My Hope Is Found: The Cadence of Grace, Book 3 (29 page)

And he wanted Lonnie.

The man spoke over his shoulder. “I heard that little lady you were dancing with is a mighty good time.” His eyebrows bobbed.

Something cool puddled in Gideon’s chest. He’d only danced with two. “Which one?”

“The brown-eyed one. The
pretty
one. She’s got them two young uns. Not a papa in sight.” He flashed Gideon a sickening smile when he turned to speak over his shoulder. “Now that’s my kinda girl, if you know what I mean. Too bad I couldn’t get her to dance with me.”

A numbness took over him. Gideon blinked once. Twice. Something
within him burned to drag the man down from his wagon seat, but he sat, frozen in place. Scared of what he would do.

“They say she’s tried to patch things up real nice-like. What, stayin’ with that rich family and all.” The man pulled his hat off and ran a hand through dark hair, his other hand grasping the reins. The wagon lumbered on at a slow, steady pace.

He’d rather walk. Gideon reached for his pack.

“But folks have their own opinions about that little girl and boy.”

Gideon froze. Jacob. It took him a moment to fit the rest of the accusations together. Took him a moment to find any words. “Addie?”

“Don’t know her name. Just know she looks like her mama. Them same big brown eyes.”

The man’s words fell into place, landing with a hollow
thud
in the pit of Gideon’s stomach. He grabbed the strap of his pack. “You don’t know anything about them. She’s not the girl’s mother.” Sick, Gideon yanked, but his pack was stuck. “And she was married when she had that baby.”

“To who?”

Gideon freed his pack from the wagon bed. “Me.”

Glancing back briefly, the man studied him a moment, a jealous light flickering through his beady eyes.

“So watch what you say from here on out.”

“If you say so.” His tone said otherwise. “All in all, it might be better for them young uns.”

His self-control waning, Gideon forced himself to jump down from the wagon before he did something he regretted.

“What with her gettin’ hitched to the reverend and all.”

Gideon’s feet barely caught him.

“The preacher’s good Christian name’ll smooth things over for those little uns. Give them a right bright future despite it all.”

Gideon turned and walked away.

“Where ya goin’?”

By the sound of the wagon, the man drove off, a muttered curse trailing him on the breeze.

Vision blurring and pulse hot, Gideon forced himself to keep walking.

The sun was nearing the horizon when Gideon recognized the edge of the Bennett farm. His feet ached, and his back was sore from walking, but he quickened his pace, allowing the joy that had been sleeping for far too long to stretch out inside him. He tugged on his hair, unable to fight a smile. The house came into view. Glancing around, he searched for Lonnie.

And in an instant he saw her. She straightened and lifted a hand, shielding her eyes.

Dropping his pack, Gideon strode forward. The farm blurring. Everything blurring. The reverend’s wife fading. The driver’s words fading.

Everything but Lonnie.

His legs carried him to her. Those doe eyes seemed to widen with every step. A basket in the crook of her arm, her brown hair, unbound and free. Cheeks pale but a blush blooming with each step he took.

Then his hands were cupping her face. The skin so soft. So perfect. “It’s settled,” he whispered. And his lips found hers.

Everything else was gone.

All save the pounding of his heart and the feel of his fingers in her
hair. He kissed her soundly. Not caring if he should or shouldn’t. He was free. And she could be his. Forever. She kissed him back. Her hands rose to clutch the sides of his coat, pulling him closer. Filling his heart to overflowing.

Something told him to pull away. A reason he didn’t want to acknowledge, and every doubt that he was the better man for her formed a knot in his chest—and in the moment. He winced hard against it, gripping the small of her back as if to hang on. Losing the battle, he forced himself away. Breathless. Her eyes fluttered open.

Lonnie peered up at him. Her expression one of wonder. He ran his thumb against her cheek, the feel of her skin like home to him. She smiled.

Forget the reasons
.

He stepped closer. And kissed her again—the thousand kisses he’d yearned to give her pouring into that single moment. He breathed deep. His heart in his hands, he whispered her name. And she whispered his. So this was what happiness felt like. This was what it meant to be whole again. To be home. He pulled her closer, tighter.

