove in and out of the steady stream of people milling around the grounds. Once I was far enough from the girl, I sent Callie a text. She and Logan could’ve been anywhere. I wasn’t worried about them, but the point of today was for us to spend the day together. After our kiss last night, I found myself wanting to spend a lot more time with Callie. I just didn’t know in what context I wished to spend it. Everything was complicated between us. That kiss had made it more so.

I never should have kissed her. While the kiss had felt good at the time—more than good, incredible even—Logan’s unexpected interruption had been the splash of icy water I needed. Callie had lied to me with her omission about who his father really was. Was I ready to trust her fully after that?

I had no idea in which direction Callie and Logan were headed, but there weren’t a huge number of rides he could go on due to his size. I stalked past Cinderella’s castle. Callie still hadn’t responded to my text.

And then I saw her. She was flirting with a nerdy guy wearing glasses. He laughed. She smiled…and I saw red, the volcano’s-about-to-erupt shade of red. What the fuck was she doing with him when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on Logan?

I scanned the area but couldn’t find him. I stormed over to the happy couple. He was asking for her phone number when I approached them.

“She’s not interested,” I practically snarled at him, then turned on Callie, my tone not softening any. “Where’s Logan?”

“There!” She pointed to the gift store, which looked like it could’ve been a mini pastel-colored version of the Taj Mahal. An open-concept Taj Mahal, with no doors or windows…just a huge opening in the walls so visitors could easily walk in and out. Logan was happily checking out the toys. “And what right do you have to tell Mark that I’m not interested in going out with him?” she asked.

You remember the old cartoons where the character had steam hissing from his ears, and you knew without a doubt he was pissed? That guy had nothing on Callie.

Luckily for Mark, he was wise enough to step back, hands raised. “Look, I’m not interested in getting into a fight.”

“Don’t worry, he’s not about to hit you,” Callie said. “Given that some girl was just kissing him, the last thing he has the right to do is judge me.”

“She kissed my cheek,” I countered. “It’s not a big deal.” But as I said it, I knew I’d feel the same way if I caught a guy kissing
her—
cheek or no cheek.

“Right, it wasn’t. Did she give you her phone number so you guys can hook up later?”

“So what if she did?”

Callie grunted. “Such a guy response. You kissed me last night, then you couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough.”

Shit. Was that what this was all about? The air in my lungs left in a hard rush. “It wasn’t like that.”

“So what was it like?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah I get it. I’m your ex-girlfriend’s little sister…and you’ll always view me that way.” She stalked into the gift shop, not even noticing Mark had disappeared, our drama too much for him.

I stood frozen. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Callie in that way. I did. But I also didn’t want to destroy what we did have between us. Like I’d told her, everything was complicated. Wouldn’t it be better that we were just friends, for Logan’s sake? If things didn’t work out between us, then what? What would it mean when it came to my son?

Logan was showing Callie some
Toy Story
figurines when I approached. He returned the box to the shelf. “Roller coaster now?” he asked.

We walked toward Toon Town. Logan was so excited about the small roller coaster, he didn’t notice the tension between me and Callie. He just held on to our hands and dragged us forward.

We waited in the line and did our best to entertain the impatient four-year-old. Eventually I gave him my iPhone to play with after he grew bored of the game Callie had dreamed up to keep him busy.

My head was bent near hers, so that the people in front and behind us weren’t inadvertently part of our conversation. A subtle shift of her head and my lips would’ve been on hers. “I’m so attracted to you, Callie. And no, I don’t see you as Alexis’s little sister anymore. But damn it, you lied to me, and I don’t know what’s going to happen going forward. I’m confused, and now I have a son to consider.”

“You’re confused or you’re mad? You’re about to make a decision that will rock my entire world. So it’s okay if you don’t want me in that way.”

“Oh, I want you in that way. Don’t misunderstand me.” Fuck, did I ever want to kiss her now and prove just how much I wanted her in that way. I was falling for her hard, which was only making things more difficult. It would’ve been so much easier if Callie had been the one I was involved with when Logan was conceived, I thought. And if she had been honest with me. Without her lie hanging over my head, I could have easily seen a future with us together. I could have easily seen us as a family.

But she
had
lied, and that changed everything.

“Whatever,” she said. “You’re leaving soon anyway. You won’t have time for us once you’re gone…and besides, I’m not interested in dating. Been there. Done that. Didn’t bother to buy the T-shirt.”

“You seriously aren’t planning to date again? You going all nun?” Not to sound like a caveman, but I was all for that idea. If I wasn’t going to have sex with her, I liked the idea that neither was any other man.

She rolled her eyes. “No. That implies I won’t ever have sex again. I don’t have a problem with having sex. It’s having my heart kicked over a cliff that I have issues with.”

“Why do you think that’s gonna happen if you date some other guy?”

“Do you know what my ex-boyfriend said to me? The ex-boyfriend I was in love with and who I thought loved me?” She turned her face, attempting to hide the hurt there. But it was too late. I had the urge to drive up to San Francisco and introduce my fist to his face.

“What did he say?”

“His exact words were, ‘Why the hell would I want someone else’s reject?’ ” She glanced meaningfully at Logan. “I never heard from him after that. But I did hear a week later that he was seeing someone else.”

She shrugged but still didn’t look at me. The roller coaster had suddenly become the most fascinating sight around for her. I could have stripped naked and she wouldn’t have noticed. “Turns out he wasn’t the only guy to feel that way about dating a single mother. But when it’s the guy who already has a kid, it’s a very different standard. When you were walking around with Logan earlier today, it was like the Ovary Alert System kicked into full effect. Girls came running, and none were turned off by the fact you have a kid with you.

“But that’s okay,” she continued. “I’m getting used to it. People tend to leave me. My sister. My parents. My ex-boyfriend.” She glanced at Logan, and while she hadn’t said his name out loud, the meaning was clear. After all was said and done, she was expecting Logan to leave her…because of me.

I rested my hand on her upper arm. Logan was still busy with the game on my iPhone and wasn’t listening to us. “I really wish we could work together for the next few weeks. See how we do together with Logan.”

Those gorgeous, hopeful eyes of hers widened. “Does that mean you’re willing to let me stay in his life?”

“I’m trying to work that out in my head….Damn it. I even wish I could see how it would go between you and me too. That kiss was so damn hot. Would you be willing to see where this leads us?”
Would you be willing to work at regaining my trust?

“Okay, but what about when you go on the road?”

“Yeah, the road is tough and there are no guarantees. Touring puts a massive strain on relationships. You could be the one who grows bored of me never being around.” The truth was that with Callie as my girlfriend, I’d never be tempted to stray. No other woman came close to her. But I couldn’t handle the thought of her eventually realizing she could do better than me. “I’m willing to give it a try, though….I can’t stop thinking about you, Callie. And I know for certain that I was supposed to run into you that day in the grocery store and to get to know you again. So let’s just see where things go with us.”

“Okay,” she whispered, and stepped back, ending the intimacy between us—for now. “But we should keep it just between you and me.” Her gaze slid meaningfully to Logan. She didn’t want to get his hopes up when we were still figuring things out ourselves. She didn’t want to risk hurting him in case things didn’t work out between her and me in the end.