My Hope Is Found: The Cadence of Grace, Book 3 (14 page)

Lonnie tried not to think of Gideon. And she tried not to think of Toby eating at the McGuires’. Failing at both, Lonnie moved back into the kitchen and lifted the lid on the percolator.
You can do this, Lonnie
. She would think about coffee. That was simple enough.

Suddenly Addie ran up the steps and darted into the kitchen. Her dress was damp from her play. “Toby’s here!” She ran back onto the porch, then skidded to a halt. Turning, she was breathless. “Oops! I mean
Reverend McKee
is here!”

Hearing the sound of a horse and rider, Lonnie carried Jacob onto the porch.

Jebediah stepped from the barn, rag in hand. Toby rode Gael over as she strode across the yard.

“Evenin’.” Jebediah tugged on his beard. “Glad to see ya.”

Toby dismounted. “Evening.” His jacket was draped over the front of the saddle. Sharply dressed in his waistcoat and crisp white shirt, he pulled the jacket down, folding it over his arm. A bit out of breath, he swallowed
hard and glanced from Jebediah to Lonnie, as if she held some unseen magnet.

“Come on in.” Jebediah waved him toward the house. “The ladies have been doin’ some mighty fine baking this afternoon.”

“Actually, sir, I wanted to speak with Lonnie, if I may.”

Lonnie’s heart quickened.

Jebediah stared at the young man for several breaths before shaking his head. “S-sure. That’d be fine.”

“I should get Jacob’s sweater.” Was that her who had just spoken?

But then Jebediah was lifting Jacob from her arms, his eyes kind. Knowing. Lonnie’s heart thundered.

“I’ll take him inside,” he said softly. “He’ll be waitin’ for you when you’re done.”

Lonnie stared into his face. “Thank you, Jebediah.” For more than she could ever say.

She owed him and Elsie so much thanks. For loving her and Jacob when she and her son had no one else. The gray-haired man walked toward the house, the sunset glinting golden on his plaid coat. Lonnie captured Jacob’s green-eyed gaze, and her chest tightened something fierce.

“Lonnie.” Toby’s voice was gentle.

Quickly, she searched for words. “How was your dinner? At the McGuires?” She held her breath, then forced herself to let it out.

Folding his jacket up tight, Toby gripped it in one hand. His eyes found hers. “Let’s just say I’m glad to see you.”

A strange mixture of hope and nervousness bubbled up inside her.

She glanced up at the tall Scotsman. Suddenly wanting this bend in the road. This bend that would take her farther from what was. Because she knew what he had come here for. She felt it in the way he was watching her.

The fact that they were alone.

“I’m a mess,” she blurted, realizing she still had on her stained apron. Was one supposed to wear an apron at a time like this? She swallowed hard. She’d never done this before. Never with Gideon. Because Toby was so different from Gideon.

Gently, he reached for her hand. “You look”—he blinked quickly after studying her longer than a reverend should—“verra fine.”

She wanted to smile, truly she did, but she didn’t expect these sudden nerves.

They walked toward the woodpile. With trembling hands, Lonnie sat on the chopping block. “How was your afternoon?” she blurted.

“Verra well.” But his tone said otherwise. He rubbed his hands up and down his thighs, and Lonnie followed the movement, suddenly unable to look into his face. “I-I brought Jacob a new wooden spoon. I know how much he likes to dig.” A smile carried on his voice.

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” she whispered.

“He’s a good lad.”

“He is.”

Large brown eyes captured hers. “He’s like his mother.”

She shook her head and blurted out the first response that came to mind. “He’s like his father.” Her mouth parted with a small gasp.

Toby’s gaze wavered.

“I’m sorry. I mean—”

He held up a large hand, his face soft. “I know what you mean.” Stepping closer, he crouched in front of her. “Please don’t feel bad. It’s who Jacob is … and I love the lad for it.”

A tangle of emotions filled her heart.

“Do you believe me?”

The answer came easy. Honestly. “I do.”

He let out his breath as if he’d been holding it. “That wee one means so much to me. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you.” She pressed her hands to her cheeks, wishing they didn’t tremble so, and tried not to think of Gideon. She fought it with every ounce of her strength. Yet she failed. Miserably.

“Lonnie, there’s something I want to ask you.” Moistening his lips, Toby reached for her hand, his fingers surprisingly warm.

“Wait!” she blurted.