“Gideon!” she screeched. And he realized they were falling.

He caught her fall best he could, but even then, she hit the grass in a mound of skirts. He landed beside her, trying not to crush her any more than he’d apparently been doing. He turned to apologize, but she was already laughing. Bending his knee up, he rested his arm atop and covered his face with his hand.

“I’m so sorry, Lonnie. I didn’t mean to get that enthusiastic.” He took in a deep breath. “I forgot myself for a moment.”

He could tell she was trying to speak, but her shoulders were shaking too hard.

“I didn’t mean to knock you down.” His words only made her laugh harder.

Finally catching her breath, she brushed her hands together. “Well, if you’re gonna do something, you might as well do it right.”

“That’s not quite how that was supposed to go.”

Leaning toward him, she kissed the tip of his nose and then his forehead.

His eyes nearly slid closed, all humor melting away.

“It was perfect.” Her eyes searched his, so warm and brown, he knew she meant every word.

“I never thought this moment would come.” Really? That was the best he could say? Gideon rolled his eyes and hoped she didn’t notice what an idiot he was.

She glanced toward the house and pointed. Jacob was at the window, patting his small hands against the glass. Holding him, Elsie waved. Addie jumped up and down.

Gideon helped Lonnie to her feet. “I sure hope they didn’t see that.” He steadied her.

“So I never got the chance to ask … what happened?” She smiled up at him.

He pulled a piece of grass from her hair. “Cassie was there. Everything’s finally settled. It’s over.”

Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Gideon.” She reached for him again.

But this time, he remained where he was, the man’s words taunting him.
“The preacher’s good Christian name’ll smooth things over for those little uns.”

Swallowing hard, he glanced past Lonnie to the little faces in the window. Jacob. Addie.

“Give them a right bright future despite it all.”

They had shame on their names. Because of all he had done.

And Lonnie. She was peering up at him, her face shining with joy.
Did she know the rumors that followed her? His sweet, sweet Lonnie. She didn’t deserve it. Not one bit of it. Yet it was her life. All because of him.

She may have a piece of paper from Reverend Gardner, proving her marriage to Gideon when Jacob came along. But the folks around these parts didn’t know that. And they didn’t care. He could marry her this minute, but the damage had already been done. The weight of it all avalanched around him. Ripping open his hopes. His dreams. Could he give them up?

Could he live for others? And not for himself?

“Gideon. What’s wrong?”

Realizing he’d been standing there without speaking, Gideon looked down on her. “There are some things we need to talk about.”

Her eyes rounded with worry.

“Don’t worry. I’m not married.” He took her hand in his, not ready to let go. “But, hey, there’s time enough for that.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m starving.” He was stalling and he knew it.

“You and your stomach.”

“No, really. I’m starving. That must be why I fell down.”

Throwing her head back, she laughed.

Lifting her hand, he kissed it. Lingering. His eyes slid closed for the briefest of moments. Every desire inside him battling.

Gideon awoke to a dark sky. The evening had been magical. With his family all around him, he told them of all that had happened while he was in Stuart. Lonnie listened, her eyes shining. He allowed himself the hours of happiness, unwilling to think of what the future could hold.
Should
hold.

But when his head hit the pillow later, his fears found him. Haunting him.

Unable to lie still, he led Sugar from the barn. The mule’s coat flinched in the sunless glow of early morning. He patted her thick neck. He knew they could both have slept another hour. Waited for the sun to warm the land. But Gideon had no reason to wait. His bed on the hard barn floor left him too cold to get comfortable, and the troubles of mind made sleep impossible to catch.

The mule stood still as he lugged the singletree from the barn, and the metal rod was cold to his bare hands. Gideon attached the heavy choker chain with its large hook meant to pull logs behind muscular Belgians. Sugar blinked at him as if knowing as much. Gideon patted her brown coat.

“I know, girl. Don’t worry. We’ll take it easy.” He scratched her between the ears.

Metal chains clanged as he led her toward the far field. The first rays of light crested a black wall of trees. “Few more days and this will all be done.”

And then what will you do?