He straightened, her hand still resting safely in his.

“I don’t think you want to do this.” She slammed her eyes closed. “Toby.” A slow breath in and she let it out. “You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who’s known only your love.” Would he understand what she was saying? “If you only knew how many ladies have their hopes set on you. Girls who haven’t been through the mess that I have. If you knew”—she tipped her head to the side—“if you knew the shadows I fight against, I think you’d change your mind.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

Lonnie felt him move, and when he took both her hands in his, she finally opened her eyes. He was before her. Kneeling. Mud staining his pants. His face was earnest with unhidden longing.

Her heart dipped when he looked at her like that, and her fingers were warming inside his. Everything inside her, every part of her heart, mind, and soul, the parts that made up who she was, battled. “May I say one more thing?”

“Whatever you need.” He lowered his face until his forehead rested against the back of her hand, and the tender sensation sent a bolt of lightning through her arm. Her heart tripped.

“I’m Jacob’s mother. That’s all you know of me. But I used to be … I used to be Gideon’s wife. And that did not change because I
wanted
it to.”

His shoulders rose and fell.

“It had to. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He nodded, his head still bowed. “You’re saying you still love him.” His words muffled between their interlocked hands.

“Toby.” Freeing one hand, she touched his cheek. “I won’t lie to you. In many ways, I do.” She touched her fingers to the bodice of her blouse. “But little by little, God is taking hold of those feelings, healing what’s broken, tending to changes still to come. It’s a journey, and it has been
anything
but easy. I just don’t know how long I still have to go, before I’m wholly … wholly yours. But I want to trust that that day can come. I want that day to come. I want to be yours.”

His eyelids nearly slid closed.

“But it will take time.”

“Oh, Lonnie.”

Despite her resolve, a tear puddled and fell.

“Will you let me?” He started to reach for her hand.

Her chest burned with a swell of all that had passed and all that could be. She nodded.

With soft movements, Toby lifted her hand and kissed her fingers.

She blinked away more tears.

“Lonnie?” His voice was soft, the thick accent chasing a world of sorrows away. “Will ye do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

For an instant, her heart searched. It searched the hidden places inside her. The places that clung to Gideon’s memory. His love. And like sand over a river rock, the jagged pieces of her hope were being rubbed smooth. Healing was being found. And Toby’s dark, earnest eyes all but pulled the answer to her lips. “I will.”

Elsie kissed her on both cheeks. Jebediah hugged her tightly, and Addie jumped up and down, clapping her little hands. Lonnie smiled, sharing in their joy.

“He is a good man,” Elsie whispered in her ear when she enveloped her in another hug. “This calls for a celebration.” Elsie nabbed her apron from its hook and flung the laces around thick hips. “Toby, you must stay for supper now.”

Lonnie rinsed her hands in the washtub and shook suds from her fingers before reaching for the towel. Toby draped his coat over a chair. Returning to Lonnie’s side, he stood closer than he ever had, and she felt his warmth coming through his shirt. When Jacob’s cries sounded from above, Addie pleaded to go and fetch him. She returned with Jacob in her arms and set him down in the center of the kitchen.

Holding onto Toby’s pants, he pulled himself to a stand, and Toby lifted the boy into his arms. “Did you sleep good?” He tickled Jacob’s tummy with a broad hand. Jacob laughed, and when he tried to squirm away, Toby quickly nuzzled the boy’s neck, then lowered him back to the floor.

The sight sent Lonnie’s heart fluttering. “What can I do?” she asked Elsie.

At Elsie’s bidding, she slipped into the parlor and pulled the finest glasses from the cupboard. She carried a few to the kitchen, where she set them in place and went back for the rest. Returning, Lonnie nudged a pile of forks out of the way with her elbow.

Addie stooped to the baby’s level and pinched her hands between her knees. Her brown curls bobbed as she bounced. “Guess what, Jacob? Toby’s gonna be your new papa!”

A glass slipped from Lonnie’s fingers, shattering against the floor. The room fell silent. Lonnie stared at the glass. Her cheeks burned.

Elsie clanged her wooden spoon against the pot. “Addie, why don’t you fetch the nice napkins from the cupboard in the parlor? They’re the white ones.”

Addie nodded.

“Count out five, please.” She guided Addie around the glass, then lifted Jacob to her hip before returning to her pot.

Lonnie reached for a large shard, but Toby was already at her side. “I can get this,” she whispered and crouched.

He gave her wrist a gentle squeeze, his thumb lingering. “Let me help you.”

She fought a tremble in her chin when she glanced up at him. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, his eyes kind.

“Elsie, I’m so sorry about your beautiful glass.”

Spoon in hand, Elsie waved off the apology. “Accidents happen.”

Lonnie filled her palm with the largest shards, then rose for the broom.

“Ow!” Toby dropped the glass even as the first drop of blood fell to the floor.

Lonnie snatched a rag from the basket and knelt beside him. She wrapped his hand and, when he winced, softened her touch. “Oh, Toby.”

“I don’t think it’s verra bad.” He lifted the edge of the rag to peer at the cut.

Lonnie shook her head. “You have a bad cut.” His blood had already smeared against his palm, and with her hands still wrapped around his, they stood in unison. “Sit down and let me look at it.” She gently pushed him toward the chair nearest the window.

Running in from the parlor, Addie stood with her mouth open and watched Lonnie tear the rag into a thin strip. Elsie brought over a moist cloth. As Lonnie dabbed at the blood, Toby winced.

“I’m sorry.” She draped the bandage around his cut with gentle hands. “Does this hurt?”

“No,” he breathed.

“Oh, Toby.” Addie leaned her head against his broad shoulder. “Your poor hand.”

Toby touched his cheek to her hair. “I’ll mend. Your sister’s a good nurse.” He glanced up.

Lonnie knotted the bandage and folded the loose ends underneath, holding his hand in both of hers when she finished. “Let’s hope so.” She wiped a smear of blood from the crease of his palm.

“It’s better already.” Then he made a show of feeling the bandage with his other hand. For Addie’s sake, she sensed.

From the parlor, Jacob laughed. Lonnie spotted Jebediah reading him a story on the sofa as she cleaned up the rest of the glass.

“Would you like to go for a little walk?” she asked Toby.

“It’s snowing.” But his voice was laced with adventure.

Lonnie freed her coat from the hook. “Not verra hard,” she said, attempting his accent.

He chuckled, his dimples appearing. Toby grabbed his coat from the back of the chair. He slipped his bandaged hand slowly through the first sleeve, then shrugged it over wide shoulders. He caught the handle of the door before she could and, leaning past her, pushed it open.

Though the snow scarcely fell, Lonnie lowered her shawl over her hair and tucked the ends beneath her coat collar. When Toby offered her his arm, she looped her hand over his elbow, savoring how safe he made her feel. A thick mass of gray clouds blocked out the sky, casting shadows over the thin layer of fog that curved through the holler.

“Which way?” Toby asked.

Lonnie pointed to where Gael stood tied up beneath a tree, the ground under the mare’s hooves dark where the branches above her head caught the snow. As they stepped into the yard, the snow fell feather light. Toby asked Lonnie if she’d like to go riding sometime, and Lonnie eagerly said yes.

“Day after t’morrow?”

“It’s a date.” Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a nub of carrot. She motioned toward Gael. “Why didn’t you take her to the barn?”

Toby drew in a slow breath, his words hesitant. “I wasn’t sure if I’d be staying that long.”

It struck her that he hadn’t been certain she’d say yes.

His eyes sparkled, and he glanced at her hand. “Elsie’s stew is missing somethin’, I see.” He spoke softly to the horse and gripped Gael’s lead rope beside her neck. He brushed his hand against the mare’s hindquarters, and Gael turned for him as if she could read his mind. Toby smiled down at Lonnie. “You have a cannie way of taking things unnoticed.”

With the carrot in her palm, Lonnie stepped closer to the horse. She held it out, and Gael’s velvet mouth nibbled. “It’s a special talent.”

“So I see.” He patted Gael’s dark coat, and the horse sniffed his broad hand as if searching for another treat. “I have nothing for you, lass.” He
glanced at Lonnie, his smile widening. “Are you trying to be her favorite?” The wind played with his dark hair.

Upon seeing that Toby had nothing to offer her, Gael dropped her head and sniffed Lonnie’s hand, then nudged her arm.

Toby scratched his head. “Well, you’re off to a good start.”

She grinned, proudly. “I suppose I am. But it’s only fair since I think Jacob just about prefers you over me.”

He let out a throaty chuckle. “It’s not my fault that I’m so much fun.” He kicked at a clump of snow, still grinning.