Gideon shrugged off the thought. He’d come out here to work. Not to think. There was time enough to find his way down the road he didn’t know. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. He led Sugar to a pile of felled trees waiting to be moved to the chopping block. He and Toby had cut the larger logs into manageable pieces since the old mule would have to skid alone. Kneeling beside the nearest log, Gideon wrapped the heavy choker chain around the dense maple and secured it with the steel hook. Sugar stepped sideways, and he took hold of her reins.

“Easy now,” he said softly and gave the leather straps a gentle tap against her hide. She leaned into the load, and the log slid toward the farmyard. Gideon let his pace mimic the animal’s. There was no need to rush her. She could only move so many logs before her legs wearied.

The quick
thud
of trotting hooves turned his head.

Toby rode toward him, crossed the clearing, and after dismounting, led Gael to a knoll where she dropped her head and nosed the bracken littering the forest floor. “Mornin’,” Toby called as he pulled a pair of work gloves from his back pocket.

With a shake of his head, Gideon watched the man approach. “You do know you don’t need to be here, right? Orchard’s done.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Cleaning up the mess.”

“And so I’m here.”

Gideon gave a soft flick of the reins. Sugar strode forward. “So what does Reverend Gardner think of your new occupation as a farmer?”

After falling in step, Toby squinted sideways at him. “He thought it was rather int’resting.”

“Interesting?”

Toby took his time pulling on his gloves. “Truth be told, he started laughing when I told him how it all came about.”

Gideon glanced at him, the man he’d once hated. This morning, it felt strangely hard. “And then?”

“He told me to make sure and get my other duties finished first. Which I assured him I would.” He fiddled with his shirt cuff, tucking it inside the leather. He sensed there was something else Toby wanted to say.

“Does he know about Lonnie?”

“Aye. That he does.”

“And?”

“And then he told me, ‘Good luck. If I know anything about Gideon O’Riley, you’re gonna need it.’ ”

Gideon chuckled. “I’d say he’s a smart man.” When Sugar slowed, he flicked the reins, and she leaned into her load again.

“What would you like me to do?” Sugar neared the chopping block, and he slowed her.

“Gael ever pulled one of these? Or is she just known for standing around looking pretty?”

“I think she could manage.” He turned, hesitating, and was about to speak when Gideon tipped his head toward the barn.

“Stuff’s in there.” He wasn’t ready for this. Gideon yanked the hook loose. The freed log sank where it lay. “Do you know how to use it?” he blurted.

Toby strode toward the barn. “I think I can figure it out.”

After turning the mule, Gideon led her to the clearing. He secured
another log with the chain. Toby returned empty handed, grabbed Gael’s harness, and began to lead her back to the barn. The other singletree was too heavy to carry. He should have said as much. A flick of the reins and Sugar walked forward, her steps slightly slower than before. He reached the chopping block just as Toby was lowering a harness onto Gael’s back.

The Scotsman spoke. “I haven’t seen Lonnie in a few days. I could wait and ask her. But I’ll just as soon ask you now.”

Bending, Gideon freed the log from the hooks. He straightened and looked at Toby.

“What’s happened?”

Gideon ran his sleeve over his forehead. Stalling. A month ago, he would have enjoyed this moment. But not now. Not with Toby looking at him so. “It’s done and settled,” he finally blurted. “Cassie and I are no longer married.” He watched Toby’s face carefully for some sign of irritation. Some reaction. Ducking his head, the man simply nodded slowly. Gideon knew Toby would never ask Lonnie to marry him now.

But there was no sweetness in this victory.

He needed to know. Needed to understand the man’s motives. “Do you love her?”

Toby turned Gael. “I wouldna say it matters.”

“I’m still asking.” He didn’t care if he was pushing. He needed to know what Toby was made of.

Toby blinked at him for several heartbeats. “Aye. Verra much. What’s gotten into you?”

Gideon let the matter fall.

They worked without speaking, and though Toby worked as quickly as ever, he was silent, almost broody. Gideon had no words. They’d moved nearly two dozen logs before Lonnie crossed the clearing, a basket on her arm. Using a rag, Gideon wiped Sugar’s bit and slid off her harness before
giving her coat a quick rubdown. The mule wandered toward the knoll for a much-needed break.